After Forever
by Be-More-Specific
Summary: My ideas for life after Breaking Dawn. When you're going to live forever, shouldn't it be fun sometimes? Edward and Bella deal with being parents, Jacob's attachment to Renesmee and deciding to make the most of their child's childhood.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N It's been a long time since I've written fan fiction, but this finally inspired me to get back to it. Also, need a beta. Will try to have everything as accurate as possible without one._

_Disclaimer: I own nothing. Really, nothing. It's depressing._

* * *

"So you think you'd enjoy it, angel?" Edward's face was so sincere it made me smile. He had no problem dealing with Renesmee's intelligence, he accepted it completely. When he asked her questions he was avidly interested in her answer.

She was smiling up at him, flashing her dimples, "Yes daddy. I think it would be wonderful." A slight frown marred her features, "But what about Grandpa and Jacob? Won't they be upset?"

Probably. "I don't think so sweetheart, if you want to go they'll be fine with it." Edward's smile was absolutely convincing. If you didn't know better.

* * *

We were keeping to our routine. Bringing Renesmee home to the cottage every night cemented my feelings of family, and normality. Well, as normal as you could be when your house looked like Hansel and Gretel's cottage, two members of the family were technically dead, and the trip home was made at speeds that occasionally threatened the sound barrier.

Renesmee was sound asleep in her bed, and Edward and I were wide awake in ours. Renesmee's hours asleep were the hours we devoted to each other. If it wasn't for my daughter I would probably have spent the first ten years of my vampire life in bed with Edward, as it was I wasn't prepared to miss a minute of my daughter's speeding childhood.

When I had first learned, from Nahuel, that Renesmee's fate was not to be an early death, I had been elated, thrilled, delighted. I still was, there was no question. But there were still realities to face. For one thing, she was already so mature, that childish things bored her, I understood. Her intelligence was such that they must seem inane. But her 'firsts' were coming thick and fast. First word, check. First step, check. First time reading, check. First time playing music, check.

That one had been quite beautiful. Edward was sat at the piano playing. He drifted from Alice's favourite composition, a sprightly piece that ended on a sweet note, (how appropriate for my elfin sister), to my lullaby. Renesmee had walked over and climbed up next to him on the piano stool and joined in. Duplicating the song perfectly two octaves higher. The combination of the two was beautiful until Edward, looking as though he wished he could still cry, had stopped playing to sweep her into his arms. She had touched his face, as she did, still preferring to express her emotions without words and a chuckle caught in his throat. "You'll be much better than me, love."

Yes, beautiful. But, I didn't want it to go so fast. She would be all grown up in less than six and a half years. Childhood should be a time of discovery. I wanted to have that with her. So I had brought it up with Edward. Kind of.

Edward slipped into our bedroom; I was sat on the edge of our bed. "She's fast asleep. Finally," he smiled, "She made me promise that we'd go hunting first thing so we could get back to Jasper quicker."

I giggled. The bell sound it made still surprised me occasionally, "Another chess grandmaster in the family?"

"I think so. You know for at least half a second, Jasper was actually concerned," he smiled and then gave me a mournful look, "It's not fair that no one will play with me."

I put on an entirely different kind of smile, "Well, I'll brush up on my chess and think about challenging you."

The smile was back. A low growl sounded in the back of Edward's throat and he launched himself at me. I smiled into his kiss. Edward's hand drifted slowly to my shoulder but then we both froze. Renesmee was stirring in the next room. We reluctantly pulled apart. Simultaneously and wordlessly deciding to give it half an hour.

Edward curled himself around me, turning me into the little spoon. He wrapped both arms around my waist and pressed his lips to the back of my neck, "Would you..?"

He didn't need to finish the question. I sighed contentedly and smiled, "Of course." I closed both my hands around his and concentrated. It was getting easier to lift the shield from my mind. Next to making love, listening to my thoughts was Edward's favourite thing to do.

I let my mind drift through our day. My pride in Renesmee's finesse at hunting. How wonderful my massage from Alice had felt. It was a new obsession of hers and we were all partaking. How funny I had found it when Emmett had been throwing Renesmee up and down, maybe twenty or thirty feet up in the air. Terrible if your child was human, hilarious if your child was Renesmee. Not only was there no chance Emmett could drop her, but even if he did she'd land safely by herself. It was something she took childish pleasure in, which in turn thrilled me to bits. I loved any evidence of the child still in her.

Then I had drifted over my concerns and Edward had stopped me, "Wait, hold on, that was a little fast." As soon as he spoke, breaking my concentration, the shield dropped back into place, "What's bothering you? Can I fix it? How can I help?"

God I loved this man…pire. I turned in his arms and pressed my forehead to his, "I guess I've just been thinking about how quickly she'll be all grown up. It would have seemed fast if it had taken the normal eighteen years. But six…it's just…"

Edward had nodded in understanding, "I know, I completely understand. But I think all parents feel that way, even when they have the normal amount of time."

I explained my feelings, about the 'firsts'. "I just want to make sure we don't miss anything that we don't have to."

Edward had smiled the smile that still turned my body to mush, "Well, how about you let me think about it?" He had sounded quite mysterious.

I didn't want to spoil his fun or my surprise if he wanted to plan one. As much as I despised them, I was beginning to appreciate how happy they made _him_.

* * *

Edward's solution had been elegant, wonderful, fantastic…complicated.

We were sat watching Renesmee and Alice swim in the river. Well, they swam occasionally; mostly they were splashing each other, sending water high into the air. It was sunny out but there was very little chance of us being spotted by humans. Alice would warn us if anyone was approaching and there were very few people who wanted to swim in a river in the middle of January anyway.

"I've been thinking about what you said."

I smiled at my husband, "Care to narrow that down at all?"

Edward slipped his arm around my shoulders and smiled into my hair, "About Renesmee. About the 'firsts'." I nodded and patiently waited for him to continue, "Well, I know that we delayed leaving Forks for a lot of reasons, Jake, Charlie, the Volturi…"

"Imminent death." I interrupted, "Threat of massacre, I remember."

Edward smiled that crooked smile that I was still completely unable to resist despite my vampire status, and raised one eyebrow. I mimed buttoning my lips. "Thank you. Well, it's just that maybe we could reconsider it with different motivations. I know that we don't have to travel; we know that Renesmee is going to be fine now, and with Charlie safely…well not in the dark. In the twilight I guess, there's no dire need." Edward paused and I could see that he was gauging my reaction, "But what if we just wanted to? What if we took the time while we have it? Let's have those times with Renesmee, as many as possible," Edward was talking faster now, but lower. He didn't want us to be overheard but he was excited about his idea. He had probably spent a lot of time thinking it over. I did the same thing now. My brain sped into action and I saw it all clearly. Maybe even the same way he did. If we planned it a little we could travel against the sun. It was winter here…and in Europe. We could take Renesmee and see the world. Edward, still watching my face, was evidently encouraged by what he saw there, "Wouldn't it be amazing Bella? Think about it, England, France, Spain…then maybe somewhere completely different like Egypt or China. We might not have as much time as an ordinary family, but because of who we are we could actually do more, could show her more. And because of who she is, she will never forget a second of it. We could even finish with a trip to the Amazon, go and see Zafrina and the others."

I held up both my hands trying to calm Edward, "Okay, okay, just let me think a minute here."

Edward frowned for a second, although not like he was angry, more like frustrated, "Why?"

"Because there are things to consider."

"Like what? An example please?"

I racked my brains, "Well, Charlie for one thing. Are you suggesting we just go? He'll be devastated, he'd never get over it."

Edward rolled his eyes at me, "Bella, my love, you really can be over dramatic. I'm not saying we should just vanish and leave your father. You're an adult, a married woman and a mother. Let's tell him the truth. Tell him we're going on vacation. Tell him that you'll call every day and send pictures every week. He wants what's best for you. He'll want you to have this experience."

Of course that was true. Charlie would understand. Hell, we could buy him a computer with a web cam and he could talk to us live whenever he wanted if we really wanted to push the boat out, though I doubted that would be necessary. This left only one thing, "But what about Jacob?"

Edward let out a small sigh, his eyes drifting to his sister and daughter as they played together. "Bella, I know. I mean, I really do. I know how much he loves Renesmee, and I know how pure it is. And I have tried to be as accepting of it as I can be, bearing in mind that I'm her father," Edward's lips almost twitched, "But I just can't help feeling that it's wrong."

"Edward, we've talked about this. Jacob only wants what's best for her; you've seen that in his thoughts. You even told me so yourself." The last thing I wanted was for there to be any hostility between Edward and Jake. I had thought that was behind us forever.

"Bella, you don't understand. I don't think Jacob is doing anything wrong. I think we are."

"What?" I found it hard to get the word out.

"Bella, we're just assuming that this is right because it's easy. Because it makes us happy, because it makes Jake happy. Because it makes things easier."

I considered that for a moment, "It makes Renesmee happy too."

"I agree that it does. Now. But can you see that we are perhaps, narrowing her path to one that suits us. We limit her company for her safety and for now it is necessary because living in a small town means we have to keep her existence quiet. Jacob may be 'the one' for her," Edward looked as though he was suppressing a very fatherly shudder. I almost laughed despite the seriousness of our conversation. "But how is she ever to decide that for herself if she never knows anything else?"

I was trying to see the other side to this argument, "I didn't need to try anyone else to know you were what I wanted."

As soon as I said it I could see that Edward had already considered that too, "And I you. But can you honestly tell me that if we had never had the chance to meet you might not have settled for someone else?"

There was no way I could deny this of course. As well he knew, before he had come back I had considered trying to commit to Jake, and I suspect I would have been happy.

Not like I was now, not deliriously, ecstatically, wildly happy. There would have been times when I was miserable, there would have been a lot of times when I would have had to fight against the blackness that had pressed on me; the sadness. But by and large I probably would have been happy.

And I suddenly realised that Edward had convinced me without my being aware of it. As he said, maybe it would turn out that she was meant to be with Jacob. That they were destined. Like I truly believed Edward and I were. Maybe it would turn out that they weren't. But there was more than enough truth to what he said to justify the trip. After all, if I was honest, there was nothing I wanted to do more. I smiled up at Edward, my answer plain on my face. He leapt to his feet and swept me up in his arms.

If my conscience grumbled as I thought of how I would tell Jake, I ignored it.

* * *

Edward was well and truly in his element and Alice, bless her, was right there with him. She was searching websites for property available for short term rental. However, while most people did this sat in a chair with a laptop on her knee, she was sat at the computer desk. In front of her was the main house computer with its ridiculously fast connection, and on each side of her there were three laptops. Her eyes flicked from screen to screen as she opened and closed web pages. Edward was picking contacts phone numbers from her head and calling property offices all over the world. Apparently hotels were impractical for vampires on vacation. Our presence was conspicuous, coming and going at all hours, avoiding maid service, never being seen to eat or drink, add to that a small child as one of our party and it was just too risky. No need to attract attention when we were trying to have fun.

Renesmee was sat on my lap but I knew she wouldn't be for long. She was excited by all the activity.

There was no hesitation in her excitement, she was thrilled by the idea of everything she would soon see. Rosalie had been telling her about England, about Buckingham Palace and the Royal Family. Renesmee was fascinated by the idea of real princes and princesses and was begging to be taken there first. We were 'maybe-ing' her at the moment, mainly because her enthusiasm in the persuading was so wonderful to watch. To be honest I was almost as enthralled as she was with the idea of seeing an actual palace. I smiled as she gave me a quick kiss and hopped off my lap, practically dancing over to Edward who swept her up in one arm. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he nuzzled his face into hers, blowing a raspberry on her skin. She giggled and tugged on his hair, trying to pull him away, Edward did after a second, returning his attention to the phone still pressed to his ear, "Yes, I'm still here…No, at least a mile's clearance in every direction…Well, instruments can bother locals…" Ah, a family of musicians huh? Considerate musicians at that.

My daughter's pleasure in the trip pleased me doubly. I had been concerned that the idea of leaving Jake would upset her, but after she was reassured that Jake and Charlie wouldn't be angry she had asked no more questions. I was dreading the conversation with my best friend, and although part of me yearned to have it over and done with, another cowardly part was glad that Jake was at school today. He had returned once the threat of the Volturi had passed. I suspected the comment I had made about keeping up with Renesmee had helped with his decision.

Almost as though he had heard me thinking about him my phone began to ring. A quick glance at the screen told me it was Jake. Crap. I smiled at Renesmee, trilled 'won't be a minute', and shot out of the door. I didn't want Renesmee to get concerned when she heard my tone. Sometimes her powers of observation made it hard to protect her.

As soon as I was sure I was out of range of my daughter's sharp ears I flipped up the phone's lid answering as the third ring began, "Hey Jake."

"Hey Bells, how's it going? Everything okay?"

He sounded concerned and I knew he was wondering at the slight delay in my answering the phone. "Yeah Jake everything's okay…it's just…" I hesitated, but I would have to bite the bullet. I'd insisted on telling him myself and I might as well lay the ground work right now. "It's just that I need to talk to you about something."

The concern in his voice grew more pronounced, "What's wrong? Is…"

"Renesmee's fine Jake. Don't worry. I just have some news that you're probably not gonna like." It was so tempting to wuss out. But it would be hard to cover this now.

"Well, tell me then. Don't leave me in the dark."

"I'd rather tell you in person. Why don't you come over when you're finished at school?" It didn't seem right to tell him now. It seemed cowardly. If he was gonna get angry, and he probably was, I should face it.

"Bella, you are starting to freak me out. Will you just tell me please?" I could hear the irritation in his voice.

Combine it with my nerves and it started getting to me too. "Jake, calm down. You're done at school in an hour. Come over then."

"I'm coming over now." The phone went dead. Swearing to myself under my breath I turned and ran back to the house.

Edward was looking at the door as I came through it at a reasonable-ish speed. I gave him the smallest fraction of a second to register the warning in my eyes before I bestowed a glowing smile on Renesmee who had been sat on Alice's lap. She bounced off her aunt's knee and into my arms, "Is everything okay momma?"

I was relieved to see no real concern in her eyes. She was just wondering at my swift departure. "I'm fine my love," I already had my excuse thought up, "Are you hungry?"

She thought for a moment and smiled, "You mean it's time to hunt again?" Her little hand touched my cheek and I smiled too at the feeling of martyrdom it imparted.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. But Alice is going to take you this time. Daddy and I have to sort something out for the trip."

Her dimpled smile widened, "A surprise?"

"Well, you'll have to wait and see."

Alice was already ready. She held out her hand with a serene smile and Renesmee took it without a pause, "Is Jasper coming?"

Jasper was stood watching. He had picked up on the atmosphere the second I came in, "I would little love, but…"

"No Jasper…" I interrupted him. I knew that Jasper wanted to be here. They all knew what was coming. They knew who the call had been from. Jasper wanted to be here to try and keep things as calm as possible, I on the other hand, would rather he was with Renesmee. "Go on, Edward and I can manage."

Keeping his face impassive he nodded and smiled down at Renesmee taking her other hand.

The blurred out the door.

I moved straight to Edward's side and we clasped hands. I quickly concentrated and lifted the shield from my mind. I ran over the conversation I'd had with Jake, quickly bringing Edward up to speed. I heard him sigh as I finished and opened my eyes. "I thought I should try to warn him subtly…."

Edward held up his hand to stop me. He touched his fingertips to my cheek and lightly pressed his lips to mine. He pulled away before I could deepen the kiss, something I shouldn't have done anyway, given the circumstances, "Not your fault."

Edward held my gaze for a few more seconds, and then suddenly looked towards the door, "He's almost here," Edward listened for a second, "And he's worried."

As he spoke, Rosalie and Emmett appeared at the top of the stairs. They had obviously been waiting for Jake to get here to come back down. I nodded to them and they paused. I didn't want to Jake to feel like we were waiting to gang up on him.

I heard the rabbit skid to a stop and the door being flung open. I tensed and felt Edward's hand stroke down my spine soothingly.

The front door was flung open and Jacob was framed in the door, "So? What's going on?"

* * *

_A/N So what do you think? Bad? Good? Indifferent? Worth Continuing? Any opinion welcome._


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I own nothing. I live in a box with my laptop._

_Rating: M (soon)_

* * *

Maybe I should have just told him over the phone. Giving him time to get concerned didn't seem to have helped. I gently squeezed Edward's hand and smiled at Jake, in what I hoped was a reassuring way, "Hello to you too, Jake."

Jake rolled his eyes in a very typical gesture, "Sure, sure. Now what is it?"

Hmmmm. He clearly wasn't going to relax any more than he already was. I suppressed a sigh and indicated the front door, "In private please."

Jacob looked as though he was going to argue with me but then thought again and led the way out of the front door. I wondered if the 'vampire stink' from the house had helped coax him out into the open. I knew Edward had wanted to be with me when I told Jake about our…leave of absence…but I honestly felt he might take it better coming from me. Although there was no serious animosity anymore, other than the occasional ribbings from Emmett about pets leaving fleas and hair behind, I didn't want him to get riled up and revert to old habits. He'd managed to not make a blonde joke for a week now; I really didn't want to jinx anything.

As we walked down the front steps I could feel the stress coming off him in waves. I stopped and turned to face him. Sooner than he expected I think, but Edward had been quiet adamant that we be in hearing range. I was sure he was expecting Jacob to fly off the handle. He looked at me anxiously, "Come on Bells, don't keep me in suspense. This is really mean. You said Renesmee was fine so where is she? What's going on?"

I took a deep breath. I didn't really need to but I found the gesture familiar and calming. "Jake, I really didn't mean to scare you. Renesmee is fine I promise. She out hunting with Jasper and Alice. We are all absolutely fine. I just had some news and I wanted to tell you before I told Charlie, and I'm visiting him tomorrow."

Jacob looked slightly more relaxed, still frustrated, curious and irritated no doubt, but more relaxed none the less. "Okay, well that's good to know. Is it good news?"

He cracked a hopeful smile and it took everything in me not to grin back. It was hard to keep my face serious, but I had to. He probably wouldn't be smiling in a minute, "I doubt that you will think so, I'm…I'm not really sure how to say this," my voice had dropped a little but of course he had no trouble hearing me. I had to tell him. Now. Preferably before I completely lost my nerve, "You see, we're going away for a while." Jacob froze. He stood completely still for at least fifteen seconds. Which is a very long time if you're stood there waiting for someone to respond to an upsetting statement. He looked almost confused. As though the words coming out of my mouth made no sense. Finally I had to break the silence myself, "Jake I know this is a surprise, but please, please don't overreact. It's not like we vanishing off the face of the earth, never to return. We'll be back and we'll write and call and everything…"

I was babbling, just like I did when I get nervous, but Jake interrupted me, "When you say that you're going away? You mean you're leaving and taking Nessie with you?"

I met his eyes and almost flinched away from the anger in them. My second instinct was to retaliate, to get angry. I didn't know if this was a 'friend' impulse or a vampire one. Either way I decided to try to ignore it, "Yes Jake, of course that's what I mean. Do you think I'd go on vacation and leave my daughter behind? Edward and I want to take a trip. To see some of the world. I've never been anywhere, and now seems like the perfect time."

Jake made a harsh sound in the back of his throat, "Oh yes just wonderful. So, what? You're just gonna take off? How can you do this? You know how much I…"

There was pain in his eyes now too. I didn't want to see it, but it was unavoidable. I thought I was done hurting him, "Jake please try and see this rationally. I only have a few years while Renesmee is a child. I want to enjoy them. Edward wants the same thing. We're her parents; we have a right to be a family for a while."

The reasonable approach was not working. He was getting angrier, his voice was getting louder, "Don't try and sell me that shit Bella. You can't suddenly pretend you want normal. Not in this freak show! And now what? You're bored with Forks so you're just going? Taking the most important person in my life and going?"

Suddenly, I was feeling less than calm myself, "Jake, you are my friend. And I love you, but watch your mouth. You have no right to judge my choices. Not everything is about you."

"Oh I know that Bella. Everything is about you. What you want. What you decide you need. We all just have to bend over backwards to give Bella whatever she decides she wants today?"

I could feel my temper flaring. Maybe sending Jasper away hadn't been my best idea, "If Edward and I want to take our daughter on a trip we can and will. It will be good for her. I'm going to make sure that she experiences everything, from opera to Disneyland. From Shakespeare's house to the pyramids. I want her to try things and to make sure she has the most amazing education possible. I know that's not very 'vampire' of me but it's important. I won't deny that I am thrilled about this but I wouldn't be doing it if I wasn't sure it would be good for her too. "

Although I wouldn't have believed it was possible, Jake's face darkened even further, his voice get even louder, "What the hell? How long are you going to be gone?" I found it hard to answer immediately. He'd been thinking we meant a few weeks? Uh oh. I didn't need to speak. He read the answer on my face and in my silence, "So that's it? You think you are just gonna fuck off and take her? You think I don't have a say in this?"

Jacob was yelling in my face, and suddenly I was seeing red too. My lip curled back automatically and some of the tinkling sound left my voice, "I only told you as a courtesy Jacob. You don't have a say in this. We're leaving in a week so I suggest you get used to it. You may be destined to be with her forever, but maybe you're not." Part of my mind registered that even when he wasn't by my side I looked to Edward's opinions for back up, "Whether you are or not is irrelevant. I am her mother, and I outrank you. I am taking my daughter away on vacation and there is nothing you can do about it."

Then, everything happened very quickly. As the words were leaving my mouth several things happened. I heard footsteps. They were coming from inside the house. One pair of incredibly fast moving feet joined by two other pairs in an instant. My brain registered that fact and pondered what it might mean. It took me another fraction of a second to realise that Renesmee had not returned with Alice and Jasper yet, that there had been no urgent phone calls; I would have definitely heard that. Also, to realise that the footsteps were headed in my direction.

My eyes were still assessing Jake during this and I noticed that his hands were shaking violently. I looked up at his face and saw pure fury edged into every line. I knew that he wasn't in control. I knew that at any second he was going to shift and that I should either defend myself or move away. My body would obey neither command. It was wrestling with the concept of Jacob actually presenting any danger.

Then I imagined something. I imagined Jake telling me that he was the reason Edward was leaving. That Edward was going away and it was because of him. I flung myself back in a graceful arch away from the danger I knew those teeth would present just at the moment Jake's form shivered, seeming to explode outwards into the shape of the red-brown wolf. I knew that he would only need a fraction of a second to ready himself so I tensed.

Instead of anything coming towards me I saw a white and black blur with copper hair collide with the wolf. Rosalie was by my side an instant later and Emmett went after Edward who had raced into the trees, after the falling body of my wolf friend.

I knew that Jacob wouldn't be seriously hurt, if he was at all, but how about when Edward and Emmett caught up with him? I knew what had happened of course. Edward had probably been poised, listening to Jacob's thoughts and as soon as…but the thought was painful. It was not a thought I had ever dreamed of having. Edward had done what he had because he had heard Jacob's intention to…attack? No. I didn't want to believe that. Edward had probably just recognised that the wolf inside was getting the better of Jake's self control. But then, when had Jake ever just lost control? Even when provoked he had been able to reel it in. I shook off the thought quickly and dashed after Edward, Rosalie close behind. There had only been perhaps a second's delay in our pursuit, but Edward was faster than me.

I could see them now, but it wasn't good. Edward was circling the wolf that was Jacob and both of them were growling, low and furious. This wasn't good. This was the moment I had fought against for a long time. Edward and Jacob. One of them wouldn't walk away from this once it really started. I knew it, totally. And although I despised myself for my selfishness I prayed for Edward's safety to any god listening. It wasn't really necessary. Emmett was there, not getting involved but not leaving, so was I. So was Rosalie. No, Jacob would lose today. And although I had reason enough to be furious, I didn't want that to happen.

"Jake?"

The wolf's eyes flicked to me momentarily, and I was almost sure I saw regret in them. That look made my decision. He had just done something incredibly stupid, and selfish, and dangerous, but I could not stand there and watch him die. Not even close. Rosalie squeezed my hand in warning; I tried to reassure her by squeezing gently back.

"Jake, what if you win? When Renesmee sees her father's broken body what will you say?" The wolf paused in its circling and looked at me for almost a full second before his eyes returned to Edward who had stopped circling too but was still watching him. "What would you have told her if Edward hadn't stopped you a second ago? If it was my body in front of you?" A very faint whine escaped from Jake, "You need to think before you do this. There is no good outcome here Jake."

The wolf did not look so aggressive anymore, the snarl had faded. He looked as though he didn't know what to do. "I think you should go now Jake. We all need to calm down."

The wolf paced on the spot nervously, the whine becoming more pronounced. He hesitated and then took the smallest of steps in my direction.

Edward and Emmett were in front of Rosalie and me instantly. They were both growling fiercely at Jake, but neither made any move to attack, which I appreciated. "Go home Jake. Not now." The wolf only hesitated a second longer before turning and vanishing into the trees.

We all hesitated, listening, making sure that he'd really gone.

* * *

When Alice and Jasper had returned with Renesmee we had all made a very convincing show of normal. Edward was playing the piano and Renesmee danced across the room to join him on the piano stool. I took the time to fill the others in. Alice seemed to have been expecting something but had no idea what. She was getting more used to the blank spots created by Jacob and Renesmee but that didn't mean it didn't still irritate her.

We all agreed to keep Jake's reaction from Renesmee. She was so excited about the trip and I didn't want it tainted by anything. She should be able to go on her first vacation without it turning into a freaking drama series.

Although I normally relished the hours she was awake and wanted to be doing things, I couldn't help wishing that bed time would come quickly. I needed to talk to Edward.

* * *

Renesmee settled as swiftly as normal and Edward and I retreated to our room. As the door closed behind me I anticipated my husband's hands wrapping around me from behind as usual but this time they didn't come.

I turned and saw him leaning against the door. The look on his face frightened me a little. I knew that Edward was going to be mad. But I didn't realise how mad. "Bella we need to talk about this."

I nodded quickly, "I know. I'm sorry. I never thought that he'd really react like that. I knew he was going to get angry but…" my voice trailed off. Edward's expression wasn't softening.

"He was going to attack you Bella. He wanted to kill you. Do you understand that?"

"Edward please. I know he got angry and that he might have hurt me. But I don't believe that he…"

Edward held up a hand to stop me, "Believe this Bella, for a second there he was so angry he could quite cheerfully have torn you limb from limb. He hated what you were saying and you so much that he wanted to kill you. Don't tell me what you think. This maybe one of the only occasions I don't want to hear it, because I am not telling you what I think. I'm telling you what I know."

Edward didn't raise his voice one iota. He didn't need to. I seemed to be infuriating everyone today. I knew why Edward was so furious. This was bringing up old issues for him. He had always said that Jacob had the potential to be dangerous to me if he ever got angry and lost control. It was hard for me to deny that now. But at the same time it was easier. Even if Jacob had actually attacked me and hurt me. I knew he would have calmed down quickly. I was much more resilient than I had once been. The flare of rage would have faded as he realised what he was doing, it was just worse because he shifted when angry and lost control. I still believed in Jake. I knew how desperately sorry he would be feeling now, but Edward was not going to want to hear it. Still, I had to try.

"Okay. I know that things got very bad today. I'm sorry that I insisted on telling Jake myself. I'm sorry that I insisted doing it alone. I'm sorry that I didn't react more quickly when I saw how mad he was getting. I'm sorry I…I'm just sorry." I could feel tightness in my chest. It told me that if I was still human I would be crying now, "Edward, I'm truly sorry, but please don't stay angry at me. I really can't bear it. You know that."

The ice cold mask on my husband's face held my gaze for a second. Then he seemed to melt. He was across the room and his hands were around my arms. He pulled my unresisting body against his and pressed his lips to my forehead. A second later he wrapped his arms tightly around me and buried his face in my hair, "Bella, my love." I turned my head and kissed his temple softly, "You don't understand what it's like to hear someone thinking of hurting you that way. To actually see it in their thoughts."

I shuddered at the images this conjured up. "I'm so sorry. It all went horribly wrong. I just thought I could soften the blow."

He moved his hands to my face and kissed me very softly. I felt light-headed for a second as he planted gentle kisses along my jaw. "There was nothing you could have said to him. Nothing that would have made a difference. Trust me, I know."

"I know you know," I said with a slight smile. My eyes drifted shut. I was starting to find it hard to concentrate. Edward's fingers were trailing along the line of my neck and I was getting distracted. I wanted to change the subject, or at least keep it moving in this very pleasurable direction, "The first shock's out of the way now anyway. I'm sure tomorrow he'll be much more reasonable."

Edward's touch vanished. My eyes flew open in surprise. What? His face was angry again. "What do you mean tomorrow?" I was momentarily lost for words. It was hard not to recognise the irony as Edward interpreted my lack of response, just as Jake had earlier when he'd asked how long we would be gone. "So tomorrow you're going to welcome him back into our home despite what happened today? Does he have to apologise? Or is even that act of penance unnecessary?"

"Edward, he'll apologise, he always does." Of course Jacob was sorry. I knew that. I could see it in his eyes even when he was in wolf form. The whine from him had been pitiful.

"That doesn't fix it this time Bella. It doesn't make everything okay. I don't care how sorry he is."

"What are you suggesting Edward? That I just tell Jake to go? Even if I did, he wouldn't." Of course he wouldn't. He'd never be forced from Renesmee's side if he could help it.

"I'm not suggesting that Bella. I'm suggesting that we go. That we leave Forks first thing in the morning." I didn't know what to say. We were leaving in a week anyway. It just felt cruel. To just leave without a word. "I know what you're thinking Bella, but it'd be fine. It's Saturday tomorrow so we can go and say goodbye to Charlie in the morning."

"I…Edward…I…I don't know. What about Renesmee? She'll be so unhappy if she can't say goodbye."

I didn't have to say to whom. I didn't think saying Jake's name would help now. However I could see that my question had already been answered in Edward's head, "If he can control himself, he can say goodbye over the phone."

I was getting desperate. Nothing but affection for Jake and concern for his feelings was holding me back. Again I imagined what it would feel like if Edward were taken away from me, "Edward, please. It will hurt him so much. I don't know if I can do that."

Edward's face lost all trace of anger. There was something that looked like a flash of pain, "What about us Bella? What about you and me?"

Pain. I had caused Edward pain. Again. No. I moved forward to embrace him but he pulled open the door and stepped through, "I'm going out to hunt for a while. I'll be back soon."

I felt the tightness in my chest again and something very like panic gripped me, "Edward no…"

"I'll be back soon I promise. I'm thirsty and one of us needs to stay with Renesmee."

I stared at the door for a long time after he'd vanished through it."

* * *

_A/N Opinions? Anyone? Should Edward stay mad for a while? Should Jacob get to see Renesmee before they go? Should I give up now and save you, kind reader any more pain? Let me know : )._


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I am a poor, penniless, pitiful person, and I own none of the characters of anything they do. Too bad for me.**

**Rating: M for later chapters.**

**EPOV**

**I shouldn't have left. I shouldn't have left. I shouldn't have left. The words were like a mantra. Even while I was running as fast as I could in the other direction, I knew it. The only person who hated us being apart more than Bella was me. I knew that my leaving would have hurt her, probably a lot. I had never just run away before. Even when we had disagreed we had always found a way to compromise. Why was that so hard now? Why had I gotten do angry with her? Probably because it involved Jacob. He had always been a contentious issue for me, no matter how patient I tried to be. At first as he actively pursued the woman I loved; when I had to just sit by and watch. Now as he devoted his life to my child. I just needed to get away before I said something that hurt her worse. **

**I had almost reminded her of the pain she had caused me. Something I had never done. I wished I could explain to her how it had felt; what it was like spending months wondering if she was going to change her mind. I hadn't really thought that she would, but there had been the fear. The chance that she could be taken from me. Or worse, that she would simply choose to leave. How would she ever understand that when she was the only woman I had ever loved this way? Maybe a comparison? How would she have reacted if I had insisted that Tanya was a dear, close friend who I would not be parted from? Especially if Tanya had made her intentions clear from the get go? I smiled as I thought of her probable reaction. Given her response after just being told of the torch Tanya had carried, I could picture it. I almost wanted to chuckle. It faded quickly. **

**She didn't understand. She couldn't see past her friendship with Jacob. Maybe she didn't even want to. She couldn't understand that his loyalties weren't totally with her anymore. That they never would be again. There was something higher for Jacob now. Something more important than his friendship with Bella. My daughter. Every other care and thought was sublimated by that. That still rankled. It wasn't that I bore him any ill will, or that I didn't think he was good enough, (well, maybe not quite good enough, she was my daughter after all). The real issue for me was the 'inevitability' of it. I wasn't sure that I believed in it. I didn't like the idea that her whole future had been decided without her having any say in it. **

**I understood how Jacob felt. I had heard it and I understood the…grace of it. The perfection. He was entirely pure in his devotion. As far as Jacob Black was concerned the world revolved around her. Everything she did made him happy. But Renesmee? Well, she loved Jacob there was no question. And she did think of him as being 'hers'. But she also thought of Bella that way. She thought of me that way. Even the others to a much lesser extent. But we were all hers. We were the people who loved her and so we belonged to her.**

**I truly believed what I had said to Bella, if Jacob was Renesmee's choice then I would accept it and be happy for them both. But I just couldn't allow him to be her only choice; her only option and experience. It felt…wrong. **

**Just like this. I shouldn't have left. This time I listened to myself. It would be dawn in a few hours. I stopped dead and turned around. I needed to go back. Bella was my wife. I shouldn't have left.**

**How could I have done this? Bella had agreed to my idea, she had told Jacob even though she knew his probable reaction. She had then almost been attacked by her best friend. Just to make her day complete I had then picked a fight and abandoned her. I was not worthy of her. I never had been. I would keep trying though. I shouldn't have left.**

*** * ***

**BPOV**

**I leapt up from the floor. Edward was coming back. I could hear him approaching. I wanted to run and meet him, but I couldn't just leave Renesmee. I was at the front door in a second, flinging open the door. I would see him in just a few seconds. We would work this out. I knew that I hadn't been fair. Edward wasn't exactly wrong. Although I still believed that Jake was sorry, I couldn't expect Edward to wave it away. If our positions had been reversed I wouldn't have been nearly as understanding. It was easier to accept risk to myself than to Edward. He would feel the same. **

**He was here. I saw him the instant he emerged from the trees and his eyes met mine. He was sorry too. My heart should be pounding. Oh thank god. He rushed to my side, but he didn't touch me. He didn't break our gaze. He opened his mouth but he didn't speak. He closed it again. He didn't know what to say. Neither did I. So I took his hands in mine and concentrated.**

**It was so much easier to just show him. I let him see how sorry I was that this had ended up as a fight between us. It shouldn't have happened that way. This was not about us. When we had to deal with something like this we had to side with each other. We were supposed to be a team. **

**I showed him that I understood. That I saw things his way. I knew I had…under-reacted. I hadn't treated the situation seriously enough. I understood how much the whole thing must have terrified him.**

**I also told him that in many ways I agreed with him. I truly wanted this experience for Renesmee. It was going to be incredible. I also wanted it for myself, and Edward. This was our time. Jacob didn't have the right to stop us from doing anything and what Edward wanted had to come first sometimes. He was Renesmee's father and had just as much right as I did to decide how she should be raised. I understood that I couldn't keep prioritising Jacob's feelings all the time. **

**Edward broke off my explanation by pulling me into his arms for the second time that evening. I clung to his back and pressed myself against him. "I'm sorry Edward."**

**He groaned and pulled away. His hands gently touched my cheeks, stroking gentle patterns, "Please don't apologise Bella. Please don't, I can't bear it. I'm the one who should be sorry. I can't believe I actually left. It was selfish and wrong. I'm …**

**I pressed a finger to his lips. "How about we stop apologising to each other?"**

**Edward smiled and touched his lips gently to mine. I sighed at the contact. This was the first night I had not spent with Edward since I had been turned. There was a sudden ache in my stomach as I thought o f the time together that we had wasted. I slipped my arms around Edward's neck, and pressed my lips more firmly to his. The hands on my cheeks drifted down my neck and then onto my shoulders, still tracing the circular patterns. We should have wrapped this fight up much more quickly. **

**Edward's tongue traced along my bottom lip, seeking entrance. I didn't hesitate to oblige him. When his tongue touched mine I groaned into his mouth and pressed my body against his, "Edward…I want…you."**

**He sighed and shifted his attention to my neck, planting gentle kisses along my collar bone, "I want you too Bella. Always."**

**Edward's hands trailed up and down my sides, his fingers lingering as they grazed the sides of my breasts. Oh god, I knew we were running out of time. Renesmee would be awake soon. It was almost eight. But maybe…oh maybe. My hands drifted to the front of his shirt, I tugged it loose from his jeans and slid my hands up the bare skin of his back. He felt amazing. But I needed more. **

**Edward apparently agreed. His hands drifted down my back and he lifted me. I wrapped my legs around his waist and urgently rubbed myself against him.**

"**Edward, we still have a little time."**

**He carried me through to our bedroom and gently laid me on the bed. I pulled on his shirt and he crawled up my body. And then we heard the sound of our daughter stirring in the next room. I groaned and clung to him for a second, unwilling to let him go. He kissed me for a second, hard and passionate. I could feel just how much he wanted me. The evidence was against my leg. He pulled back and smiled that smile, "I think we're going to have to get up, love."**

"**I know." I smiled back, "The sacrifices we make for our daughter."**

*** * ***

**JPOV**

**As I lay in bed with my arm over my face I found it hard to suppress the groan of shame that escaped me. I hadn't slept at all. I couldn't believe I had done that. How could I lose control? I was the best at this. Everyone knew it. I was even more in control of my wolf side than Sam. I had almost attacked Bella. I kept picturing the horror on her frozen face as she realised what I was about to do; what was about to happen. She had just stood there. Maybe she thought I would regain control. Maybe she thought it would pass. Maybe she thought, 'Jake would never do anything to hurt me'. I couldn't believe I was so bad as to prove her wrong. **

**What the fuck was wrong with me? Oh God. What if we had really been alone? What if the others hadn't been just inside the house? She might have been able to fight me off. Then again she might not. No, I wouldn't have been angry long enough to …I couldn't bear to think of it. Piling the pieces of her body for burning like we had with the newborns. **

**I swung myself into a sitting position. I couldn't lie there anymore. I had to do something. Anything. I paced into the kitchen and toyed with the idea of cleaning (for shame). But I decided to just go for a run. I didn't shift though. I didn't want the others, especially Seth to hear what had happened. I was so ashamed; I could run forever and never come back. I might have done it if it wasn't for Renesmee. I couldn't leave her.**

**Oh God. Renesmee. Bella had known exactly what to say to get me out of the fog of rage. How would I ever have made up for it? I wouldn't have been able to. There was no question. She wouldn't ever have forgiven me. Bella was right.**

**But the worst part was how much Bella loved me. I saw it in her eyes when she had talked me down. She had seen that I was going to lose the fight. When I had looked at her it was like I could read her mind. She was begging me not to do this. Not for her. But for myself. She didn't want me to get hurt. She was trying to protect me. Oh God… I was the worst shit in the world. I understood Sam better than ever. The pain he had felt. I could barely stand it now and I hadn't done anything. No. That wasn't true. I had been stopped. I had never felt more grateful to Edward Cullen. I knew why he had done what he had. But he had saved my life as well. In every way.**

**I ran faster. It was better to be moving. But still not good. I knew what I needed to do. I needed to go and see Bella. I needed to get down on my knees and plead for her forgiveness. To beg, for hours, for as long as it took. I needed to find some way to make it up to her. Any way that she wanted. I had to. She was still the second most important person in the world to me. And I could have killed her. **

**I kept running.**

*** * ***

**I didn't shift until lunch time. When I did voices called out to me. Leah was loudest and most irritated. She had been very worried. They didn't know where I was. Suddenly there was fresh guilt. They were my pack. I couldn't hide this from them. The voices quieted as I replayed the whole terrible scene for them. They were shocked, and horrified. They were appalled, but they were also way more understanding than I had any right to expect. They felt first hand the panic that had flooded through me when I had heard that Renesmee was about to disappear from my life indefinitely. Leah was the first one to form a direct opinion, "Jake, that was a really shitty thing to do. You know how I feel about them, but still…"**

"**Yes I know. Believe me I know." The guilt flowed through me afresh.**

**Leah's thoughts softened, "I know you know. I'm sorry Jake."**

**Seth's thoughts were quiet but determined, "You have to go and talk to her Jake."**

"**I know that too." I really, really, really did.**

**Quil and Embry were both quiet. Their thoughts were jumbled. Quil was the most sympathetic of all. He was the only other one who had imprinted and he understood the panic more clearly than the others. He considered the same scenario with Claire and shuddered. I felt again the over-whelming fear. There had to be a way. Maybe I could just pack up and go with them? Embry was doubtful about that, "Even if they would have considered it, do you think they will now?"**

**I knew that of course. Edward had been furious. I had no idea what kind of reception I could expect the next time I went to that house. But I could guess that it would not be pleasant. I suspected that if Bella hadn't been stood there, her feelings clear, he might have torn me limb from limb just out of anger. "I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to stop them from leaving. There must to be a way."**

**I don't know what I expected, but it certainly wasn't what I heard from Seth, even as he tried to cover it, I heard the thought, "Are you sure that you should be trying to stop them?"**

**I couldn't stop the low rumbling growl that escaped from my chest. I was glad that Seth wasn't right next to me. Then I felt the shame. Was I thinking aggressive thoughts about Seth now? Did I want to hurt and alienate him too? I made a major effort to calm down. "Would you like to explain that Seth? You think I should just let them go? How am I supposed to do that?"**

"**Jake I'm sorry. I know how you feel, literally. But…they're her parents. Don't they have a right to just go on vacation as a family? If that's what they want to do? What you said to Bella, about her wanting her own way all the time? "**

**I didn't care to be reminded of the things I'd said to my friend, "I didn't mean it. I was angry."**

"**Clearly," Seth's thoughts were a little sarcastic but I let it go, "I'm just saying, that maybe you're doing the same thing. Thinking only of what you want. And, if you're being honest, how do you think that you can actually stop them?"**

**I felt my insides deflate. I wanted to shift back. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts. I didn't want to hear this. I got it. I did. I knew that in most cases, what I was saying and feeling was unfair. But this was different. I could not, would not, lose her. I didn't know what I would have to do. Maybe there would be even more begging involved.**

**I could live with that. **

*** * ***

**I shifted back into human form about half a mile down the Cullen's driveway. I wanted to walk slowly, I didn't want them to think that I was trying to sneak up or ambush them. I wanted to be as calm as possible.**

**I knew that it was too little, too late, but it was the best I could do. I had my apology planned, not just to Bella, but to Edward, and to the others as well. I had come to their home and attacked one of them. I had a lot to apologise for.**

**I approached the door slowly, thinking as clearly as possible, **_**Edward, I wanted to apologise. I don't want to fight. Really I don't. Can we please talk?"**_

**There was no response from inside the house. I knocked on the door and it was opened by Rosalie, Emmett was close behind her and they did not look welcoming. "What do you want Jacob?"**

**I held up both my hands, "Just to talk, to Bella and Edward, to all of you. Please can I see them?"**

**Rosalie sighed and I thought that underneath the anger, and there was a lot of that, there was a trace of pity as well, "Yes, you had better come in for a minute."**

**A minute? I was not going to be invited to stay for the evening then. I could live with that too. Maybe a little more cooling down time would be a good thing.**

**I stepped into the living room and found Carlisle and Esme stood side by side. They had clearly been waiting for me. "Hello Jacob." Carlisle did not look angry. Not happy either, kind of, resigned. Like he was dreading the conversation."**

"**I had to come. I know I'm not the most welcome of guests," I heard Emmett snort behind me. Okay, that was worrying. I had expected Emmett to need the least convincing. He always seemed to easy going in the past, slow to judge and quick to accept. I guess that changed if you attacked his family. Still I couldn't lose my nerve now, "I wanted to apologise. A lot. Over and over again if necessary. I know that what I did was terrible, and what I almost did was even worse. But I am truly sorry. I need to see Bella. To tell her."**

**Carlisle opened his mouth to speak, but Rosalie got there first, "She's not here. None of them are."**

**There was something in her tone that made my chest tighten, "Okay, when do you think they'll be back?"**

"**Not for some time Jacob," Carlisle said. There was regret in his voice. "They went to see Charlie early this morning. They left just after noon. Alice and Jasper have gone as well."**

**The air couldn't get into my lungs. I couldn't inhale, there was nothing. I dimly saw Esme reach out as though to hold me up, but Carlisle pulled her back. I looked down and realised that I was shaking violently. They were expecting a repeat of yesterday. But I wasn't angry. I couldn't feel anything. There was nothing left to feel. Nothing left to feel with. It was over. They had gone and taken her. I was here. Trapped in this abyss, where I couldn't find her. It was over.**

*** * ***

_**A/N Sorry about the POV shifts here I'm not sure how people feel about them. It just felt like the only way to tie it all together without loads of repeated conversations. I tried to stay as true to the characters as possible.**_

_**I'm thinking of doing a few interludes here, (maybe 3, but no more than five), about the travelling. Any one interested? Or should we have just one and skip ahead over some time? I kinda think the travelling would be fun. Thoughts anyone?**_

_**Thank you to my 3 reviewers. You're all fabulous. I don't really set limits so if one person is reading and reviewing, I'll keep going as long as I can.**_

_**Oh, and Anna, I'm not Stephanie Meyer, but my god I wish I was. I could own Edward Cullen. Ah bliss. **_


	4. Interlude Part 1

_**Disclaimer:I own nothing. Please don't sue there's not much to take.**_

_**Rating M very M.**_

_*** * ***_

_**BPOV**_

_**April**_

**Asia was amazing. Absolutely indescribable. I had never imagined that places like this could exist still. It was so untouched. It was also cold. About minus 20 degrees. Not that it mattered but still, pretty cold. I could barely feel any change and although Renesmee registered changes in temperature more than we did, it had yet to really bother her. I say we, the whole family. For the first time we were reunited. I hadn't realised how much I had missed Emmett's laugh, Rosalie's sense, Esme's warmth, and Carlisle, well, just Carlisle. It was so good to be together. It had been months since the five of us had left Forks, and although the trip had been amazing, we had missed each other. **

**I would have been quite happy to pass the next few days in conversation as we all caught up on each others news, but Edward had other ideas. No sooner had the plane landed in Moscow and we'd all hugged and said how much we'd missed each other Edward was herding us out to a hired car. I had assumed that we would be heading back to the house we had rented but oh no. My husband had made other plans, surprise plans. **

**Now, we were running. Renesmee was clinging to my back as we all sped through the woods, over the mountains. She was extremely excited. She kept pressing her little hand to my cheek, wondering where we were going and why. I honestly couldn't answer. I was just as in the dark. I knew we were near a place called Irkutsk but I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. I knew Alice must be in the know but she had refused to be drawn. She must know that this one was going to be well received. **

**Edward led the way as we continued on, and from the way he was running, he wanted to get there soon, but he wasn't anxious he was excited.**

*** * ***

**February**

"**Okay, Renesmee I need you to decide to stay in your seat until everyone is off the plane. Concentrate on it hard." Renesmee nodded and closed her eyes to help her focus. "Jasper, concentrate on being the first one off…yeah it'll be clouded over when we get there. We'll definitely be able to get to the house fine."**

**Edward nodded, "Okay, I'll book the tickets for the six thirty flight."**

**Jasper was driving towards the airport, not speeding too much, we tried not to in front of Renesmee, I thought it set a bad example. Edward was booking us tickets online for a flight to London. I wanted to take Renesmee there first. It was where she wanted to go and well, why not? It was a good time of the year to go. There were plenty of hours of darkness. Which meant that even on sunny days we wouldn't have to spend too many hours in doors. Alice was taking care of the accommodation on her laptop. I was really trying not to listen too closely but I could hear that she was discussing properties that cost thousands of pounds a week. I didn't know how much more it would be in dollars but I wasn't sure I wanted to anyway. Renesmee was getting excited, she couldn't wait to see an airport for the first time, a plane, and for some reason, a flight attendant. She had shown me how funny she found their little hats, I hoped which ever airline we ended up flying with had them in the uniform. **

**We were a little later leaving than we had planned . I had wanted to make sure that Renesmee, and myself, of course were well fed. If necessary I could hold my breath for the entire flight once we were on the plane, and I would do it if I felt there was any danger. I didn't think there was, Edward was sure that there wasn't, but I still wished that Alice was able to see for defintie. But of course, with Renesmee with us she couldn't be sure, she seemed fairly confident, but when her vision was blurry she never sounded positive.**

**It was too late to do anything about it now anyway. We were about to find out. Worst case scenario, Emmett and Edward had to drag me out and well, we were leaving the country anyway. **

*** * ***

**Renesmee was stretched out across my and Edward's lap fast asleep. The novelty of being on her first plane had clearly worn off. She had two seats of her own, Edward had booked her two first class seats just so she could sleep, but she seemed to prefer snuggling up to us despite our cold hard bodies. I was trying not to think of Jake. **

**He would know that we were gone by now for sure. I tried not to picture his reaction. The idea of it hurt me. We'd had to work pretty hard to convince Renesmee that Jake knew we were going and was fine. That she could call him the second we got to the house. She hadn't really seemed that worried afterwards though. There was too much to occupy her attention. I didn't have that luxury. **

**While my daughter slept peacefully I fretted silently. I did not have any doubts that my decision was the right one. It had to be done and I was relieved that it was. Still I was sorry for the pain I knew my friend was in. Especially since I once again felt responsible for hurting him. Still, there was nothing I could do about it now. **

**The flight attendant came by offering drinks and peanuts, we declined but asked for a blanket. She came back a few seconds later and brought a pillow too. I shifted Renesmee slightly and tucked the blanket round her. I knew she wasn't cold, but it was the human thing to do.**

**Edward brushed his fingers against our daughter's temple, as she sighed in her sleep. He smiled at the peaceful expression on her face, and I smiled at the expression on his. My husband and daughter. I couldn't not smile. I took his hand and brought it to my lips, kissing the back. He met my eyes and turned his beautiful smile on me. "Thank you for this Edward, it was a wonderful idea."**

**He looked surprised but the smile did not fade, "You're welcome.**

*** * * **

**It was two thirty am Washington time when we landed. That made it seven thirty am London time. I wanted to try to get Renesmee over the time difference as soon as possible, so I had woken her when we landed. She was a little disgruntled about what she considered a rude awakening, but more excited to be here. The airport here was harder to deal with. Heathrow was packed full of people. But I clutched Renesmee to my chest and focused on her scent. It had helped me cope that first time with Charlie. It helped just the same now. She didn't remove her hand from my neck, she was fascinated by the strange accents all around her. Wondering about words she wasn't familiar with. Hell, there were some I didn't recognize. What in God's name was a brolly? And although it would be inaudible to most people, there was a lot of strange words that I was sure was swearing. I hoped Renesmee wouldn't pick it up just in case.**

**We followed Edward through the airport as he moved swiftly to a car rental booth. He gave his name and the tired looking man behind the desk perked up when he looked it up. "Oh yes of course sir. We have both sets of keys here. We understand one set in is the additional name of Hale?"**

**Edward dazzled, at his most charming, "That's right."**

**After more, 'yes, sir…no, sir' we headed out the doors to our cars. Two sporty looking things, one in red, one in blue. I really didn't care as long as it had four wheels, and engine and enough seats. Edward and I got into the blue one with Renesmee, and pulled out behind Jasper. The drive wasn't very long, apparently not long enough for Renesmee, she stared out of the window, laughing at the strange little differences. She very much wanted to take a ride in one of the black bulbous taxis that seemed to be everywhere, but I wanted to get to wheverever we were going first. **

**Edward pointed things out to her on the way. Not just buildings and monuments, but famous streets, types of clothing, species of trees. She just sat there nodding her little head, absolutely fascinated by everything that was coming out of her father's mouth. I couldn't help but be a little fascinated too. My first visit to England. I really wanted to see the Tower of London. I'd always thought the stories so ghoulish and the idea of seeing the dank stone rooms where prisoners had actually lived was fascinating. **

**I hadn't realised we were slowing down but when we pulled up outside the house I was sure there had been a mistake. This couldn't be it. This couldn't be it. Could it? Renesmee was staring at the house with her mouth open. I thought I might look pretty similar. Edward just chuckled, "Alice…what can you say?"**

"**Is there where we're staying Daddy?" Renesmee sounded awed.**

**He was out of the car and pulling Renesmee from the back seat in a second, hoisting her up into his arms, "I think so sweetheart. Do you want to go and choose a bedroom?"**

**Alice came dancing over and Renesmee squirmed to be put down. She took her aunt's hand, "I think I'll go with Alice."**

**Edward nodded, "Okay sweetheart."**

**I climbed out of the car as they skipped over to the door and was unable to repress the giggle that wanted to out, Edward turned and smiled at me, "Do you like it my love?"**

"**Oh, Edward, of course it's beautiful…it's just, it's so much."**

**Edward pulled me into his arms again and pushed me back against the car. My mind flashed back to another time he had done this to coax me into something. That time, letting him carry me while running, "Bella, would you do something for me? I know you've done a lot for me recently , but could I please beg one more favour?"**

**I stared into his eyes and swallowed hard, even now it was so difficult to fight this. I was glad, I liked that I had one human weakness left. I liked even more that it was Edward. But this wasn't really the moment. We had now spent two nights…well not apart, but not nearly as together as I would have liked. As he leaned his body into mine I fought to remember what we were talking about, "That depends what it is?"**

"**Well, I would really appreciate it if you would stop worrying about things that don't matter," he brushed his lips against mine, and then kissed my cheek bone, "This is a one time thing. We wont get to do this again. Not like this. Please, for me, just enjoy it," he brushed his lips across my forehead. "Please my love?"**

**The butterflies no, more like bats were fluttering in my stomach and I couldn't resist. Here he was, wanting to show me everything, just as much as he wanted to show Renesmee, would I be the one to ruin it all? Not a chance in hell.**

*** * ***

**APOV**

**I knew it. Well, obviously I actually had known it but still. Once Bella relaxed and got into the swing a little she loved it. I didn't mention the other house. I wouldn't be bringing that up yet. I had even hidden it from Edward as best I could. Well, when in London one might as well enjoy all it had to offer. This house was fabulous. So wonderfully and tastefully over done. A huge white affair with black wrought iron railings and everything. Hell, it even had a small tower type affair. I figured it was as close to a castle we'd get without being ridiculously conspicuous. Everything was gilt, ornate plaster work, and chandeliers and old fashioned, newly made furniture. Wonderful; ideal for our first three weeks. **

**We were lazing around the indoor pool as it was the first sunny day we'd had. Renesmee was leaping in and out of the water in graceful arcs, as Jasper pretended not to be able to catch her. It was strange. She was, of course, Bella and Edward's daughter, but we all lived a little vicariously through her. It was nice how much we all shared in her. She gave us all so much pleasure. Perhaps it was watching all the discoveries she made on a regular basis. Everything was so new to her.**

**When this idea had first occurred to Edward, I'd started having strange flashes. It had actually really pissed me off at the time. Bella and Edward in a clearly foreign country watching a sunset on a deserted beach. Jasper and I swimming in a lake. I of course, couldn't see Renesmee so the images were confusing. When Edward had announced his intention it had all made sense of course.**

**Our departure had been more abrupt than intended and it had messed up some our plans. Carlisle and Esme had been planning to join us later anyway, he hadn't wanted to just abandon the hospital. But now Rosalie and Emmett had had to stay behind too. Given Jacob's reaction we hadn't wanted to leave Carlisle and Esme alone. Four was enough to defend and run if necessary. I didn't like to think of Jacob that way. But at the same time, we didn't want to take any risks. They planned to join us in a couple of months.**

**I glanced out the window and saw the sun going down. Almost time to get ready. Bella and Edward had gone hunting today. They would be getting back just after sundown. Bella still needed to hunt fairly often. But tonight we were going out to the theatre. And that meant dressing up. "Jazz, can you cope?" I smiled teasingly, "Can you handle the little monster for a while?"**

**Renesmee giggled and splashed me sending a shower of water over the floor. Jasper grabbed her wriggling body and swung her up onto his shoulders, "Yeah we'll be fine. Call us when you've decided what we're wearing."**

**I waved and headed upstairs. That little kid brought the kid out in him. It was so cute.**

*** * ***

**Renesmee danced around the reception room , well one of the reception rooms. The one that we used most. I even had to admit that fourteen bedrooms could be considered a little excessive. But hey, better to have too many than too few. Renesmee had already slept in three of them. **

**Bella sat down on one of the sofa's and smiled, "That wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. Sure it burned like hell, but I was expecting that."**

"**Sorry I couldn't tell you how it would play out," I always felt bad when I couldn't reassure my family, even though I knew it wasn't my fault.**

"**Don't worry about it Alice. Maybe not knowing helped. Made me more determined to focus."**

**Jasper curved an arm around my shoulders as he sank down next to me on my sofa. "You know, I think we've all been missing out. Theatre has taken a turn for the better again."**

**Renesmee twirled around again, "Can we go again tomorrow ?" **

**I looked at the others. No one seemed opposed to the idea. "Why not. We're on vacation."**

*** * ***

**I didn't know what Edward had said to Bella but she had become very accommodating. When I had announced the move to the other side of London she was…very accommodating. Completely different house. Much more similar to our usual style, still beautiful though. It had served us well our last few weeks in London. We hadn't really intended to stay so long, but there was so much to see and do that it was hard to tear ourselves away. Renesmee had fallen in love with the theatre. Musicals especially. The West End of London enthralled her and on cloudy days she had often begged to be taken to matinees as well. Bella had been hesitant when she had wanted to see some of the more adult plays, Sondheim wasn't always suitable for children, but the little imp usually got her adorable way. We ended up seeing Phantom of the damn Opera three times. She loved it when the chandelier fell near the end. **

**On sunny days we lounged in the 'pool' room. It had a swimming pool and a pool table so it was appropriately named. I also mounted massive shopping expeditions. Bella was a lost cause but there was hope for Renesmee. When she saw the piano that played itself in Harrods she was nearly beside herself with delight. And even the most mature child in the world couldn't fail to be impressed by the range of toys, gadgets and puzzles offered by Hamleys.**

**We had been to Buckingham Palace and watched the changing of the guard. We had all stood as far back as we dared while Renesmee fed the fearless pigeons in Trafalgar Square. We had seen the Tower of London and the crown jewels, we had visited every art gallery and museum in the city. For a six week stay we had crammed in a lot. **

**So…where to next?**

*** * ***

**BPOV**

**I was running with Edward. We had the day together, all to ourselves. A part of me was loathe to leave Renesmee, but Edward and I had had so little time together recently that I was willing to make an exception. I had the most amazing feeling that I knew exactly where I was. Edward and I were running together across moors. We were in Yorkshire. Edward reached and grasped my hand, slowing me down as we crested a hill. He came to a stop and pointed down. **

**I saw a farm house. It was clearly very old. I waited for Edward to explain, "I'm sorry that I couldn't have brought you here in the forties my love, I wish you could have seen the original." he smiled, "This is Ponden Hall. It has been largely rebuilt over the past fifty years, but in the early 1800's young Emily Bronte used to come her to play with the other children. People argue about which, but most agree that either Thrushcross Grange, or Wuthering Heights itself was in fact based on this house." **

**I felt my chest tighten. I was fairly sure that this was one of the most amazing things Edward had ever done for me. And only he would understand why it was so amazing. I turned to say something, to thank him but I couldn't find the words. He pulled me close and we watched the house from our vantage point for a time. It was so peaceful here. Similar to Forks in a way, so much green, so little change here in the last few hundred years. I turned in Edward's arms and kissed him tenderly, slipping arms around his neck, "Thank you Edward, this is the sweetest thing you could have done for me."**

"**You're welcome. You're always welcome." he pressed another gentle kiss to my lips and then started to move back. I tugged lightly on the back of his head to keep his lips on mine. I had just had a very wicked thought. **

**I pressed gentle kisses to his cheek, moving to gently bite his neck. He groaned and his hands held me tighter, but he made no move to touch me back. Hmmm. Ever the gentleman. He didn't want to over step his bounds. But this was the first time we had been truly alone in weeks and I was not inclined to waste it. I turned my attention to his collar bone. Unbuttoning his shirt swiftly, so I could run my nails over his sculpted chest. One of his weaknesses. I felt his hands tighten again imperceptibly, "Bella, oh god…Bella love…are you sure you want…"**

**His voice broke off as I slid my hands under his shirt, still kissing his neck, chin, cheekbone, "Is there anyone around? Can you hear anyone?"**

**He shook his head, his hands had started to move up and down my back, brushing more firmly each time. He was pulling my body closer, "No but…"**

"**Well, then what are you worried about?" My hands were already unbuttoning his jeans. I wasn't really waiting for his answer. Gentleman or not, he was turned on by this. I could tell. He wanted this badly. I slowly slid down his zipper slowly, giving him plenty of time to stop me if he truly wanted to. He didn't. He just stared at me with lust filled eyes. I slid my hand inside his jeans and started to rub gently. Just teasing him really. He groaned and suddenly lay me in the floor. The motion was smooth, and my pace didn't change. Running my fingers slowly up and down his shaft. Yes, he definitely wanted this.**

**But Edward was not the type to just receive. His hand drifted to my shirt and he pulled it over my head, most normal people would have been out in layers today, but there were plenty of benefits to not needing them. Like giving your husband incredibly easy access. As his mouth closed over one of my hardened nipples I gasped. I needed this. All the time. His hands on me. His mouth on me. Him inside of me. But Edward seemed determined to tease me back a little. He stripped me of the rest of my clothes slowly, almost of though he were unwrapping me. Every time he did this he gazed at me as though he had never seen me before. I tried to reach for him but he just gently ran his fingers up the inside of my thigh. I waited as his fingers rose higher, but they only brushed over me lightly and then he stroked down my other thigh, "Edward, please. Please…just…"**

**He slid up my body keeping his fingers moving. Tracing the lines of my hips, brushing over my stomach and breasts, "Yes my love?"**

**I was squirming now. The pressure was building between my legs, "Edward, please, just touch me. I want you to touch me."**

**His eyes burned into mine, he kissed me while his fingers finally parted my lips. He stroked my flesh gently for a few seconds, letting the ache grow just a little more, until I was almost writing. Then suddenly his head was between my legs and his tongue was rubbing and oh god. He stroked for a few seconds, then I felt something nudge my entrance. He stroked gently, further into me each time. But it was getting too much, I needed…more.**

**Without warning he pulled back and I gasped at the sudden loss of his tongue, but suddenly he pulled me up and sat me across his lap, "It's okay love, it's okay I'm just going to…"**

**But I didn't need to hear the end. I felt the tip of him, hard against me and I sank down onto him. Edward grunted in pleasure as I forced him deeper with quick, frantic jerks of my hips. This was what I needed. What I always needed. **

**I felt him wrap both hands around my back and he lengthened the stroke, every time pulling himself deeper. I couldn't ever have enough of this. It wasn't possible. He looked into my eyes and pulled my face to his, kissing me hard, moaning into my mouth. He slipped his other hand between us and found that spot again. He was so good at this. I cried out in pleasure rocking myself against him harder. "Edward…Edward…"**

**I couldn't do anything but gasp his name over and over again as we both started to shake, "Love you my darling. My beautiful Bella." As his fingers slid over me again I moaned. The pleasure building higher. He rubbed gently, watching my face as he fought to keep his eyes open. He liked to watch me cum. **

**I tried to slow down, to draw it out longer, but there was no way it was going to happen. I was almost mindless in my need. Only caring about the fact that we were here, we were together. He was inside me and I never wanted him to leave. **

**He closed his mouth over my nipple and as he sucked hard, I cried out as my orgasm hit me, waves of pleasure shaking me to my core. Edward growled low and feral in the back of his throat as my walls tightened and shivered around him, a second later the growl got louder as he came violently inside of me, but I could hear him chanting my name through the sound. **

*** * ***

_**A/N Well, what do we think? I know we've gotten quite far in without much sex so I thought it was time to add some. Must mention brin-smyth who gets credit for the mentions regarding Bella's concerns about being with a lot of humans. Didn't want to make too much of it yet, but you're the reason I even remembered to mention it at all so thank you.**_

_**Zina and BJVision : Two good points. That's what I love about Stephanie Meyer's world. There is very little right and wrong, just perspectives. I haven't decided exactly what's gonna happen yet. Three or four options, but none of them will be easy lol. Where's the fun in that? And Legends Of The Fall? Awesome film.**_

_**Don't know if anyone really cares but these were the two London houses. Just thought the links might be fun if you wanted to peek..**_

**Modern house**

**.com/uk-property-to-rent/details/id/KFYMASP7700125227**

**Gilt house**

**.com/uk-property-to-rent/details/id/SPSL168471**


	5. Chapter 4

JPOV

February

Bella had left me a letter. Then she had gone. She had taken Renesmee, and walked out of my life like it wasn't nothing. And this thing? It barely qualified as a letter, more like a note. It was so cold. Did she care so little? Why? I had felt many things because of Bella. Love, pain, fury, joy, but…I had never before felt like she just didn't care. She tried to reassure me on a superficial level but it didn't help. Even when she was causing me more agony than anyone should have to experience, I never doubted that when I was hurting she hurt too.

Now I didn't know. I needed to pull myself together. I didn't have very long. I had to be prepared for what was coming next.

I got to my feet and walked around my room. Trying to remember how I'd got here. After I'd heard the news, my mind had lost it's grip on time. It dragged, and sped by, it was unsettling. It was horrible. I sank back down onto my bed and wrapped my arms around myself, feeling hollow. I hiccoughed a dry sob as I thought of the irony. I had once asked Bella why she had wrapped her arms around herself when she was upset. Now I understood. It felt like a piece of me had vanished. There was no visible wound but I felt incomplete.

Emmett…he had driven me as far as the boundary line. I suddenly remembered the drive. I would normally have been able to run home in half the time the drive had taken, but I was finding it hard to move my feet towards anything. It was like there was no aim, no goal, no point to anything so why even move?

I knew that I should have expressed gratitude to Emmett for the ride, but I wasn't sure how to move my mouth. He had stopped the car, and it took all of my available brain power to realise that I should get out now. I opened the door and started to lever myself out, "Jacob?" I paused and slowly turned my face. Everything was taking longer, as though I was moving through quicksand, "Jacob I know this wont help, but it wont be forever. And when you never have to die, you don't have to rush."

I don't know if I nodded, or shook my head, or if I just got out of the car and started walking. It could have been any of the three. Looking back on it, I think Emmett might have been trying to comfort me. Wow. I must look pathetic. I'd never seen Emmett be that serious before. Rosalie had been serious too, but she had reverted to her previous state of venom. Whether she pitied me or not, she did not appreciate my presence.

Was that it? Even though Bella had cared enough to stop me getting killed, maybe she was now convinced that I was the monster that I had always been afraid I was. Maybe I was. No, I couldn't wallow in self pity, not yet. I had to stay strong.

I glanced at my watch. Any time now. The sun had risen outside. It was going to be a beautiful day. It mocked me. No, it didn't mock. It was laughing itself stupid at me. If Renesmee had still been here, we would have played in the sun.

The phone rang.

I grabbed it up before it had finished it's first ring.

"Hello?"

"Jacob?"

It was Edward. I swallowed down everything I was desperate to say. I wanted to yell, scream, tell him everything I thought of him. I also wanted to apologise, to tell him that I understood, but then beg him to change his mind. I was still mad about them going. I was furious at Bella, I was furious at Edward, I was angry that they had left without saying anything, even just goodbye. But I knew that from Edward's perspective I had, to a greater or lesser extent, pushed them to it with my less-than-calm reaction.

So I swallowed it all. This what not what I wanted most right now. "Yeah, I'm here. You guys got there safely?" Wherever 'there' was. I guessed that they didn't trust me not to follow them. They were probably right.

"Yes, we're all fine. I know you're anxious to speak to Renesmee and I'll call her in a second. I just wanted to make sure that…"

I cut him off, I knew where he was going with this, "I'll behave. I know the rules." I tried to hide the bitterness that was seeping into my voice.

"Very well, just a moment."

There was silence from the other end of the line. Edward must have covered the mouth piece. I waited, very impatiently. He would be calling her now. She would be rushing to his side. Her little face split in a wide grin. He would tell her that Jake was on the phone. She would be glad.

"Jacob?"

I felt my chest expand. There it was, the piece. I felt instantly better. I would have enjoyed it if I hadn't known it was about to be taken away again. I fought to keep my voice level, "Hello Nessie. Are you having fun?"

"Oh yes, though I'm tired. I didn't get to sleep very long."

The tears I'd been fighting all night had started to fall. To hear her voice. It felt as though she was so close. But she wasn't. To hear her say something I didn't understand was worse. She was tired, but why? Had they taken a late flight? A short one? Were they somewhere where the time was different? Had they driven and been on the road all night? I swallowed, trying to clear my throat of the lump lodged there. "Well, you'll have to get an early night tonight love. Catch up on your sleep."

"I don't think so. There's a firework display tonight and we're going to see it. I've seen them on the television of course, but Daddy says that the real ones are much louder, and the explosives in them make the smell strange."

I had sobbed silently as she talked. I needed to. If I had to sound cheerful, I needed to vent my feelings for a few seconds, I took a deep breath, "That's true Nessie. I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time."

"Alice bought me digital camera, so I can send pictures back to you and Grandpa. Should I send some tomorrow?"

My voice was starting to crack as I spoke, I needed to get a grip, "I would love that. Send me lots of pictures sweetheart," I took another deep breath, it was getting harder to control the sobs, "I'm sorry I didn't get to see you before you left."

I heard her sigh, "I know. It would have been better if I had said goodbye. But I'll be back soon. Momma and Daddy say we can go home whenever I'm ready."

What? So if I begged her to…no. That was against the rules, but I knew if I begged she would ask to be brought home. Would they bring her? Or would they just get more angry? Maybe they would argue that she didn't want to come back; I wanted her to. The sobbing was getting stronger. Complete sentences were getting harder. "That's good." I managed to squeak out.

I suddenly heard Bella's voice in the background, "Can I speak to Jake now darling?"

"Yes momma. Jake? Momma wants to talk to you. I'll send you the pictures soon."

"Okay. Have fun Nessie."

I heard the phone being passed.

"Jake?"

I hung up. This wasn't breaking the rules. I didn't have to care if she didn't. I lay down on my bed. The tears could have me now.

* * *

_Dear Jake, _

_When you read this you'll know we've gone. I'm sorry, I know this will hurt you, but I don't know what else to do. I don't want to fight, I won't change my mind, and I know that you wont be able to watch her go without trying to stop us. Please remember, we wont be gone forever._

_I will have Renesmee call at about nine in the morning. She will want to speak to you. Please don't say anything to upset her, if you do I wont have her call you again. I'm sorry, I know that sounds harsh, but this is supposed to be fun for her and I wont let you spoil it. _

_If the call goes well, I'll let her call you as often as she wants. Please don't do anything that would force me to stop the calls, like trying to find us. We would be gone before you could get here. Believe me I don't want to. But I will if I have to._

_I just want to make you a promise. We will come back._

_Forgive me_

_Bella._

* * *

_A/N I know this is a short one. I thought Jake's POV was necessary but wow it's depressing to write. I'm wedging it between two fun chapters to lighten the mood. And no, brin-smyth you're not silly. I wanted to do one long chapter but by god it would have been long so I split it into two bits. Probably should have made that clear 'blush'._


	6. Interlude Part 2

BPOV

* * *

The scent of ice was in my nose. I couldn't remember if I could smell ice when I was alive. I could now. I could smell everything and it was making me curious. I could tell that we were heading north. We had run through rolling grasslands and I could still smell it on my clothes and behind us. Ahead there was more forest, up the side of the mountain we were running up. It was so freeing to run like this. We all felt it. The elation of being open together. I wasn't sure if maybe this wasn't Edward's surprise. The run. But I knew that it wasn't. Edward was carrying a large bag. He had given another one to Emmett. God knew what was in there but he was very pleased with himself.

I heard his voice float to me on the wind, only a whisper but we could all hear it. "We're almost there, another mile." It would only take a few seconds for us all to cover the distance, so we began to slow. As we did Renesmee leapt from my back, she loved to run with us. She wasn't quite fast enough to keep up with us at full speed, but now we all kept pace with her and she was no slouch.

Fifteen seconds later we came to a stop as Edward raised his hand. We were cresting a mountain. The smile on his face was breathtaking. I couldn't help but smile in return. God I loved him. He pointed down and we all stared. And stared.

"Everyone, this, is the Pearl of Siberia." We were looking down into an enormous stone bowl. I looked along it, trying to gauge its size. I could tell it was almost 400 miles long from end to end, and nearly fifty miles wide. It was a huge crescent-shaped lake, and it was frozen solid and to my vampire eyes, unclouded by the dark, it was one of the most beautiful things I had even seen. The bowl was surrounded by craggy mountains and hills and forests. It was incredible.

Edward took the spare bag from Emmett and set them on the ground. "This is the biggest lake in the world; it's over twelve thousand square miles." The smile on his face widened as he opened the two bags, and he passed a small pair of white skates to Renesmee. She took them, looking delighted. Edward opened the other bag to reveal hockey sticks.

Emmett whooped behind me, "Yes, game on!"

* * *

This was one of those memories I would revisit for years. It was incredible, Renesmee whizzed past me, sat on an improvised sled that was being towed by Alice and Esme. She had her head thrown back and the sound of her giggle filled the air. I tore after them, whirling in circles around the trio. I had been momentarily concerned when Edward had produced the skates. I had never had the nerve to don a pair when I was human. I had been quite capable of breaking a limb without strapping metal blades to my feet. But now, like everything else physical, it was simpler than breathing had been. Renesmee leapt of the sled and landed perfectly on her skates, I wondered if maybe this was something she would want to do regularly. It was another thing that made her look like a child. Just happy.

I could hear Edward and the others racing each other across the ice, about fifty miles of it. It would be hard for them to find a regular spot they could skate like this. The space was incredible. We could even be as loud as we wanted. There was plenty of distance between us and any humans. Rosalie was trying to be an unbiased judge as they shoved each other out of the way. The cracks and bangs would scare the hell out of anyone who happened to overhear. It would turn dirty soon, "Should we go and join the others? You know how they get."

Alice crinkled her little face in disgust, "I don't think even this ice is going to stand up to them. There won't be anything left."

Esme sighed good-naturedly, "Shall we go and break it up Nessie?" and she reached out for Renesmee's hand. The two sped off toward the sounds of Edward's gloating. Clearly he had won. Again. Alice took my arm and we skated after them, "So what do you think?" she asked me, "Most beautiful place you've ever seen or what?"

I chuckled, "I think it's gotta be in the top five, though Switzerland was pretty incredible."

"Oh it's true, until you've trekked the Alps you haven't lived."

It was true. I had been a little sad to leave Britain, I had even gotten used to the way they spoke. It was so quirky. It wasn't a sidewalk, or trash or a crossing guard; it was pavements, rubbish and lollipop men.

But Switzerland, with its wide open spaces, had been an incredible contrast. Camping in the Alps had been so rustic and uncomplicated, just moving from place to place day to day. Hardly ever even crossing a humans scent.

I could have stayed there longer as well, but Edward had insisted that for our reunion we had to be here. I understood why. This was our version of a celebration. We were the Brady bunch of humans AND vampires for God's sake. We didn't get drunk, or overeat or go on a killing spree. We got together for a game of hockey. Life was good.

We came up to the others, Edward was far off setting up a goal, Rosalie was setting up another, there was about a mile between them. About right. Jasper and Emmett were playing a quick game of toss the Nessie while they were waiting. I wondered when she'd decide she was too grown up for that, I hoped it wouldn't be for a while. She was growing up so quickly. In the three months (wow...three months?) since we had left Forks she had matured so much. She could easily be four now. Maybe even a small five. It was still slowing, but she would be fully grown so soon. It used to frighten me, but it was less now. We weren't wasting time anymore, we were spending it wisely. I smiled at my family and skated over to join them.

* * *

It would be dawn soon. As I sliced the puck past Emmett and into the back of the net, I leapt backwards in a graceful arch of celebration. Apparently the competitive thing was not a side of vampire nature I had sidestepped. Renesmee cheered from the sidelines. She had played two of the four games but she had wanted Esme's job of checking for cheaters, she had caught Emmett twice and even Edward once.

Play had gotten more brutal once she had sat out, girls against the boys was definitely the way to get everyone motivated. The score kept changing as each side over took the other, Alice and Edward both cheating in their own special way.

As Jasper managed to slip the puck past Rosalie's ever ready stick, Edward held up a hand, "We need to go; we only have an hour before dawn."

I skated over to Edward, coming to a stop and spraying him in ice, "Funny how you want to stop when it's all tied up. I mean, you guys haven't been ahead for an hour."

Edward wrapped and arm around my neck and pulled me in for a quick kiss, "Don't worry, this isn't over."

I smiled, "Damn right mister."

Renesmee skated over to join us, she was yawning widely, "Are we going?"

I scooped her up in my arms, "Yes darling. Did you have fun?"

She wrapped her arms around my neck, smiling sleepily, "Oh yes momma. Most fun ever."

Edward laughed quietly and stoked her forehead, "You say that every new place we go, sweetheart."

Renesmee nodded, "I know, it's always more fun."

I squeezed her gently, "I know just what you mean."

* * *

_August_

"Hello?"

"Hey Dad, it's me."

"Hey Bells, how are you? How's everything?"

"Everyone's great Dad, I'm sorry I haven't called for a while. It's been really busy." I always felt bad when I didn't make the time to call him. I didn't want him to think that because I was away, I was going to forget all about him.

I heard Charlie chuckle, "It's only been two days Bells, you don't have to check in with me every minute. I just like to hear that you're okay."

Same old easy-to-please Charlie, "We're all great Dad. We've just arrived in Cairo so I thought I'd call you."

"It's always good to hear from you. How's my granddaughter? Is she having fun?"

I smiled even though I knew he couldn't see me, "She's great dad, growing like a weed of course. She's really excited to be here. There's so much to see."

"I can imagine. I'm actually a little bit jealous. I wish I'd got to travel like that. Take full advantage of it."

"I will. I'll send you some pictures tomorrow Dad."

"Thanks, Bells take care of yourself."

I hung up the phone. There was still another phone call I had to make. I wasn't really looking forward to this one. Things had improved between me and Jake a little. He would now speak to me. But not much. But putting it off wouldn't make it any easier. I dialled the number. I almost hoped that he wouldn't answer but the phone was picked up after two rings, "Hello?"

"Hi Jake it's me."

"Hey Bella, everything okay?"

He never asked if I was okay anymore, just if 'everyone' was okay. I tried not to let that hurt my feelings, "Yeah we're all fine. How are you?"

"Fine," there was a cold edge to his voice that I hated, it reminded me of when he had first learned what he was and he had shut down. But this was worse. His voice wasn't just cold, it was hard. He still had a knack for getting to the point though, "Can I speak to Renesmee please?"

I sighed. There was no point trying to patch things up now. He didn't want me to. I understood that too, "I'll get her."

As soon as I called her name, my daughter came bounding into the room, "Yes momma?" she didn't wait for me to speak, her face alight with excitement, "Alice says we need to go now if we want to make the last boat."

We were restricted by the sun here. We were trying to travel to avoid it as much as possible, but that was obviously, difficult in Egypt. However the style of women's dress helped immensely. In one of the sunniest places in the world, we were able to move about most freely. We were eager to take advantage, but I knew Jacob would be waiting, "I know sweetheart, but Jacob's on the phone."

I saw an expression cross her face that shocked me, there was only a second's pause before she danced forward and took the phone. I wasn't concentrating on what she said; it was the usual news, the promise of more pictures, the passing on of stories from the last place we had just left.

She passed the phone back to me when she was done and I clicked it shut. I didn't bother to check whether Jake was still on the line. I knew that he wouldn't be. I held my arms out and she leapt into them, "Are you okay momma? You look worried?"

I forced my face back into a smile, "Of course, I'm just thinking about us getting to that boat on time."

As though her entrance had been queued, Alice stuck her head round the door, she was wearing an abaya. She flung a pile of black fabric at me. "Come on, get dressed, we're gonna be late."

Renesmee held out her arms and grinned, "A little help?"

The maturity of her voice tugged at my heart and made me smile at the same time. She was funny. I started to dress her. "I think we might need Alice's help here."

Alice pranced into the room and took over. "Your mom never really took to the fine art of dressing, but don't worry. You'll be a natural."

Renesmee stared at the outfit she was being strapped into, "I don't think I want to dress like this all the time."

Alice nodded sympathetically, "I know honey, but it'll help us blend in."

I was watching the way Alice fitted the garment and copied her, "Wait till we get the headdress on, it gets even more fun."

Renesmee scowled.

* * *

She cheered up once we were actually on the Nile. There was more than enough to occupy her thoughts. I had more than enough to occupy mine. I stood next to Edward and pressed my hand into his. I knew we couldn't talk privately here, with humans all around and Renesmee so near, but I needed to confide in him now.

I lifted the shield from my mind. Edward gasped. He clearly hadn't realised I was going to do this now. _Edward, I'm concerned. Well, not concerned...no, I am concerned. Sorry I know my thoughts aren't very coherent. _I fought to get my thoughts in line. _I was watching Renesmee before. She wanted to get here so that we didn't miss the trip. I told her that Jacob was on the phone and..._I couldn't find the words, so I showed him the memory. Thought again of the expression on her face. _She's normally ecstatic whenever she gets to speak to him, but she just...didn't seem like..._I didn't know what.

Edward placed a hand against the small of my back and guided me away from the others, "Bella, I've noticed it before."

"What? When?" I suddenly felt horribly guilty. Had taking her away forced a wedge between them? How? She couldn't be forgetting him.

"Bella, calm down. It isn't that she doesn't want to speak to him; it's just that she speaks to him every day. They have a similar conversation every day. But whenever she's not on the phone, she's doing something fun. She doesn't seem to be aware of how upset Jacob is. He's been hiding it pretty well. But when she speaks to him she seems to subconsciously pick up on his depression. It affects her."

"But Edward, that's our fault. All Jake has ever wanted to do is make her happy and now because of what we did he's making her sad?" There was a question in the statement. I didn't want it to be true.

The concern was instantly present in Edward's eyes, "Bella, do you want to go back to Forks?"

I hesitated. Honestly, no. Not yet. I wasn't ready. After Egypt we had planned to go on our own personal safari. Everyone was really looking forward to it. This was the longest amount of time that Carlisle had taken off from his job since Emmett had joined the Cullen family. He had apparently required some wrangling in the early days. I didn't want to disappoint them and a selfish part of me wanted to go just for me. Then I thought of Jake.

Edward hadn't looked down yet. He was still waiting for my answer, "I don't know."


	7. Interlude Part 3

_December_

BPOV

No one had ever been on safari like we had been on safari. It had been amazing, even a little scary at times. Not that I ever felt threatened by the animals in any way. They couldn't have hurt me if they had tried, not that they seemed to want to anyway. It was just jarring, to watch your husband keeping pace (a very slow pace for him), with a cheetah, or to watch your daughter leaping between a herd of antelope. She had loved that.

We had all kept our distance so that she could get close to the monkeys and lemurs, which although cautious seemed more curious than anything. She thought they were funny and delighted in the way the little monkeys ran about on their hind legs.

We had been out of contact with every other human for more than a month. We had still made phone calls to Charlie and Jake of course, but we saw no one else. People rarely ventured this far out unless they were doing something scientific according to Edward. We were not hindered by a need for shelter, or even food. We could just be ourselves here. My favourite had been the elephants. Although I knew they were no match for us, I loved they're massive size; they made me feel somehow diminished. Not in a bad way, more in an appreciative way. There were other strange things on this planet. Just because humans were used to them, it didn't make them any less impressive.

I was glad that we had gone. I hadn't intended for us to be there for so long, I don't think any of us had. I had assumed, very naively, that we would be able to travel the entire world in a couple of months. Perhaps we could have, but we would not have appreciated it properly. This was better. Even if we didn't get to see everything before we headed back to Forks. I knew that Jake was anxiously awaiting our return. We had used our Jeep's battery to keep phones charged so we hadn't been out of touch, but I knew that the longer we were away, the worse it was going to be for Jake.

He still did his best to sound cheerful on the phone to Renesmee, but she was easily distracted and I knew it would be bothering him. She was experiencing something he had not been able to...yet, and I guessed that he would be wondering how different she'd be when she got back.

The date for our departure was still being debated between Edward and I early in November, when Renesmee had made a request, a little bit out of the blue.

"Daddy?"

Edward and I were laying flat on our backs, Alice with us. The others had gone hunting. We all liked to sit and look at the stars. It wasn't like in Forks. Here they blanketed the sky, each one impossibly bright to my vampire eyes. Edward had sat up and pulled her onto his lap. She was bigger now, she could not be thought any younger than five now. "Yes sweetheart?"

"Do you think I could choose our next destination?"

Edward and I glanced at each other, we had not told Renesmee we planned to head home after this. We were going to do so when we knew exactly when we were leaving. She would want to tell Jake, no doubt and I didn't want him getting anxious waiting for us. I shrugged slightly, so Edward answered vaguely, "Why don't you tell me where it is before I make any rash promises?"

He flopped back down on his back, and Renesmee climbed until she was able to sit cross-legged on her father's chest, so she could see him, "That wasn't a yes."

Edward chuckled, "Very observant, little love. But why don't you just tell me and we'll see?"

Renesmee smiled, "I think it would be nice to spend Christmas in Lapland. If that would be okay with everyone."

Like we could deny her anything she wanted. We had pretended to think it over for a few days, but I think Edward knew how much appeal the idea held for me. This would be the perfect way to end our trip after all. Her first Christmas had fallen flat, what with...everything. But we could make up for it this year.

I was sorry that we wouldn't be back in Forks for the holiday, and I hoped that...Charlie wouldn't mind too much that we weren't there, but in reality, the fact that this had been Renesmee's idea assuaged my guilt to a great extent. She wanted this. I hadn't suggested it. She told us that she had seen information on Lapland at Christmas on the internet when she had searched for vacations. And although she was well aware that Father Christmas wasn't real, she thought, 'the whole thing looked beautiful and fun.' That was good enough for me.

* * *

The cabin was perfect, of course, from the outside at least. I had had the impression since we got off the plane that Edward was excited about something. I had no doubt that he had planned some sort of surprise. I had tried to get him to tell me, but I knew it was a lost cause. He would tell me when he was ready and not a second before.

As I got out of the car, Renesmee was already bounding over to the house. I had found the plane something of a challenge. It had been a while since I had spent time surrounded by so many humans, and the burn in the back of my throat had made itself heard. But I was well in control. Edward came around the car and took my hand, "So what do you think?"

Alice danced over from her car, "Isn't it perfect? It even backs onto the forest for easy hunting."

I laughed at the delighted smile on my sister's face, "Practical and yet beautiful. So like you."

She beamed at me, "Has Edward told you yet?"

"What?" I wailed, "This is so unfair, what don't I know? Again?"

Edward was rolling his eyes at Alice, "I hadn't had the chance. So thank you very much."

Alice was an unconcerned as ever, "Don't worry she'll love it. I think..." she frowned as she fought at the blackness that clouded her visions whenever Renesmee was involved.

Edward took my hand and kissed the back of it, "Well, let's find out. I suspect Renesmee already knows."

I cheated, it was impossible not to. I strained my ears towards the house and heard...nothing. Huh? I looked over at Edward confused, "We're musicians remember. The whole place is soundproofed."

"Very well soundproofed." I said as we headed up to the house.

"Yes, Sweden has the best insulation system in the world, apparently there is some crossover." He was smiling that smile again. I suspected he had, in reality, paid extra for some modifications to the house. Probably a lot extra.

But now, I was really curious. As we reached the door, he turned to look at me, "Brace yourself Bella." He looked over at Alice who nodded.

He opened the door and the scent hit me. My face broke into a wide smile, "Charlie?"

I heard the sound of footsteps and now I could hear him breathing. I could hear his heart beating wetly. The sound alone made my throat burn. But I was still in control. As he came into the entry hall I felt something in my chest squeeze. He was holding Renesmee by the hand, she was grinning like a Cheshire cat. Delighted to see her grandfather so unexpectedly. His face wore the same grin, and as he spotted me it widened. "Hey Bells, how are you?"

I moved too fast. I knew that it was too fast but I couldn't help it. Suddenly I was a little girl. It was Christmas and I wanted my father to hug me. It didn't matter that he smelled appetizing. He was my father. He did hug me. He breathed in the scent of my hair and kissed the top of my head. I smiled up at him and kissed his cheek, "Merry Christmas Dad."

"Merry Christmas Bells."

* * *

EPOV

Bella moved too quickly, but Charlie either didn't notice, or didn't care. His thoughts were murky, they always were. But there were definitely happy feelings there. He was overjoyed to be here with his daughter and his granddaughter. He looked over Bella's head at me after he wished her merry Christmas. A wide grin appeared, "Thanks for this Edward. I really appreciate it."

Wow. That was very ardent for him, "You're more than welcome Charlie. It wouldn't have felt like Christmas without you." I spoke sincerely, it was how I felt.

Alice moved forward and gave Charlie a quick kiss on the cheek; he blushed but looked very pleased, "It's really good to see you Charlie. I've missed having someone on my side."

Charlie nodded in understanding, "Have they been ganging up on you then?"

Alice nodded, "All camping, no shopping. And your daughter's no help."

Charlie tightened the arm still around Bella, "Some things never change then, Bells?"

Renesmee gestured to be lifted into Bella's arms. She pressed her hand to her mother's neck subtly, but she met my eyes. This was for us both. Was she allowed to talk to Charlie? She hadn't done so in the past but should she now? How long would she have to hide it from him? She thought it felt like lying.

Alice was glancing shrewdly between us, she knew some kind of question was being put, she might even suspect the subject. I wished I could ask her opinion.

I glanced at Bella, but I knew she would probably want Renesmee to talk to Charlie if that's what she wanted. I couldn't really see why not. He had apparently accepted her increase in size without any drama. If he had felt surprise or concern, it had been buried in the back of his mind as soon as he had seen Bella. I nodded at them. Might as well bite the bullet.

Although this had only taken a second to decide, Charlie was still looking curiously at us. I realised it was because Renesmee looked too big to be carried easily by Bella. Renesmee hopped down anyway and took Charlie's hand, "Hello grandpa."

Charlie's chin almost hit the floor. After all, he knew that Renesmee was only just over a year old. Her size? Well if he grasped desperately enough he could find an obscure medical condition to explain it...maybe. But this...? Her voice was so smooth. So mature. Not even a childish lisp to her voice. How could it...His thoughts were everywhere. He was trying to think, and trying not to. Then I mentally heard Charlie take a deep breath. It didn't matter. She was his granddaughter. And wasn't she beautiful. Not that she hadn't always been the most beautiful child he had ever seen, but she was just getting more so.

I relaxed. I smiled at Bella and then Alice. It was going to be okay. Charlie knelt down and stroked Renesmee's waist length hair, "Hello Nessie. It's good to see you."

Renesmee beamed at him. Thrilled with his reaction, she threw her arms around his neck, "It's good to see you too. We've missed you."

Charlie hugged her back, "I've missed you too. I've brought you presents. What did you ask Santa for?"

Renesmee giggled, "Oh grandpa, Santa's not real."

Charlie glared at the two of us, "You two could have tried to keep the pretence up a little you know."

Bella laughed and raised her hands in surrender, "We didn't give it away. Promise."

Charlie frowned, "Hmmm, well never mind Nessie. Just like last year, grandpa's got you covered." He gave us all a mock filthy look, "And you lot as well. Someone has to be organised."

Renesmee laughed again, grabbed Alice's hand with one hand; Charlie's with the other and dragged them further into the house.

Bella had her arms around me the micro second they were out of sight. I laughed and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. Or rather I meant it to be a quick kiss, but Bella clung to the back of my neck. She stroked her tongue gently against my bottom lip. God this woman was going to be the death of me. I tightened my hold on her waist and tried to pull her body against mine. But she pulled away and giggled. I saw her smile as she whispered, "Thank you. I owe you one." She kissed the side of my neck, "I'll pay up later." Then with another smile she disappeared off after the others.

I needed to take a second to calm myself before I joined them. I looked at my face in the mirror hanging on the back of the door. My eyes were black with want but I knew I wasn't thirsty.

Yes, definitely going to be the death of me.

* * *

_A/N Okay, I need opinions here. I've already said that I have several ways for this to work out. Still very much the case, but should I (A) introduce a new character? We haven't met this character in the books. But they will not be anything different i.e. I'm not bringing witches in or something and they will have ties to someone we have met at some point. It's just that if I want to keep writing this story for a while, and I think I could, I need new ways to create conflict or it'll get boring. Or (B) stick to characters we've already met, in which case I'll still carry on, but the story would end up being less than 15 chapters. Maybe as few as 10. Anyone got any thoughts?_


	8. Interlude Part 4

_June_

EPOV

How was it June again? Where was the time going? Even though we could do whatever we wanted there never seemed to be enough of it. We had ended up spending three weeks in Lapland, the longest time Charlie had even taken off work as far as I knew. It was probably very good for him. When we took him to the airport he had seemed much more relaxed and looked healthier than I'd ever seen him. Maybe it was just the chance to see how happy Bella was. And she was. She had been almost ecstatic the whole Christmas.

I had checked up on Charlie's murky thoughts, he had decided to ignore everything that he didn't understand. He was sometimes tempted to ask Bella for all the answers he had always claimed he didn't want. He did want them; sometimes quite badly. But most of the time, some instinct for self-preservation prevented him from seriously considering asking. I was glad. We couldn't tell him anything without risking his life. It would just upset Bella.

We waved him off, all smiles and hugs and promises to see each other soon. Strangely, it wasn't just Bella and Renesmee who benefited from his presence. We all sat and shared presents and I even played Christmas carols on the piano. It was the first time we had really taken part in a big family Christmas. Amazing what a human could bring to a gathering.

We had flown to China in mid January; Jasper had said that he wanted to be there for Chinese New Year. As soon as he mentioned it, Renesmee asked what made it so special and why it was different. Once she heard about the two week celebration, the Lunar New Year, we were going. I think she might have gone without us if we hadn't. She had looked up pictures on the internet, and she and Bella had taught themselves to speak Chinese before we had arrived. After all, they only needed to be told anything once.

It was the right time to have gone. All the houses were decorated with red paper cut-outs, all with optimistic messages about happiness and heath. The atmosphere was so positive it was hard not to let it affect us. We celebrated the Lantern festival on the last day, watching the parades and crowds and listening for hours to the fire crackers that were being set off everywhere. Renesmee had almost fallen asleep standing up before it was all done.

Renesmee loved it all and we all loved it with her. She was now obsessed with the idea of festivals, celebrations, and everything similar. She wanted to see Japan; she wanted to see a woman in geisha dress. She and Bella had read a novel about the life of a geisha and she had even imagined herself in a kimono. She was sorry that we wouldn't be able to see the rest of China and make it to Australia in time for Mardi Gras. The colourful costumes and feathers and beads seemed fun to her. There wouldn't have been much we could do during the day, but there was plenty to do and see at night. She asked if maybe we could make it next year. The question had surprised me and Bella more so.

Although Renesmee spoke often to Jake and Charlie she did not seem to be in any hurry to return to Forks. She had serenity about the whole thing that surpassed ours by far. Once my anger had cooled, I had started to feel very sorry for Jacob. My response had been in large part because of my natural tendency to panic whenever Bella was in danger. I made no apology for it. Our family's love and devotion kept us safe. I had to do something to show him that he couldn't do that and get away with it just because of how much Bella cared for him. Well, that had been accomplished.

I had no desire to hurt him just for the sake of it. I knew that Bella thought of it often. It weighed on her conscience. I knew that if Renesmee hadn't asked to spend Christmas in Lapland and New Year in China we would have gone back to Forks by now. Now Japan? Australia? It would be amazing but I knew the guilt was getting heavier for Bella. The sad part of it was, Bella really wanted to do all these things and see all these things. She just felt guilty because she thought that to want that, was selfish. Maybe she was right. But I wanted her to be happy. She had spent a lot of time being in danger, or being afraid, or being in pain. Why couldn't we have this time?

We had talked about it of course. She had admitted to feeling selfish and said she sometimes even felt guilty for not feeling guiltier. I hadn't known whether to laugh or shake her. Jacob had been right about something, she was a classic martyr.

Renesmee was the strange, or rather, unexpected factor. She wasn't grieving for Jake the way he was for her. Her thoughts were not cold and she did miss his presence, but she was sure in her own longevity. She was well aware that as far as anyone knew, none of us were going to die. She saw no reason to cut our trip short as long as we were all having fun. We all had eternity together, what was the rush? She didn't doubt that Jacob would be there. No one had ever left her before, she had never lost anyone. Why would she worry?

Her thoughts were very different to anyone else's. Her reaction to everything was different. I guessed it was in part because she had never feared her own end. There was almost no sense of mortality. A virtuous hedonist perhaps? Someone who could be entirely devoted to life and all the pleasures it could offer without the selfishness that seemed to cloud most people. There was none in her. All she required of life was whatever she had. It was a wonderful way to be.

* * *

Bella slid into bed next to me. She curled herself over me and lay her head on my chest, "Well, at least we know there's one type of human food she likes."

Renesmee had discovered ice cream today; as a result she had been bouncing round the house until nearly midnight. She apparently had a low tolerance for sugar, never having had it before. Still, she had been funny, "Do you think we should ration her?"

Bella laughed and planted a kiss on my chest, "I love the new things we learn about her every day."

I saw a brief cloud pass over her face before she could hide it. I wasn't letting that go without a comment, "Bella, what's wrong?"

She looked up in surprised innocence, "Nothing's wrong, I'm fine." She smiled, a little too widely.

I kissed her forehead, "My love, my Bella...you're ability to lie was not improved by your transformation." She looked down and refused to meet my eyes, "Please. Tell me."

After a second she looked up again, "I think it's time for us to go home Edward."

I nodded, "Okay, if that's what you want. I'll make the arrangements."

She sighed, "It's not that I'm exactly desperate to go back yet, it's just that...well, it's Jake."

I sighed too, but I also nodded again, "I know. I think you're right. We have been away almost eighteen months. It doesn't seem like a long time, I know. But to him it will have seemed like forever."

Bella frowned, "Do you think we could have one more week? I don't think we should leave without seeing the Taj Mahal."

"That would be nice. We can take our time getting packed and ready and then head home." It would give us more than enough time to get everything organised, plus Bella was right, we could easily spend another week in India.

I was distracted as Bella started to kiss my chest again, after a second a heard her breath quietly, "There's nothing we have to organise tonight is there? Nothing urgent I mean?"

I felt my wife slide her body up mine so her face was level with mine, "Umm...no. I think we can spare an hour," she kissed me gently, grazing her teeth against my bottom lip, "Or two," Bella rocked back and forth for a second. Rubbing against me, "Or six." I wrapped my arm around her waist and rolled her onto her back. She gasped as she hit the bed and I pressed my body hard into her.

"Edward? Bella?"

We both froze as we heard Alice calling us. She was not yelling, there was no need. We could still hear her. I groaned into Bella's kiss and clutched her tighter to me. Whatever it was, it could wait.

"This cannot wait, Edward. Put her down for ten minutes."

A soft growl of annoyance escaped my throat, "Fine, fine, FINE."

* * *

We descended the stairs a few minutes later. The whole family, minus Renesmee who slept on peacefully, was present. Alice glanced up as we entered looking irritated, "Thank you for joining us. Something's changing." I immediately concentrated on her thoughts. Alice was expecting it and let me see everything she could. Which wasn't a lot, but what was there was confusing. It was all mixed in with the black spots that were associated with Renesmee and the Quileute's.

Bella gripped my hand, "Are you going to explain to the rest of us?"

Emmett chuckled and wrapped his arm around Rosalie who was also smiling wryly, "Gets annoying doesn't it Bells?"

Emmett was the only one in the family who had picked up on that nickname for her. I knew from his thoughts that he thought it suited her better. It sounded fun to him, and as a human he'd always found Bella hilarious. "It's all blurry, but apparently something is going to happen that will either prevent us from returning to Forks, or that will simply change our plans in favour of somewhere else."

Alice paced back and forth in her frustration, "I can't see where we're actually going though. Because Renesmee will be with us of course. I just know that our next destination is not Forks. It was actually very irritating. I kept getting flashes of things we would be doing in Forks, I knew we'd be heading back soon and then the whole future just spun on its axis. It felt major. Like something huge is going to happen."

I felt a shudder go through Bella, who pressed herself into my side, but her voice was steady, "What kind of major? Are we in trouble?"

I shook my head, "No, I don't think so. It's more like a change in course."

"You know, I can explain my own visions Edward," my pixie of a sister glared at me, "In answer to your question Bella, we're not talking Volturi big or anything like that. It's more like...when Edward met you."

Bella looked confused but I understood what she meant, "A shift, something significant coming. Something that's likely to make a big difference to our lives."

"But it's all blurry."

Now Bella's voice shook, "Does that mean it has something to do with Renesmee?"

Alice opened her mouth as she was about to answer, but her eyes slid out of focus. We all froze as we watched, waiting for her to come back to us. I watched with her. We were about to get a phone call. It was from someone she couldn't see. Jacob? Another member of the wolf pack, Seth perhaps? The call was for me.

Carlisle's phone began ringing as I realised this. We all glanced at it for a second as Alice came round, then she looked at me, "It's for you."

"I know." I picked up the cell phone, Alice knew it was for me but she didn't know what it was about or who it was. "Hello?"

"Edward? It's Kachiri."

I breathed a sigh of relief. She was not the most worrying person who could be calling at any rate. "Hello, it's good to hear from you. Is everything alright?"

I could hear everyone not breathing, listening to both sides of the conversation, "I don't mean to alarm you, there's nothing wrong as such, but I, well we could use your assistance."

"Of course," I was beginning to suspect that I knew where we were going next. There was no question that we would go. We owed our friends a lot. "What can I do for you?"

"Well, when I say we, I actually mean Huilen and Nahuel. They have a problem."

We owed them still more. Nahuel had taken a big risk by coming with Alice. If it hadn't played out right, and the Volturi had ruled against Renesmee's kind, he would have undoubtedly have been killed. "It doesn't matter; just tell me what you need."

There was a sigh, "Well the truth is I don't know if it will do any good, but we have run out of other ideas. Nahuel has discovered that he has another sister, but there seems to be something wrong with her. She is with them because she isn't able to take care of herself."

My eyes flicked around the room, first to Bella who looked horrified. For a second I didn't need my gift to read her mind. Did this mean that Renesmee's kind could get sick? I looked at Alice; she understood why her visions had been so vague. The involvement of Nahuel had blurred everything. There was also an echo of Bella's concern. Carlisle too, but he also looked curious. New information. "When you say 'something wrong' what exactly do you mean?"

"Well, she doesn't communicate. At all. She is almost catatonic when she is not feeding."

I understood, "You're hoping that I can read her thoughts and try to understand how to help her."

Kachiri paused, "I know it's a lot to ask Edward, we wouldn't have called but we don't know what else to try. We just can't get through to her."

I smiled though I knew she couldn't see it, another glance at Bella showed me she agreed, "Kachiri, it may be a lot to ask, but it's not even close to 'too much'. We'll be on a plane as soon as we can."

"Thank you so much Edward. We'll be available on this number when you're ready."

"You're welcome. We'll be in touch soon."

I looked up, "Well, it looks like I'm off to the Amazon. Who's coming?"

I couldn't conceal my smile. Jasper and Alice tended to stay with Bella and I, Carlisle would claim to never miss an opportunity for the discovery of something new, and Emmett would say he was thinking of anacondas again. But I knew everyone was just glad to have a good excuse to continue our trip. Esme chuckled, "Oh well, the Taj Mahal will have to wait until next time."

_A/N Thank you for everyone's help. You're all wonderful and inspiring. Glad everyone liked Charlie cropping up. I'll try to think of an excuse to bring him back ASAP. The general feeling seems to be 'yay' with regard to the new character so why not? _


	9. Chapter 5

_June_

APOV

I had pretty much accepted the blindness that was always associated with Renesmee's presence. Now that I had stopped trying to fight it; to see round it, it didn't even cause me discomfort. But being caught out by that phone call had really ticked me off. I knew that it was childish and so I didn't express it, but I was still in something of a snit when we boarded the plane to South America. Jasper could feel it of course. He ran his fingers gently through my hair until I calmed down. He didn't even cheat.

I couldn't help but smile at him as the plane climbed higher. I was glad that Edward had finally convinced Bella to give in and enjoy the material things a little. I much preferred not having to share the plane with so many humans. It was never comfortable for any of us. Jasper especially. The few that were on this plane were easier to ignore. "Sorry we didn't get the chance to see everything. Maybe if I'd been able to see what was coming we could have planned ahead."

Jasper smiled serenely, "I don't mind the occasional surprise. We can go back when we're done."

I couldn't help the wry twitch that came to my lips, "I think we're heading back to Forks after this."

I nodded towards Bella and Edward; they were sitting on one of the sofas watching a movie with Renesmee. Jasper sighed, "Well, if that's the plan."

"You don't want to head back?"

He shrugged, "It's just...well, how long can we go back for?" He lowered his voice, hoping not to attract attention, "So, we go back. Then what? Carlisle can't go back to the hospital now. It's been yet another year and he still looks the same."

"Well, what do you know?"

He could see I was teasing him and the seriousness faded, "I'm just saying, we're all getting a bit young looking to be our age. It was just a matter of time before we had to start over again. If we go back to Forks, we're going to have to stay out of the way of humans, especially with Renesmee and Bella being so different. You know how quickly that gets boring."

I couldn't keep the levity in my voice, "I know. I just don't know that answer. The connection between Renesmee and Jacob is obvious, how can we not go back?"

"Is there no way he could come with us do you think? If he wants to be with her enough?"

I didn't have to fight for the smile this time. The idea that Jacob _wouldn't_ follow Nessie to the end of the world was very funny. "I don't think that's the main problem. I think both Edward and Bella are fighting the desire to keep their daughter young. Parenting isn't exactly easy when you're human. With the speed Nessie's growing, they know they only have about four years left."

Jasper nodded, "I guessed as much. They want her to be happy but..."

"But that might mean losing her. Jacob has ties too. If she chooses to be with him, she might have to leave us."

"You mean join the pack?"

I laughed quietly and glanced down the plane to the family picture. They still looked absorbed, "Not in the literal sense. But Jake is an alpha. He has responsibilities. He might have shirked them in the beginning. But now? Maybe not. Time means something when you don't think in forevers. He's been their leader for two years now."

There was a flash of pain on Jasper's face. I rarely saw him express those kind of emotions unless we were alone, "I know it makes me selfish too...but I would hate to lose her. She's so..."

I took his hand and squeezed gently, "Alive?"

* * *

BPOV

Even when you're not really listening it can be hard not to hear. Alice was more right than I had admitted, even to myself. She usually was; visions or not. When Jasper went and sat with Emmett and Carlisle, I claimed his seat. "Hey."

I smiled at her beautiful face. She gave new meaning to the phrase, 'a smile that could light up a room'. "About what you were saying before...?"

She nodded. She wasn't surprised I had overheard, "Yeah?"

"What do you think we should do?"

Alice sighed, "I knew you were going to ask me that." She scrunched up her face, "The answer is that I just don't know. I can't see anything that would help. I can't see the consequences...oh; you want to know my opinion?"

I smiled. Alice was funny. I guessed it would be strange. How did you know what your opinions were if they were formed on knowledge? "Yes, Alice. You know how much I value your...well, everything. Your opinion and especially your objectivity."

Alice thought. She looked like she was going to speak several times, but she was silent for almost thirty seconds, "The only option that makes any sense is for us to either continue with or without Jake, or to settle somewhere else with or without Jake. I don't honestly think that we can return to Forks for any length of time. We're just too damn conspicuous."

I sighed. I knew that this was coming. This was the decision I had made. I didn't regret it, not a bit. But it still hurt. Forks was still home. Charlie was still my dad. And Jake...well he still meant a lot to me; however strained our friendship might be at the moment. "Where would we settle do you think?"

"Where sounds appealing?"

That sounded fun. Why not just stick a pin in a map? We could live in all kinds of different places. But Jake? With or without? It was going to have to be with. It wasn't really a question. I knew that he was going to find it difficult, but I also knew he would leave with us if we asked. "I don't know where."

Alice noticed my lack of comment on Jake, "You're very sure he'll join us aren't you?"

I nodded, "I don't think he'll even consider the consequences. I think he'll be on a plane the day we ask him." I was very sure.

Alice frowned again, "Not in Amazonia though?"

"You tell me?"

She shook her head, "No, I don't think so. There's no more fog than usual. The more black spots, the more Nessie's and werewolves."

I nodded. I could understand that. It probably wouldn't be a good idea to have Jake join us given what we were going to do. More vampires than usual plus a skittish young hybrid? Bad plan, "I guess it'll wait until after we at least see what we're dealing with. I take it she's as blank as the rest?"

"Yep. Can't see a thing. Though we're going to have to wait until we're in the hangar to get out. It's gonna be sunny."

* * *

My god she was right. If I was human, there would be sweat pouring down my back. June in the Amazon Basin of South America. It was incredible. It didn't bother me but I could still feel it pressing on me. We hadn't turned on the air conditioning, what was the point?

Edward was in the front seat. The limousine slid smoothly down the dusty streets as we made our way to the house we had rented. Alice peered out the window with a disapproving expression on her face. It wasn't anywhere near up to the standards Edward usually demanded but it had a garage and we weren't staying anyway.

Renesmee had slept and judging by her breathing, was slowly starting to wake up. She had gotten rather fond of flying, but the time differences still took their toll on her. Edward turned around in his seat as the car rolled to a gentle stop, "Do you think we should let her wake up on her own?"

I looked down at my daughter asleep with her head on my lap. Her curls spread out all around her head. She looked like a big seven now. It was still slowing. If it held steady, she would be nine by Christmas. She was way too cute to wake up. "Why don't you guys unpack the car? She'll be up soon."

Edward smiled at the two of us, "Your wish."

The three flitted out of the car. Opening doors with hardly a sound so as not to disturb her. Carlisle and the others pulled up behind us and soon all our personal effects, passports, and jewelry and anything else valuable was concealed under the floors of the house.

Renesmee stirred and raised her head. Yawning widely she struggled into a sitting position, "Are we here mom?"

I smoothed her hair back from her face, "Yes sweetheart, we're here. Are you hungry?"

She yawned again, "Yes I think so." She pouted and shook her arm, "My hand feels funny."

I was instantly concerned, "Does it hurt?" I reached for her arm gently.

Edward's face appeared as he opened the car door, "Something wrong Nessie?"

Renesmee frowned at her hand and shook it again, "Ow! Yes it hurts. It's tingling."

Suddenly, while Edward was looking more concerned and examining her arm for himself, I started to laugh. The two most important people in my life looked up at me, one confused and the smaller one, a little irritated, "Oh honey, I'm sorry. Your arm's just asleep. You must have been lying on it."

Renesmee looked again at her arm, this time as though her hand, hanging limply was the most fascinating thing in the world.

I swept my daughter up into my arms and got out of the car, Edward was smiling at me but he still looked confused. I leant towards him and kissed him gently on the lips, "I love it when new things surprise her."

Renesmee wriggled to be put down; I think she was starting to feel too old to be carried unless it was absolutely necessary. She scampered over to Alice and began to explain about her hand. Edward wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me again, a little more firmly, "_I_ love that you're so easy to please."

"Oh yes, I didn't want much did I? Just eternal youth and beauty and a beautiful god by my side."

"Well, there was a queue of people willing to give it to you if I remember rightly. Alice would have changed you herself if I hadn't." And gods bless her I don't think he was wrong, "Sorry, once the Cullen's got hold of you, we weren't so keen on letting you go."

I wrapped my arms firmly around his waist, "Good. Glad to hear it."

* * *

Well, it was a good thing we'd gotten co-ordinates from Kachiri when we'd landed. Although it was indescribably beautiful and more alive than any other place I had been, it was huge. If there was once place on earth a vampire could lose their bearings, it was here.

Of course it wouldn't matter; the entire basin was less than two billion acres. It wouldn't take long to run out of. But still.

We had left Brazil some time ago. I was fairly sure we were heading for a part of the Amazon in Peru, but it didn't matter. It was all amazing. Renesmee and Emmett were competing to see who could spot more frogs in the trees. Emmett had suggested spotting Black Caiman instead. But I didn't thing that hunting members of the crocodile family was a good activity for a child. Call me old fashioned.

Renesmee sometimes ran with us and we all adjusted our pace accordingly, but mostly she rode on Edward's back. Pointing things out even though she knew we would miss nothing.

I was so wrapped up in the sound of her voice that I didn't realise we were slowing. Carlisle held up a hand and we all grouped together, he spoke barely above normal speech, but if they were anywhere close by they would hear us. "We're here."

I heard them a few seconds before I saw them. There were three and they were running. Zafrina, Senna and Huilen? We turned to greet them as they emerged from the trees. There was a second when smiles lit up every face as we drank in the sight of each other. I had grown fond of the Amazons, but even I was surprised at how delighted I was to see them again. But I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to hug them.

Renesmee didn't have the same social inhibitions. She leapt down from Edward's back and threw herself at Zafrina. The tall woman laughed and hugged my daughter back, "Ah, Nessie. It's so good to see you again," she turned her smile on the rest of us again, "It's so good to see you all."

Alice stepped forward to hug Huilen, and we all followed suit. We all cheerfully asked about each other's year, but it didn't take long for the conversation to turn to the others. Once that happened, the reason for our visit couldn't really be ignored anymore. We began to move swiftly through the trees, Zafrina's voice more strained, "We just can't reach her. Most frustrating is that we don't know why. Has she been traumatized? Is she sick? Is there something different about her? We just can't tell."

I felt bad about my next question, "Zafrina? What's her name?" It seemed awful that we'd come all this way and we didn't even know.

The tall Amazon looked back at me sadly, "We don't even know that much."

That shocked me. I felt an outpouring of sympathy for the unknown woman. "How did you find her?"

"We didn't." Huilen's voice came from behind me, "Nahuel and I were hunting, he picked up her scent and found her huddled, naked in a cave. We couldn't leave her there."

"Of course not," I wouldn't have been able to leave someone in that condition either. I felt sorrier for her than ever. I hoped that Edward would be able to find a way to help her, but I knew that he wasn't very optimistic. Even if he could tell them what she was thinking, how would that help if she wouldn't communicate?

Renesmee's voice chimed in, "If she's sick, do you think there's a cure?"

Zafrina slowed to a walk, I could smell others now, we were getting close, "I hope so Nessie."

I was suddenly concerned. What if this woman was sick? Could she be contagious? Would Renesmee be susceptible? But my own thoughts quieted me. It seemed very unlikely; she had been with them all for some time. Nahuel was clearly fine. She would be fine too.

I saw Nahuel first; he came forward to greet us. He eyes met mine for a second and he smiled. I wondered if the staring was going to start again. I hadn't been able to take offense since Edward explained. How could I? Too him I was the embodiment of his greatest hope. That he didn't have to be evil.

Edward shook his hand and Kachiri came over to us. "It's good to see you here."

Edward smiled and grasped both her hands in his, "It's good to be here."

The smile on her face faded, "I just wish it was under different circumstances. Maybe you should come and meet our newest friend."

* * *

_A/N I know I'm sorry, but I couldn't just jump to meeting her. There were some issues to be worked out on the way. Not really big stuff, but it'll all make sense I promise._

_Sorry for the delay with updating. I had guests for the weekend and...Well I'm sure I don't need to explain. Anyone who's ever had people staying for the weekend will know that they just run roughshod over your entire life. It's had enough finding time to have a shower._

_And traceybuie-you lil pre-cog you : )_


	10. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Yes, I still own nothing. It's not nice to rub it in.

Rating M (Betcha glad huh?)

* * *

EPOV

She wasn't a woman. She wasn't even a girl. She was barely more than an infant. I guessed she was about a year old based on Renesmee's growth rate. Had she been alone since the beginning? Nahuel had a frown etched into his brow, "Do you know anything about her?"

He shook his head, "Very little. When we found her I went to ask my father about her. Only the second voluntary trip I've ever made there."

"Was he aware of her existence?" There was steel in Bella's voice but it wasn't directed at Nahuel. The way this vampire used humans as tools for breeding disgusted her. I agreed.

"He said that her mother had vanished while he was away, he assumed that they had both died during the pregnancy. It happens sometimes. He was curious initially, but once I explained about her, he lost interest very quickly."

I felt something tighten in my chest. The idea of Bella not surviving. I shook it off; it was just an old reflex. She was safe and whole. My eyes touched on the small girl. The same could probably not be said for her mother. I felt a surge of pity for her. However cruel this vampire was capable of being, I couldn't conceive of a circumstance in which I would abandon Renesmee. How was he able to just turn his back on his own child?

I felt my respect for Nahuel growing. He hadn't walked away. He was counting on us to help her. I knelt down in front of her and tried to meet her eyes. They were glassy and unfocused, so instead I concentrated on her thoughts.

_Black...red...warm spatters...hurts...why does it hurt...can't breathe can't breathe...doesn't hurt anymore...cold...so cold next to me...how...go back in go back go back go back...warm safe...cold dead...so cold...why...stay here...too cold...not here...not here...where does it go...go back go back go back go back...black ...red red red red red red...my red my red my red...burns all red burns...burns through burns...can't breathe can't breathe_

I pulled my thoughts back to myself. I didn't want to go in there again. It was like a loop, like a song stuck on repeat. I stared in horror at the small girl. The images in her head were blurry. It was all confusing. Something had happened to her mother, I was sure of it. There was nothing before the shapes that dominated her thoughts. They were her earliest memories. Then...

When I felt Bella's hand on my shoulder I remembered where I was. "Edward, are you all right?"

I felt my head nodding, "Yes, it's just....she's so afraid."

I saw Bella's eyes go to the girl. I could tell she wanted to hold her, try to sooth her somehow, but she didn't know if she should. I wished I could help with the answer but I didn't know. I doubted it could hurt, but that didn't mean it would make any difference. "What is she afraid of?"

"Something happened to her mother, before she was born I mean, and her first days were...bad."

I couldn't think of another word for it. How was I supposed to explain, "She freed herself from her mother as is normal, but I think her mother was already dead. She couldn't breathe. She was afraid."

Bella's lips thinned and I could sense the tension rising. It was impossible not to feel sorry for the tiny little creature. Rosalie looked as though she wanted to cry, and Alice was clasping Jasper's hand tightly. But mostly, everyone was wondering if it would be possible to help her. "Once she was free she stayed close to her mother's body, for quite a few days I think. But the body was cold and she understood. She left her once she started to get thirsty. It's all confused and blurry."

Esme's voice was trembling, "What happened to her mother?"

"I don't think even she knows that. But the image was bloody, and they were in the woods, maybe she fell, or maybe she was attacked by an animal, we might never know."

I felt Bella's hand leave my arm and she crouched down in front of the child. The girl was wearing animal skins like the other Amazons and other than the look in her eyes, she seemed healthy. I could still hear the track going round and round inside the girl's head. I wished I could forget it, that it was possible. The terror she had felt growing as she realised the being next to her was gone, the fear of being alone. Did she know that we were here? There was no evidence in her thoughts.

She was trapped inside her own head. Unable to get out, or even call for help. It was heartbreaking. It was gone.

What? I looked down at the girl in surprise. Her mind had just gone completely blank. There was nothing in there anymore. The others noticed my movement and looked at me. "What's up Edward? She scare you?" Emmett trying to break the tension.

I couldn't let him do that yet, "Something's changed, it's...I don't know." I knelt down next to Bella, and reached for the girl's hand.

Within a sixteenth of a second of my hand touching hers, she was up and away. Her thoughts came back to me in volume. Like she was screaming in my head. There was no sense to it. Just an unending stream of panic. It blotted out any coherency.

We were all after her a second later. It was an instinct, to catch her before she could hurt herself or anyone else, or the jungle.

Bella had been the closest to her and the quickest after her. I had frozen in shock for almost half a second. The whole pursuit lasted less than five. I watched as my wife's arms closed around the fleeing child. She held her gently to her chest and started whispering calming words to her. I froze for the second time, "Wait!" My voice was sharp enough to freeze everyone in place. "I can't hear her."

Renesmee looked up at me curiously, "But you only can't hear mom?"

I nodded, "I know. Bella, hand her to Jasper. Maybe he can help calm her down. Alice, don't touch her. Whatever you do."

They obeyed my instructions but looked confused, "Perhaps you should tell us what's going on?" Alice looked the most annoyed.

"Well, she ran when I touched her right? Something frightened her." The others started to look scared. I felt it too. But I recognized it, "I think she got inside my head and it startled her. She panicked and ran."

I waited a second for them all to digest this. Then I swung my eyes to Jasper who was looking very unsteady on his feet. "You might want to hand her to someone else before we all end up on the floor curled into balls."

Carlisle gasped; he went over to Jasper and took the girl from him. "Edward, are you saying that she is...borrowing our gifts?" As soon as the child was out of Jasper's arms he steadied himself looking worried. He was surprised he hadn't realised it. But to be fair he didn't know how it felt when someone else was affecting your feelings. This had to be a first for him.

I nodded firmly, "That would be my guess. Like Aro, she needs skin contact. She doesn't even seem to know she's doing it. When I touched her, it was because her mind went blank and I wondered why. I guessing you were holding her hand or something Bella?"

She nodded, "I put my hand on her knee."

"So she borrowed Bella's shield. Then when I touched her, fourteen noisy minds ended up in her head with no warning. No wonder she ran."

Zafrina surprised us all by laughing quietly, "I'm sorry," she said trying to steady her voice, "It's just that she's been here for three months and never moved for anything but blood. It's never boring when you're with the Cullen's."

* * *

_July_

In all my years as an immortal I had never seen Rio. Now that I was here that seemed like an almost unforgiveable lapse. Still, it wouldn't have been as good without my wife. Bella and I were taking a night off, after the last few weeks we needed one.

The small rustic bar, which opened directly onto the beach, was perfect. The white sand stretched until it met the ocean, but the tide was out and some of the customers were sitting on chairs under the stars. The music was local and it helped us to relax, easing away the tension. Bella swayed gently in my arms to the music coming from the band, "This is the first time I've really noticed the heat of a place. It's so heavy here."

I smiled and spun us round in an elegant circle. Bella had become more confident on the dance floor in the last few years or so. "It's the humidity; it makes every smell much denser. Does it bother you?"

She sighed, "No, not a bit. I could stay here forever. After it rains, the scents are so heavy it feels like..."

I knew what she meant, "It's almost like you can taste it."

"Exactly."

I pulled her tighter to my chest as we danced. As much as I savoured every moment with our family, I never felt like I had enough time alone with just Bella, my Bella, my wife. She laid her head on my shoulder as we danced and I pressed a light kiss to her forehead. She sighed contentedly, "This was the best idea you've had in ages you know."

"I know, definitely the best since Yorkshire anyway." I smiled at the thought.

Her thoughts evidently going down the same path, Bella looked up at me with a coy smile on her face, "I don't know if you can take credit for all the ideas that were had that day."

That was true, "Of course, the best portion of the day was all yours wasn't it?"

She nodded, still smiling, "That's right. And do you know, I think I might be due for another brain wave." My breathing started to get heavier, Bella's eyes were black, and she was staring at me intently, "Since we finally have some alone time."

She pressed herself firmly against me. This didn't seem like the most appropriate venue. The bar was not busy but there were a few other couples, swaying to the music around us. They couldn't really distract me though. As Bella swayed, still moulded to my body, I let out a low growl. My body was responding to her presence, just like it always did.

She rolled her hips again and I crushed her mouth to mine. She moaned into the kiss and I could feel my self control slipping. I stroked my tongue against her bottom lip and she quivered. She touched her tongue very gently to mine and I stopped swaying. I had lost interest in keeping up the pretence. Everyone else was wrapped up in their own partners anyway, I could tell. I held her as close to me as possible and slid a hand up the back of her neck, into her hair. There was a low grumbling starting somewhere in my chest as I felt her breasts through the fabric of her shirt. "Edward...I think..."

I knew what she was trying to say. Without breaking the kiss, I carried her out of the bar and onto the beach.

There wasn't going to be time to get any further, in the few seconds it took me to get us away from prying eyes and minds Bella wrapped her legs around my waist and I was undone. I laid her on the white sand and pressed my lips to hers again. She sighed into the kiss and her hands moved to the front of my jeans. She rubbed her hands over the front of my jeans, teasing me.

Maybe I had been wrong all along, she was the evil one. One of her hands was deftly undoing my belt while her other held my neck to keep her lips against mine. I thought I was doing a good job of staying in control until I felt her stroke me with both hands and I had to gasp for air I didn't really need. Seeing her small white hands around me nearly sent me over the edge, but her smile gave me pause. It was calculating.

She leant forward and licked around the head of my shaft. The growl in my chest started to get louder as she bobbed her head, taking in as much as she could. She didn't normally do this. I didn't normally give her the chance. I was always too eager to taste her, or just to be inside her. She wasn't having any of that tonight. Her hands locked around my wrists to stop me from interfering.

It never felt exactly gentlemanly to let her do it, but I was past the point of caring. Her mouth felt warm and wet around me as she sucked and stroked with her tongue. She released my wrists, knowing I wasn't going anywhere, and started to rub up and down while she suckled. I groaned and gently ran my hands through her hair. She started to suck harder and the growling grew louder. I wasn't going to last much longer if she kept this up.

One of her hands rested on my hip holding me steady, and then suddenly there was a new voice in my head. Bella's. Her hand gripped my hip more firmly as she concentrated.

_Edward you don't know how good it feels to do this for you...you have to let me do it more often...I love the feel of it in my mouth...I want you to come for me..._

Oh God. Bella had always been a little shy about talking during sex. Looks like she'd found a way round it.

My hands fisted in her hair as she sucked and rubbed and...Oh god thought things at me. "Bella, you need...you need to stop me...I can't"

But she didn't she just moved faster, I growled louder as my body shook and my orgasm crashed over me. I felt her licking me clean.

* * *

BPOV

God he tasted good. I knew women weren't supposed to enjoy doing this and I supposed it might make me even weirder than I always had been. I didn't care. It made me feel so powerful to have him in this state, gasping and panting my name.

I was caught off guard when Edward pulled me to my feet and kissed me. Before I could kiss him back properly Edward dropped back to his knees. He ran his hands up the back of my legs, his fingers skating over my skin as they slid under my skirt. His fingertips traced the edge of my panties and I was starting to get agitated. If he didn't touch me soon I was going to die.

As soon as the thought occurred to me, he slid my underwear down my legs and helped me out of them. I noticed him stuff them in the pocket of his jeans. That was a little kinky. I didn't think about it for long. His hand slid back up my skirt slowly up the inside of my thigh, he was getting me back for the teasing, and I knew it.

"Edward, please..."

His other hand rubbed up the back of my thigh holding me upright and close to him, "Say it Bella."

He loved it when I talked to him. I liked it more than I let on, I still felt like I should be blushing. "I want you to touch me...please," I tacked on as an afterthought.

Edward's finger stroked my slit gently. I felt as though I was physically aching for more. I whimpered and Edward took pity on me. He lifted my skirt up to my waist and suddenly his fingers were inside me and his tongue was stroking me and the world was blurring. Although I knew he wasn't really warm, he felt it to me.

He gripped my hip in one hand to hold me still and teased me with the tip of his tongue mercilessly. I tried to move, to rub myself against him but he held me fast. "Edward, please...unh I need to...let me go...unh I need..."

He held me until I thought he was ignoring me and then let me go. I threaded my fingers through his hair and ground against his mouth. I was so glad that he didn't need to breathe. My knees would have given way if his hands hadn't been supporting me. I could feel the orgasm building quickly as I started to pant, Edward heard the change in my breathing on nibbled on me gently, I cried out and gripped his hair tightly in my hands, "Edward...yes...unh..."

He quickly wrapped an arm around my waist and slid a finger back inside of me. His lips broke away from me for a second and I heard him whisper; "Now I want you to come for me, my love. My wife."

There was a possessive edge to his voice that thrilled me and when his tongue touched me again I shuddered violently. "I'm coming Edward. Oh god."

He didn't stop the stroking inside of me, and his tongue kept rubbing as I came down. When I could, I opened my eyes and looked down at him. His eyes were black as pitch and I noticed the growling was back, low in his chest. "I want you now."

His words disarmed me and I didn't put up any resistance as he pulled me down onto his lap. He was hard again, he wanted me again. He always did. He lifted my hips quickly and slid himself fully inside of me. The sensation as our bodies joined made me groan all over again, "I love you."

He growled and flipped me onto my back, never breaking contact. He was moving hard and fast inside me and I clutched his back. On each thrust he grazed my clit and I gasped. Edward was kissing my face, my lips, my hair, possessively, as though he was marking me as his.

It was new; he had never given in so much to the animal side of himself. I couldn't believe how much I liked it. Maybe it was in this new side of my nature to like it. I didn't care. The pressure was building again in the pit of my stomach and Edward was groaning on each thrust.

He suddenly pulled back and looked into my eyes, they were hard and black, but there was so much love there it couldn't be missed. I hadn't been expecting the orgasm to hit me so swiftly and it took my breath away. I gripped Edward's shoulders tightly and he held my cheek so he could watch my face.

All the muscles in Edward's back tensed and I felt him throb inside of me. I watched as his eyes drifted shut and his breathing grew heavier. He was so beautiful. He looked down at me after a moment, "I love that you're mine."

I smiled up at him, "I am yours you know." He smiled back, "And you're mine."

He kissed me again, "Always."

I wrapped my arms around his neck again, kissing him deeply. I was surprised when he pulled back, "What's wrong?"

"As much as I'd love to repeat that whole thing, there are police who sweep this beach every few hours. They'll be here in...twelve minutes."

I sighed, "We never have enough time alone."

We were gone within forty seconds.

* * *

_A/N Sorry for the extended nakedness. I got carried away. Still, we got a bit of story in there too. Yay me. _

_Improvgirl01-I promise there will be more Jake soon, kinda like making him squirm. How mean am I?_

_Traceybuie-hello honey ; ). Funnily enough I haven't decided whether he's coming or they're going. Decisions decisions._

_Spannieren-there will be more on her don't worry. I think she's gonna be kinda fun._


	11. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own them. I just like to play with them.

* * *

July

EPOV

I was apprehensive but I didn't know why. There was no harm in my daughter trying to reach the girl. It had been her own idea, but for some reason I was nervous. Perhaps it was just that she had never really tried to use her gift for anything actively. Normal parental anxiety. After all I would hear everything anyway.

Renesmee sat in front of the girl cross legged and smiled at her in a calming way. There was no evidence that the child was aware of her presence. No flicker in her thoughts indicated awareness; she was just as lost to us as ever. It was frustrating.

Nessie kept her voice soothing, "I don't know if you can hear me, but I want to try and help you. You don't need to be afraid. I know you can move if you want, so if I frighten you, all you have to do is pull away."

Renesmee reached out her hand slowly and grasped the girl's. Her thoughts were calm. Nessie would do nothing to startle the girl. Then there were other things. She remembered feeling warm, and as though she was being held from all sides. Every inch of her skin was covered; she felt loved, totally and completely loved. I realised that these were Renesmee's earliest thoughts, her memories from the time when she was inside Bella.

The peace almost choked me, and the guilt was fresh again. I hadn't been able to support Bella at first. I was so glad no one had listened to me. Renesmee was talking, using actual words inside her head. _I'm going to show you that I understand. Just remember you don't have to be afraid. It's not real. I know when you first left your mother it was scary. It was scary for me too, but things can be okay afterwards._

Renesmee thought of the moment I remembered so well, when Bella had tried to grab a falling cup of blood. Renesmee didn't remember the scene of course. She had been curled inside her mother but she had known a change was coming. Mother was getting smaller. She was too big. If she moved too much it made mother hurt. She was going to be somewhere else soon. There had always been mother's voice of course, but there were other sounds, and other voices that sounded further away. She was going to be close to them soon. She was excited, she was happy.

Then she had been thrown, but there was nowhere to move to. There was just an awful sick dizziness. Then something else hurt. It felt as though her chest was moving or trying to. It couldn't move right. The dizziness was worse. She knew now that she hadn't been able to breathe.

I heard something. Something from the child. It wasn't a thought; a feeling. Empathy. The girl was feeling something. "Nessie," I said quietly, "There's some response. It's weak. Keep going."

Renesmee refocused. She didn't want to go too fast in her excitement and frighten the little creature. She reiterated that there was no need to be afraid. Then she went back. The dizziness was getting worse; there were loud noises all around. Mother was hurting again. She was hurting mother. Then there was a loud noise. Something was happening to mother. There was light. She was being freed. She could see things. She could see...her father.

Renesmee went back to words. Telling the girl that father's should be there to help; that what happened wasn't her fault. She couldn't have helped mother. Only someone already outside could have helped. It wasn't her fault.

The girl was feeling...sad. She was sad that she didn't have a mother. When Renesmee thought of the first time she had seen Bella's face, the love that was evident there; the girl's eyes flickered to Bella.

Everyone assembled gasped. We had no sign of anything. Nothing to tell us that she wasn't brain dead, or so traumatized that she would never be okay. If she could be made to react, maybe we could help her.

Nessie didn't falter. She didn't even try to hold anything back. But most of all she focused on us. Mostly Bella and I but everyone else too. How much Rosalie loved her, how much Emmett and Jasper spoiled her, how much fun she had with Alice and Esme, how much she learned with Carlisle. I understood. She was trying to show the girl that we were safe, that we could be trusted, and that we would never do anything to hurt her

The sound of a giggle cut us all off short. Everyone froze for a second and then smiled. Renesmee had been remembering the many games of toss the Nessie that she had been involved with. No one knew that but me of course, but still, the sound brought us all pleasure.

I felt myself swelling with pride. None of us had been able to help her, but my daughter had. One look at Bella told me that she was feeling the same thing. The grin on her face was as wide as I had ever seen it.

Nessie was unaware of everything going on around her. She was completely focused on her task. There was no real coherency to her thoughts, no story or experience that she was trying to convey. It was just a slow but steady stream of consciousness. She was comforting, accepting, trying to make the child understand that we would love her if she would let us. Nessie really wanted her to let us.

Then I heard the first coherent thought I had ever heard from the girl, "Cadence," I breathed.

Everyone turned to look at me, but Renesmee had heard it too. As long as she was still holding the girl's hand she could hear her too and Nessie was the one who answered, a look of wonder on her face, "Her name. It's Cadence."

August

JPOV

Dawn was near. Again. I hated Saturdays; it was hard to keep busy. The time stretched on endlessly. She had been gone for a year and a half. We still spoke regularly; she wrote and sent me pictures. But in reality, she was more gone than ever. When we spoke now, she sounded so distant. She was slipping further and further away and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I had albums full of pictures, every picture she had sent I had saved and printed. There were pictures of her hunting for the Loch Ness Monster in Scotland, she looked so happy, she had added a message that she was hunting for her namesake. I had laughed at that, but it had hurt. I wished I could have been with her.

She had been to the Globe theatre, she had seen castles, she had been to seaside towns and ridden rides and seen circuses and that was just in Britain. I was missing her growing up. I was missing everything.

When Charlie had gone to spend Christmas with Bella and the others, he did not tell me. He called once he landed and spoke to Billy. Nothing had ever been explained to Charlie about my and Renesmee's future, but he was not oblivious to our bond. I wondered if he'd been worried about my reaction. Or maybe Bella had asked him not to mention it until it was too late for me to follow, not that I would, I knew the rules.

I had found out afterwards, that they had been in Lapland. The pictures were amazing. A twelve foot Christmas tree, mounds of presents and a rosy cheeked Nessie in the middle of it all always. I tried to be happy at her obvious enjoyment, it was hard.

My pack tried to help me. They really did, but my frame of mind made it hard to accept help, and made it hard for them to want to be in my head. I only really lived for the phone calls, and the pain they caused which was increasing. Every time I heard her voice and sensed her excitement at the life she was living, the pain got worse.

We still patrolled, but there was little chance our lands would be crossed. As rare as it was before, since a large percentage of the vampire world now knew where we were, it was even less likely. If I wasn't committed to staying young forever, I would probably have tried to give it up. There was no pleasure for me in it anymore. If she wasn't so worried about me, Leah would definitely have done so. As it was, she was my most frequent companion. She was the only one who could come close to understanding. I gave thanks for her every day.

The sun was higher now. I would get up soon. I thought about how little I had to occupy myself. Maybe I wouldn't get up; maybe I would stay in bed all day. The thought had only just occurred to me when I heard someone walking towards the house. I listened for a few seconds to be sure but I knew who it would be. I swung my legs out of bed and pulled on some clothes.

I was at the front door before she'd gotten close enough to knock, "Morning."

She smiled brightly. Uh-oh. "Morning. You busy today?"

Busy? She knew I hadn't been busy in over a year. "Nothing special planned. Why?"

"Well I need some help. I need to move all my stuff into my new place today."

"I thought that wasn't for a month?" I had been planning on inventing an excuse. It wasn't that I didn't want to help; it was just that I found pretending to be cheerful hard work.

She held up a ring of keys, "The landlord asked if I wanted to move in early, I said yes. So, come on. You don't want me to have to lift everything by myself?"

I snorted. Leah was probably the strongest human girl alive. Wolf and all. She just didn't want me sitting around moping all day. She was probably right, "Okay, give me a minute."

* * *

Well, there had been tears, and there had been tantrums. She had thrown things, they had hit me, but Leah was all moved in. We sat in front of her new TV, well, new second hand TV but still. It was a cosy little apartment, just a living room, kitchen, bed and bath, but it was all she needed. Her excitement at having her new place was infectious and for the first time in a long time I felt like it might not hurt to smile.

"So should we order in?" I asked.

"Nope, Quil's bringing everything."

"Quil's coming over?"

She nodded smiling, "They all are. They're bringing pizza."

I got to my feet a little too quickly, "I should probably get going."

She was next to me a second later, putting a restraining hand on my arm, "Please Jake, please don't go. I know you're hurting, but please, don't push everyone away."

I found it hard to meet her eyes, "It's hard...to pretend..."

"I know. But you'll never get any better at it if you keep running away," her voice was pleading. I didn't want to upset her, I nearly caved.

"I can't Leah. I'm sorry."

I turned to go, "You know something Jacob Black, you are being so self-pitying. Someone that you love has gone, for a while and so all the other people in your life become worthless? Have you never heard the old saying about loving something and letting it go?"

I was getting angry, but I controlled it, "You don't understand."

"I don't understand? We've all been living with it. We've been with you all the way." Leah was not controlling herself as well.

"It's not the same as feeling it yourself."

"Maybe not, but I do understand and I'm telling you that you're not helping anything. You and I both know the power of imprinting, but that doesn't mean that you get to dictate everything. When you really think about it, all they've done is gone on a trip."

I was getting angrier, but I was still in control. I wasn't sure I had it in me to get furious about anything anymore, "For over a year. They know how I feel, they have to know this is killing me, and they've still not come back."

Leah took a deep breath, steadying herself, "Jake, this isn't just about what you want. I know you've heard that before but now you're hearing it from me. She is having an amazing time, she is happy, she is coming back and neither of you has an expiration date. This level of depression is ridiculous. It's scary."

"I can't let her go. She's everything."

Leah's face froze and the angry expression faded. She stalked past me and opened the front door, "Yes, you've made that perfectly clear."

She turned her face towards the door and waited for me to leave.

* * *

I flopped down on my bed. I had been right. I should have stayed in it today. Now in addition to every other misery, Leah was angry with me. Part of me knew she had a bit of a point, but the other half argued that she couldn't fully grasp it. She had never imprinted.

I was startled by the beeping coming from my phone. I wasn't expecting a phone call from Nessie tonight, but sure enough, the number was the same. "Hello?" My voice was breathless with excitement.

"Jake?"

It was Bella. I had the sudden thought that something might be wrong. An unscheduled call? "Is there something wrong? Is Nessie okay?" My mind swam back to an earlier conversation with Bella when I had asked the same thing and my stomach clenched.

"Yes. I promise she's fine. But we need to talk."

"Yes?" Once I was assured of Nessie's safety my voice turned colder. I made it a point to limit my conversations with Bella. I knew it was childish but it felt like the only way I had to fight back was to let her know how much she had hurt me. The young woman who had been my very best friend and my first love had broken me.

"I don't really know how to say this..."

I felt sick. Were they never coming back? Would I never see her again? That couldn't happen. There would be no point to anything. I waited but she didn't continue, "Spit it out Bella."

"Jake, it isn't really possible for us to return to Forks. If we did we would be almost housebound. Carlisle can't return to work still not looking any older and Renesmee's still growing very quickly."

She said all of this very quickly. She had practiced. I couldn't breathe. The air was pressing on me from all directions, "What does that mean?"

"Well, how would you feel about relocating?"

The air rushed into my lungs. Did she mean that I could go and join them? When? How soon? Where were they? My excitement meant I missed some of what she was saying, "...sorry to break my promise. I know I said that we'd come back, but it would be dangerous. I hope you can see that..."

"Bella? It's fine. It doesn't make any difference to me."

"It doesn't? I thought it might be a problem with your pack and everything."

I paused. I was doing what Leah said. I was being selfish. I was going to abandon them all because it was what I wanted to do. I was aware of that. But it didn't change anything, "It'll be fine."

"Jake, lots of things have changed you know. There are some details we'll have to cover." Bella's voice sounded anxious but I wasn't really hearing her. There was nothing she could say that would have any bearing on my decision.

"It'll be fine."

* * *

_A/N Glad you all enjoyed the nakedness. Not enjoying naked Edward is a crime I guess. _

_Traceybuie-I actually considered having the police catch them but as Alice so succinctly puts it you 'can't sneak up on Edward.' Downer huh? ; )_


	12. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I own nothing. As usual (think it's wise to reiterate).

* * *

August

RenesmeePOV

I will never forget the first time I saw Cadence move out of something other than fright. It had happened of course. Sometimes I had gotten too enthusiastic and startled her, but she never shied away when I tried again, and I did.

She had just gotten to her feet. I had heard her laugh inside but what she sent was inconsistent and I couldn't see why. I didn't think she really knew she was doing it. She had gotten smoothly to her feet and walked over to Emmett. He and Jasper were sat with my beautiful aunts close by and she had just danced over to him.

Emmett never let anything startle him for too long and after the look of surprise he smiled at her, "Hello little lady, you ok?"

Then she had really shocked him. She hopped into his arms. He caught her of course and she swivelled to look at Jasper. I realised what she wanted as I heard Dad laugh behind me, "She wants to play Em." Emmett still looked confused. "Time to toss the Cadence."

Emmett's booming laugh echoed around us, we joined in when Cadence pressed her ear to his chest. She was responding more and more. It was incredible.

* * *

I was glad of an excuse to keep playing the tossing game, though now it was more like juggling. I felt I was getting a little old for it now, but Cadence liked it when we played together. Her improvement was unbelievable. She was even speaking now. Not always, and sometimes she seemed to drift off, but I could always pull her back. I would go up to her, take her hand and remind her that she was safe, and that we all loved her. We did.

She was still reluctant to use her gift. She didn't like it; she said it made her head spin when she had tried with Dad. It was okay with just the two of us. We were getting well practiced at being calm and it seemed to help her. We just swapped thoughts, experiences, feelings, what it was like to be just a little bit more freaky than most of the other people in our lives.

She was close to Emmett and increasingly to Rosalie. She could let them hold her comfortably without worrying about borrowing their gifts. It made me happy to see. My characterisation of Emmett had influenced her view of him obviously. She knew that he was the...simplest. The one who embodied 'what you see is what you get'. She liked that.

She had been intimidated by Rosalie's beauty at first. I had picked up on it when we shared. But her kindness had overtaken Cadence's concerns.

Funnily enough, the only two who were...well, not irritated, but perhaps a little frustrated were Carlisle and Alice. Alice was curious. Although she and Cadence spent time together and were getting closer, Cadence didn't want to touch her. She knew about Alice's gift and was afraid of what she might see without meaning to. Alice wanted to touch her for the same reason. I suspected that Carlisle was even more curious than Alice. What would Cadence's limitations be? Would she be able to see me? It was irrelevant anyway. Cadence really didn't want to, Dad and I knew that for sure.

* * *

Cadence held my hand firmly, she was nervous, "What if I can't do this?"

I squeezed, "You will be fine I promise. It's very easy as soon as you try."

"Ren..." her voice took on a little wheedling edge.

I held up my other hand, "Nah-uh. It's time I'm afraid."

"I suppose I must have done it already. I just wish I could remember," her voice was sad.

She couldn't remember a lot of her life once she had left her mother's body. Dad thought she had just degenerated into a catatonic state governed entirely by instinct. It was likely, "Maybe you don't need to remember. We can just start fresh from here." I sent her supportive thoughts.

She smiled at me. "Just don't leave me 'kay?"

"Not a problem. You can watch mom and dad, then I'll go and then you can try."

She took a deep breath and nodded. Mom ghosted to my side, "Are we almost ready ladies?"

I felt a thought from Cadence. She was getting a lot better at sending, but by comparison, she was getting worse at concealing. "Mom, can we ask Uncle Emmett and Aunt Rosalie? I want to see an anaconda. He said he'd got the scent of one the other day. We could track it for a while."

Momma...Mom, she was mom now I was older, thought for a fraction of a second and nodded, "Why not? Sure he'd love to show off a little," the affection in her voice was obvious. "Em, Rose?"

She didn't raise her voice but they were there in a second anyway with Dad, "Want to go hunting? The girls want to see an anaconda and I'm running out of reasons why they can't."

Mom had found it hard to accept that there was no reason to protect us from anything, human instincts I guess. Emmett grinned widely, "Yeah, sounds like a hell of a plan."

"Language, Emmett," Rosalie was even funnier. Bless her.

There were no preparations to make and we all set off on a leisurely run. This was a big deal for Cadence. She had been living off blood of course, but we didn't know much about her supply. It was entirely possible that she had been living off human blood, and she had been drinking it since she had been with Nahuel and Huilen.

Now, however she wanted to try our way. I knew that it had not as yet, occurred to her that we might be separating at some point and she was drawn to our lifestyle. She wanted to fit in with us and although she knew from what I had told her that animal blood wasn't as good, she was quite resolved. The only human she remembered contact with was her mother and she had loved her. She had made the leap to the idea that all humans must have someone who loves them. Why would she want to hurt them? Dad had explained her thoughts to the others. It made us all proud.

Especially me, I knew I had played a small part in her...becoming and because of that I owed my new friend a lot. Any time I didn't spend with her I now spent with Carlisle. He was teaching me. I wanted to follow in his footsteps. It wasn't going to be easy, but there were ways around it. I wanted to do what he did. I wanted to help people. In a few years when I looked older maybe I could be his genius niece and work with him?

There were options anyway. Maybe Cadence could do something similar if she wanted. If anyone could understand trauma it was her. I stopped my thoughts; she might decide to stay here. I hoped that she wouldn't. She fit so well and she was the first real 'friend' I'd ever had. She could understand everything. We were the same after all. But for simple luck we could easily have been in each other's shoes. My heart ached when I thought of how terrifying it would be to be all alone in the world. She wouldn't have to be if she came with us. But then...Nahuel was her half brother, maybe she'd want to stay with her actual family.

There was no point in worrying about it yet.

* * *

APOV

I was bouncing around the jungle. Well, inside anyway. I didn't want to bounce literally and scare Cadence, which would be the opposite of helpful. Jasper raised his eyebrows at me and I felt a wave of calm spread throughout me. For once I was grateful. I needed to be calm to try this. This beautiful little creature was already stretching her confidence to the limit, she looked so nervous.

Her already milky skin seemed paler and with her white blond hair she looked like an angelic ghost. Her face was most like mine. Small features, almost elfin, but she had bright blue eyes. No, to be fair she looked nothing like any of us. I wondered what her mother had been like.

She suddenly looked at me and smiled, "I'm so freaked out right now."

I laughed, "I'm sure, but it's gonna be fine. If it bothers you, we can stop."

I wondered if I should ask everyone to go. Zafrina and her sisters were hunting with Huilen anyway. The Amazons tended to move quite a lot, and though they were staying nearby at the moment, they still went on hunting trips that lasted for a few days. Nahuel had stayed behind. He was avidly interested in everything to do with Nessie and Cadence. He hadn't been able to spend a lot of time with his other sisters. He didn't want to spend time with his father so things were difficult for him.

I needed to concentrate. I took a deep breath and sank cross legged onto the jungle floor. Cadence hesitated for a moment and Nessie squeezed her hand. It seemed to calm her and I wondered what Nessie was telling her, but whatever it was she sat down too. Nessie took a step back but stayed close. The others came in a little closer but stayed back. I was just going to look for the moment. For this moment and the next few seconds. I shouldn't be able to see it of course, I was here with Cadence and Nessie so I should be blocked, but maybe she would see.

I waited while the others settled into stillness. I didn't want their future getting involved. "Are you okay? Not too nervous, Jasper could help?"

Cadence thought about it for a second. "Let's try it first. If it's too much then yes, yes, definitely yes."

I smiled; she was going to be fine. I let my mind drift forward into the next few seconds. As I expected there was nothing. Maybe she wouldn't see anything. It depended. If she was just borrowing powers then she wouldn't, but if she was borrowing them AND wielding them, she might.

I reached out my hands and felt two smaller ones grasp mine. Then I heard a gasp. "Ren?"

Nessie came forward and put her hand on Cadence's shoulder, "Are you okay?"

She pulled her hands out of mine, her face looked flushed, and she stared at Nessie, "You asked me if I was okay?"

"I know. Are you?"

"No, I mean, I saw you ask me. And then you asked me...wow."

I heard the collective intake of breath and the others hurried forward, "Are you saying that you saw the future and Renesmee was in it?" Carlisle asked.

Cadence nodded, but she looked a little dazed, "Yes, definitely. It was really, really strange." She looked at me with awe, "Does you head always spin like that? Do your ears always ring? Everything was so blurry."

I nodded with a grin, "Oh yeah. It takes a lot more work than the others think. Though I don't really see things blurry, it just takes practice."

"Wow," she said again. Still staring at me and smiling, "Should we try again?"

"Do you want to?" I had expected her to freak out at least a little, "Oh yes. That was amazing." She held out her hands.

I was getting more and more impressed with this girl. I reached out to take her hands, but Nessie sat down next to us, "Idea? Do you think you could sponge up more than one power?"

Now this was when I hated not seeing the future. Once upon a time I would have known the reason behind that statement before it was uttered. "Explainy?"

"Well, if Cadence can see us, and you can see clearer, what if she could send what she sees to you."

Dad understood, "You mean Cadence should use your power to send Alice what she's seeing using Alice's own power?" Only in this group of people would that statement be instantly understandable. "Do you think that might be a bit complicated for you to do?"

Cadence thought, "I don't know. I'm kind of used to Ren's power now. I can send back to her almost without thinking. If she touches me and I hold Alice's hand...we could try I guess."

* * *

It was not easy. It was almost as bad as it had been trying to see Bella when she had been pregnant with Nessie. I could get blurry flashes. That was about it. I suspected it would get better with time, I was able to see for longer periods after six hours, but by then the girls needed to eat, and probably sleep.

If I was honest I didn't care about the blurriness or inconsistency, I was able to see again. I felt instantly better. I hated feeling like I couldn't help. I wondered if I should feel put out. If I should be irritated that I needed someone else's help to see. I just didn't. It was kind of nice to have someone to share it with. I'd always shared part of it with Edward anyway, it was inevitable. This just felt like an extra bonus. This girl could find a place with us. I didn't need to see the future to know that. What she needed was a family, and we had one that would welcome her.

It seemed perfect, and although she wasn't their daughter, I could see how close Cadence was getting to Rose and Emmett. She felt totally relaxed around them and it brought them both such pleasure. I didn't think that Emmett had ever considered having children when he was alive, and probably not much since he'd been turned except when it bothered Rose. But he was so proud of the trust she had demonstrated when she had leapt into his arms. He adored her and Rose...well she was in seventh heaven.

* * *

EPOV

Listening to this was incredible. It was intelligent thought on a different level. Bella called it a mind meld. It wasn't far from the truth. I sat with Bella in my lap as Alice focused on the future, looking further off, pushing their limits, holding on to the child's hand firmly . Renesmee focused only on relaxing, holding on to Cadence's other hand, thinking of letting Cadence have full access to her gift while sending waves of calm through the small blond. Cadence was mentally sweating, but she was holding up well. It was one of the reasons Bella and I always stayed, if it got too much for her I instantly called it to a halt. I doubted whether Bella could have been pried away regardless. Cadence was trying to concentrate through a slew of visions on using Renesmee's gift to show Alice everything she was getting.

Alice wasn't getting much. It came in stutters. She was trying to be as open as possible, but when Cadence's thoughts did reach her they came very loudly and it startled her mind closed. "I know this might not help but try to relax, Cadence, don't think of showing Alice the thoughts, and just let her look."

Renesmee suddenly had an idea. She put her arm around Cadence's shoulder and started to hum. Just a slow relaxing melody. I heard her telling Cadence that I was right. If she stopped trying so hard it might be easier. Just like it had been with hunting. Gifts like ours were instinctive too. They were part of who we were. It would be easy when she found the trigger. It didn't matter. We weren't in any hurry. She would get it eventually.

Alice gasped. I did too. Bella was instantly on her feet but I touched her and she stilled. It was almost too fast to see, as though a dam which had sprung a few small leaks had suddenly burst. There were things about us all, Renesmee, and Cadence and Nahuel and...Jacob?

Cadence could see Jacob? He was going to be with us soon. Cadence's thoughts were curious and a little confused. I suddenly realised that in all the sharing Nessie and Cadence had done Jacob hadn't come up. I wondered why? Maybe my daughter hadn't thought it wise to scare her with the information that some humans erupted into wolves when provoked. She might have been right. Either way it was too late now. She would ask.

Jacob wasn't here though. We were all in New Hampshire. Bella was in school. Carlisle was working. Renesmee and Cadence was hunting in the forests. There was more but it was moving so quickly. Nessie and Cadence painting their toenails. Both coming into the house flushed and giggling covered in mud. I realised that Cadence had unconsciously started to veer down her own path, or one of them. She was fascinated. I could understand why. Apparently she would be with us.

I had hoped that she might be. She made Rose and Emmett so happy. Renesmee had bloomed in helping her, and truth be told, we all loved her already. It was impossible not to. In personality she was a lot like Bella. She was kind and brave and selfless. Her thoughts were thrilled at seeing herself with us, but she would never have dreamed of asking. She hoped that Nahuel wouldn't be upset when she left. She didn't want to make him feel like she was ungrateful, she was. She was more grateful than she could express. If he hadn't found her and saved her she would have never met us. She hoped he would visit. I knew he would.

I kissed the top of Bella's head, "Apparently we're heading for New Hampshire, and judging by Renesmee's size, soon."

Bella's eyes were instantly concerned. I wondered if she was thinking about Jacob. I tried to squash the thought but it was hard, "But...why?"

The jealousy stung me a little even though I knew it was ridiculous, she was my wife, she had chosen me. The fact that she didn't want Jacob to suffer just showed that she wasn't the kind of person who hurt others. I just wished he wasn't always her first concern, "I don't know yet. Cadence and Alice just connected, very well. I just know that we're going to be there."

"But Edward...I don't think we can...I don't think I can..."

I took pity on her. Her face looked agonized, "You don't have to worry. Jacob Black is apparently going to be joining us."

She looked surprised, "Oh...well that's good. But I still don't think...I just don't think we can go. How can we leave Cadence behind?" Her voice dropped to the barest whisper.

The relief was incredible. I felt childish for enjoying the moment so much but I couldn't fight it. I just chuckled, "You don't need to worry about that either. She's there too."

"Oh that's wonderful. But wait what about..."

I pressed a finger to her lips, "Bella my love, stop worrying. It's going to be great."

She smiled and kissed my finger, "Okay, if you say so."

* * *

_A/N-Okay I'm not sure how this chapters has come out, the reason being that I am completely off my face. I had to have a minor operation yesterday and have been prescribed a LOT of painkillers. But for some reason I was oddly inspired. So if it's crappy I do apologise but I think it's okay._

_The lovely traceybuie who always reveiws-Of course it's going to be a problem, though I suspect you already knew that : ). I need new names for you, what's the name of the third fate who knows the future? _

_Edkchesnut-Sorry about the Jacob bashing if it bothers you. I know, I know, he's not a bad guy blah blah blah, it's just that he always seems so self righteous. He kinda irks me and I like to see him squirm. 'I want Bella...I want Renesmee...I'm telling Charlie on you'. Bah, humbug._

_Gnrclln-See? No Jake. And don't worry, there will be more naked Edward. Just need to be in the right frame of mind and post-op aint it. So, have to devote some time to boring story. Don't worry-if we write them they will cum lol._

_Spannieren-The finish is...fluid. Which I kinda like. It's a surprise for me too. _

_Improvgirl01-I know, but no matter what, he'd never be as good as Edward. Trust me I know ; )._


	13. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Still here. Still own nothing

* * *

BPOV

I was really nervous. And it was getting worse the closer it got to arrival time. Jake was going to be here in eighteen hours and I still didn't know what to tell him; whether to tell him anything. Things had changed, although Edward had told me that Jake would be joining us in New Hampshire, he had not known the reason why. Now we did, because I had made the decision.

I didn't know if Edward agreed with me or not, he had asked me what I wanted to do and then gone along with it entirely. So had the others. They had seemed as perplexed as me, unsure as to what to do for the best. I wasn't a complete idiot though, and I did know my husband. He was completely closed mouthed about the whole thing. I knew he still hadn't gotten past all his issues with Jake and I wasn't sure of his position on this. I wasn't sure of mine.

Now I was occupying myself with mundane tasks. Edward came into the room which would belong to the girls as I was making up the beds, "Are you okay Bella?" his voice was just a little tense.

I knew there was no point in lying. I was so bad at it anyway, "I'm just concerned."

Edward came into the room and stilled my hands, pulling the pillow and the case from them, "It's more than that. Jasper says, and I quote, 'you're stretched tighter than a piano wire'."

I sighed, and there was the other reason it was useless to lie, "I don't know if we should keep looking."

Edward frowned, "You mean Alice and Cadence?"

I nodded, "I know that it's not just my choice to make, it's just that I don't know if it's good for us to be making parental decisions based on them."

The frown deepened, "The visions? I know that they're not written in stone Bella, and that everything is changeable, but we would be foolish to ignore them. Look at this, now. If we hadn't looked, we wouldn't have known that it was important for Jacob to join us."

My voice dropped to the barest whisper, "Is it?" Then I clapped my hand to my mouth as I realised what I'd said. I hadn't meant to say that out loud. It was too shameful.

Edward looked totally confused, "Bella, you're the one who said we should follow this path. Come here and have Jacob join us. Do you think it's the wrong one? Have you changed your mind?"

There was my answer. Hope. He covered it quickly, I wasn't supposed to see that he didn't really want to be here. Too late. "Oh god Edward why didn't you say something? Why didn't you ask me to stay with you? Why didn't you suggest somewhere else? Why didn't you just say no?"

His face turned to stone as he forced himself to be calm. "I just want you to be happy Bella. You know that." I knew that look and it annoyed me. He didn't get to just close off half of his emotions with me. I was his wife and he was going to talk to me, to get angry and furious if that's what it took.

"Edward, when you think about how much you hurt me, how much damage you did when you left me, how do you feel?" I knew that bringing up that time was one of the things we didn't do, I had never gone into graphic detail about my conversion either, it made him feel terrible.

I felt a spasm of guilt as the pain showed on his face, but I fought it. We were going to have this out, "It devastates me. Every time. You know that too."

"Then why would you think it causes me less pain to hurt you? I see it on your face. You can't hide it from me anymore. If you didn't want to come here; to have Jake join us, then why in the hell didn't you say something?"

Suddenly his eyes were black and I knew we were getting somewhere, "Because you already know Bella. The only thing that I want is for us to be together as a family."

"We are. We're all here and we've even managed to be lucky enough to gain another. So what's wrong?"

He clenched his teeth together, he didn't want to tell me. He was going to, "Spit it out Edward Cullen. If you love me so much and want me to be happy then stop lying to me. You show more respect to an animal you hunt, at least you're honest about your intentions when you kill them." I was reaching and I knew it. I was trying to provoke him, and it was working.

Now he was angry, "Fine then. Bella have I ever made you feel like you aren't enough for me? Like I need anything else? Excluding our child of course."

"I never felt I deserved you when I was human. Sometimes it still amazes me that you ever looked at me twice."

He knew all this of course, "That's not what I asked. Have _I_ ever made you feel that way? Done anything?"

I shook my head. He worshipped me, and I knew it, "No."

"Yet you need Jacob Black this much. The idea of a future without him made this an easy decision," he saw the stricken look on my face before I could hide it and his voice calmed instantly, "Bella, it doesn't matter. It's nothing I can't deal with."

He approached me slowly and gathered me into his arms. I sank against his chest. We were doing it again. Arguing about things we should be trying to solve together. He should have told me how he felt it was true, but I should not have accepted his lack of answer.

But worse, I was doing it again. I was allowing myself to be pulled by differing loyalties. I was trying to be Bella Cullen, Edward's wife, vampire, Renesmee's mother, sister, daughter, and I was trying to be Bella Swan. Jacob Black's best friend. I couldn't keep trying to be both. I would ruin everything for everyone. It wasn't even a choice.

"Edward, I'm sorry. Let's forget it. Let's just go. It would take minutes and the others would understand. Let's just go."

Edward frowned, "Bella, I don't want to make you do that. We're here now. It's all happening."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him hard, "It doesn't matter. So we're here now. We could be a thousand miles away by tomorrow." I kissed him again.

"You would do that? Just go?" he looked amazed and I felt worse. He doubted I would go with him? I was the worst wife in the world.

"Of course." He kissed me this time and then we were moving. When I next opened my eyes we were in an empty room with an amazing view over the tree covered peaks, "Our room?"

He smiled and nodded to the table in the corner, the only piece of furniture, "The best view with the least closet space, it's how we bagged it before Alice."

I smiled as he pressed a kiss to my neck. It was so easy to get carried away but we didn't have long, someone would call us for something or little people would interrupt. "Edward, we shouldn't..." he nibbled along my collarbone and I sighed, "You know...we could get caught...oh god..."

His hand ran down my back and lifted me, hitching my legs around his waist. There was a glint in his eye as he moved to the table and perched me on the edge of it. Edward dropped to his knees and slipped his hand under the black calf length skirt I was wearing. Very vampire-ish in fact, if not for the white cotton tank top. His fingers slid up the inside of my leg. I wondered if he was going to tease me, but he didn't hesitate. His fingers stroked me through my panties, "Should I stop?"

"Hmmmmmm," my mind couldn't seem to focus on anything but the feeling of his fingers touching me. Stroking me gently as my eyes drifted closed.

"Bella? I asked if you wanted me to stop?"

The pressure grew softer and softer and I whimpered, "Edward...no. I don't want you to stop."

The pressure returned and I sighed but only for a moment. Edward's fingers disappeared and I opened my eyes. He was on his feet and pushing my skirt up to my thighs. I bent to unzip my boots but he stopped my hands smiled, "You look so beautiful my Bella."

He had that look I saw occasionally. When he wanted me...in a different way. He still loved me, and was tender and sweet, but the vampire side of him wanted me too. I dimly recalled that look from the time when I was human and my scent had gotten too much for him. I had never imagined it could be provoked this way as well.

Edward reached up the side of my skirt and pulled off my panties, but left everything else on, he undid his belt with one hand and reached for my waist with the other pulling me close to him, still just perched on the edge of the table. As he freed himself from his pants I heard him sigh in relief. Edward touched me again, no teasing. Circling his fingers around my clit. I gasped and clutched his shoulders, "I'm sorry Bella, we don't have a lot of time."

"Mnpf...just...Edward..." He knew what I wanted. Edward pulled my hips forward and slid into me. "Oh god."

He grunted against my neck as he started to move, "I love you Bella."

I clung to him, kissing his lips, his cheeks, his neck, "I love you Edward. I love you. So much." Edward started to thrust deeper, gripping my hips, grinding upwards on each thrust. I cried out each time he hit my most sensitive spot.

We both paused for a second as we heard the table crack beneath us. Not even a second, I wriggled against him, eager for him to continue. Table be damned. He picked me up and pressed me to the wall. The new angle made me gasp as it forced our bodies tighter. Edward was panting, staring into my face. He smirked and shifted one of his hands between us, "Should I touch you my love?"

I nodded frantically, past all embarrassment, "Yes...please Edward."

His fingers slid over me and he started thrusting again. I wrapped my arms around his neck tightly and held on as he manipulated my body. I gasped and cried out and ground against his hand as the pressure built between my legs and it got almost too much to bear. "Edward...I...so close."

"Come with...me Bella." His eyes were black, he pressed his lips to mine and I felt his body tremble. As I felt him throb inside me, my inner walls clenched as my orgasm crashed through me. We sank to the floor as we continued to move slowly together.

* * *

EPOV

"No, I really mean it. I think that we should stay."

"Edward, enough. We've just had this argument. I know that you don't really want to be here so let's just go."

I shook my head, "Bella I'm serious. You know this was the only way."

"The only way with Jake. Forget it. I'm done making you unhappy."

I straightened Bella's skirt as she re-buttoned my shirt, "Bella, I am aware that a lot of my problems with Jacob are just that. My problems," I took her hands in mine, "This isn't just about us, it's about Renesmee too. I always said that I didn't want him to be her only option. I still stand by that. But other courses would have removed him somehow. He does love her. We can't make that kind of decision for her."

She frowned I knew she was seeing my logic but battling against it. She wanted me to be happy but she was concerned about Jake, who knew why he wasn't there? I could understand, for all we knew it might mean that in other versions of the future he was dead. There was no way to ignore that. We didn't know of course. Even with Cadence's help, Alice still only saw the future, not the' whys' and 'hows'.

What if, in following the other paths, Jacob somehow ended up dead or completely lost to us in some other way? Despite my occasional jealousy I didn't want that on my hands, "Bella, my love, you asked me what I wanted and I refused to answer you. Not because I didn't want to, but because I knew the right answer and it annoyed me. This was not a path I wanted to have to choose and I let it get to me. I'm sorry. But your choice was the right one."

Bella let go of my hands and slipped her arms around my waist, "If you change your mind you only have to say so. We can leave if you want."

I kissed the top of her head, "Thank you my love." I wasn't going to take her up on that offer, but it felt unbelievably good to hear her say it.

* * *

One of the things I had asked her for was this. We were waiting, just the two of us, for Jacob's plane to land. Renesmee and Cadence knew that he was joining us in New Hampshire, but with Alice's help, we had avoided them pinning down the exact date. Of course, the pixie's version of help had been extensive shopping trips, all the girls together which Bella had hated but still, it had distracted them from wanting to try and see into the future.

I wanted us to talk to Jacob first. If he was going to lose his temper I didn't want it happening in front of the girls. It was amazing how quickly Cadence had fit into our family. And I was glad that the basic result was a sister for my daughter. They had become some kind of two-headed monster known as 'the girls'. I smiled as I thought of them as we had left this morning. Rosalie had been braiding Cadence's hair. Esme had been doing Renesmee's. It was wonderful.

Bella squeezed my hand and I glanced up at the board. Jacob's plane was on time. It had probably already landed. We started to move at the same time. Weaving through the crowd towards the arrivals lounge.

* * *

JPOV

I had been hoping that my Nessie would be there to greet me when I got off the plane. Still, it was nicer to see Bella than I had been expecting. Now that I was here, and I knew that I would see Nessie soon, my previous anger with my friend had all but evaporated. She looked exactly the same of course, a little tense maybe, but she smiled warmly when I found her in the crowd. Edward was by her side, holding her hand, looking less tense, but less welcoming. I wondered if I was going to get a speech. Then I remembered that he knew I was wondering if I was going to get a speech. I was going to have to get used to that again.

I was less pleased to see Edward and of course he knew it. I'd had a lot of time to think and I was almost sure that he was to blame for their sudden departure. If I could have spoken to Bella I might have been able to fix it, but he'd had the whole night to talk her into going. He didn't need sleep after all. He raised his eyebrows but said nothing.

I smiled as warmly as I could at him anyway. I didn't want to make waves. I just wanted to see Nessie. I would play nice. I slung my bag over my shoulder and headed over to them, I nodded, "Edward." I focused on letting go of the past and smiled at Bella, "Hey Bells. How've you been?"

She smiled back at me, "I'm good Jake. Thanks for asking. How was your flight?"

"I was sat next to a man who weighed more than your average whale, and they served me pink toothpaste they called dessert. But hey, my first flight."

She laughed, accepting my attempt to lighten the mood a little. I was glad, this level of drama tended to make me uncomfortable. All I wanted was to see my Nessie.

"We're going to head to the house Jacob but I wanted to talk to you first."

I turned to look at Edward, apparently he wasn't going to be sidetracked, "Okay, what about? Have I done something to piss you off already?"

Edward looked as though he wanted to smile, "Not exactly, no. But still, there are things we need to discuss."

"Here?" I indicated the crowded airport.

"Follow me."

* * *

Edward pulled the car over when we reached a deserted road, I wondered at the location. It seemed like the kind of thing that happened in horror movies. Well, either they were taking me to see Nessie, or I was about to lose a kidney. Not that it would kill me. Well, probably not. "So what's up? This cloak and dagger stuff seems a little much."

Edward did smile now, "Just thought we should do this before we head back. There are some things you need to be told."

"Okay, like what?"

"The reason we invited you to join us now."

I raised my eyebrows. I had wondered of course, if there was some specific reason for the timing, but I had assumed that they had just decided to settle down somewhere rather than keep travelling. "Well, you've got me curious. What was the reason?"

I saw Edward's eyes flicker to Bella's. She had volunteered to sit in the back. I realised that they had agreed on Edward being the spokesperson this time. Probably due to what happened last time. I wondered how much convincing he'd had to do to get her to agree to that one. "Quite a lot actually. Well, we recently acquired a new family member, and she has had quite an effect on us."

I felt my mouth go dry. A new family member? What did that mean? Had they changed another human? Or had they met a new vampire? I prayed it was the second one. "How did you meet her?"

"Calm down Jacob. She is a half breed. Another sister of Nahuel's. She was traumatised and basically catatonic. We went to the Amazon to meet her. She has improved immeasurably and has decided to stay with us."

"That's weird. She didn't want to stay with her family? I mean, Nahuel's her brother right?"

"A half-sibling yes. However she became close to us, she is around the same age as Renesmee and they have become friends; sisters. She has a strong parental relationship with Emmett and Rosalie as well."

Figured, the blonde baby mad freak was probably doing back flips. She finally had one of her own. It seemed sick to me though. Just going to the Amazon and bringing her back like some kind of pet, "It is not like that at all. Cadence loves them both, she loves us all."

Edward's voice was sharp and I made an effort to control my thoughts. It was difficult, out of practice as I was. Clearly, this new girl Cadence was important to him. I glanced at Bella in the back seat and saw that she didn't look angry, but she did look as though she agreed totally with what Edward was saying, "Okay, no offense intended. So...?"

"So, Cadence is gifted. She is able to borrow powers from others. She has been learning to use this gift with our help. When Bella touches her I cannot hear her. When Renesmee touches her they can both project thoughts, and when Alice touches her she can see the future."

This was all fascinating, really it was but I didn't see what it had to do with me. Or why it was delaying our journey. I wanted to see Nessie. It was hard to concentrate on anything else, "Well, you are just going to have to for a while. This is important."

I hadn't forgotten how annoying that could be, "Okay, fine. How does all this relate to me?"

"Well, it seems that when Cadence is channelling, for want of a better word, Alice's power she is able to see futures that Alice is not. Renesmee's, her own...and yours."

O...kay. Now that was interesting. Did that mean that the newbie had seen something? Was that why I was here now? "That's exactly what it means."

I felt a rush of gratitude for this unknown girl. Anything that brought me closer to Nessie was good in my book. "Well, then I owe her one. I'll let her know. Is that everything?"

Edward took a deep breath, "Jacob, the reason we called you and decided to come here was because it was the only future in which you played any part. If we had taken any other path, gone anywhere else, travelled any longer, there was no evidence of you in our lives. For the foreseeable future at any rate."

Edward's voice seemed to slow down as he said it. What was that supposed to mean? If I hadn't rejoined them now...what? Would I have died? Would Renesmee have forgotten about me? Would something have happened to her? All of them?

Edward was shaking his head, "We aren't sure of a lot, but we know we would have all been fine. Just distant glimpses of course, lots of decisions intervening, but enough to know that we would have had a future either way. But if we hadn't met up now, there was no evidence you in the future."

Bella had kept quiet. I wondered if she had promised. My mind was racing, I couldn't seem to concentrate. Maybe I really would have died somehow, or maybe something would have parted me from my Nessie forever, maybe they would have just decided never to return and I would have given up hope. I didn't know. I couldn't know. It was scary as hell.

I took a few deep breaths before I met Edward's eyes again, "Can we go and see Nessie now?"

* * *

_A/N Okay, I'm still on the pain meds but I'm still inspired. Weird huh? Sorry if this seemed a little long winded, just wanted to get everything in, plus some more nakedness. Can never resist an opportunity. ; )_

_Traceybuie-Nakedness all for you my lovely. And don't worry, will keep the hotness coming. Though I'm thinking of adding some other hotness types. Bet Alice is a firecracker._

_Cullengirl08-selfish to the core if we're all being honest. Selfishness thy name is Jacob. Don't worry, if he gets too annoying I'll send him somewhere for a few chapters tee hee._

_Amylily123-Ah, if only it was so easy. He's like a roach lol. Still, little comic relief from him for now. Does anyone know what actually kills them except vampires?_

_Edkchesnut-Yay, that means I can continue to bash away. And I shall...I SHALL!!!!_

_Spannieren-I think her character should always be as happy as possible. She so cute and wittle. As I said earlier I might have to find ways to keep her happy. _

_Thank you to all my other reviewers, if I get a specific note or question I try to respond here, but to everyone else who said they liked it and added my story as a favourite, you're wonderful. _


	14. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, none of them. Why God? Why?

_Okay I got the impression that some people got a little confused. Will clarify everything, my bad._

* * *

APOV

I didn't know why but I had the feeling this was going to turn out...complicated. Maybe my subconscious was picking up subtle future vibes. It had happened before now. I felt discomfort, caution, like when the Volturi were coming, a dark creepy sense of foreboding. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe I was just anxious about altering our already perfect life. Because however much we tried to convince ourselves; this was a big deal. It was a large complication.

Jasper came and sat next to me on the balcony. He could sense my worry, "Do you want to talk about it?" He really wouldn't mind if I said I didn't. He never doubted my feelings for him of course, if I didn't always feel like talking he understood.

I hesitated. I almost said no automatically, when I didn't know I tended not to concern people just for the sake of making myself feel better. But this was Jasper, maybe it was time to take a leaf out of Bella and Edward's book. Sure they fought, but they always came out of an argument stronger than they went in. Unpleasant things shouldn't be avoided. I checked on the girls playing in the woods. I could hear them distantly yelling, my sharp eyes tracked their shapes as they moved through the trees. I dropped my voice, "I don't know exactly what to say. How to explain it?"

It was so complicated. It wasn't just seeing the future; it was seeing many futures, all of which were possible. Now they weren't. We had made our choice to come here, because in every other future I could see or get a glimpse of, there was no evidence of Jacob Black. He was just gone. If he wasn't with us his future became lost.

He nodded, "Future issues? I can imagine that might be hard to put into words."

I settled for just airing my thoughts, "I don't know if coming here was a good idea. This future was one of the least distinct. It normally means that..."

"There are lots of big decisions to be made. And not simple ones I guess."

"That's the thing. Big decisions change everything, and without being able to constantly monitor the changes caused by the little ones it's hard to know what's right."

Jasper reached out and took my hand, "I think seeing half the story now and again, is worse than not seeing anything, " he paused, "Though it's better in some ways too."

I couldn't disagree with that. Especially not the second part. I couldn't deny that I was still delighted to have even this limited access, "It does set me on edge though."

"Do you think Bella and Edward are wrong? Do you think we should look more closely?" He thought we should, I knew that. But I was pretty much on Bella's side here.

"Not necessarily, but maybe. Bella's just concerned. If she's honest, she's been glad of excuses to delay our return to Forks. She's been having fun for the first time in a long time, why would she want that to stop?" She had confided in me her reluctance, and I knew she was worried about Edward. She didn't want him to think she was siding with Jake. She had almost asked me to look, she had wanted to, but she was afraid of what I might see. So was I.

But our biggest concern was exposing the girls to anymore random visions. What if I saw something terrible? What if I kept looking and actually saw what might happen to Jacob? It didn't seem right.

"You know, the only times I've felt anything but joy from her, have been when she's been thinking of her obligations to Jake. It makes her feel guilty," a frown crossed Jasper's face, we all felt protective of Bella as the newest full vampire amongst us, "I don't like it."

"That's what I mean Jazz. If we hadn't looked, the odds are that he would have been out of our lives for good. Nothing against the guy, you know that. But what if those paths led somewhere great? Somewhere when we weren't tied down by fear and guilt?"

"Once we knew we had no choice, we couldn't take the risk of those paths ending with something bad. Like Jacob Black dead. Maybe that's the reason he wasn't in the other futures."

I sighed, the girls were digging somewhere to the north east, they were about twelve feet down. They were having fun, "That's what I mean. We looked, and now we're stuck here. Maybe sometimes it really is just better not to know. Wow, I can't believe I'm the one saying that, but I am. "

Jasper squeezed my fingers gently, "Don't think like that, your gift has saved us all at some time. It brought you and me together. I know that sometimes you see things you don't want to see, but if that's the price, it's well worth it. Isn't it?"

Jasper leant forward and kissed me gently, "Thanks Jazz. I think I needed to hear that."

The smile that lit up his face was breathtakingly beautiful. Too few people got to see it, "I know."

He kissed me again and I heard the girls heading back to the house at their usual leisurely pace. They emerged from the trees covered head to toe in mud. I smiled as I remembered the image from my vision. The excitement. "Aunt Alice! Aunt Alice we found a newt!"

They had lived in a jungle populated with crocodiles and enormous snakes, and they were still fascinated by a newt? Kids were weird...and fantastic.

I sighed but my amusement was disappearing. I was going to have to tell them now. This was my part. Edward and Bella would be back from the airport soon with Jake. I had to prepare them.

* * *

RenesmeePOV

We both sat on my bed and I took Cadence's hand and told her that she didn't have to be worried. Jake was a friend, he cared about me and mom and he'd like her too. She met my eyes, "Then why are you nervous? I can tell Ren. I've never seen you like this before." I had tried to cover my reaction when Alice had explained. I didn't want anyone to think I wasn't glad I was going to see Jake, I was.

It just wasn't that simple. I was a little nervous and it was hard to hide things from Cadie. She was my best friend after all. We'd been living in each other's minds since we'd met. I hadn't seen Jake in a long time and sometimes my memories were hard to reconcile with what I knew. Jake had been mom's best friend before she had become a vampire. He was extended family, but he loved me very much. He had always been trusted to take care of me just like Rosalie and Alice and the others. Now it confused me.

It was odd; I knew that Jake's pack were the natural enemies of vampires. Despite these issues, when the Volturi had become a threat he had tolerated the presence of many who killed humans regularly. I knew it was to ensure my safety. It seemed like a lot to expect from a 'good family friend'.

I got the impression that there were expectations where Jake was concerned. I just didn't know what they were. Dad seemed irritated with him sometimes, but he had not said anything about him to me. I had asked mom once and she had shrugged it off. I accepted what she had said at the time, but looking back...maybe she just didn't want to tell me. She worried about me. Not that I wanted her to stop too much. She was my mom after all, it was her job.

The unanswered questions and theories that got weirder with time conspired to make me nervous. I needed to try and get it under control. My friend needed me to be the calm one.

I smiled, "I promise, everything will stay the same, except that we have someone else who'll play any game we can come up with." That was pretty much the most dominate factor of Jake, his eagerness to please.

I hadn't let go of her hand. I caught a flash of something, she was feeling insecure. She was...jealous? I blinked in surprise, she looked at my face and saw the shock, "Cadie, you don't have to be jealous," she tried to pull her hand away but I held on.

She was scared. What if, when my old friend got here I didn't need her anymore? He probably wasn't some weirdo who woke up screaming when she dreamt of her mother. He could turn into a wolf! How cool was that? Why would he want to hang out with her?

I didn't want to listen anymore, "Cadie, don't be ridiculous. Nothing's gonna change between us, you are my best friend and I love you." I hugged her tightly.

"I love you too, and I don't like to think of us not being together. Since I met you all, every day has been better than the one before. I don't want it to change."

"Hush, nothing's going to change. Tomorrow's going to be even more fun than today."

Her voice was barely a whisper, "But what if he really doesn't like me?"

I remembered asking that same question once before. Jake had tried to tell me that everyone would like me. Mom had told me the truth; I went with that, "So what if he doesn't? I do, and I don't care if he doesn't."

She sniffled a little and hugged me back, "Sorry, I'm stupid."

I kissed the top of her head, and wondered if she would get as tall as I was getting, "You're not stupid. You're just still getting used to being with us, we're family now. You're not going to get replaced. Promise." I wiped the tears from her cheeks and heard feet coming up the stairs.

Rose knocked gently on the door, "You okay in there ladies? Jasper's picking up some sad vibes."

"Come in Aunt Rose," she pushed the door open and smiled gently at us both, sat cross legged on my bed.

"Everything okay?" She wriggled between us and put an arm around each of us.

I nodded curling into her side, "Just nervous about Jake. Cadie's never met a shape shifter and I've not seen him for a long time."

Rosalie nodded, "Well, I hope you warned her about the smell."

The serious look on her face had us giggling; Aunt Rose always knew what to say.

* * *

We sat in the living room, everyone was there. Carlisle had taken a day off from the hospital he had started work at. Cadence sat next to me on the sofa holding my hand. We had developed the habit of staying in contact unless there was a reason not to and now I was telling her about what we were going to do tomorrow. I wanted to keep her calm. If she got scared she might bolt. It hadn't happened for a long time. Then again she hadn't been this stressed for a long time.

If we wanted Alice said she would take us shopping, or maybe to a spa. We had never been to one before, it was something we had just never got round to. Mom and my aunts didn't need to be maintained so they didn't think about it much, but they did enjoy spending time in Jacuzzis and the like. They liked the warmth.

Maybe we wouldn't do either, maybe we would do something else. But just talking about it was calming for both of us. She asked if we could try a massage. Why not? Could be fun.

I could hear the familiar sound of my dad's car. They would be here in less than two minutes. I kept telling Cadie that it was okay, that everything was going to be fine. I wished that I could feel more sure myself. I was feeling even more nervous now; it was like tightness in my chest. I didn't really understand the feeling. It was new to me.

We were the only ones sitting. The rest of the family stood completely still, waiting. It was sometimes weird how much like statues they could all look. There was no movement when we heard the car pull up either, a sure sign that they were waiting for a verdict. A reaction from Jake perhaps? Why? Did he not want to be here or something?

We heard the car doors opening and closing. I could hear Jake's heart thumping rapidly. Maybe he was nervous too. I heard his feet bounce quickly up the stairs towards the front door and reconsidered. He was clearly just anxious to see us...me. I knew. He wanted to see me.

I couldn't say why I was aware of it at that moment more than any other, but it just hit me. Jake was not here for any other reason, not really. He here to be with me. Cadence squeezed my hand, I wasn't thinking clearly. She just sensed my distress, I was panicked. If I was human I would probably be shaking with fright.

I took a deep breath. I could do this; I didn't even know why I was so scared. There was nothing to be afraid of. Jacob would never do anything to upset me. He loved me. Oh god he loved me? He loved me? It just felt like there was a huge weight on my back and it was almost crushing me. I didn't feel threatened. I wasn't afraid of Jake physically; some instinct told me there was nothing to fear. No danger there. But...he loved me?

How had I not seen it before? There had been nothing obvious of course, it had never been said. But now it seemed obvious. Maybe I was just getting old enough to recognise it for what it was. He looked at me like I was the answer to his prayers, his salvation, everything. Maybe that was why I hadn't realised it was strange. Mom and dad looked at me like that all the time. But they looked at each other that way too. I had never felt this trapped before. "Ren? What's wrong?" Cadie's voice was the barest whisper but of course everyone in the room heard it. Cadie was trying to calm me. It would be over soon. It would be fine. It helped.

Heads all snapped round to stare at me? Jake's steps didn't slow, he wasn't listening. I heard dad's steps speed up and mom's join in, I heard dad's voice, "Something's wrong with Renesmee."

Their steps sped up further, closing the distance between them and Jake as he reached the door. Barely a second had passed when the door opened and a huge form filled the doorway. Everyone's heads swivelled back to the door at the sound. Mom and dad were behind him looking concerned, my father locked onto my face the second he saw me. I nodded slightly to him. I made an effort to calm my thoughts. _Cadence, Dad, I'm okay. I'm sorry. I just freaked out for a second there._ Dad did not look convinced.

_Yeah right._

I ignored her but gripped her hand tighter. Jake was smiling at me. The expression lit up his handsome face. But there was something deeper. Had he been ill? He looked...drained somehow, exhausted. Like he hadn't had a decent night's sleep for weeks. I was instantly concerned for him, but there appeared to be no need. He looked so happy, "Hello Nessie."

I smiled, trying not to let any of the timidity show in my voice, "Hey Jake, we've missed you."

He let out a laugh like a bark and bounded across the room and scooped me up in his arms. "I can't believe you're here." He sounded as though he was crying as he crushed me to his chest.

His arms felt hot around me. It had been a long time since I'd felt skin warmer than my own and it was a little uncomfortable. As he'd picked me up he had wrenched my hand from Cadie's and without her calming words in my head I started to feel panicked again. The intensity of his words and voice added to it, "I've missed you so much my Nessie."

Suddenly I was gripped by an overwhelming urge to free myself and I started to struggle. Dad was there in a second, "Jake let her go, you're scaring her."

As my father tried to take me, Jake tried to stop him. I knew it was instinctive, like reaching for a falling object. If someone tried to take something, you tried to stop them. But in my state of panic I cried out and tried to shove him away. "Get off. Let me go!"

Jake reacted instantly to my voice and yielded me up, "I'm sorry Nessie, and I didn't mean to scare you."

Dad let me down and I stared up, way up. I didn't mean to snap at him, I really didn't. He looked so hurt and I didn't want to add to it, but I was angry and embarrassed. I had had a tantrum like a spoiled child and it was humiliating, "Then don't just pounce on me Jacob. I'm not a doll for you to play with."

Jake looked as though I had slapped him. His mouth dropped open but he didn't say anything. I spun on my heel to face Cadie and seized her hand. She followed as I strode through the back door out on to the veranda. _We won't go farther than the stream dad. Just give me a minute. Love you._

My father wouldn't follow us. He always tried to respect my privacy, they all did. Cadie went with me willingly. Just before we were out of hearing range I heard Emmett let out a wry chuckle, "Well, she got her mother's temper."

* * *

_A/N Okay, I hope this clarified any questions. They decided to go to New Hampshire, their idea so long ago, because when Alice and Cadence were practising they saw possible futures. There were several options, none very specific, but in all but one of these Jacob played no part. Edward asked Bella what she wanted to do and she said that she thought they should follow the path that included Jake even though it was murky. Her main concern being that nothing but death would keep Jacob away from Renesmee forever._

_They've stopped practising for a while because they're concerned about exposing the girls to anything unpleasant. Bear in mind, they didn't know how Jake was going to react to this news, there was a chance he was going to flip out like he did the last time. _

_Traceybuie-Well, she cares but she doesn't seem all that impressed right now huh? He is behaving like a bit of a freak._

_gnrclln-don't worry, Bella's learning. I didn't want to jump to it too fast but I promise she is starting to get it. Maybe she's letting go a little. Fully letting herself be what she is yadda yadda yadda. After all, it's a hell of a transition. Stay with her, she's getting there lol._

_Improvgirl01-they'll learn to work together soon. First few years of marriage are always the worst ; )_


	15. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: They're not mine *sigh*.

* * *

RenesmeePOV

We sat down on the bank of the stream and Cadence sent me...a question. I hadn't let go of her hand, but I hadn't been sending either. She was confused and worried. She could sense my distress. She wanted to help. I took a deep breath, trying to force my heart to slow. "Do you remember me telling you about the shape shifter who was Jake's alpha? Before he broke away on his own?"

Cadie nodded and followed my lead in speaking aloud, "Yes, you said his name was Sam Uley."

"That's the one. And do you remember what I told you about his fiancée, well by now she might be his wife I don't know. But do you remember what I told you about Emily Young?"

"She was the girl who got hurt, Sam accidentally hurt her right?" she said her voice a little hushed at the horror of it. I had explained as much as I knew about the shape shifters, as well as the dangers they could present.

"Yes, but that's not what I mean. Do you remember me explaining about imprinting? The way a shape shifter like Sam finds their soul mate?" God their soul mates! Was that what I was? Someone's soul mate?

Cadie nodded again, but she was frowning in confusion now, "You said it was like falling under a spell."

I didn't know what to say. I had said that. That was how it had been explained to me. I just never thought it could have anything to do with me. I didn't feel that way. I wished now that I had pressed for more details. It might have been useful to know. Maybe something was supposed t happen to me like it had happened to him. I was sure. I'd heard mom describe the way Sam looked at Emily, like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time.

The way Jake had reacted when he saw me...there was no real doubt in my mind. Jacob Black had imprinted on me. I realised that Cadie was still waiting for an answer, "I think that Jacob came here to be with us because of me."

The frown on her face deepened for a second and then her eyes grew wide, "Oh Ren, that's..." She didn't know what to say. Neither did I, "Are you glad?"

I looked at her face and it was as though with that simple question she had summed up all my problems. All I needed was to answer the question. It wasn't a simple question to answer though. Or maybe it was. How was I feeling about it? Not thinking, just feeling? "I don't think I am."

She squeezed my hand again sympathetically, "It is a lot to take in."

I shook my head, "It isn't just that. It's just that it's so...so much. I mean, all he did was hug me and I felt like I was suffocating. There was so much feeling in it. Seriously, suffocating is exactly what it felt like."

Cadie giggled, "Maybe you were. That guy is the size of a house."

I giggled too, "I know he is enormous isn't he?" I wondered if he'd grown since the last time I'd seen him. After all, I'd grown since then, shouldn't he seem smaller now?

"I know you warned me but I don't think anything could have really prepared me for him."

I sighed, I knew what she meant, "I don't want to go back yet, I don't want to have to face him."

Cadie lay down on the bank and wriggled until she was comfy, "Then let's stay here for now."

That sounded like an excellent idea. She was another person in my life who always knew what to say. I wondered if she was picking it up from Aunt Rose.

* * *

BPOV

"What the hell did you do to my daughter Jake?" I was furious; she had been nothing but happy and contented for well over a year. She had been having more fun than I could measure. Then he stepped through the door and she was upset. It was strange, considering the things that had happened in the past, that this relatively small incident had incensed me so. Then again, maybe it wasn't strange at all. He'd upset my daughter.

Jake looked devastated but I didn't really care. I was angry with him and with myself. We should have ignored the vision; we didn't know for sure that it meant something terrible. It didn't have to be our responsibility, why had I taken it on? "I don't know what I did okay Bells. She just flipped out."

Edward put his hand on my shoulder, "They're fine. Renesmee said they would go no further than the stream. She was just...over whelmed."

I turned to look at Edward and saw the honesty in his eyes. He had said we should leave the girls for now and I was okay with that. Sometimes nothing helped me more than talking things over with Alice; sometimes talking to a friend was the best thing, but I couldn't fight the worry. I had made this call and now my child was unhappy. The simple answer would be that it had been the wrong call. Maybe it had. "What upset her Edward? Please tell me."

Edward sighed, looking as though he was reluctant to share this information now with everyone assembled, "She just realised...some things. About Jacob and it startled her. She panicked that's all."

Jacob sank into a chair looking worn out, "What did she realise? What could have frightened her so badly?"

Edward looked into my eyes, silently begging him. He couldn't fight that, "She realised, or well, she is almost sure that she is the object of Jake's imprinting."

I felt my stomach clench. This was around the point I would be fainting if I was still human. I had always known that she would have to be told eventually. It was foolish of me not to realise that she would figure it out quickly. It was just a matter of it occurring to her. It was all very easy to deduce once the initial thought was there. "What does she think? Is she angry with us?"

Edward looked down at me; he stroked my cheek, "Why would she be angry?"

"Because we didn't tell her. We lied to her; hid it from her."

"You've done plenty of that over the last year or so." Jake's voice was sullen.

My head snapped back, my voice came out in a hiss, "What is that supposed to mean?"

He met my eyes and I could see the first stirrings of anger there. I looked at his hands which were perfectly still. Apparently his self control had improved, "You took her away. You told her I was fine with it. You made me lie to her as well. If you hadn't, she wouldn't be wary of me. She would know nothing different."

Edward growled low in his throat but I held up my hand. The others shifted, ready to defend me, to take my side. As much as I appreciated it, I didn't need it this time. It was time to prove I could handle this. Not just to myself, but to Edward. If Jake was going to play it cool so was I, "The only reason we lied was because you made it necessary. If you were capable of being reasonable it wouldn't have been. You attacked me Jake. What did you think was going to happen? Were you expecting a gift? And as for her being wary, maybe I wanted her to know something different, maybe I didn't want her to grow up thinking you were the only thing in the world. Has that thought ever occurred to you through all your self-pity? "

I did not raise my voice one iota, but the words hurt him anyway. I was sorry; I didn't want to hurt my old friend for the sake of it. But I wouldn't; couldn't take it back either, it brought the sullen tone back to his voice, "I think you were jealous. You're angry that someone else has such a close bond with your daughter." He looked at me defiantly.

The fury coursed through me but I didn't let it conquer me. I was done with this conversation. I reached for Edward's hand. He took it without question. We were going to talk to Renesmee, my voice was ice as I met his eyes, "A close bond that someone else HAD. Past tense Jake."

* * *

"I'm sorry Edward," I said quietly as we walked slowly. We wanted to approach the girls slowly, give them plenty of warning, "That was...You know I don't normally..."

Edward stopped me, "Bella, I think you were remarkably restrained considering the circumstances. I wouldn't have kept my inner calm nearly as well."

"It's just...well; I don't make a habit of being cruel just because I can."

"You think that I don't know that? Bella, he provoked you, he wasn't exactly being kind himself."

This time I realised what I was doing. I was trying to excuse Jake's behaviour. I was making excuses for him in my head, telling myself I had been out of line. Well maybe I had been, but not to sound like a school girl, he had started it. I couldn't keep making allowances for him. I was Renesmee's mother, Edward was her father and we were all her family. He needed to start respecting that. I took a deep breath, "You're right. He has to learn that he can't just arrive and disrupt our lives. How long can it go on?"

Edward looked surprised but he covered it quickly, I noticed though. He found it harder to conceal his pleasure in my words, "You don't have to look so smug Edward Cullen. Is that the kind of gentleman you are?" I smirked at him.

He laughed and swept me up into his arms. "I'm sorry," he said still smiling, "You're right of course. Gloating is most un-chivalrous."

I laughed as well and kissed him gently. Then the smile faded, "We still need to go talk to Renesmee."

He set me on my feet again and we started walking. As we approached I heard Renesmee call, "We're over here mom."

We knew where they were of course. We could hear them breathing, but it was her version of an invitation to join them. I sighed. She wasn't too mad then. We pushed through the trees and found the girls sitting on the soft grass. I sat down next to Cadence and Edward completed the circle between me and Renesmee. Cadence started to shuffle, as though unsure whether or not she should leave, I reached out a hand and touched hers, "Don't even think about it young lady. You have every right to hear this. I know Renesmee will want you to stay."

My daughter nodded and Edward smiled at her, "You're taking all of this very well little love. I know how much it surprised you."

Renesmee smiled a small smile and looked at me, "I'm not mad at you mom, or dad or any of the others. You don't have to worry."

I felt my heart. I knew it didn't beat anymore but I still felt it squeeze in my chest, "Oh honey, how can you not be? We should have told you sooner. We should have helped you..."

Renesmee was suddenly in my lap with her arms around my neck, she spoke aloud, but I heard it inside too, "What were you supposed to say? 'You know our friend Jake? Well he thinks he's destined to fall in love with you one day.' Even I know that's not the kind of thing you tell a small child."

I was overcome with the wisdom of her words. She may have a little of my temper, but she was so much wiser than I could ever hope to be. She reminded me a little of Carlisle. I buried my face in her curls for a moment, breathing in the scent of my daughter. "What do you want us to do for you? Should we tell Jake to go back to Forks? Do you want to move somewhere else? You only have to ask?"

Renesmee shook her head calmly, "I don't think running away will help."

"Do you and Cadence want to try and look with Alice? Maybe you could find out something that would help? Set your mind at rest."

She shook her head again but it was Edward who spoke, a smile in his voice, "I don't think our Renesmee is the running away type. She's too much like her mother."

"We will look, but not yet. I think...I think I need to figure this one out slowly."

Edward nodded, "No short cuts allowed huh? If that's what you want."

Renesmee nodded firmly, "It is."

* * *

December

Things had settled down a lot more quickly than I had expected. The girls were growing like weeds. Carlisle was judging Renesmee's human age to be around nine, Cadence was somewhere between seven and eight. On an intellectual level of course they were far beyond their years.

If I hadn't become a vampire immediately following my daughter's birth and acquired a photographic memory, she would have outstripped my high school education by now and then some. Cadence was a big part of it, their friendly rivalry was an asset to both of them, and it pushed them both to learn. They had both made a big push to learn languages recently, something I had been participating in. After the first three it had occurred to Alice that if we learnt Latin it would give us the basis of most European languages. It had worked.

My daughter seemed to be becoming more and more determined to learn medicine and anything she wanted to try, Cadence was more than willing to try. The little blonde idolized Renesmee, real older sister worship. I wondered if we might end up with a family of doctor's. If it didn't give Charlie a stroke, he would be thrilled.

Edward and I were studying medicine at Dartmouth to show support. He had studied it all before of course but I was finding it fascinating. Anything I learnt I could pass on to the girls and they soaked it up. Alice and Jasper, and Emmett and Rosalie were there too. Due to some ill advised wagering over a game of poker, the girls were studying engineering, and the men were studying drama. Still at least it was a new subject for all concerned.

Esme was busy restoring three houses. She needed that many to keep her occupied, especially now that the girls were there to help when the rest of us were studying. They became her little apprentices, and Cadence particularly showed a natural talent for decorating. Renesmee preferred the carpentry side.

Carlisle was flourishing at the hospital. He was focusing on the surgery side this time and his skill was doing wonders for the hospitals reputation. Every time he came home he was happy, a patient had to be in a very bad condition for them to be beyond his skill level.

There was only one dark...er spot. Jacob lived nearby in a small apartment. He had gotten a job at a garage and seemed to be enjoying himself thoroughly. We had offered to help with his accommodation and living expenses, after all it wasn't as though the Cullen family was going bankrupt any time soon. However Jake had insisted that he could support himself, and he did. I found that I respected him for it, even though it seemed silly to work so hard when we had so much to spare.

In that sense he was doing fine, he was just finding it hard to cope with the changes in Renesmee. After the initial shock of their reunion had worn off, she had become more relaxed with him. He was still the same old Jake she remembered. Nothing had changed; as long as she didn't think about it too much, which according to Edward she tried to avoid doing. It created a distance between them and it bothered Jake a lot more than he let on. Edward had told me. He was afraid that she was slipping further away despite his presence.

She was always busy. She always had things to do, or things to do soon. She loved to be active and if she had suggested it he would have joined her in whatever she wanted to do. She just didn't. If anything she had gotten even closer to Cadence and the two were rarely out of each other's company. She never seemed reluctant to spend time with him when she had it; it was just that she didn't have a lot of it.

Edward and I had made a firm decision not to interfere in their relationship. It was the only way we could be sure that it would be her choice, whenever she ended up making it. That was the key point. However upset Jake was or wasn't, he knew that it was her choice.

* * *

_A/N we might be skipping over a little more time here people. Not huge amounts, but some. I'm starting to see where I'm taking all this. I think it's gonna be good._

_Gaia v-I know, and there's more of it in here obviously. I'm trying not to bash him too much, but I can actually see him behaving this way. He can be such a child. Men._

_Improvgirl01-Oh don't worry about Cadence. As she gets more comfortable with them, and used to them she'll get better. I mean, she's only been back with the three dimensional people for a few months. She knows she can trust Renesmee because she knows her mind. Give her time. Kids get their view of the world from the adults around them. Once they stop treating her like she's made of glass, she'll stop feeling so fragile lol._

_Jolynnco-exactly, she's still only a child, she's learning about the world and the idea of a destiny she doesn't know about...well, I suppose it's a little like being told you're parents have arranged a marriage for you. Scary as hell._

_Cullengirl08-That's the thing, why would she? Jake's only ever been a friend as far as she knew, hell of a redefinition huh?_


	16. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I am poor. I own nothing. Take pity and don't sue.

* * *

One Year Later

December

BPOV

I crouched, tensed to spring. I couldn't afford to make the slightest sound. If I made any noise, he would he hear me. He would be listening, even now, waiting for a tell tale sound to give away my location. If it came to a straight out fight, he would beat me. That wasn't even a question. He was twice my size and a lot stronger than me. My only advantage was my agility. I couldn't let him win. It would mean that the sacrifices made by Esme, Alice and Rosalie pointless. I would not allow that. He was not going to win. I was an asset now.

I raised my head into the wind by the smallest degree, he was down wind. I could smell him; he was trying to be quiet too. I didn't imagine it was something he thought about often. I needed to be careful. I crept forward, and then I heard him moving as well. He was coming towards me. I skittered up the trunk of a tree as he approached, I wasn't breathing.

In a second I would see him, he would come through the trees. Even though I knew he was coming, I still had to stop myself from gasping when I saw him. His size was frightening if you thought about it which I would just as soon not. I didn't need to think, I needed to act. I tensed as I sprang, aiming for the centre of his chest. My aim was perfect, as I knew it would be. I twisted out of the way of his return shot.

As the red paint balls collided with the chest of my bear of a brother he growled out a stream of curses, "You complete pain in my arse! I had you! I had you twice."

I straightened up as the others came running out of the trees, and Renesmee and Cadence dropped down from above me. They had been refereeing from on high. Alice was laughing delighted, "You didn't even get close. I knew we would win."

I slung an arm around her shoulders, "Well, I couldn't let the guys win. It's good for them to lose; teaches them respect."

The guys followed at a slower pace looking sulky. My husband was the first to crack a smile as the girls bounded over to him.

Edward reached into his back pack and passed two cans of soda to the girls, "Thanks dad," said Renesmee draining half of it at once.

Cadence nodded her head in agreement, "Thank God. Dying here."

Emmett ruffled my hair, "Doesn't matter, I'm gonna shoot the crap out of you next time."

Esme started to tie up her hair, "Oh good. Round six?"

I looked at Alice, "Do we have time?"

Alice reached out and took Cadence's hand. Renesmee automatically took her other one and the three of them slipped immediately into a relaxed posture. They looked for maybe five seconds before Alice's eyes refocused on me, "Jacob will be here in an hour, and Charlie's cab will be here in 98 minutes."

I nodded and smiled, "Round six it is." It was good to let off a little steam now; we needed to behave for Charlie.

* * *

Charlie pushed open the door, dragging his bag up the steps behind him. Edward hurried forward to take it from him. I could see a few extra strands of grey in his hair and moustache, but other than that he looked no different. I smiled warmly at him and as his eyes fell on me his face lit up. "Hello, Bells. You're looking well."

I made an effort to keep my speed under control as I rushed to hug him. If he noticed he ignored it. He hugged me tightly, for a human, and kissed the top of my head. I hugged him back very gently, "It's really good to see you to see you kid."

"It's good to see you too Dad. Seems like it's been ages."

Charlie had last been to visit for a week over summer, but he always made it to us for Christmas. It was one of my favourite times of the year. "It has been ages." Charlie looked around the room and his eyes widened as he spotted Renesmee and Cadence. Renesmee was physically about thirteen now.

The change was perhaps one of the most dramatic Charlie had seen so far, she was starting to look like a young woman as the childish softness faded from her body. Cadence wasn't far behind her. When you knew my daughter was in fact only a little over three years old it could be a little startling. If her rate of growth continued to decline she would be about fifteen on her next birthday, seventeen at five and as predicted, and an adult at six.

My father had gotten amazing at suppressing anything he didn't want to think about, but this time seemed to startle him more than ever. I heard his heart rate increase but the blood drained from his face, "Whoa whoa, take it easy Charlie. It'll stop. It won't keep going."

My dad stared at Edward, and I understood. It had just occurred to Charlie that if Renesmee kept growing like this, she would be an old woman very quickly, "You're sure?"

Carlisle was nodding, "It's all been checked. I assure you, she will live a very long and healthy life."

Charlie looked that the floor for a moment and took several deep breaths. Then he opened his arms and smiled at his granddaughter, she returned it warmly and ran to hug him. I watched as Charlie was greeted warmly by the rest of the clan. Jake held back till last. He reached out to shake Charlie's hand and was pulled into a hug. Charlie didn't know that we could hear of course, but we all did, "You okay kid? You look beat up?"

Jake pulled back and smiled, "I'm well Charlie, how are you?"

"I'm good. Glad to be here."

* * *

JPOV

I knew it wouldn't take long, but even I was surprised at the speed at which Charlie managed to corner me alone. I had gone into the kitchen to get a bottle of water and he followed me, "So, how are you Jake? Really?"

He didn't sound comfortable and I wasn't surprised. Charlie wasn't the type to initiate personal conversations, I remembered Bella telling me about the times he had tried to have parental conversations with her. Mortifying, was the word she had used; I could imagine. "I'm really okay Charlie. It's been a big change obviously. But I'm starting to really feel at home here."

He didn't look like he really believed me but he nodded, "Okay, if you say so," he turned and I breathed a sigh of relief, but he turned back, "If you don't want to talk about it, it's okay. I get it. But I've known you since you were born Jake and I know something's wrong. If you need anything, let me know."

I wanted to thank him but the words wouldn't come out. Before I could force myself to speak, he had headed back into the living room. I didn't feel like rejoining the party yet. I slipped out onto the back porch, chose a chair and stared up at the stars. It really was beautiful here. I wished I could relax and enjoy it but Charlie was right. I didn't feel at home here. Something was missing.

I had been back with them for over a year now and I still didn't feel like I had reconnected with Nessie properly. We spent time together, did things, laughed and joked, but there was something...off. I couldn't put my finger on exactly what it was. I tried hard not to compare our relationship to the others I knew where there was imprinting. Sam and Emily, Jared and Kim, even Quil and Claire. There was an innate bond beneath every interaction, whatever interaction it was. I saw it around me every day even here. I was constantly surrounded by adoring couples and it could be a lot to take.

We had never discussed how she felt, knowing I had imprinted on her. I wished she had found out from me, or that we could have avoided her finding out at all until she was older. There was nothing to be done about it now though. Totally screwed as the saying goes. I wondered if maybe I should have it out with her, just ask her how she felt about it. I was cautious about even attempting it. After all it might make her pull even further away from me. There was no way to know in advance.

I just wanted to find some way to solidify our connection, a connection I knew was still there. I would relax a lot if I could just feel some sense of reassurance. The idea that my Nessie didn't need me like I needed her hurt me. She was happy when she was with me, but she seemed just as happy when she was with her family. I needed her in order be happy.

I heard the door open behind me. I was surprised I hadn't heard whoever it was approach, "What are you doing out here Jake?"

The sound of her voice made my throat tighten. I swallowed, "Just a bit crowded. Thought it might be nice to get some air."

She walked over and sat next to my chair cross legged on the floor, "You're right, it's nice out here. When Alice get's going there's no stopping her."

There was amusement in her voice, "It looks like Santa's grotto in there."

She giggled, "If Santa was real he would be performing here tonight I guarantee it."

The sound of her laughing brought an instant smile to my face, "Maybe, but with her attention to detail the reindeer would have to be kept outside. Can't have easy-to-startle animals causing problems on the carpet."

"True, wolves that shed everywhere are bad enough."

Was she teasing me? She was smiling. I hoped that she was. It was nice to connect over anything, even mocking. Mocking was something family did, "Well, your hair's almost the same colour as mine when I shift. Maybe you're shedding."

She stuck her tongue out at me but she was still smiling. She climbed to her feet with a sigh, "Come back in when you're ready. Dad promised we could try egg-nog this year. It's only of the few human foods and drinks I've encountered that doesn't smell like crap."

I nodded, "I'll be in for a glass." She disappeared into the house without making a sound.

I leant back in my chair and smiled, it was only a baby step, but she had noticed my absence and come looking for me. It was a start.

* * *

March

"Give it up wolf man. You've got nothing and you know it."

Nessie glared at me over her cards. Her best poker face. I had no idea what she was holding, but she was wrong about me. I had a full house. Could she beat it? I didn't care. This was one of the few times I had managed to get her to myself for an entire day. It hadn't been planned. She would normally have been with Cadence or Esme since Carlisle was at work and the others were at class. But Nahuel and Huilen arrived this morning for a short visit and they had wanted to spend some time with Cadence.

Nessie had elected to stay behind and let them go alone; she thought it should be a family thing since they saw so little of each other. So she had called me. We had gone shopping for ice cream and then sat around playing different card games. I was elated at the idea of spending a whole together, maybe she would want to go out for lunch, or order in. Maybe we could go for a quick hunt if she was in the mood for blood. That would be fun.

I decided to raise, "You don't know what I have little girl. You can't beat me."

She smirked, raising one eyebrow, "Then let's find out." She picked up a stack of chips and added them to the pile, "I'll see you."

I narrowed my eyes, enjoying the theatrics of it, "You asked for it." I laid down my cards.

Before the cards hit the table we heard footsteps running towards the house. They were light steps. They didn't belong to an adult. Cadence I guessed. She burst through the door and rushed over to Renesmee. She seemed at a loss for words. After a second she grabbed my Nessie's hand. I knew they were communicating. I didn't want to admit it but it annoyed me when they did that. It was a part of Nessie I couldn't share. Still, I knew it was irrational, and I didn't hold it against Cadence. She made Nessie happy.

After a few seconds Nessie looked at me, her eyes filling up with tears. I leaned forward and put my hand on her shoulder, "What's wrong Nessie? If you tell me we'll fix it."

She shook her head sadly, "It's not something that needs fixing. It's something that needs doing."

"What is it?" If she would just tell me I would FIND a way to fix it. No matter what it took.

She looked intolerably sad, "Cadence is going away for a while."

I looked at the little blond creature who I now noticed was also close to crying. I had never gotten the impression that she wanted to leave the Cullen's and clearly she didn't want to now. "Why? Why would she have to?" I wasn't trying to be rude by only addressing Nessie, it was just habit added to the fact that Cadence sometimes seemed a little scared of me.

Nessie looked straight at me and I could see the fear and defiance there, "The Volturi."

* * *

It turned out that the Cullen's were not in any real danger, which made a refreshing change. Usually if there was trouble they were right in the thick of it, not this time. No one was in trouble, as long as Cadence went alone and the Cullen's all stayed here.

I stood a little way back as Nessie clutched her friend to her and cried. I wondered if Nessie would let her go in time for her to get on the plane. It might be a close one. If there had been a way to avoid this, I was sure they would have taken it. There just wasn't.

I had sat and watched last night as the three of them, Alice, Cadence and my Nessie had sat close together on the floor and looked into the future together. They had been at it for hours, as it was harder for Alice to see everything clearly second hand, but she persevered. The results had been difficult for them to hear.

The Volturi were making a visit to see Nahuel's father. Aro was staying behind in Volterra; he would get the full story when his guard returned anyway. Caius was actually going himself and there in lay the problem. The chances of the Cullen's all surviving if they went with Cadence were very bad. Caius would use any excuse to start a fight. He was angry about the metaphorical spanking they had received the last time they crossed paths with them and was eager for revenge.

Also, if the Cullen's were there it would sour Caius and the guard on Nahuel and his sisters as well, all of them. Alice could see many possible outcomes. In not one of them did everyone survive. However the Volturi would suffer losses, only a few would escape and that might start an all out war. None of the options looked good.

The only available alternative was for Cadence alone to return with Nahuel and Huilen. They had been warned that Nahuel's father had no options. He was going to be torn limb from limb no matter what, and anyone who stood in the Volturi's way would join him. However, if Cadence and Nahuel did not interfere, did not even speak for their father, they would both be fine.

The blonde and Emmett had flat out refused. The other's had agreed with them. It had been Cadence herself who had insisted. This was her choice she said. Surely they wouldn't keep her here if she wanted to go? Would she be welcome to return afterwards? Then this was her decision to make and it was made. She would go with her brother and follow Alice's instructions to the letter.

Cadence had been very determined.

Now she pulled away from Nessie for a moment and turned to look at Carlisle and Esme. Esme's beautiful face was agonized as she looked down at the small girl. She reached down to hug her, "We love you very much sweetheart. Come back to us soon."

"It'll be a while." A long while apparently. The Volturi were going to monitor them for some time before they came forward. It was purely thanks to Alice that we knew Cadence should leave now. It would be better for her if she was found (not to mention spied on), living with Nahuel and Huilen than with the Cullens. Aro wouldn't be there to know any better.

Carlisle knelt in front of her, "However long it is, we'll be waiting for you to come home."

She hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek. Carlisle stood again and Esme stroked her hair gently. Cadence smiled tearfully and turned to Alice and Jasper. She threw her arms around them both and they hugged her. Her little whisper carried to us, of course, "Alice thank you for everything you've given me a chance to see, thanks for the shopping and the manicures and well...everything. Jasper, I'm going to learn chess while I'm away so get practicing."

They both chuckled, but it looked forced. They knew she was trying to make this easier and they were trying to let her. Jasper took her by the shoulders, "Take care of yourself little lady. We don't want to lose any members of this family."

Alice shook her head, "No we certainly don't. Just remember everything we saw and you'll be fine."

"I know. I love you guys."

She hugged them both again. "We love you too." Alice's voice came out a little rough, as though she wanted to cry.

I could tell that Bella wanted to as Cadence turned to her and Edward, "Please don't worry about me. I know you will, but I'm fine. Everything's going to be fine."

Bella scooped her up and held her tightly. It looked very odd to see someone as fragile looking as Bella lifting a teenager off her feet, "I can't not worry about you little love. What would we do if something happened to you?"

Cadence kissed Bella's cheek as she had kissed Carlisle's, "Edward has seen the visions, and he knows it'll be fine. Have a little faith."

Edward nodded but he still looked pained. Even knowing everything he did he didn't want to see her go. He touched her gently on the nose and smiled, "Just mind your manners with the Volturi and it'll be fine." His face grew more serious and he took her hand, "Please, please take care."

Cadence nodded and then hesitated. She took a deep breath before she turned to face Rosalie and Emmett. They both had smiles plastered to their faces but they didn't convince anyone. Cadence walked over to them slowly and they both hugged her. Sandwiching her between them as though they thought they could keep her here and protect her. The blonde was sobbing, but there were no tears on her face, "Oh sweetheart. I wish we could do this for you somehow."

Cadence was crying openly now but she still tried to laugh, "You've all had enough adventures with the Volturi for now. This one's mine."

Emmett just clutched her tighter, "We both love you so much. You know that right?"

She nodded, "Yes. I love you too. Mom. Dad."

"Emmett, we can't. I can't. We have to find another..."

The others grouped together, whispering in hushed voices

'there is no other way Rose...this is the only way for us all to see next year...Nahuel and Huilen will protect her...I've seen it Rose, if we trust her it'll be okay...we have to trust them all...please Rose."

I stood a little apart from the group. I couldn't help here and I knew it. There wasn't anything I could do anyway. There announcement came for the flight and Rosalie still held on to Cadence. After another minute she kissed Rosalie's cheek, "Love you mom."

And she wriggled free. She picked up her bag and looked around at us all, "I'll be back before you can miss me."

Nahuel and Huilen came over to join us. Nahuel put his arm around his sister's shoulder, "I'll protect her with my life. I promise."

Cadence smiled at us all, but the tears were still running down her face, and she whispered, "Bye."

She turned and headed for the doors. We all waited for her to disappear. What else was there to do? But she stopped and turned around. She ran back over to us and threw her arms back around Nessie. She reached down and took one of her hands. Nessie listened for a second and then nodded, wiping her face with the back of her hand.

Neither of them said a word and Cadence disappeared back over to the doors and through them. And she was gone.

We all stood staring at the doors for a long time, or maybe it just seemed like a long time. Then I heard my Nessie's little voice, "I can't believe she's gone."

She turned, finally giving up hope of the doors reopening, and saw me stood off to the side. She looked so forlorn, "Oh Nessie, I'm sorry."

Her face crumpled and she took two steps forward and bounded into my arms. I caught her automatically but I was surprised. She hadn't done anything like that since before she'd left. I held her tightly and let her cry. I tried to remember that she was upset, that she needed some support from the people in her life. But in reality it was hard to escape the fact that she had just turned to me when she needed someone.

I felt as though something warm was growing inside my chest as I said soothing things and tried to calm her. This was it, the connection that I had begun to be afraid was broken beyond repair. I almost smiled, laughed, leapt for joy, but I didn't. Not now. Not yet. There would be plenty of time.

I felt as though someone was staring at me, I looked up and sure enough Edward's eyes were fixed on mine. He didn't look very happy.

* * *

_A/N Okay, I don't really want to go down the 'Volturi route' but I didn't want to leave them out entirely either, so they're in the story in what I think is a reasonable way, but we won't be seeing them. Unless everyone wants too? But I'm quite okay with leaving them out._

_Traceybuie-yay you're back. Though to be fair the last two chapters went up quite close together so I'll let you off lol. Isn't Jake evil? Well maybe evil is a little strong, but still. Talk about taking advantage of a situation. What do you think? _

_Brin-smyth-I think you might have skipped a chapter somewhere ; ). But yes she is. Another one of Nahuel's sisters. Their father must really get around._

_Jolynco-you're most welcome. Thought I'd try some other nickname than Nessie which I happen to agree with Bella about. The Loch Ness Monster indeed!_

_Cullengirl08-so you see, if men really want something, they'll wait forever. They'll sit in the corner, just like a spider and wait for you to be needy. Hear me all women! Don't ever let it show when you're vulnerable, they can smell it anyway._

_Spannieren-Yay, again. Let's all be irritated with Jake together._


	17. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: They all belong to Stephanie Meyer. I can't even have one.

* * *

March

BPOV

Renesmee decided to make it an early night when we got home from the airport. Edward said we should let her go, she wanted to be alone. I didn't want to be alone. I took Edward's hand and we went out together to hunt. We didn't talk, there was no need. We stalked through the woods, looking for something that smelled good. After an hour, we caught the scent of a mountain lion. I listened, it was moving slowly, it had probably eaten recently and was sluggish. Not a challenge, but then, nothing was. Not to us.

As one we moved towards the scent, crossing the distance quickly and silently. Once we were close Edward left my side, circling round the big cat. My eyes picked out his form as he flew through the trees. When he was opposite me, we both sprang at the animal. It hissed in horror and outrage, but our attack was swift and it didn't struggle long. There was no point in making the poor creature suffer.

The animal was done quickly and I got to my feet. My feeding had gotten a lot tidier over the last few years. Edward rose and looked at me. His eyes questioning, was I okay?

I put my hands into his and leant against him. I lifted the shield from my mind and let him see how sad I was. I mourned the loss of the strange little girl who had become so much a part of our family so quickly. It was odd to think of her not being here in the house. She had always shared it with us. I was sorry for the pain it was going to cause Renesmee too. She and Cadence were so close that I knew her absence was going to affect her. But most of all I was worried because no one knew how long she might be gone. All we knew was that the safe futures for everyone were the ones where we weren't there with her.

Without Alice, how were we to be sure that she wouldn't stumble onto a dangerous path and end up dead? It would destroy Rosalie, it would damage us all. Grief was not something that passed easily when you were a vampire; hard and unchanging.

Edward kissed my forehead, "Oh Bella, I'm sorry. I really believe that she'll be safe. You need to believe it too." He pulled one of his hands free and crushed me to his chest, "She's going to be fine. Alice has never led us wrong yet."

I sighed heavily, "I know it's just...why does it feel like we've abandoned her?"

"We haven't Bella. We've made the best decision we can, with the information we have. No one can do any better than that love."

Not for the first time since I'd been turned I wished that I could cry. There weren't many things that I missed about being human; a lot of it had faded. Crying, though. I could remember how much better crying could make you feel, "Do you think Renesmee will be okay?"

Edward thought for a moment, "Yes, I think so."

There was a slight hardening to his eyes that he tried to cover, "Too late mister. I saw that. What's wrong?"

He looked down at me as though he was debating but he seemed to decide suddenly, "Jacob was...irritating me at the airport."

If I was honest I could hardly remember him being there. I had been so focused on Cadence and Renesmee and Rose that I couldn't remember him doing anything specific. Except hugging Renesmee just after Cadence had gone, "Why's that?"

Edward shrugged, "Nothing really, it's silly. It's just that he was so pleased when Renesmee turned to him for comfort. He's been feeling disconnected from her and it...cheered him up. And...Well, it was just for a second and he covered it quickly but he was glad that Cadence had to go. If the result was 'his Nessie' needing him more, he was glad of her friend's absence. It was a selfish feeling. It irked me."

It did me too and I scowled angrily, "That's...well, I don't know if I can put it better than 'selfish'." When Edward was hurting it almost destroyed me, I would never want to profit from anything that made him unhappy.

Edward's face relaxed and I realised that he had been expecting me to defend Jake, "It could just be his age, but sometimes he thinks that way. He really does care for her Bella, he loves her and wants her to be happy, I've never tried to deny it, but sometimes...well I guess you could say that he wants her more than he loves her. He needs her in order to be happy."

"What should we do?" I was worried. Edward didn't seem to be overly concerned about what he was saying but I felt the urge to fix it. It seemed like something to fix.

Edward didn't seem to be thinking along the same lines, "Do? I don't think we should do anything. Unless I get anything bad from Jacob, and I never have, I think we should continue as we are. Remember? Her choice?"

I took a deep breath; it was calming, and nodded. That was what we had agreed.

* * *

September

Alice gasped suddenly, Emmett and Jasper turned from the video game they were playing and Jasper was at her side in an instant. Edward and Renesmee stopped playing the piano and I stopped listening to them. We all knew that gasp. Alice stared at something far away and Edward murmured under his breath, "Oh thank god."

"What? What's happening?" I whispered.

I needn't have bothered. Alice came back to us at that moment, "Zafrina is about to call."

We all heaved a sigh of relief. Contacting the Amazons had never been easy. It was much simpler to actually go and find them. We knew their scent so it was fairly easy. Phones were not a big thing when you lived in the jungle. We had not been able to contact them about Cadence and the situation. Maybe she could tell us something?

"Does she know anything about Cadie?" It was Renesmee who asked, though we were all thinking it.

Alice shook her head and everyone deflated a little, "No. She hasn't crossed paths with them yet. But...she'll promise to try and find out."

"Will she be able to?" The eagerness in my daughter's voice almost broke my heart.

"I can't see that. It's too closely tied up with Cadence." Alice rubbed the bridge of her nose, "And it's giving me a headache even trying." Alice pointed at the phone. On cue it started to ring.

We all looked at each other, but Jasper was the nearest, "Zafrina, hello it's good to hear from you."

After some polite enquiries about Senna and Kachiri he explained about Cadence. Zafrina promised to investigate and get back to us. Renesmee listened avidly while Jasper was on the phone, but once he was done and no one said anything, she swivelled back round on the bench and carried on playing, her shoulders a little slumped.

* * *

Jake arrived after his shift at the garage that night with ice cream for Renesmee, "Hey Nessie, how's it going?"

She smiled, looking glad to see him, "Kind of a bad day actually. Strawberries and cream?"

Jake reached into the bag and pulled out the ice cream, "What else? Come on, get a spoon and I'll deal the cards. We'll have you cheered up in no time."

I sat curled on the sofa with Edward as they set up their game on the table. We were watching a ridiculous TV show and I was trying not to listen to Jake's conversation with my daughter.

"So, why the crappy day Ness? Did Jasper beat you at chess? Hey that rhymes!"

She giggled, the first time I had heard her do so since the phone call, "No, he's still ahead of me though, 326 to 23 is the score at the moment."

"Ah, you'll catch him up in no time. Any other particular reason for the bad day?" His voice was curious but he was trying not to push too hard.

"We got a phone call from Zafrina today. She hasn't been in touch with Nahuel or...Cadie yet, but she's gonna try to. It just got me down." I almost got up to hug her. She sounded as though she was close to tears.

"Hmmmm, you know they could solve this problem by just becoming more cell phone friendly over there. So they prefer animal skins to jeans. Is that any reason to deny the wonder of the phone?"

She chuckled again, but her voice still sounded thick, "Yes I'm sure a huge antenna would fit right in. Never mind all the deforestation going on, let's just add a big metal triffid in the middle."

"You know I saw that added to the back of a florist's van once. 'Say it with flowers...give her a triffid."

Now she really giggled and I relaxed again. Jake knew how to cheer her up; I had to give him that. Edward didn't seem as comfortable next to me and I subtly pressed my hand to his arm. _What's up? Is Jake thinking something to bother you?_

He looked over at them at the table and shrugged. Then he shook his head very slightly. I knew there was more to that answer but now was not the time to get it.

* * *

Now was the time. I slid into bed next to Edward, who immediately pulled me close to him and kissed me fiercely, "You know how much I love our daughter but these later bedtimes are killing me." He kissed me again, running his hand down my side and to my hip. He grasped the night gown I was wearing and started to tug it up. As the silk slid up my leg I almost forgot that there was something I wanted to talk to him about.

I put a hand against his chest and he pulled back to look at me, "Something wrong?"

"No, of course not. I just wanted to ask you something before I forget. What was bothering you tonight? When we were sat in the living room and Jake and Renesmee were playing cards?"

He sighed, "You really don't miss a thing do you my Bella," he studied my face, "Well, I'm trying not to let it bother me, but Jacob has started to notice Renesmee."

I was momentarily confused and then it dawned on me what he was saying, "What?" I shrieked, "But that's...that's so wrong she's only a child."

Edward pressed a finger to my lips, "Shh my love, you'll wake her." He sighed, "As much as I'd love to agree with you, I can't. Next year she'll be the human equivalent of seventeen. The same human age as I am. The same age you were when we met."

I didn't want to hear what he was saying. I couldn't bear it, "Regardless of how old she is physically, mentally she's..."

"Bella, I think we both know that our daughter is not a naive child. She is incredibly mature and intelligent."

I sat up in bed pulling myself free of his arms. That was a mistake. I instantly felt more aggravated not less, "Are you the one defending Jake now? Are you on his side? You think it's okay for him to be...to be..." I couldn't think of a word bad enough.

"Calm down love, I'm not defending Jacob Black. And if he had any plans to act on his...observations, it is possible I might completely lose control and kill him." I heard the sincerity in his tone, "But he doesn't. And we can't deny the truth. Men notice her all the time. Her beauty is its own type of curse."

I remembered Rosalie's words from a long time ago; a time when I was still human and so the memory wasn't very clear. Men's eyes had followed her everywhere from the year she turned twelve. She had told me so. "So we just have to accept it?"

Edward pulled me back down into his arms and I went willingly, "That our daughter is growing up? We can fight it if you want but I don't know that it'll do any good. I'm positive it won't in fact."

"Humph. I don't like it."

A low growl rumbled through Edward's chest, "Neither do I."

* * *

RenesmeePOV

Our bedroom seemed so empty now. Even after the months that had passed, the walls still shouted about her absence. Almost cold in its lack of welcome. I missed staying up late talking to Cadie about what we had been doing all day. I sat down on her bed twirling her one stuffed animal around by its ears. It was a sad looking bear clutching a red heart. I had one the same. Jasper and Emmet and dad had won loads of stuffed animals at a fair, competing to see who could get the most and the biggest. They had been thrown out over the years, (the four foot whale dad had won hadn't exactly been a space saver), except for the two we now owned. Cadie had said that they looked like they needed a hug; we had both laughed and held onto one each.

When I'd come back from the airport, I'd sat on this bed and discovered the bear wedged down the side. It had started me crying and I hadn't stopped until I'd fallen asleep. I hadn't felt so bad since the day we'd thought Alice had left us. The sense of loss was there again. It was not an emotion I had a great deal of experience with, though I remembered it perfectly of course.

If we could just get some word on them it would be easier. It would help stop the worry that was eating at all of us. I could see it on the faces of my family. Cadie always seemed so small and although she didn't really need it, we all felt protective of her. She thought we were funny, but she loved us so she let us baby her a little.

Jake was a big help, of course. His spirits seemed impossible to dampen. We had gotten a lot closer recently and I found I was glad of his company whenever he was here. He always found a way to make me happy. I had been considering raising a topic with him I had never raised before. His imprinting on me. I wasn't sure that I wanted to. What if it turned out that I didn't like what he had to say? It might completely ruin our friendship. What if he didn't like what I had to say? That could ruin our friendship too. I didn't want that to happen. I would be very sad to lose Jake from my life.

There was also the other option. What if I did like what he said? If we were _destined_ to be together was I...designed to like it? The whole thing made a mess of my thoughts when I considered it too carefully. If I was destined to be with Jake, how did I know it was my choice? Which parts of our relationship were fated and which were the paths I chose?

I didn't like the idea of such big things in my life being out of my control. But then...wasn't love always out of control. Mom and dad had hardly had an easy time of it. Did I love Jake like that? Like dad loved mom and mom loved dad? Like Rosalie loved Emmett? Like Jasper loved Alice? I didn't know. I didn't think so, but maybe that was because I had never tried to look at him in that light. Maybe I should try? Or maybe I shouldn't try and force anything. It made my head hurt.

I got off Cadie's bed and climbed into mine. I didn't need to make any major decisions about it tonight anyway. There was plenty of time.

* * *

BPOV

It would be dawn in a few hours; Edward lay spooned against my back, one of his arms beneath me, holding me to him, the fingers of his other hand glided slowly over my shoulder and neck. He had to go slowly, if he surprised me my shield would drop back into place and we were experimenting. He wanted to see if I could keep my mind clear with...distractions. It wasn't easy. Several times already I had let it go as I relaxed under his stroking fingers, but after hours of practice I was slowly improving.

Edward traced the line of my collar bone softly with one finger and I sighed. His hand drifted backwards and his fingers moulded into the curve of my spine and stroked down. I shivered at the feeling and my hold on my shield trembled.

"I have an idea," I looked back at him. Edward looked very pleased with himself and I was instantly concerned. The last time he had gotten that look we had ended up making love in a tree. Yes, a tree.

"What is it?" I tried to make my voice suspicious which wasn't easy as his fingers were still stroking my back. It felt unbelievably good.

"Well, maybe you shouldn't think of this as an exercise, maybe you think of it as a task. If you pass I'll carry on, if you fail I'll start from the beginning."

"Hmmm that sounds...potentially frustrating."

He didn't wait for me to agree; he just chuckled and ran his fingers round to my hip. I shivered and suddenly his fingers were gone, "Now Bella, you're not even trying are you?"

His lips brushed my ear and I tried to remember to be annoyed. Instead I lifted the shield from my mind again. True to his word, Edward traced my collar bone again, his fingers moved over my spine. Slowly rubbing as they moved down and towards my hip. He moved with aching slowness, across my stomach and I fought to keep my mind open as I shivered again, "Very good love. You see? It's just about finding the right motivation," his breath tickled my neck.

I made a non-committal noise. I really didn't want to lose focus right now. Edward traced a path between my breasts and I gasped but he only moved back down to my stomach and up again. This was not fair. This was torture, "I'm not trying to torture you my love, I'm just trying to help."

My legs parted involuntarily and I heard Edward groan behind me, "Then let's test my limits. Please?"

His voice was low and I knew his eyes would be black, "Are you sure? I wouldn't want to push you too far."

I nodded frantically. _Yes. Yes._

He didn't speed up, but his touch moved to the inside of my left leg and I whimpered, the need for him to touch me was a physical ache, "Now now, concentrate love." How the hell was I supposed to do that? His fingers moved higher each time and then brushed lightly over my slit. I whimpered again and fought for control, "You're getting better all the time, love."

His fingers stroked me like feathers and I started to writhe. If he didn't touch me and now, I was going to lose my mind, "Well, I wouldn't want that to happen."

His fingers slid between my folds and I gasped. I lost control of my shield but he seemed to know better than to stop. After a few seconds he shifted against my back and I could feel him hard against me. I nodded, "Who cares about control anyway?"

"WE do," but his voice didn't sound convinced anymore. He was pressed against my entrance, "Tomorrow we care." He slid into me and we both gripped each other tighter.

His fingers were still rubbing me as he started to thrust. At first I joined in, but as I felt the orgasm starting to build I stopped. Edward froze against my back instantly, "Is something wrong?" He sounded breathless and I wondered at the self control he had.

"No, no, just...just don't stop, trust me." He started to move again and his fingers slid over my clit. I gasped and tried to concentrate, it got harder as the tension built in the pit of my stomach and my body started to shake, but I was a vampire and my mind should be capable of this.

Edward stroked my clit again and I lifted the shield from my mind as I came. _I love you Edward. _ It was strangely easy. Maybe my mind was more open than usual at this point. Edward gasped in surprise as my thoughts flooded into his and I felt him throb inside me. He let out a deep growl as he pulled my hips closer, deeper into me as he came.

We lay together breathing heavily even though we didn't really need to. Edward wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly, "That was incredible love."

I smiled and kissed the arm around me, if I could ever feel anything close to sleepiness it was in these blissed out minutes, "And it looks like we've found the trigger for simultaneous orgasms. Yay us."

He chuckled and I gasped at the way it shifted him inside of me, "Not that we had too much trouble with it before."

I looked over my shoulder at him, reluctant to leave his arms, "Do you think anyone heard that?"

"Renesmee's asleep and everyone else...well you know how it is."

I did, with vampire hearing in the house, even soundproofing only covered most things. It didn't matter. They'd be way too polite to mention it.

* * *

_A/N-Okay, I know everyone wants Cadence back soon, but she had to be gone for a while goddamnit! Otherwise where's the angst lol? How will we miss her? I also wanted to show a bit more of how Bella and Edward's relationship is growing. As anyone out there who's ever been in a long term relationship knows there just a certain way that you talk to each other; married people even more so. It just takes time to get to the level of intimacy where you don't need full sentences and where you can bicker and fight and it can be over in a second or carry on for hours._

_Sorry about the short RenesmeePOV, I know it's kind of stuck in the middle but I thought we should check in with her. _

_Gaia-exactly. Edward doesn't seem to have it in him to do, (or tolerate for that matter), anything to hurt people he loves. Jake? Well he doesn't like it but sometimes he can...what? See the up side? WTF?!_

_Gnrclln-Don't worry his suffering days are far from over. And yes the Volturi will be staying off stage. There are some wonderful exceptions (really wonderful), but I think overall they are a bit overused in fan fiction._

_Cullengirl08-I think he's actually taking it better than Bella. Just thought that might this chapter might be a fun role reversal scene. But don't doubt he hates it too._

_Jolynnco-Tee hee, you're sweet. If I give up writing maybe I can write feminist slogans. _

_Traceybuie-tracey tracey tracey, you know I can't tell you that. Would fucking love to but can't. Am I over creepying Jacob? I mean, I want him creepy but not skin crawling creepy? Do you see? Maybe weird is a better word._

_Thank you to everyone who said they like the last chapter. If you have a sec, hit the review button, pretty please. They've been amazingly helpful._


	18. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I own my laptop, but everything else belongs to Stephanie Meyer.

* * *

November

RenesmeePOV

I opened my eyes and stared out of the window at the cloudy sky. Today was Tuesday and they were normally quite crappy. Everyone had class on Tuesday so the house was empty. When Cadie was here we would have found something to do. We would have gone for a run in the woods, or accompanied Esme and helped with whichever project she was working on. I could still have gone with Esme, she would have been delighted to have me, but without Cadie it seemed sadder.

I was expecting today to be an improvement on my usual Tuesdays. Jake was taking the day off work while the garage was repainted and we were going to do 'something fun'. The 'something' was yet to be determined but I didn't care. It was going to fun anyway.

I swallowed, trying to fight the nervousness; I was going to do it today. I was going to talk to Jake about our relationship, it needed to be done. I couldn't go on with these unanswered questions floating over us. It was getting too weird. Sometimes, I would catch Jake looking at me and the emotion in his eyes was almost scary. I knew that it was going to be difficult but it would be worth it.

Maybe if I asked him, just asked him, how he felt about me I would know what to say. I didn't know what that might be though. I didn't know how I felt about him, it was all so confusing. I knew that I cared about him. I knew that I loved him. But could I fall in love with him? I had no idea.

I sighed and kicked back the duvet. I was meeting Jake at his house in half an hour, I had insisted. The people in my life needed to let me go, just a little. Jake only lived a few minutes away at my speed and it wasn't like anyone could hurt me. Anyone who tried to take advantage of the girl with the curly hair would get a very nasty surprise.

I dragged on a pair of jeans and headed for the bathroom, I had taken a shower the night before so I could sleep later and now I brushed my teeth and freshened up. I wondered where we should go today. Where would be a good place to ask Jake about his ideas for the future? I had no clue; I thought maybe we should try to find a place where we could have some privacy. What if the conversation didn't go well?

I crawled under my bed looking for my left shoe; I was sure I had kicked them both off and flung them next to the nightstand. I wriggled back out, and on my way I spotted the shoe. I must have kicked it under Cadie's bed.

I walked over and sat down on it. After so many months, her scent had faded almost entirely, and I wasn't sure if the traces that remained were real, or some kind of imaginary memory. I wished that she was here, if she was she could have told me what to do.

I sighed and dragged myself up and off the bed. I needed to set off if I wanted to be on time, and if I was even a second late I knew that Jake would come looking for me. I grabbed my other black shoe and stuffed it onto my foot. They were new, they always were. Running through the woods at the speeds we did, shoes tended to only last a few days, weeks at the most.

I ran down the stairs and through the front door, locking it behind me. I set off running through the trees, Jake was only four miles away and I would cover that distance very quickly. The wind blew through my hair as I pushed my muscles hard. I loved the feeling. There weren't many areas where control wasn't needed, running was one of them. I could just let go, give myself up to the fun of it and run. Maybe when I got close to Jake's I would call him to come run with me and we could just carry on.

I was considering the benefits of this idea when I heard footsteps behind me. They were moving quickly, almost as quickly as mine, and they were speeding up. It didn't sound familiar. The length of the stride was wrong for any of the people I knew, vampire or otherwise. I felt a surge of fear, another feeling that was rare for me. There weren't many things in the world that I had to be afraid of. I sped up. I was close to Jake's now, in a few seconds he would be able to hear me if I called for him. I would be fine.

"Ren? It's me."

I stopped instantly. I knew that voice. She wasn't speaking loudly and she knew that she had startled me. The voice sounded hesitant, as though she wasn't sure what kind of reception she was going to get. I didn't really think about it. I had to be sure I wasn't imagining things. I sped back towards the voice that had called me. The footsteps approaching matched my pace, and then I saw her.

Cadie had gotten taller, which explained why I hadn't recognized the sound of her footsteps. Her blonde hair had grown longer; it streamed out behind her as she ran towards me. When she spotted me a smile broke over her face and I felt one of my own answer it. We paused simultaneously, just smiling, and then sped towards each other.

I flung my arms over her narrow frame and felt her squeeze me tightly, "Hey Ren."

"Are you really home? Or am I dreaming?" I knew it was a stupid question but I needed to be sure. She felt very solid in my arms though.

She laughed and I knew she was real. Her laugh had changed, it was a little deeper and a lot smoother. I wondered if my voice had changed too, but I still knew the sound. It was completely different and still exactly the same. "Oh I'm here. I'm back, finally, if you lot will still have me."

Now I was laughing, "If we'll still have you? Oh Cadie, for someone whose so smart you can be a real dummy. We've all missed you so much. Come on."

I grabbed her hand and sprinted for home pulling out my phone and punching in speed dial five, "Renesmee? Is something wrong?"

"Aunt Rose, you'll never guess."

The excitement in my voice relaxed her, "Well you'd better tell me then hadn't you?" She said chuckling.

"Cadie's back! Aunt Rose, she's with me right now. Grab everyone and come meet us at home. I'll call Esme if you get everyone else."

I heard the sound of my aunt taking a shaky breath, "Oh thank god. Thank you god. We'll be there soon."

I called Esme as we ran. She gasped and I heard the shaky breathing again as she promised to start home immediately. She would call Carlisle on her way. I hung up the phone and leapt into the air dragging Cadie with me. She didn't fight it, she just span with me and landed gracefully. As we landed I pulled her into my arms again, "You have no idea how good it is to see you Cadie."

She hugged me back for a long second, "About half as good as it is to see you, to be back here. I missed everything and everyone so, so much."

I clasped her hands tightly in mine. Words weren't enough. I needed to show her how much she was a part of our family now. I showed her everyone's faces after she was gone, how much we had all missed her in our lives.

She smiled and I heard her in my head. _I promised you I would be back. I'm just sorry it took so long._

* * *

BPOV

We ran for home with Alice and Jasper and Emmett with us. Rosalie had already been running when she had called. I didn't blame her. I could have laughed out loud with joy. I glanced over at Edward and saw a smile stretched over his face. He looked elated, the same way the others felt, and I could feel it too.

I reached out and took his hand, we would be there in moments and we could all celebrate together. I could smell the wood of our front door. I could hear my daughter and her best friend and sister dancing round the living room with Rose.

Edward reached the door first, of course, and flung it open. The others were waiting for us, smiling in welcome. As one we converged on them, becoming a mess of laughing, happy arms that reached out to hug each other, not really caring who they were hugging. It was good to be together.

Cadence was being squeezed to death by Emmett when the door was flung open. I wondered how much noise we had all been making to miss it. Esme and Carlisle piled through the door again and headed straight for Cadence, pulling her into a hug. Esme held her gently by the shoulders and looked at her carefully, "Are you okay sweetheart? Did everything go all right?"

Cadence shrugged, "It took a lot longer than I expected obviously, but it wasn't too bad. We got through it," a small frown marred her features, "Well most of us did."

Rose looked instantly concerned and put an arm around her shoulders, "What happened? Are Nahuel and Huilen okay?"

Cadence opened her mouth to speak but Edward got there first, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but there is a very concerned werewolf heading for the house right now. Forget something Renesmee?"

He raised his eyebrows and my daughter looked embarrassed, "I forgot. I was on my way, but then..."

Edward nodded, "I know, but he's worried that something's happened to you so you'd better go and apologise." Renesmee's eyes flickered to Cadence for a second and Edward chuckled, "We'll wait for the story until you get back with him."

Renesmee smiled, squeezed Cadence's hand and disappeared through the door. Everyone started talking at once. Alice wanted to know if she wanted to go shopping. For once I agreed, Cadence's clothes looked very authentic, if you lived in the Amazon and there was no sign of luggage. Rose wanted to know if she was hungry, and when had she last eaten. Esme just held Carlisle's hand and the two of them smiled in contentment. Their family was complete and happy. Why wouldn't they be happy too?

I glanced over at Edward and saw a look of detachment on his face. He was listening, but he didn't seem focused on the room. I guessed immediately that he was listening in on Jake and Renesmee. I reached out and touched his arm, "Hey, you know she doesn't like it when we check up on her."

"I know, I'm sorry," his face cleared and he smiled at me, "I just don't think that Jacob is going to be very pleased."

I sighed. It was the only sadness at this point, the only point of concern. Jake loved spending time with Renesmee and it was almost certain that Cadence's return would reduce it at least a little. I wasn't entirely sure how he would react to that. I didn't want Jake to be unhappy again, and he had been so much better recently. What if he ended up withdrawn and distant like before? Feeling guilty even as I thought of it, I asked anyway, "Well? How is he taking it?"

Edward drifted away for a moment as he listened, "He's concerned, but not really. He's actually taking it much better than we would have expected. He is pretty sure that things will be okay."

I breathed a sigh of relief and Edward smiled at me, but there was something missing, "What's wrong?"

His face relaxed, "Honestly, nothing. I guess I just worry. I'm a father it's my job."

"Are you sure?" If he was worried I didn't want him to have to worry alone.

"I'm positive. He's completely calm." I was finally convinced by the smile on his face and even more so by the sound of Renesmee heading back towards the house at speed. Maybe we were both worrying for nothing and everything would be fine, "Jake's going home. He's rescheduled with Renesmee for tomorrow." I offered a silent prayer for life to stay calm. I had had enough drama for now.

* * *

Cadence and Renesmee were ploughing through a mixture of different kinds of ice cream. There were eight tubs on the table and they were making a wonderful mess. Emmett brought the hot fudge sauce into the room last and collapsed onto the floor next to Cadence's feet. He touched her foot for a second and smiled. He looked so happy, "So are you going to tell us the story? What's your year been like?"

Cadence took a deep breath, "Well, I' m glad it's over. It felt like it took forever."

Emmett touched her foot again, "Felt that way over here too."

Renesmee nodded in agreement, "I didn't expect you to be away so long."

"Neither did I. But they didn't just come and see us. I was there three months before they even showed up. Then they watched us. I don't know how long they had been there before we noticed them though."

Carlisle nodded, "They were probably checking to see how different you are from full vampires. I'm sure Aro would have been expecting a detailed report on their return."

Cadence nodded, "That's pretty much what we thought, but it was so unsettling to know we were being watched all the time. And then when they finally did show up, they brought Joham and his other daughters."

Cadence's face crumpled and both Rose and Renesmee reached for one of her hands, "They acted as we expected. They wanted to punish him for taking the risks he took. They...they asked us if we wanted to speak for him. In his defence."

The tears started to slide down her face and we all clustered together around her, it was Edward who spoke, "You did the right thing. There is no question. It was a trick. If you had spoken for him they would have blamed you as well. It was a trick."

Alice nodded, "You know it's true, we saw it. They would have used any excuse. Ever since our confrontation they have been getting more concerned with preserving their power."

Cadence nodded, "It was just...it was so awful to watch...they sound it made..."

Rose put an arm around her shoulders, "Hush love, you don't have to say anymore. We don't need to know. All that matters is that you're home and that you're safe now."

Cadence sniffed, "They left but they didn't really go. They stayed to watch us. Once we were sure they were gone I waited another three months before I headed back. I wanted to be very sure."

Alice frowned and I knew she was feeling frustrated again. If she had been able to see the future she would have been able to help. She felt my eyes on her and she smiled sadly. I didn't need Edward's power to know what she was thinking, "Don't even think that way, Alice. If it wasn't for you and what we found out before hand it would have been so much worse."

"Bella's right Alice," Cadence's voice was getting steadier, "If it wasn't for you, I would have been in the wrong place at the wrong time. It's over now anyway, so stop feeling guilty." Cadence got up off the couch and went over to hug Alice who I was shocked to see was now over an inch shorter than the blonde, "How can we shop if you're blue?"

Alice smiled, "True, it's no fun if you don't embrace it." True to form Alice was bouncing on her seat again, "Shall we go now?"

Cadence looked as though she was ready to agree but Rose wasn't having that, "No way Alice. I think a shower and a hunt might be a better idea. I'm sure Cadence has had a long trip."

Alice sighed, "Oh well, maturity today, frivolous spending tomorrow."

* * *

It was four o'clock in the morning before the girls went to bed. I suspected we'd all be taking the week off classes; no one seemed to feel like splitting up yet. I climbed onto the bed next to Edward and smiled almost lazily at him, "Do you know I had an epiphany today."

Edward snaked an arm around me and pulled me closer, "I'd love to hear it."

"Well, it came to me when we were running home to meet up, Garrett was right."

"About what, my love?"

"We have something here, something that it is a little strange. We love each other. All of us, we love each other so much that when one of us is happy we all are, and when one of us is missing we all feel it. We're all so connected as a family." I was happy to discover that vampire or not, we could share such a bond.

"It's true; there is an amazing connection between us all. I didn't realise how much Cadence's absence really affected us till she got back."

I nodded, and then continued a little hesitantly, "Do you know what happened there? Was it terrible?"

Edward paused; I knew his desire not to betray people's confidences sometimes warred with his desire to share everything with me. Sharing with me tended to win, "Two of Joham's daughter's stepped forward to speak for him. The Volturi destroyed all three of them. The sound of them screaming was the clearest memory in her thoughts."

I shuddered and then I was filled with empathy. I would never forget the times I had seen and heard the same things. The awful metallic tearing sound when a vampire's body was torn limb from limb. Then something else occurred to me, "Oh god, the two daughters? When the Volturi killed them they...well they had beating hearts..."

Edward nodded a truly disgusted look on his face, "It wasn't pretty." My mouth dropped open in horror. I couldn't imagine how much worse it would be to witness something like that. Edward held me tighter, "Don't worry my love, she's home now and we'll keep her safe with us." I couldn't think of anything to say. I was still picturing the two unknown girls and their deaths, "There is some good news though."

I struggled to get rid of the image in my head, "What's that?"

"From what I heard, Caius didn't find out about Cadence's gift. None of the other's were seen to have gifts so I hope they will assume that Renesmee is an anomaly."

That was good news, "Well then Aro won't be interested in her at least." We didn't need him being jealous of any more members of the Cullen family.

"Exactly. Unless there is a need, and I can't see there being one, it will be a very long time before they even consider the strange half-breeds in the Amazon jungle."

I thought again, it was more than good news it was excellent news, "Then you mean we're safe?"

Edward smiled and kissed my forehead, "That's what I mean."

Edward's mentioning the Amazon brought something to mind, "We never heard back from Zafrina. Do you think everything's okay?"

"I'm sure it is. The Amazon is no small place to search. We can ask Alice to look for their future tomorrow, if she hasn't already."

I was pretty sure that she would have and if there was anything wrong she would have mentioned it, "Wow, I think we might have actually gotten to a point where there's nothing wrong in our lives."

Edward smiled my favourite smile and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, "Well what do you know?"

I leaned forward and kissed him deeply for a full second, "Yeah, what do you know?"

The smile on my husband's face widened as he pulled me on top of him.

* * *

_A/N Yeah right. That's what I love about those two. They are so boundlessly optimistic. *Insert evil laugh*._

_Traceybuie-updated as soon as I could since you asked so nicely. I've pretty much got the next chapter worked out-now I just have to write the damn thing lol. Hope I got enough Volturi detail in without getting too boring. And don't thank me practicing...it just plays out in my head by itself._

_Gnrclln-See she's back. All better now ; )_

_Improvgirl01-Ah a woman after my own heart. I hadn't actually thought about an anniversary chapter but hey sounds like a plan. Should it be their wedding or their first night together after she's turned...or both?_

_Jolynnco- ooooohhhhh...all right then you convinced me._

_Justmarried2010-I can't promise anything yet because I really don't know. I'm not sure if I'm writing this anymore or if my minds on a tangent and I'm just along for the ride now. I'm now at the point where it could be either. Crazy you say? Hell yes._

_Cullengirl08-you like it cause they're naked. It's why we all like it : )_

_Spannieren-aww shucks thanks hun lol._


	19. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I have nothing, nothing, not a thing. I own none of it.

* * *

January

JPOV

"_Hello?"_

"Hey, it's me."

"_Hey Jake, it's good to hear from you."_

"Good to talk to you too Leah. How's everything? Everyone?"

"_Everyone's good. You missed Jared and Kim's wedding. It was kind of boring."_

"Oh Leah, you're such a hopeless romantic you know...Leah?"

"_Don't do that Jake."_

"Do what?"

"_You know 'what'. Every time we talk you do this and normally I can let it slide, but I've had the shittiest day ever and I'm not in the mood to humour you."_

"Leah, come on. You know I had to..."

"_To what, Jake? You had to what? Abandon everyone? Again? And this time you abandoned your own pack? I don't know if an alpha has ever just walked away from his pack before."_

"Leah, please. This isn't like you, has something happened? Is there something wrong?"

"_Jake, forget it. I've just had a really bad day. I don't mean to take it out on you."_

"Why was it so bad?"

"_Nothing big. I'm just tired. I don't want to talk about it."_

"Well, maybe I can help. If you'd just tell me..."

"_Jake, I said that I didn't want to talk about it!"_

"Okay, okay. Fine, sorry I cared."

"_You know what Jake, I didn't go far enough. I just don't want to talk to you right now. At all."_

* * *

I was surprised by how much it hurt when Leah hung up on me. She normally put on a brave face when I called and acted as though everything was fine...ish. I knew that I had dropped the weight of responsibility on her shoulders when I left. She was my beta after all, she was next in line.

Nothing had been done or said officially, after all, I could be in constant contact at a minutes' notice if they needed me. I was still their alpha. But that was as far as it went. I wasn't there with them. When I was in my wolf form and one or more of my pack was too, I could hear the undercurrent of resentment from them. I had just walked away. I had abandoned our people and our land; land which our tribe had protected for as far back as we could remember. I, Jacob Black, technically the chief of the tribe, had abandoned them all, because I had needed to. Even my dad's understanding had thinned as my absence had grown longer.

That's what they didn't understand. I had needed to do what I did. I couldn't be their alpha when it meant that I had to be away from my Nessie. I was probably doing a better job long distance; at least I wasn't depressing the crap out of them all the time. I had never wanted to be chief or alpha anyway. That was why I had refused when Sam offered. It wasn't a destiny I wanted.

But still...it hurt when she hung up on me.

* * *

BPOV

I wondered if Edward was very, very bored. It was a good job I was so much better at concentrating on multiple things now. I wasn't missing a word of the lecture, and yet my eyes were following the minute creases which appeared in my husband's forehead as his mind drifted.

He was probably listening to the voices, or maybe checking in with Alice. When the pixie was bored in class she would sometimes scan our futures, just being extra cautious, plus it gave her something to do. My eyebrows rose when I saw Edward smile minutely, I pressed my hand to his arm.

_What's so funny mister?_

He looked at me, the smile widening a little and he whispered, "Alice was looking into the future," ah, just as I suspected, "Apparently, she saw us...occupied this evening." I was mortified but Edward was still smiling, "Don't worry she's pretty good at 'looking away' when she sees something she doesn't want to." I scowled and tried to stay irritated but it was a little funny.

_Did it look fun?_

Edward looked as though he really wanted to laugh, but he kept his voice under control, "You could say that. She looked away very quickly."

* * *

I climbed into the back seat of the car in an excellent mood, though I was trying not to meet Alice's eye too directly. It was nice to know I was in for a pleasant evening. Jasper turned the ignition and swung the car into the traffic, following Emmett and Rosalie's car. I was considering dragging everyone out to go hunting early when Alice hissed in annoyance next to me, "Oh for God's sake. I hate it when that happens."

"What's wrong Alice?" I asked, instantly concerned. I knew that reaction. Future issues.

"The whole evening's just disappeared. I assumed the girls were out together because I could see everyone else's plans," I gave thanks again that I was freed from the horror of the blush, "But now it's gone."

I wasn't too worried, after all, it was more than likely that the girls had changed their plans and therefore ours had changed too. But of course, it made me want to get home and check on them. Jasper pushed the car faster, apparently agreeing with me.

Edward sighed a few seconds later, "It's fine, I can hear them. Jacob is there. He wasn't planning to visit tonight," Edward's voice trailed off as he listened again, "He has a request to make of us Bella."

There was a distinct change in Edward's tone that instantly had me worried, "Is something wrong?"

Edward snorted, "Well, he doesn't think so. He wants our permission to ask Renesmee on a date."

"What?" I didn't even try to keep the shriek out of my voice.

"Shh, Bella love calm down. Any louder and they'll hear us before we get there."

"Edward, what...we can't...she's not an adult yet. She's not...we can't." Despite my incredible brain power it seemed it was still possible for me to be rendered speechless. Maybe it was only where my daughter was concerned.

Edward held my hand tightly in his, "Just try to calm down, love."

"Calm down? How am I supposed to do that? Jake wants to 'date' my daughter?" I could feel myself getting angry. Oh I knew it all, I knew it was okay, he loved her, he would never do anything to hurt her, and he was a perfect match yadda yadda yadda. But at that moment it didn't really matter, I was as freaked out as any parent who is told that their child is shacking up with one of their own childhood friends. That is to say, very freaked out. I was pretty sure I was entitled.

"Listen, I know. Believe me I know. But we have to think about this. We have to be calm. We are her parents and we need to act like it."

I took a deep, unneeded, but certainly calming breath. Edward was right, and he was as gently as possible, trying to remind me that we didn't have the luxury of giving in to our anger. Especially as we were vampires; losing control of oneself was not an option. I took another breath and nodded, "Okay, what do you suggest?"

Edward sighed heavily, "Honestly? I have no idea."

Alice cleared her throat and raised her hand, "I might have a thought. We could just check out the options?"

Jasper's voice was quiet, as though he didn't want to interrupt, "Would that even work? I mean, Renesmee knows about Jake and the imprinting and everything, but she's never said how she feels about it."

"She's mostly confused, "Edward said, "She really doesn't know what she feels, or what she's supposed to feel. She's gotten close to asking him about it a few times, but she's never actually done so."

"And Jake hasn't either?" That surprised me, Jake wasn't exactly known for his patience.

Edward shook his head, "He wanted to leave it up to her, but now that she and Cadence have started attending school he's getting concerned."

That had been a nightmare to organize. Carlisle and Esme were clearly the only two of the group who were old enough to have adopted children of the right ages. We had needed to purchase another large property and yet another to make the story believable.

Now, Rose and Emmett were a husband and wife who had taken in Rosalie's orphaned sister Cadence, their brother Jasper also lived nearby to help out. Edward, Alice and I were adopted as was Renesmee who was supposedly Edward's younger sister. The resemblance really was too much to ignore. Of course we all primarily lived in the main house and as remote as the houses were, we didn't attract attention. Being scrupulously responsible could be a pain, but it was necessary. It had also meant that Renesmee and Cadence could attend their first school together.

They loved it and I guess I could see why it might be worrying Jake a bit, "He's worried about her slipping away?"

Edward nodded, "It's ridiculous of course. Trust me I would have noticed if one of the boys at their school had caught either of their eyes."

"You've been checking up on them?" I tried to make my voice as stern as possible.

Edward didn't look as though he felt guilty, "Of course. Anyone they are interested...well there are complications as you know only too well. But there hasn't been anything of the sort. Although they like their news friends and find them fascinating, they just seem to stick together naturally. It's probably an instinctive thing."

Ah, yes. Perhaps it was better if Edward gave up school so he could spy on them all the time. It would make me feel better. That wasn't the main issue now though, "The point is, if Renesmee hasn't made a decision about Jake, will Alice be able to see the futures? Even with Cadence to help?"

Alice frowned, "I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. Maybe I'll see little things; maybe I'll see nothing at all."

She looked so troubled that I felt guilty, "I'm sorry Alice, I just meant..."

"Don't be ridiculous Bella," she interrupted me, "I'm not mad at you, I just really don't know and it's irritating." I put a hand on her shoulder and she smiled, "There is another problem though."

"Another?" I said, "Oh joy. What now?"

"Well, I can't see this future without Cadence's help, and Renesmee's. So she'll see whatever I do."

Edward's voice was only a whisper but he meant for us to hear, "Maybe we just...shouldn't."

"Shouldn't? Shouldn't what?"

I looked at him and tried to be calm as his eyes met mine. They were serious, "Maybe we just shouldn't interfere."

"Edward..."

"No, Bella, listen to me. Please." I closed my mouth and waited for him to continue, "I'm just thinking about all the mistakes I made. I wasn't perfect and if it was up to your dad, he probably wouldn't have chosen me for you. In fact, it's pretty certain that he wouldn't have. Aren't we just doing the same thing?" I didn't know what to say. I understood what he was saying, and there was a part of me that agreed, but it was just different...she was my child, "Bella, I still think that we did the right thing. We took our daughter all over the world and showed her amazing things and I believe that was our right. But now...she's growing up, and if her choice is Jacob Black...well, doesn't he deserve his shot? Do we have the right to interfere?"

"I hate to interrupt guys..." Jasper pulled into the driveway. Time to face the music then. I didn't let go of Edward's hand as I climbed out of the car, "I'm sorry Edward."

He pulled me into his arms and kissed my cheek, "For what?"

"I didn't mean to get so upset, it's just..." I could feel that strange sensation in my chest, as though my body wanted to cry.

Edward stroked my cheek and hugged me tighter, "I know. It was way too fast."

* * *

I could tell that Jake was nervous as soon as we got through the door. His back was to us, when we entered, sitting in one of the huge chairs, but his head swung around to meet my eyes and I could see he was wondering how much I knew. Renesmee and Cadence were sitting on the sofa and they called greetings to us all, "Hey mom, Cadie and I made the cheerleading squad. Miss Miller says we're amazingly graceful, especially since we've not done anything like this before."

Both the girls chuckled and I couldn't fight the smile that came to my lips. It would have been nice to have not been the clumsy one in school, "Well, just make sure you don't get overexcited and leap six feet in the air or something." The girls both laughed and were promising to behave themselves when I looked at Jake again. I felt a surge of annoyance that I knew was irrational but it was hard to fight none the less. Jasper came into the house behind us and touched his fingers lightly to my shoulder, "Bella, do you want us to get anything from the store? Ice cream for the ladies?"

I knew he was just combining excuses. The peace and calm radiated through my body from his fingers, and he was justifying him leaving, probably taking Alice too. Part of me wished they wouldn't. I could use their support right now. But it would be better to do this quietly. "Sure, ice cream?" I asked the girls.

They nodded and Cadence bounced a little in her seat, "And hot sauce? Pretty please?"

Renesmee nodded enthusiastically, "And eggs please."

I looked at my daughter in surprise, "Eggs? You've never asked for eggs before?"

"I know, but when we were heading home today we walked past a cafe and they were making omelettes."

Cadence apparently agreed, "With cheese I think, it was..." apparently there were no words to describe how good it was.

"Smelled amazing. It might not taste good but hey, only one way to find out."

I turned to look at Jasper with a smile, "You got all that?"

He nodded and turned for the door and then paused, "But you know, you can put a lot of different things with omelette. Anything else you want to try?"

The girls looked at each other, "Ummm..."

"Well, why don't you just come with us? We're going to run so we shouldn't be long." The girls were immediately on their feet, chattering about what they should try and I tried to show Jasper how much I appreciated his help using nothing but my eyes. He understood.

Renesmee paused at the door and looked back at Jake, "You not coming?"

Jake waved a hand in a tired way, "It's been a long day Ness, and I'll be here when you get back."

Renesmee looked concerned, "You? Tired? You're not sick or something are you?"

Jake chucked and shook his head, "Don't be silly Nessie. Just a long few days. Pick me up something to eat and I'll bounce right back."

"Okay, see you soon."

They were all gone from the house in a second, but I waited before I turned to my friend, "Go ahead, apparently you have something to ask us."Jake lifted his chin a little and Edward shifted, a very quiet growl in his chest, "What? What's wrong?"

But Edward wasn't looking at me, "Oh we can be damn reasonable. But if you know what's good for you, you better be here to ask. Very politely."

Jake took a deep breath and I realised that he had bristled at the idea of having to 'ask' our permission. I almost chewed him out then and there but I thought better of it. There was no point in getting angry before we'd even started, "Edward's right. We can be reasonable. So go ahead."

Jake looked irritated, "Aww, come on Bells. You know what I came here for. Do you just want to see me stew or something?"

"Or something." But suddenly I didn't feel so angry anymore. Yes, it was still weird. Yes, it still freaked me out. And yes, being in love with your first love's child was completely screwed up, but it could be worse. Jake was still Jake. He was still my friend and however much things had changed between us in the last five years, some small, unbiased, maternal part of me recognised that I did not have to fear for my daughter. This 'man' (and I used the term cautiously seeing as I couldn't imagine Jake ever really being a grown up), would not hurt Renesmee.

"Okay, well...I'm not sure what you want me to say. Should I make a pitch or something?"

I couldn't stop the smile that lifted the corners of my mouth. I didn't want to be smiling now. I wanted to look like a stern parent who meant business, but I was having a hard time really being angry anymore. Trying to keep two people apart if they wanted each other...well, you might as well try to hold back the tide. And if one of them didn't want to...well, if there was anything wrong we would know very quickly. No one could keep secrets from Edward. "Jake, you don't have to say anything."

His brow furrowed in surprise, "But I thought I was going to have to make a speech. Be all polite and shit."

"Well, first of all, watch your mouth. I don't want Renesmee and Cadence getting in the habit of it, it's common."

Jake blushed and I realised just how nervous he was, "Sorry, you're right it is. I've spent too long in men's heads. I'll behave."

I looked at Edward who hadn't spoken in a while, if he had something to say to Jake (maybe a few graphic threats just for clarification), I didn't want to stop him, "You know everything Jacob. Just don't forget it. And don't forget this either, I will be watching and listening." Jacob nodded and stared at Edward. I wondered what he was telling him, but I didn't interrupt. Something told me this was a man to man kind of thing, "Just remember Jacob Black, and don't screw things up."

* * *

_A/N I'm sorry it's been so long, I've quite literally not had a minute to write. What with guests (again, I swear to God I should start charging and just give up work), friends emigrating, and actually finding the time to eat and sleep it's been a bit hectic. But I'm back and I already have a big chunk of the next chapter written. So updating soon I hope._

_Traceybuie-you wonderful woman, you always see it coming don't you? But I'm not hiding my evilness I promise. It's out in the open for everyone to see._

_Spannieren-no fluff this chapter. "What? Why?" I hear you cry. Don't worry, it'll be back._

_Peanut1981-Yes, others have suggested it, and I am considering it, but I don't think that's the way it's going. But if you keep reading you shall see ; ) lol._

_Jolynco-evil laughs abound. Just thought we should see Bella freak out a little. It's easy to not worry about something when you think that it's avoidable for years, but the reality? Well, I think she did pretty well considering. _

_TeamEdward14-Oh stop *blushes*. See? Ask and ye shall receive. More it is : p_

_Thank you to all the wonderful people who took a minute to review. You're all keeping me coming back to the keyboard...at four o'clock in the freaking morning. _


	20. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: It's not my sandbox; I'm just building castles there.

January

EPOV

I watched as my daughter got very messy. She, Alice and Cadence were busy in the kitchen and I watched them quietly through the window. Alice, as ever, was prepared to try anything new and cooking? Well it was a whole new skill for her to try and perfect. She was considering taking another course in it at college, but was finding the practical side frustrating. Humans never realised how many things were 'seasoned to taste'. They were having fun and I loved to see it. Renesmee had been getting too serious lately. She could feel a change coming; she knew that something was going to happen and a part of her mind even knew that it would be on account of Jacob.

She had discussed it with Cadence, but her friend had not been able to help her. What experience did either of them have with men? Renesmee really wanted to ask her mother but she didn't know if she should. She was not unaware of the tension that had been present in varying degrees since her birth. I had debated telling Bella, and advising her to bring it up, but I was still trying my hardest not to interfere. I knew unequivocally that reading people's thoughts could cause more harm than good. This was a normal part of childhood development and I had decided to let it progress as naturally as possible.

I didn't want to be focusing on that right now though. They looked so happy. My beautiful child. Her growth was much slower now, almost as slow as a normal human. Twenty months and she would be fully grown, between eighteen and twenty years old in human years. At least that was when she would stop if Nahuel was anything to gauge by. I wondered if she'd end up looking older than I did. Cadence was close behind her and I again gave thanks to whichever God had ordained that we receive the gift of this other girl.

She had completed our family, and although it was close as to whose life she had brought more to, I was confident that Renesmee had benefitted the most. Their bond was a curious thing. They had clung to each other initially because of their difference from the rest of us. They found comfort and reassurance in the knowledge that they were not alone. Even if they fit nowhere else, they fit with each other. I knew humans found similar things in siblings or friends and I was glad we were so lucky as to have found another of Renesmee's species who loved us all and wanted to be with us.

After all, even this race tended to be drawn to human blood where Cadence was repulsed by it. It was something she had not shared consciously with anyone but Renesmee, but when she had been born so violently, her natural response had been to feed from the prone body next to her. She had been afraid for the longest time that she had killed her mother herself just out of thirst. It repulsed her. Now, when she saw people she saw them as someone's mother or father or sister and shied away from the urge inside which told her to drink.

We were lucky. They laughed together in the kitchen, catching my attention and Cadence flicked flour at Renesmee. She responded immediately of course and soon Alice was trying to stop them while fighting the urge to laugh. I could read how tempted she was to just join in. Why not? It would only take a second to clean up anyway? Alice grabbed handful of flour with an evil smile.

The kitchen was going to be a wonderful mess. I smiled as I watched them. Things were going to change soon. Jacob was going to ask Renesmee to go to dinner with him tomorrow night if the opportunity presented itself. I almost hoped it did. I was not enjoying waiting for it to happen.

APOV

Handfuls of flour were flying round the room at speed. We were all laughing hysterically, dodging out of the way of what we could and getting hit by what we couldn't. I still couldn't see their futures of course, it was one of the most honest fights I'd had in years. Renesmee grabbed the last handful of flour from the bowl and rubbed it into my hair. I tickled her ribs and Cadence jumped on her. We all crashed to the floor, still giggling as Esme and Rose rushed into the room. I could tell that Esme was trying not to smile but she managed to keep her voice stern, "What on earth are you doing in here?"

We froze in our ridiculous positions, half prone on the kitchen floor. Tangled together and covered with flour. Cadence was the first one to come to herself and struggle to her feet, "Oh, we're sorry. We got carried away."

She looked very shamefaced. Renesmee and I scrambled up too and put on our own looks of apology. Esme was still trying not to smile, but she put her hands on her hips and pointed to the cupboard under the sink, "Well? You know what to do. And don't track that through the house." I saw a flash of Rosalie and Esme bent over laughing once they were out of our earshot.

We all nodded and went to get the mops. Once Esme left, followed by a grinning Rosalie, we all started to giggle again. I was trying to feel guilty for the mess we'd made but it had been too much fun. Renesmee got down on her hands and knees and started sweeping up. The smile was still on her face when Cadence joined her. They started to sweep out from each other, clearing the floor. I started on the tables.

After a few seconds, I realised that Renesmee had stopped sweeping. She was looking cautious, "Something wrong sweetie?"

Renesmee bit her lip and looked at Cadence. She didn't seem to want to meet my eyes, "How did you know you were in love with Uncle Jasper?"

If I hadn't been a vampire I wouldn't have heard her. As it was her question caught me completely off guard. God damn the blackness that surrounded them. This was the kind of question even I needed some prep time for. But I wasn't going to get it, "Well, I had it kind of easy. Because of my gift I knew that he was the one I was meant to be with."

Renesmee still didn't look at me. She was staring at the hand that Cadence held, "But just because you saw yourself with him...well, how did you know that he was the one?"

Oh god, I didn't think there wasn't any person in the world, alive or dead who hadn't thought about finding their soul mate at least once. "It's not an easy question to answer. I just knew. When you find the person you're meant to be with, you know."

I saw her eyes fill with tears, "Then why don't I know?"

I was by her side in an instant and Cadence started to stroke her hair, "It's different for you sweetheart. It's an entirely different situation. You don't have to know everything in advance. There's no rush." I hesitated before continuing, "And even if you never feel that way. It's still okay."

She finally looked at me, "It's not fine though, is it? Jake will be...well, he thinks I'm the one doesn't he? I...I'm not saying no. It's just so...much and I feel like I'm going to need to know soon."

I took her hand in mine, "What makes you feel that way?" My stomach tightened. She couldn't know about Jacob's plans yet.

She shook her head, "I don't know." She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath, "I'm sorry, I'm fine. I'm just a bit..."

I nodded and put an arm around her, "I know it's a lot to take in."

She hiccoughed a laugh, "Sometimes." Renesmee sighed but she smiled, "Come on, if Esme comes back in before we're done we're gonna get in trouble."

She didn't want to carry on the conversation. She scooped up the brush and started to sweep again. I decided to let it go. And speak to Bella and Edward soon.

Maybe I should have kept it to myself. Bella was pacing the room; it was a habit she hadn't shaken yet. Edward was completely still, staring at a spot on the carpet lost in thought. They had been like this for an hour. "Did she say she didn't want to be with him?"

I sighed. I had answered this question. If I'd told them once, I'd told them more than twice. Edward knew that, "No, she didn't say that. She just sounded confused, and honestly who wouldn't be?"

Bella sighed and turned to me, "Did she sound like she wanted to talk about it? Maybe I should talk to her? Mother's are supposed to do this kind of thing right?" She looked questioningly at Edward.

Edward hesitated but then nodded, "Now is the time. Jake..."

Edward's voice trailed off but we knew what he was talking about. Carlisle wasn't working tonight so he and Esme were going hunting with Rosalie and Emmett. Jasper and I had plans to go and see a play, (Jasper had rediscovered the wonder of theatre in London), and Edward and Bella were coming with us. Rosalie had planned to take Cadence with them once Jake arrived. If Bella was going to bring up the subject with Renesmee, it would have to be today and soon.

I could tell that Bella was going to start pacing again so I took her hand, "Bella, she's fine. She's just confused. You should understand. Remember? Human? Teenager? Hell, or so I've heard."

Bella smiled, "Oh god yes. I don't envy her," the smile faded, "I hate to think of her worrying."

Edward came over to us, "Then don't think about it anymore. Go talk to her."

Bella nodded, she looked calmer, "Okay."

BPOV

My daughter looked nervous and I was sure that the expression was repeated on my own face. She was looking very intently at her own feet. I was sure she somehow knew what I wanted to say. But how could she? She couldn't. "Sweetheart, I wanted to talk to you...about Jake."

She didn't look up but she nodded, "Okay."

Oh boy, "Well, I have gone back and forth on this, as has your father, but we decided to bring it up now. I don't like the idea of you being surprised or blindsided. It doesn't seem right." I was aware that I was talking a lot without saying much. I needed to get to the point before I confused even myself. "You already know about Jake's imprinting on you. But recently he asked us how we'd feel if he asked you out on a date."

Renesmee still wasn't meeting my eyes and it was starting to make me nervous, "What did you say?"

"We told him that he could ask you; that it was okay with us if he did."

Her voice seemed to be getting quieter, "Then why are you telling me first?"

I didn't know exactly. Just that not telling her seemed wrong, "Honey, I know that we haven't talked about these things in a while, but I...well, I don't know how you feel about Jake. I don't know what to do for the best. It's strange to feel this way. If it was any other situation I would know what you thought and how you felt and I think I would do better." It was true. I knew her thoughts and feelings on almost every other subject; Jake was the only gray area.

"You've always done great mom. You don't know how I feel about Jake because..." her voice trailed off and she finally looked at me. She reached out to take my hand and pressed her other hand to my neck. She didn't need to. Holding my hand would have sufficed but she seemed to need the comforting. The thoughts flooded my mind. She hadn't been exaggerating when she had told Alice she was confused.

My daughter cared for Jacob Black a lot. She loved him. He was one of the kindest people she had ever met. To her anyway. She wanted him to be a part of her life. He made her happy; made her feel special. She never wanted anything bad to happen to him. She wanted him to be happy too.

But she couldn't see herself with him. She couldn't see them interacting like the other couples she knew. She didn't know why. Maybe it was just because she had never tried. She had never been in a relationship. How did she know how it would be?

And sex? She knew the mechanics, she understood all about the necessity to take precautions, and had even seen porn on the internet. Did she want Jake to be with her that way?

Suddenly Renesmee pulled away looking embarrassed. I wondered if she had really meant to share her concerns about sex or if it had just all come out in a flood once she'd started. I could understand her feelings. It was always awkward when you had to have this conversation with a parent. I could dimly recall a mortifying evening with Charlie when he'd tried to have a 'responsible' talk with me. It was not a memory I had held onto very firmly.

But it was different now. I was the parent, even though I looked no more than two years older than my child, and I had to make this easy on her, "Honey, I know you might find it embarrassing, but you can ask me anything. I won't be shocked, and I won't be angry." Thank God for the lack of a blush.

Renesmee still looked cautious, but she bit her lip and took a deep breath, "I just...I don't think I'm ready for something like that. It seems very intimate and I just...I don't think, I don't think I can."

Oh, thank god. I gently took her shoulders, "Listen to me Renesmee, some people have sex for the first time when they are quite young, some people choose to wait, some until they're married. The only thing that matters is that it's right for you. It is entirely your decision, whether to wait another five years, or to have sex before the week is out," my daughter let out a nervous giggle and I smiled reassuringly at her. "The only thing that matters is that it's your decision and on your terms. After all, you're going to be alive for forever, but you're only going to have one first time." I was frantically scanning and re-scanning my mind wondering if I'd omitted anything.

"Mom, when...how long did you..?"

"I chose to wait until I married your father." Well, it was mostly my decision. Partly his too, but I didn't think it was good parenting to inform your child that you had spent a lot of time trying to coerce her father into pre-marital sex.

Renesmee took a deep breath, "What should I say to Jake?"

I hugged her tightly, "You can say whatever you want. Say yes if you want to, or no if you don't."

I thought that this was something that would help, it seemed an open-minded thing to say, but to my dismay her eyes filled with tears, "Everyone keeps saying that, in one way or another. I just wish someone would tell me what to do."

"Oh honey," I hugged her again, "I understand. Believe me I do. And I wish that I could help, but I'm afraid this has to be your decision. Only you can make it."

She sniffled into my shoulder, "Oh, fun."

RenesmeePOV

After I escaped from my mom, who had probably been annoying everyone else at the play tonight, I headed upstairs. I wasn't lying when I said I was tired. Cadie and Rose and the others had gotten back earlier but we hadn't had a chance to talk. "So? How did it go?" she asked the second I opened the door.

Cadie knew she could have heard it all second hand if she wanted. There were no secrets in this house. But she wanted to hear it from me. I felt an overwhelming rush of love for her. I was so glad to have her with me, "Well, I said yes." I whispered conspiratorially as we sat cross legged on the bedroom floor.

Cadie's eyes widened, "Oh wow. I mean...wow. So you have like, a date? A real date? Wow...wow."

I giggled nervously, "I guess I do." I could totally understand her reaction. Mine was pretty much the same. I was going out for dinner, on a date, with Jake. 'Wow' covered it nicely. It was a strange situation, and to me, a strange coupling, but right now I felt like I imagined a normal teenage girl would, just talking about her first date with her friend.

Cadie reached over to take my hand, I felt waves of comfort from her and I realised she was concerned. "Are you glad you said yes? You seem a bit..."

She searched for the right word, "Scattered? I think that's the right word. I am. But it was easy. Much easier than I was expecting. I guess I had it all built up in my head. I was so nervous, but when he asked me, I just...well, I reminded myself that he was just Jake. It wasn't so scary after that."

Cadie nodded and took her hand from mine as she got to her feet, "Do you know where you're going?"

She walked to the dresser and picked up two hairbrushes, throwing mine gently to me. We slipped into our nightly routine as we talked, "He said somewhere for dinner, somewhere nice."

"Oh god, you realise what this means of course?" Cadie's blond hair was flowing around her shoulders smoothly as she brushed from underneath.

I finished with the brush and headed into our en suite bathroom. In most houses, parents got the rooms with adjoining bathrooms, particularly bathrooms like ours, but we were the only two who actually needed them regularly. It had been remodelled of course but it was now two bathrooms in one. Two sinks, two cabinets, two showers, Esme thought of everything. I pulled myself back into the moment, "Oh I know exactly what that means." I looked at her with a resigned expression and passed over her toothbrush. "Shopping trip with Alice."

I nodded and gurgled through a mouthful of toothpaste, "A major one."

Cadie paused in her brushing, "Three outfits? Or is she gonna push for four?"

I shrugged. Who knew with Alice, she believed a woman should be able to change her mind at the last minute, so if it was a special occasion she always liked to have two or three new outfits at the ready. After all, she reasoned, she could always use the spares next time. Like that ever happened.

Cadence opened the cabinet over the sink and took out her face wash, "Well, maybe I'll abandon you for this one. Hide behind the others or something."

I rinsed my face and laughed from behind my towel, "Yeah right. They are more scared of her than we are, and there's no way you're ditching me. Besides it'll be good practice for your first date."

Cadie waited until I'd hung up the towel and flicked off the bathroom light. I turned on the lamp as we both slid into our beds. Doubles now. Leg room was everything. "I guess so."

If I hadn't known her so well, I wouldn't have noticed the sad edge to her voice, "What do you mean?"

She laughed but to me it sounded forced, "Nothing really, it's just...well, I think finding someone to date might be hard."

Suddenly I felt like the most selfish person in the world. Sure, I had my own problems, but Cadie had the normal ones times ten. I had watched enough television to know that all teenage girls worried about meeting guys, but Cadie was grappling with the secrecy that surrounded us, "I'm sorry, I've been thinking about myself and..."

"Ren, don't be stupid, I'm not looking for sympathy. And you have nothing to feel guilty about. I really don't care about guys anyway. I can't see myself dating one. I guess I've just been considering...everything, but it's not worrying me."

I was still uncertain and she could tell. She dragged her arm out from under the duvet and held out her hand. I took her hand and relaxed. She wasn't worried she really wasn't. She didn't know what was going to happen in the future so she wasn't going to get stressed about it. All she needed was us. She loved us.

I squeezed her hand and smiled at her, she smiled back sleepily and I reached for the switch on the lamp.

_**A/N I know, I am the worst writer in the world. I've been away for ages. Amazingly I have a good excuse, ash cloud anyone? Closed airports? Stranded holiday makers? I've been back for a while but things have been crazy. Finally got back to my laptop and my story. So sincerely sorry, but I'm back now. This story will be finished if it kills me...and it might.**_

_**Traceybuie-I suppose you already knew why I was away huh? Little oracle and all. Well, she didn't say no. But hey, lots of things can happen...or not. Not sure yet lol.**_

_**Spannieren-Aww thanks, *blushes*.**_

_**Jolynnco-Hey, if it was me he'd be sweating for weeks, but the Bella in my head is completely incapable of letting Edward do that lol.**_

_**Violet-I know, but someone's gotta : ).**_

_**Improvgirl01-You have no idea how many times I regretted not taking my laptop abroad, next time customs will have to pry it from my cold dead hands.**_

_**Livywriter-Thanks, you're so sweet and yes, this one's got another five chapters or so and then I have another one in my head. Still a little bit fuzzy but it's coming.**_

_**JCLadybug-That's still the big question. Renesmee and Jake? It's almost like I'm taking them down a path and I don't even know where it ends. I mean, I really don't know.**_


	21. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephanie Meyer. Why doesn't she make them more naked?**

BPOV

January

Edward was so fast, it still amazed me sometimes. You'd think I would get used to it, after all it wasn't like I could forget, but as I pushed my muscles harder, I still marvelled. My newborn strength had long since waned and I knew that I wouldn't be able to keep up if I eased off even for a second. I was pretty sure that was the idea, my beloved husband was trying to distract me from the fact that our daughter was, at this very moment, out on her first date. It wasn't going to be so easy to forget.

Edward sensed me falling behind and slowed up to join me, "Too fast?" He smiled at me innocently, trying to spark my competitive side, a side which was easy to reach. Normally I would have sped away, forcing him to chase me. I liked the way those competitions tended to end.

Instead I slipped my hand into his and we ran together. "No, I was just enjoying the view," I said as I smiled at him.

He saw through the smile. I shouldn't have bothered trying to cover it from my husband. Edward pulled us to a stop and wrapped his arms around me, "As much as I'd love to believe that, I suspect you're thinking about other things."

I sighed and rested my forehead against his shoulder, "I'm sorry. I'm just...I don't know what I am."

"I do. You're her mother. Believe me, how do you put it 'I'm right there with you'." I could see from the look on his face that he meant it. Even someone as good at covering his reactions as Edward had to let it slip occasionally.

I bit my lip, feeling guilty even as I considered asking, "Edward, what was she thinking? What was he thinking? I know I shouldn't ask, but I can't bear not knowing." As a rule I tried not to ask Edward what he gleaned from people's minds, he didn't like to say. I was willing to make an exception on this occasion. Maternal concern was my excuse and I was sticking to it.

Edward's hands stroked my arms, "Of course. Jacob was excited, nervous to the point of nausea, but still very excited. Renesmee was nervous too, but she wasn't uncomfortable. She knows she's safe with him."

I nodded, "Yeah, yes of course she does. I'm just being silly." Edward wouldn't lie to me, but more than that. If Renesmee hadn't wanted to go he would have found a way to stop them. I believed that.

Edward pressed his lips to my forehead, "Then we're both silly together."

He led me over to a soft tuft of grass and pulled me down next to him. I sank into the familiar circle of his arms and felt a little better; comforted at least, "I love you, you know."

I felt Edward shift infinitesimally in surprise, "Of course I know. I love you too. That was random."

I pulled his arms tighter around me, "I like to tell you. I wouldn't want you to forget."

Edward smiled against my brow, "What's brought this on?"

I wondered that myself. I just had an overwhelming urge to remind him of how much he meant to me, "Well, this past few years have been the best of my life. But we seem to spend so much time worrying. Still. I know it's not about the same things anymore, but...I guess I just don't want you to forget that..." I looked into his eyes for a second, "I don't want you to forget that you are my world. However worried I am, I know everything's going to work out, we'll be fine if we're together. Don't forget that."

Edward kissed me gently; slowly and sweetly, "Bella, my Bella. I don't doubt it, I know it. I've felt it. The only thing that I sometimes worry about is that I can't show you in the same way. I wish I could show you how much I love you in return."

I smiled and kissed him again, "That's not something you have to worry about. I feel how much you love me every day."

"Ah, my plan is succeeding."

We hunted of course. It was always good to stay well fed; I wasn't interested in testing my limits unnecessarily. I liked my record the way it was, unblemished. Despite my concern I was starting to feel more relaxed. There was nothing I could do now. Whatever happened tonight would happen and all I could do was be there for Renesmee in the aftermath.

I still thought of her though. I remembered my first 'date' with Edward, if you could call it a date. Dinner in that little restaurant with the over-zealous waitress. It made me smile now. I had thought of that night many times when I'd first become a vampire, not wanting to forget it over time. I remembered how nervous I'd been to be in such close proximity to Edward. It was still similar now; I still got the same butterflies in my stomach whenever he touched me.

If Jake could be that person for my daughter I would be happy. She deserved it.

RenesmeePOV

Okay, well dinner was nice. I liked the little Italian restaurant. All the pasta was made freshly with egg and I found that Jake's recommendation of the carbonara was pretty good. It was creamy but light and I found I could enjoy it. It still wasn't blood though. I thought wistfully of running through the trees, but only for a moment.

Jake's choice became even clearer when the home-made ice cream was served. Yes, he'd put quite a lot of thought into this. Had I expected anything different? I actually felt normal, really normal. Like a human out on a first date. It wasn't something I felt very often, not that I really envied it. Of course, the guy in question wouldn't normally have been in love with you already and trying desperately to hide it. Which he was, I suspected he was worried about me feeling pressured, but he was very attentive. Topping up my glass, asking if I wanted more bread, asking if I was warm enough. He was being so sweet.

We talked about things we always talked about. What was going on in school, how he was doing at work. He had a habit of explaining things very clearly when he talked about cars. I had never had the heart to tell him that Rosalie had made a point of bringing both Cadie and up pretty much up to speed on engines. We could both strip an engine block and reassemble it. Jake liked to share the details of his day with me however, and I liked to let him. I should have been relaxed but I was starting to get the feeling that Jake was building up to something.

Sure enough once he'd ordered himself a coffee, which I declined as I couldn't stand the stuff, he took a deep breath, "Nessie, I know this must be strange to you, I've always been your friend and now I'm asking you to think of me differently. I just want you to understand, I'm not asking for anything you don't want to give..." he paused and seemed to stumble over his words, "I mean I don't want to. I just want you to think about it. If you're not happy I..."

I decided to take pity on him, "Jake, I know. It's okay. You don't have to explain, I understand." I really did, he was doing his best. This hadn't been quite as awkward as I'd been expecting. I reached over the table and took his hand, "I had a nice time Jake."

His eyes met mine and he was smiling. He stroked the back of my hand with his thumb. His huge hand was warm and familiar but I knew this was different to the others times he had held mine. This meant something entirely different. I felt a knot of tension form in my stomach. Never before had I been so aware of how much Jake loved me. Just holding my hand made him smile.

He seemed to pick up on my nerves because he kissed the back of my hand quickly and stood, "We should be heading back; it's getting late."

I checked my watch, a beautiful gift from Rose and Emmett, it was getting close to midnight, "Wow, the time just flew." It was good to know that some things about being with Jake stayed the same. It hadn't gotten harder to be in his company just because this was a date.

As we walked back to the car I watched his face in the dim light. It was perfectly clear to me of course. He was handsome. He had let his hair grow out and it shone. His eyes were dark but in no way scary. They were large and open and warm. I would never have to hide anything from Jake. He would always accept me. I could have all those things I'd seen on television. Jake could give me a normal life if I wanted. He would give me _whatever _I wanted.

Jake parked at the end of our long driveway and got out to open my door. He held out a hand to me, "Shall we walk back?"

Wow, gentlemanly. That was getting to be par for the course, "Sure, why not?"

I took his hand and let him help me out of the car even though he knew I didn't need help. He didn't let go of my hand as we started walking towards the house. I expected him to speed up and run with me but he seemed determined to keep things on a human basis and we walked slowly. I could hear the breeze stirring the leaves and I felt very peaceful.

"Do you think you might want to do this again? Something different next time?"

Of course, that was the question that ended any date. Sure it was fun, sure it was a good time, was it good enough to repeat? It had been. I nodded, "Sure, what something different would you like to do?"

He thought for a moment, "Well, I know how much you like ice skating, we could try that."

I smiled, trying to imagine Jake on ice. I'm sure he would be graceful, he normally was, but it was mixed in with the idea of a wolf, "You know that could probably be fun, like the cartoons when dogs try to walk on frozen lakes."

He nudged me gently with his shoulder, "Are you trying to say I'd look like Bambi on ice?"

I giggled, "If you did I would definitely need some sort of camera."

Jake put an arm around my shoulder for a one-armed hug, "Then it's a date."

The side of his body pressed against mine and I was very conscious of it. He wasn't much warmer than I was but compared to everyone else except Cadie, he was scorching. I thought of her then. I would be home with her soon, analysing every moment of this date no doubt. I made an effort to relax and didn't miss a beat in the conversation, "If I'm right and you fall, then dinner's on you."

Jake chuckled as we approached the door, "Agreed."

I turned from his arm and faced him, "Jake, I just wanted to tell you again, I had a really nice time."

He smiled at me and nodded, "I'm glad Nessie I really am." A silence fell as we looked at each other, and the knot in my stomach came back. Jake didn't look at all nervous, he was just looking at my face calmly, happily. His eyes drifted to my lips and I fought to keep my breathing even. Jake touched my shoulders gently; he was giving me time to pull away if I wanted to.

In that instant I wasn't thinking about pulling away, it wasn't even an option. I was going to let this happen. This was the whole point. Jake was a lot taller than me, I came up to his shoulder, so he had to bend to kiss me.

His lips touched mine softly. He smelled familiar, it was a comforting scent and it helped a little. The hands on my shoulders squeezed gently as I got my first kiss from Jacob Black. His lips were as warm as his hands and they were soft against mine. I responded to the gentle pressure and Jake sighed. The sound somehow brought my out of my bubble and I pulled away gently. One kiss was plenty for now, "I should go inside now Jake."

He was looking a little flustered but he nodded, "Yeah, it's late. I'll see you soon."

"See you soon," I smiled at him and swallowed nervously.

He disappeared back down the drive at a fast trot and I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding. I opened the front door and slipped inside, my heart beating in my ears. I knew there was no one on the ground floor, I would have heard them. I appreciated everyone's attempt to give me some privacy but now I wished there was someone around. I listened but could only hear Cadie's heartbeat. As I shut the front door, I heard her feet hit the floor, she must have been sitting down and she started downstairs. Other than her the house was empty.

Cadie appeared at the top of the stairs, she was smiling gently at me. I expected her to ask me how the evening had gone, but she just looked at my face for a second. The smile I'd plastered on it slipped a little and I shrugged, "I..."

Cadie held up a hand to quiet me and then held it out. I took her hand and let her lead me upstairs. I expected her to head to our room but she went to the main bathroom and pushed open the door. I gasped. The huge bath was filled with bubbles and the room smelled like oranges, my favourite bubble bath. There were candles and Nina Simone was playing. Cadie squeezed my hand and pointed to the robe and towels, "I figured you should relax. We have ice cream when you're ready."

I opened my mouth to thank her but nothing came out, "You're welcome, I figured that standard 'relax time' was in order," she said with a laugh, "Take your time."

The door had just shut behind her when I found my voice, "You're the best friend ever," I called after her.

"And I know it."

By the time I got out of the tub everyone was home. Cadie had gone down to join them and I slipped into my pyjamas and followed. Everyone was just a little bit rosier than usual and I realised that Cadie had stayed home to make sure I didn't come back to an empty house. There was an Xbox tournament going on. I noticed that Esme had gotten out the extra controllers; they didn't last long in vampire hands when Emmett got worked up. I smiled at my assembled family as I descended the stairs. My dad was the first to glance up at me. His eyes said it all. My dad was concerned about me. He wanted to know if I was okay.

_I'm okay dad. Everything's okay. It was weird but I had a nice time._

He smiled and nodded towards Cadence. I saw ice cream on the table. How was it possible that I could never have too much ice cream? I would talk about it later, when I was done processing it. For now I was going to relax with my family.

BPOV

March

"Alice, really, five dresses each is more than enough." Esme normally had a lot of patience with this kind of thing. But to be fair we had been at this for over six hours. Then again, each dress was beautiful. Decisions, decisions. Still, apparently going to the prom was all about the dress. Alice had seen that in a movie.

Alice pouted a little, "Oh come on Esme, we're running out of 'firsts' to celebrate here."

My heart tugged a little as I flashed back to the conversation I'd had with Edward about our baby daughter's 'firsts'. She was so grown up now. As she twirled in a frothy red dress I was amazed by the beautiful young woman I saw. She was wonderful. She smiled at something Cadie said and stuck her tongue out. Ah, there was my little girl.

"You know, for the first time in shopping trip history I'm going to side with Alice. Let them get as many as they want." There was a moment when they all looked at me in shock, "Enjoy it, I'm sure I'll be the first one to get bored next time."

They all chuckled and Esme's face broke out in a beautiful smile, "Maybe sure we get the matching shoes for the black one.

Once we'd visited the make-up counter to get all the extra things Alice deemed necessary we headed home. I was glad Alice had insisted that we all needed to go. I wouldn't have missed watching the girls pick out their first prom dresses for anything. In contrast to my own prom, I couldn't have been more excited about this one, "So girls? Do you think you have everything you need?"

Cadie and Renesmee were both laden down with shopping bags. Esme, Rosalie and Alice were trailing behind. All with bags themselves, Cadie laughed, "I think we should invite the entire class over, we could have some sort of assembly line with all the girls."

Renesmee started giggling, "Even Alice couldn't make Mary Ann look good."

I was momentarily irritated with my daughter, "I hope you two aren't picking on anyone."

Renesmee dropped her bags onto the couch and shook her head, "Hardly, Mary Ann's the most popular girl in school, but she always has a sneer on her face. Like whomever she's looking at smells appalling."

My irritation instantly switched to concern, "She doesn't bother you does she?"

Renesmee hesitated and her eyes flicked to Cadence. Rosalie and Alice noticed this too, and Rose put an arm around the blonde girl's shoulders, "Is something wrong sweetheart?"

Cadie shrugged with a smile on her face, "It's no big deal. She's tried to get me riled up a few times. I refuse to rise to the bait and it annoys her."

"She's just pissed because Andy Martin asked you to the dance before he asked her," Renesmee chimed in.

I was about to reproach her on her language when I saw the look on her face and decided to let it slide, she was trying to be supportive of Cadence. Jake was taking Renesmee to the prom, but Cadence didn't have a date. There had been no shortage of offers which was not surprising, both the girls were gorgeous, but Cadence didn't seem interested in getting to know them. Edward had said, after I'd asked him that she didn't see the point. She thought she was too different to make it work out with a human.

And even if she did what then? She would be faced with all the same problems that Edward and I had gone through. She was immortal after all.

Alice perched on the arm of the sofa, Esme by her side, "She's probably just insecure."

Cadie laughed at her adoptive aunt and reached for her hand, "Have you been watching more teen dramas?"

The tension of the moment broke. Cadence didn't seem unhappy, and according to Alice we had clothes to unpack. I wondered how many costume changes the girls were going to be expected to endure on the actual night. We were scooping bags together and preparing to troop up the stairs when Alice froze. It caught all our attention.

Esme reached forward and took the bags which slipped from Alice's fingers. No one tried to disturb her. It was much harder for Alice to see our future now. It was always mixed up with Renesmee and Cadence. Her eyelids fluttered after a few seconds and she was back with us. "We're going to have a visitor."

**A/N I'm so glad you're still reading considering I've been gone so long. Thank you so much.**

**Traceybuie-You're right, you are a perv. Don't you ever dare change. I promise there with be lemony goodness next chapter.**

**Jolynco-Patience. You'll see.**

**Eboyd5-*Blushes* I promise it will be completed. Back now.**


	22. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: I don't own them, but if Stephanie won't take their clothes off we have to do so in our own time.

March

BPOV

These sessions were always strange to watch. I was sure I was not the only one who felt that way. Everyone else in fact, except Edward who always sat absorbed as though it was the most interesting television show. Alice, Renesmee and Cadence sat together in a group on the floor. Alice tended to utilize them more than not. She preferred getting the whole picture, without the disturbing pockets of blackness that otherwise came up. They looked oddly like they were at a high school séance. You half expected one of them to call to a dead spirit.

Nothing like that happened of course. They were good at this now, way better than they had been. It didn't even seem to tire the girls out anymore. They simply relaxed into it. I put a hand on Edward's shoulder and he reached up to take it. He looked at me and smiled reassuringly. I breathed an unnecessary sigh a relief. The action itself seemed to make me feel better. At least nothing bad was happening. As curious as I was about the details, that was what I really cared about.

Edward gripped my hand tighter and my eyes flew to his again. He looked sad and I was about to ask when the odd joining broke apart. The girls went and joined Rosalie on the couch, she held out an arm for each of them and they wriggled closer. They looked almost the same age physically now and seeing them snuggle up to her like children was cute, they looked more like sisters, "You two okay?"

Renesmee nodded, "Yeah, we're fine. Ugh, bit depressing though."

Alice moved towards Jasper as she spoke, "Well, we have good news and bad news."

Carlisle put his best calm manner forward, "The good news is?"

Renesmee turned around to look at him, "Benjamin is coming to see us."

Benjamin? As in Benjamin and Tia from Amun's coven? Well, I hadn't seen that coming. Still, he was a much more agreeable surprise than some that could be coming our way. While he was here he would respect our wishes and there would be no trouble. He was that kind of vampire. At least I was fairly sure he was. It did beg the question though, "Well, what's the bad news."

"He's not happy," it was Cadence who answered this time and it was odd. I realised how close all their minds must be when they looked into the future. Mind-meld was the right phrase.

Emmett's face hardened at her words, "Why? What the hell have we done to him?"

Cadence shook her head, "He's not angry with us. He's...he's very upset. Tia's dead."

I felt my breath hitch in my throat in sympathy. On our short acquaintance I had liked the quiet Tia. She had seemed very wise for what I could only assume was a young vampire. But then again, maybe she wasn't young. Maybe she had come to the coven to be with Benjamin and she was very old, "What happened to her?"

"No idea," Alice said, "Couldn't see. But I got the definite impression she's been dead for some time. Like maybe a few years. I don't know why he's coming here, I'm not even sure he knows why he's coming here."

"How so?" Carlisle was in full information gathering mode.

Renesmee's voice sounded small when it said, "He didn't look good. He looked as though he'd been wandering for a long time."

Edward backed her up, "He may not be entirely stable, losing one's mate it..."

He didn't need to finish the thought. I didn't even want to imagine it. The whole of eternity stretching out ahead of you, alone. Vampires didn't change. I looked at Edward and still saw him with as much wonder as the first time, human and vampire. I refused to consider it; I didn't even want to think about it. Instead I turned to Carlisle and Esme, "Is there anything we can do to help him?"

I noticed that they had linked hands and looked lost in thought, but Esme was still paying attention, "I don't know. We can try though."

I nodded, "We will try."

Edward got to his feet and shook himself, "Of course. But we have to remember that he may not want to be helped. He might be coming to us for...a way out."

Emmett shrugged, "Makes sense, it's what...well, I think we can all understand that."

"Of course we can but does that mean we do it ourselves?" I stared around at the other faces in the room. None of them seemed anxious to be the one to answer.

Alice was the first, "Better that he comes to us. If he went to the Volturi they'd never do it out of the goodness of their hearts. They'd make him earn it." Yes like they tried to with Edward, "And Benjamin doesn't have the same feelings about human blood as us. Plus they could do other things."

Alice didn't need to elaborate. Would the Volturi destroy someone like Benjamin even if he violated their rules? He had an incredible and, as far as we knew unique power. Would they find a way to keep him? Would they imprison him somehow? I shuddered. We couldn't let that happen no matter what.

Carlisle looked pained but he was nodding, "The body count could be high if he chose something other than exposing himself to humans."

I hadn't even considered that, but it made a kind of sense. A killing spree through the city; wasn't that what Alice had told me Edward had considered. Before he'd decided to go simpler, "So, our options may come down to killing him, or risking a lot of other people getting killed? How fabulous!" Rose had a way of cutting through the crap that still sometimes amazed me.

Jasper, who had been silent up until this point, probably lost in thought, finally spoke "Well, before we worry about that, we should confirm that's what he wants. And another point, how does he know where to find us? Has he been to Denali? Has he seen Peter and Charlotte, spoken to Siobhan? As far as I know, the Egyptian vampires didn't know we were moving."

Edward looked concerned, "That's a good point, but also might help us. If we can find out if he's seen or spoken to any of our friends, maybe we can get a feel for his...mood."

I wondered if Edward had been about to say something else, like his 'condition' or 'state'. But his idea was a good one and Carlisle apparently agreed, "I think we should get on the phone."

The girls went to bed before we'd managed to reach everyone. It was getting late and they had school the next day. Emmett had given up and was on the Xbox yelling at the screen intermittently. Alice and Jasper taken up residence on the easy chair, Alice on his lap occasionally pressing redial on the phones in their hands. We couldn't reach Tanya or any of the others in Denali, and we still hadn't gotten an answer from the Amazons. Siobhan had assured us she hadn't heard from Benjamin, and Peter said the same.

I stared at Edward's back as he sat at the piano and I thought about Benjamin. What could have happened? Had they run afoul of some other vampires? And if so were Amun and Kebi alive? If they were, why weren't they with him? Were the Volturi involved somehow? My head was swimming with a hundred questions, but it couldn't distract me from the pain I could imagine Benjamin was in.

I got up and went over to sit beside Edward, whose fingers moved over the keys and he slipped into playing my lullaby. I hadn't heard him play that for a while and it made me smile at him happily. He returned it and he kissed my forehead never missing a note. I wanted him to kiss me again, which was not unusual in itself. I leant my chin on his shoulder and said quietly, "Shall we hunt a little?"

Edward nodded and brought the song to a close. He stood and led me from the room and out the front door with a nod to Alice. She nodded and rolled her eyes. She smirked a little as well.

Edward didn't drop my hand and we ran together, not very fast but still covering ground. I caught a few scents as we went but they didn't really interest me at the moment. Once we were a mile from the house and well into the woods I tugged on Edward's hand and he instantly came to a stop. I was about to wrap myself around him, but he was faster than me.

He pulled me gently into his arms and kissed me. His lips moved slowly against mine and I sighed as I brushed my tongue along his lower lip. His hands slid under my shirt and gripped my waist for a second before they started trailing patterns up my back, grazing the side of my breasts as they made their way over my skin, I felt a familiar tightening in the pit of my stomach as he stroked me.

My fingers found the buttons on his shirt and I undid them deftly, pulling the bottom out of his pants. He was still kissing me, teasing me with his tongue softly. His hands were pushing my arms up, so he could remove my shirt. Once it was on the floor, his hands lifted me and lay me down, "Just let me touch you, my love."

His words sent shivers through me and when his fingers undid the button on my jeans I actually whimpered. I wanted to let him touch me. I loved it when he did. I lifted my hips and let him pull off the jeans. He stared down at me and groaned. Then he leant over me and kissed me again. I instantly wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down I loved this feeling too, when he covered my body with his. I thought he was going to resist for a second, but he gave in and his hands went to my face, my neck, my breasts, although I knew it was impossible I almost felt my skin heating up under his hands. He reached around to unhook my bra pulling it down my arms.

At the same time I was pushing his shirt down his. He shrugged out of it and my fingers went to the clasp on his pants. This time he helped and he was suddenly and deliciously naked in front of me. I ran my hands over his chest, and down to circle around the hardness pressing into my thigh. He looked into my eyes and smiled. His lips drifted to my neck and trailed across my collar bone. He planted kisses down my chest and my unnecessary breathing hitched as his lips brushed over my nipple.

My hands flew to his hair; I held him close as he licked and suckled on my breasts. The ache between my legs grew as he teased me further and I began to rub myself against him desperate for friction.

Edward moved up my body and lowered a hand to my centre. I let out a small cry as his fingers begin to stroke gently, too gently. He kissed my face and whispered, "Tell me what you want? Do you want me to touch you? Taste you? Make love to you?"

I whimpered again as his lips touched mine. I could feel him hard, very hard against my leg, and all I wanted was him inside me, "Make love to me. Please." I added as an afterthought.

Edward pressed his lips to mine again as his fingers continued to stroke me. I moaned into his kiss as I felt him touch my clit. The pleasure was almost painful and I never wanted him to stop. I felt his body shift on top of mine and I parted my legs wider for him. His fingers didn't stop stroking me and I was writhing against his hand as he pushed slightly inside of me.

Edward grunted and braced himself with one hand against the floor squeezing his eyes shut. He was barely an inch into me and it seemed to be taking all his energy to keep from thrusting. Which I wouldn't have minded. I reached up and stroked his face and he seemed to come back to himself. He started to move slowly, entering me a little deeper on each thrust. He kept stroking a finger over my throbbing clit.

I was moaning louder on each time. I wanted him deep inside of me, but this felt so good I didn't want to interrupt him. But his moans were getting louder and I knew it was getting harder for him to hold back. After he stroked me again and kissed me, I didn't want him to hold back. I tensed my muscles and squeezed him inside of me. Edward moaned and I heard him whisper my name.

On his next move I did it again and he couldn't stop himself from thrusting into me deeply. I gasped and clutched at his shoulders. I kissed him again as he started to speed up, he pulled me close and wrapped both his arms around me. I raised my hips to meet his thrusts and he tangled a hand in my hair.

He was grinding against me and the pleasure was becoming unbearable. I began to gasp on each thrust making incomprehensible noises as the pressure built. We should never stop; we should always be doing this. "Edward...unh...don't stop."

I felt Edward's lips smile against my skin, "Never," he panted against my neck.

My grip on his shoulders tightened further as my body tensed in anticipation. He picked up on the shift and ground against my clit and I gasped at the change, "Unh...Edward...I...I'm..."

Edward kissed my neck, "Yes Bella, that's it. Come with me."

And held tight in my husband's arms, I did.

Okay, so clearly Alice had gotten some weird vision thing of our activities, and she was going to be smirk-y. At least she hadn't mentioned anything to Emmett, according to Edward, Emmett never made a comment, he was a man who took his betting seriously and still considered himself bound by the earlier wager I had won. But he could still smirk. And he could smirk like no one else. Unwillingly I smiled at him as I came through the door; he was exactly what you wanted in a brother. Only Alice and Jasper were with him. I could hear Carlisle up in his office, Esme was with him. Rosalie was taking a hot bath and from their breathing I could tell that that girl's were asleep.

Edward let out a relieved sigh, "Benjamin has been in touch with the Denali coven."

I looked at Alice, "And?"

She smiled but still looked a little bleak, "They said he's in pretty bad shape, but he's not...unstable. At least not like we were thinking. He's just sad."

"Does he want something from us? I mean, does he think we can help him somehow?" I couldn't imagine how we could. What comfort could we give? Words wouldn't help and we weren't able to bring her back.

But Alice was shaking her head, "They couldn't say. We just know that he heard about our moving from them. They didn't even know he was coming here, it's been six months since they've seen him."

We were all silent. They was really nothing else to say. We couldn't proceed in any direction without more information and the best we could do now was wait till the girls were awake and they could look into the future again. I felt Edward's hand slip into mine and I lifted the shield easily from my mind. It was second nature now.

_Round two?_

Edward smiled and we left through the door again. Ignoring Alice's snort. I looked at Edward and he was smiling, "She thinks we're animals."

"I can live with that."

I leant back against Edward's chest. The cool air made no difference to me but I enjoyed the breeze in a detached way. I liked the movement across my skin. Edward stroked my arms and he kissed the back of my neck, "Again, already?"

He laughed quietly, "Sure. But it was more of a question, are you all right?"

I shrugged and snuggled backwards into Edward's arms, "Yes, I just don't like to imagine it. What it would be like to be without you." I shuddered, "I can't bear the thought."

"Don't worry, it's not something we have to worry about remember? We agreed. We're just not going to die."

I smiled, "I remember. Of course I remember. It's just...things can happen. Even to us."

The arms around me tightened, "I won't let anything happen to you."

I knew he wouldn't, he would die first. That was the part that scared me more, "Edward, if it turns out that Benjamin wants...if he wants it to end...what will you do?"

I wasn't sure what answer I wanted or was expecting but I was surprised by how quickly it came, "If he truly wants to die, and I will know if he really does, then I will do whatever he asks."

I wondered if I should be shocked. I tried to imagine what would happen if one of our family was killed and the other made the same request. I knew I couldn't do it. But was Benjamin different? I thought that maybe he was. There was no real emotional connection there. I was possible to be more impartial. If I was in the same situation I would want someone to help me.

I tangled my fingers with Edward's, "I agree."

**A/N Slight delay on this one I know. Couldn't figure out where to put the sex. Well, if that's the biggest problem I have this week I can live with that. Well, we're closing in on the ending now people. Any opinions? Any suggestions? And you know what I'm talking about. **

**Traceybuie-Don't worry I can't write those type of lemons. I can't decide if they're incestuous or paedophilic. Either way, ick! And don't worry the drama is coming, I wouldn't want to disappoint you.**

**Improvgirl01-I know, and I deserved the punishment. I will take it like a woman, (men cry too much). Thank you for the forgiveness : ).**

**Twilightfan4ever09-Thankyou, constructive criticism is more useful I suppose, but yours are much nicer. Love you.**

**1sparklygirl-Enough? No such thing. More lemons, more lemons I say.**

**Spannieren-Hmmm, at the moment I hate anyone who manages to get back from a holiday on time i.e. without a twelve day delay. But it's too hard to hate you. Your reviews make me smile.**

**Mizzymarii-Interesting idea but whenever I imagine writing about Mike Newton he ends up impaled on something lol. Make of that what you will. Maybe I have Freudian issues buried somewhere. **


	23. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: It all belongs to the wonderful Ms Meyer. I'm so jealous.

April

BPOV

_When I was human I didn't like attention, I really didn't like it when people made a fuss of me. Partly because I spent a lot of time sprawling on the floor in an undignified type of way. I have managed to get over my aversion to those kinds of things mostly; it's impossible to have Alice Cullen as a sister and not become used to fuss. Fortunately she spreads it out amongst us all and so we all survive. I think that's her plan...maybe she has a timetable somewhere. But I digress... _

_There is something I always disliked on principle, school dances. They always involve, well dancing not surprisingly, and people with cameras and worse still video cameras. Plus, they always seem to turn out to be landmarks for one reason or another, whether good ones or not. Mine had been a bit unusual, but still it had involved drawing relationship lines. I supposed that gave it something in common with a lot of other 'conversations' that went on between a girl and a boy on prom night. I had wondered if watching my daughter and Cadence attend their first would cure me of my dislike._

_It very nearly did. At least at first, but when have things ever been simple?_

I fluttered around the room, straightening things until Edward stopped me, "Bella, you're going to wear a hole in the carpet, literally."

I forced myself to stand still, why was it that all other vampires managed to maintain 'calm face'? They all stood like stone when they were stressed. Me? I still paced and at a speed that to the naked eye made me look like road runner, "Sorry. I don't think I've been this nervous since I realised you were taking me to my own school dance."

Edward smiled as though this was a very pleasant memory, to him it probably was. Okay, it didn't suck to me either. After all, I'd been with him, "You didn't look nervous, you looked mad. Very mad."

I knew Edward was trying to distract me but I didn't care, I even appreciated it and I threw my arms around his neck, "Well it was your own fault. You big tease, acting like you weren't planning on turning me all along."

I narrowed his eyes in mock seriousness; this fake argument was something we did a lot, "Well, I had to wait until you were hooked. If I'd opened the conversation with, 'My name's Edward Cullen, I'm here to impregnate you with my spawn and then suck the life out of you...' Well I'm a gentleman...the foreplay's important."

I kissed him sweetly, "I love that you think so."

There was a yelp down the hall and we broke apart listening, checking on the status of the house in general. Once we focused the voices were clear, "Alice, please for the love of God and all his angels, it's supposed to stay attached. I'm sure of it."

We could hear Renesmee laughing at Cadence, "Pain is beauty," she said just as Alice said the same.

Cadence growled playfully, "Just wait until she gets the irons on you. Absolutely no sympathy here."

"Hmmm," said Renesmee, "You're right actually. I take it back. Alice, in the name of God, all his angels, his halo polishers, cloud cleaners and beard trimmers, don't hurt us."

I brought my focus back to Edward with a smile, remembering my own time spent under Alice's torturous beauty regimes. Edward was still listening, "Apparently, Cadence is going curly tonight and Renesmee's is being straightened."

I watched the play of emotions on his face, he looked oddly excited, "I can't believe you're just pleased at the thought of hair care." But then again with Edward who knew? He'd loved taking me to my prom and it was hardly surprising he was excited at the thought of his daughter's.

He smiled, "No, just pleased generally. Our daughter is growing up. It makes me sad in a way, but at the same time...I guess I just think we've done a good job."

I kissed him again, never got boring, "We all did, with both of them." I believed that. Not that we had needed to work particularly hard. We got very lucky. I tried to imagine completely human children being so easy and couldn't do it.

Edward's arms tightened around my waist, "It's just nice that things are calm at the moment. I wouldn't even mind a little bit of 'boring' right now."

I nodded then ran my hands down his arms, "Well, our kind of boring."

The crooked smile was back as he kissed me. When he didn't break away after a second I sighed and pressed myself against him. It was so easy to get wrapped up in him. I was on the verge of doing just that when Edward sighed gently into the kiss, "Alice is yelling," he said tapping his temple, "She says there will be time later. That you should come help."

I thought about going down to Alice's room with horror and was tempted to start pacing again and then I realised, I was just associating it with my own prom. This time I got to do the girly torturing. Fun, "She's right. I should help them get ready. Rosalie will be back from the store any second."

We started out of the room together, "I think I'll go and challenge Emmett to a battle to the death."

I nodded, "Street Fighter?"

He was thoughtful, "I'm leaning more towards Tekken."

I smiled at his seriousness; he looked adorable and I kissed him again, "I love you."

He looked confused but pleased, "I love you too, but I still don't understand how you get from one thought to another."

I giggled and kissed him again, "Well..."

"No, don't tell me. I don't want to see the wizard. I just appreciate how awesome she is."

My stomach tightened as his eyes melted into mine. Only the thought of my daughter waiting for my help getting ready for her first dance stopped me from taking things further. I broke away and sighed. Edward made a scoffing noise, "What was that?"

He shook his head, "Nothing just Alice."

"Tell me."

"She told me to put you down and said 'later' was not until 8:46 pm."

I almost wished I hadn't asked.

Okay, so freaking out over your daughter going to the prom with her date was clichéd but I wasn't sure what to do about it. It seemed oddly symbolic; like this was another step on the road to maturity, a road she would never come back from. She and Jake had been seeing each other regularly and of course he was her date. But this seemed significant. Going to a dance together was officially announcing to the world that you were a couple. My daughter was in a couple with Jacob Black.

I was afraid to analyse that too carefully. What did it mean? What would it change? What would the effects be? Was I going to lose my child? I felt pain lance through me at the thought but I couldn't keep ignoring the possibility. Some sixth sense told me that things were going to change soon. Jake had had a difficult few weeks as well...

A few weeks ago...

March

We sat in the living room waiting. We still had three minutes. Alice sat in the middle of the sofa. She was not holding onto Cadence and Renesmee who were on either side of her, but their hands were by their sides so they could keep checking. Things in the room felt a little tense but not worryingly so. Alice said we were okay and so far we were. Alice could see Benjamin pretty clearly on her own, at least until he neared the house and the girls started to blur her vision.

Alice looked at the girls and they both put their hands into one of hers in an odd three-way handshake. She looked for only a few seconds, "It's still going to be okay. He's calm, nothing's changing. He will be at the door in ten...nine..."

Carlisle moved forward purposefully and opened the front door in welcome and as Alice reached three in her countdown, Benjamin became visible moving toward the house at speed. He stopped ten feet away from the door and stared at Carlisle. Benjamin looked different, very different and entirely the same. The change was entirely in his eyes and expression, but it altered him completely. He looked like an old man trapped in the confines of this eternally youthful body. For a moment we all remained still; taking each other in. No one seemed to know what to say. Benjamin himself broke the silence in a flat voice, "Carlisle, I have come to see if you will help me."

Carlisle, who was always gracious and graceful under pressure, opened his arms in a welcoming gesture, "Of course Benjamin. How can we? What can we do?" Benjamin's already blank face seemed to turn to stone and I heard Edward gasp next to me. I similar sound but more like a hiss of pain came from Jasper. My eyes flicked to Edward and Jasper and back again. Jasper was fine, Alice was on it. Then I saw a pained expression on Edward's face. I moved instantly to his side and took his hand. He squeezed mine in return but his eyes didn't leave Benjamin. Carlisle moved forward a few steps when Benjamin didn't answer, "Benjamin? Please, tell us how we can help you."

The words were strained and low and made Edward gasp again, "I don't know. I don't know if anyone can."

That had been a long evening. I didn't begrudge the time but I wanted to be alone with Edward. We had gone hunting just before dawn and once we'd had our fill we walked together slowly. Edward took my hand and I watched him in concern, "It was bad wasn't it? He's in a lot of pain?"

It sounded like a question but it wasn't really. I knew Benjamin was in pain, it was palpable the second he was in sight. But Edward and Jasper would have been forced to hear it and feel it. My husband dragged a hand through his hair, "I don't know how he's here. How he's alive. I've only felt worse pain than that once in my very long life."

I didn't need to ask when that had been. I pulled him into my arms and after a moment we sank to the floor. Edward pulled me onto his lap and held me tight. His hands stroked through my hair. I loved it when he did that. It was relaxing and I felt the tension begin to leave my body and until I imagined that Edward was gone and there would never be another time when he would stroke my hair. He would never play the piano again or smile at me, the tension returned and had I been human I would have shivered, "Do you think...I mean...can we do anything? Anything?"

Edward shook his head, "Alice will keep looking into the future, checking for ways that might help but..." he shrugged, "It's helping him to be here, and it's hurting him too."

I frowned and turned to look at him, "How so?" I couldn't see how it could help, but then I couldn't see how it could hurt either.

"It's good because he's seeing, well, life. Or existence anyway. Our existence. It helps him remember that the world is not actually crumbling around him. He finds that comforting in a detached way. But it's hurting him for exactly the same reasons. The emotional side can't understand how the world can't have crumbled. Why is everything not in piles around him? Part of him doesn't want to feel better."

I could understand that. I remembered a time when I needed the familiar, the pain of the familiar to remind me that Edward had been real. I hesitated before I asked, "Do you know what happened to her?" Benjamin hadn't mentioned it yet. I was sure he would when he was more grounded but I couldn't deny the fact that I was curious.

A very ugly look came over Edward's face and he instantly became rigid and furious, "Yes, I know how she died. It's disgusting." I wriggled a little in Edward's arms and he came back to himself as I knew he would. His arms squeezed me gently, "Sorry, it's just...Benjamin's in so much pain and added to it is a healthy dose of betrayal."

I found it hard to swallow for a second. We had considered it of course. The Volturi's involvement had been a possibility but Alice kept a close eye on their activities at all times and there had been no sign of it. Another option had been an encounter with other vampires, just nomads or another coven. But it seemed unlikely. Egyptian vampires were pretty thin on the ground; the sun made it an unpopular location. The ones that did live there were therefore very reclusive which was one of the reasons we had not visited them on our long trip. Amun had not been particularly fond of us after our last meeting after all.

But if this really had been an act of betrayal, then was Amun involved? Another look at Edward's face confirmed it, "Oh Edward...how could that happen?"

Edward shook his head, "He wasn't thinking about the whole thing, I only got parts of the story, the parts most deeply engrained in his memory," Edward looked pained again and I tangled my fingers with his. I could well imagine the kind of things Edward had picked up on. Maybe Tia being torn limb from limb, maybe the smell of the fire? "I think the situation was similar to Jasper's with Maria. I think they left Amun's coven and went their own way. I don't think Amun took to it very well."

It made a sickening kind of sense. Amun had jealously guarded his coven; he had only been amenable because Benjamin had threatened to leave. If he, Benjamin had followed through on this threat eventually then Amun might have felt like he didn't have much to lose. But how had he gotten to Tia? Had he simply overpowered them? Had Kebi been involved? I raised my eyebrows at Edward, the silent questions were many, but he shook his head again, "I don't have details, but I know one thing."

"What's that?"

"Amun is also dead. Benjamin killed him himself."

I thought for only a fraction of a second before I nodded. That seemed fair to me.

Benjamin had fit in easily, mainly because there was absolutely nothing he wanted. He just wanted to be with us according to Edward. We were the closest thing he'd ever found to a family unit, at least in the vampire world and he found it soothing. Something he was apparently giving into because he couldn't stand not to. The constant pain wasn't something he could escape alone. He had tried. Carlisle had broached the most difficult subject the day after Benjamin had arrived, "I appreciate this is a large favour, but we would all be grateful if you could avoid feeding on humans while you are with us. I am more than happy to get you human blood from the hospital but..."

Benjamin raised a hand to stop Carlisle and wave away his concerns at the same time, "It is not an issue. I am a most grateful guest in your house and it is my pleasure to abide. I will hunt the same way as you do."

Carlisle had protested, it was no trouble to get the blood, the transition could be difficult and he didn't want to add to Benjamin's stress but Benjamin had remained firm. Edward told me later that Benjamin would have considered it a terrible breach of hospitality to feed while he was here. He only did so on the previous occasion because he knew a battle was coming plus everyone else was already doing so. Benjamin was actually mildly curious about our lifestyle, but the reality was that he didn't really care about feeding. He didn't care about much anymore.

Jasper suffered most through his presence, it was obvious and Edward backed up my assumption but I never heard him breathe a word of complaint. None of us could have said anything. I think it was just that he reminded us of the threat of loss. He was evidence that even we could die.

While we were all adjusting to this development Jacob was having issues of his own. He had been forced to head home to Forks for a funeral. He had gotten a call from Leah Clearwater, Jared and Kim had been heading back to their hotel, they had taken a long weekend away in Seattle and were returning to their hotel when they had been mugged at gun point.

I was surprised how much the news had affected me. If it had been Quil or Embry or Sam I could understand it but I had never been particularly close to Jared. I supposed it was just the blurry memories his name conjured up. Sitting round the fire with Jake and the others hearing stories being told and the way he had looked at Kim.

She had survived; he had taken the bullet for her and saved her life. I wondered if he might have lived through it had he still been a full member of the pack. He was still on the council of course, but Jared had given up his wolf form as soon as he was able. He hadn't wanted to stay forever young; he had chosen to stop so that he would be able to grow old with Kim. They were the right age for each other and what could eternal youth give him except years without his wife?

I doubted it would have made a difference, his reflexes had clearly still been up to scratch. He had gotten in front of Kim and the bullet had hit him in the back and gone straight through his spine. I didn't think there was any way he could have survived wolf or not. Kim was blaming herself anyway. If he hadn't decided to age with her he might have been strong enough to live. There was no way to know.

She was struggling now with two children who were just too young to understand why daddy wasn't there. The packs, both of them, were rallying around her of course, she would never want for anything...except her husband.

Of course Jake had flown back immediately, part of him hadn't wanted to, he knew that Benjamin was arriving and he was anxious about leaving but it was obvious to even him that we weren't really concerned, except with how we were going do any good for him.

Edward had told me quietly that Jake had considered asking if Renesmee could go with him. The question startled me and I wasn't sure why. I had known this was coming. If things worked out with Renesmee then she wouldn't just be my daughter anymore. She was already a lot more of course, but there would be something with a higher priority. She would be someone's partner; their other half and maybe she would leave us.

I didn't want to think about that yet. I wasn't ready. I still had a little time didn't I? She still had another year of high school here. I would get at least that long wouldn't I? It wasn't a question I could answer for sure. At least not that day.

Either way Jake went alone. And even if he had asked there would have been a justification. We needed her here so that we could check the future properly. It was a thin excuse. Cadence was not quite as good as Alice at reading what she saw but between the two of them they could have managed. I could have just said that it was not appropriate for her to go away with Jake by herself. But how long would that work? She was already an adult in every way that mattered. Even physically, just not chronologically.

He called daily and the day before he came back he specifically asked to speak to me after his conversation with Renesmee. "Hello? Jake?"

"Hey Bells, just needed to talk."

"Sure," I said immediately although it was more unusual than it once was it wasn't bizarre or anything, "What's up?"

I heard him sigh, "It's just hard to talk to anyone here. They don't look at me the same anymore; I'm more of an outsider now. I'm not one of them."

I dropped my voice to a more sympathetic tone, "Jake, of course you're one of them. You're their alpha."

He gave a chuckle with no humour in it, "Yeah right, but only in name. Leah's been running things for so long...Well, she always defers to me in front of the others but I know how they feel. I can't help but know. They don't see why they should have to listen to me. Even Quil and Embry, even Seth. I guess I just didn't think about how long I'd been away."

I understood but I didn't know what to say. I was very sympathetic but I thought I could also see the point of the other wolves. Jake had been gone a while and their lives had been continuing without him. Had he expected to go back and find them all the same as when he's left? Life didn't work like that. Vampires did, but not life. Maybe he was getting more used to being around us than he'd like to admit, "I'm sorry Jake, I really am."

He sighed again, "I know, thanks Bells. Charlie sends his love by the way, so does Billy."

"I'm glad they're both okay, but how's Kim?"

"A wreck. She didn't sleep for three days and eventually the doctor sedated her. She just sits staring at her children, but I think she'll be...okay that's a lie I don't think she'll be anywhere near to okay for a very long time, but she'll pull it back together. She's a mother."

I could imagine the girl I met being a very good mother, which might get her through, "Do you know when you're heading back? Don't forget about the dance."

He gave a more genuine chuckle, "I wouldn't dare; I value my life."

"I'm sure Renesmee would find it in her heart to forgive you."

"I'm not talking about her, can you imagine what Alice would do if I wasn't there to wear the suit she picked out?"

A/N Kay, I've been crazy with work but I'm trying to get at least a chapter a week out. Lot's happening in this one I know, but stay with me please. Lots of loose ends to tie up.

Traceybuie-Well, I'm not gonna say much but keep the faith. We're not done yet my lovely.

Spannieren-I know, I'm mean, to just about everyone except Edward. He's too pretty.

LunaBella11-Thanks, no one says 'lovely' anymore and it's wrong. Cause 'lovely' is a lovely word : )

BrookexBites-Then the answer is simple, I shall have to write more! Don't worry, there shall be more.


	24. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I want them but I can't have them. They're not mine nothing is.**

Hello all, sorry for the delay, will explain later. Just wanted to clarify. Obviously the last chapter begins as the girls are getting ready to go out and play *insert evil laugh* then jumps back a little. I kinda like writing that way. We're still prior to the dance here, just giving a little back story on Benjamin and a little 'girl time' for Alice and Bella. Don't worry as soon as we get to the dance it's all kicking off.

**Plus, I don't currently have a spell check so bear with me I've done my best. Beta anyone?**

BPOV

Late March

I swung myself around the branch of a birch tree and landed gracfully next to Alice who flashed me a grin and was immediately on the move again and I was on her heels. She had the adavntage of knowing where we were going, she'd said that she had a surprise for me.

Alice and I didn't often get the chance to do things together, not just the two of us anyway which sounds ridiculous as we were both immortal and had nothing but time on our hands. But between Edward, Jasper, family things and going to school, the hours and days and weeks just flew by. I wondered if she was luring me into the woods under false pretences. Maybe there was actually a huge department store hidden amoung the trees that I had somehow failed to notice over the last few years.. It seemed unlikely; even with my perfect record, if there had been a human in close proximity I would have noticed. I was probably safe. I was enjoying this though. It was nice to be with Alice, we tended to behave more like gigling girls than I had ever had in my human life.

She had such enthusiam for everything and when it was something that I was enjoying too it was hard not to get caught up in her excitement. She held out an arm at our next silent landing and I immediatley became alert for any signs of danger but that wasn't what I noticed. There weren't many things that registered as danger anyway, but in contrast there was a pleasant scent on the air; grizzly bear. There was more than one of them as well.

Alice smiled more broadly. I had somehow never gotten the chance to try grizzly bear. It was hard to get near one when Emmett was in the area. He had a personal vendetta going against the bear-world as one had pretty much killed him. It was an unspoken family rule that Emmett got the bears so this was new to me. I smiled back at my favourite pixie sister and without a word we split up and ran in different directions.

There were three, two huge males and a female. I wondered if they were getting ready to fight. it was breeding season and the bears could get very aggressive, which was way more fun. I saw a minute flash of white and spotted Alice between the trees directly ahead of me. She would know I had seen her so I cleared my mind and thought hard of a countdown from five. She would see me doing that too. At the same instant I reached 'one' we leapt forward towards the males. They were bigger anway and we girls had to stick together.

As my arms closed around one of the bears and it let out an indignant roar, which changed into a pained sound when my fangs slipped into it's flesh, the female decided she agreed, and abandoning the others she hurried off into the trees. Smart bear.

After Alice surprised me with lunch we went for a swim in the river, it was relaxing to just float in the water listening to the sounds of the forest all around us, I was glad she had planned this. I had given up being surprised when Alice suddenly gave me exactly what I needed. What was the point? And this day out was definitely something I needed. It was good to get out of the house for a while. Things weren't exactly tense at home but the sadness in Benjamin seemed to seep out like toxic gas even though he tried not to show it. He really was doing his best and had even been hunting 'our' way; Cadence had taken him.

When Jake had returned from Forks he had invited Renesmee out to dinner she had accepted of course. About an hour after they had left Cadence had come down the stairs, she was dressed for hunting with her long white-blonde hair swept up into a high ponytail that trailed to the middle of her back. Neither of the girls had ever had a real haircut. Alice and Rosalie loved playing with it far too much.

Emmett had gotten to his feet immediately and swung an arm around his surrogate daughter's shoulder, "Hungry sweetheart?"

When Renesmee went out with Jake, Cadence tended to go hunting, sometimes we all did, but it was Cadence who tended to get the most restless. She and Renesmee were partners in crime; they did everything together, and when she was gone there was a pocket of time to be filled before she returned and we were all togther again. The thought had made me consider a possible future where we would have to get used to my daughter's absence. It gave me a strangled feeling and I forced myslef to focus on the current conversation. Cadence was giving Emmett a beautiful smile and shrugging, "Not sure, I might just go for a run."

I was momentarily surprised by the maturity of her expression, I had spent so much time worrying about Renesmee growing up that I had somehow overlooked Cadence. She was a little taller than my daughter, one and a quarter inches to be exact putting her at just over five feet seven inches;taller than me. Her golden eyes were large and they smiled whenever her mouth did. It made it easy to read her, not that I couldn't ask Edward but I preferred to read the honesty in her expression. It gave her a serenity that I found relaxing.

She was growing up to be beautiful and it made me smile at her. She caught me staring and a confused grin appeared, "Do I have something on my face? Big chunk of elk still in my teeth maybe?"

I laughed and went over to give her a hug, "Sometimes I just forget how grown up you are."

She returned the hug, her eyes smiling, "Oh dear, are you getting sentimental? That can be expensive, it can lead to deforestation."

She was right, I had mentioned in passing to Edward that I sometimes missed our cottage back in Forks and Esme had overheard. Before I could say, 'stop, wait, come back,' we had a new one. It was buried deep in the woods far from prying eyes...and ears. I wasn't sorry about it, Edward and I had made use of every room, "I promise not to say anything that would encourage real estate investment," I said. "Would you like some company?"

She considered for a moment but I could tell by the set of her mouth that she was going to decline. We all like a solitary run occaisionally, well I tended to take Edward on my 'solitary' runs, but if I was single I was pretty sure I would. But before she could answer, Benjamin had joined the conversation, for the first time when not being asked a direct question, "I would be happy to accompany you, Cadence."

The silence could have been cut with a knife and I knew all our minds had gone to exactly the same place. There was no reason to think that everything wouldn't be okay, but the idea of entrusting one of 'our' girls to another vampire was disquieting. Cadece took in the atmosphere. She had nodded immediately at Benjamin, obviously pleased at this small sign of progress but then paused as she picked up on the mood shift. Her eyes went to Rosalie's, should she have said no? Was there something wrong?

Benjamin was not slow on the uptake, "Of course I would understand if you preferred me not to," neither was he impolite.

There was another full second's silence before Cadence walked over to Alice and reached out her hand. Alice grasped it and there was more silence. The process was different this way. Without Renesmee to relay the images back to Alice, it was down to Cadence to do the interpreting. After a few seconds she smiled, "It should be fine, no problems."

As though we were watching a tennis match, all our heads swivelled to look at Edward seeking confirmation from an experienced source, he was also nodding having seen the same things as Cadence, "No hiccups, no interference. It should be fine."

Benjamin was silent through this exchange but once Edward had assured us of everyone's safety, human or not, he willingly followed Cadence through the back door.

As I lay floating in water that would have given any human hypothermia I thought about how wonderful if it would be...but Edward had said not. I had been excited by the thought that maybe something would work out easily for someone and maybe that someone would be Cadence. Of course, easy is a relative term and it wasn't like Benjamin didn't have a few issues of his own to work through but I honestly thought that she could be good for him. Edward however was pretty definite, "I don't think so my love. He finds her charming and sweet and very innocent. The pain he's in...well, I think he's been looking for someone to connect to and none of the rest of us are very good candidates."

Suddenly it had clicked in my head, "Being with people in relationships, happy ones especially makes it harder?"

It wasn't really a question but Edward nodded anyway, "Exactly. In her own way she's as alone as he is. She has no family, no partner..."

I had cut him off indignanlty, "She does have a family! Edward how can you..."

He had soothed me quickly stroking my arms, "Of course she does. I'm not talking about how we feel, or even how she feels, I'm talking about how Benjamin views her."

I forced myself to hear what he was saying, though the idea that Cadence might feel alone made me want to go find her and give her a hug, "He thinks she might be able to relate more easily?"

Edward had nodded again, "Maybe she will, maybe she won't. I just think it's a good sign that he's prepared to talk to anyone at all," he said pulling me into his arms and effectively ending that conversation for a few hours.

I moved into a sitting position in the water and saw Alice do the same, "Thanks Alice, I had no idea how badly I needed this."

She smiled and shook out her hair, "Sometimes it's good to get away. For me too, Jasper's driving me crazy and even though I know it's not his fault it's still..."

It was true, poor Jasper was now bearng the brunt of Benjamin's sadness and anxiety. He had been shadowing Alice constantly since the Egyptian vampire's arrival. As much as she loved Jasper, even I was a better shopping partner than he was, "Have you tried talking to him about it?"

Alice nodded, "Oh yes, and if we've had that conversation once we've had it more than twice, but it's not a matter of logic to him."

Of course it wasn't, to Jasper it was purely emotional. He was irrationally paranoid about something happening to the love of his life...or afterlife...and there was nothing he could do to fight it. I chuckled as I remembered Jasper almost following Alice from the kitchen to the living room and back again as she refilled a vase, until she told him to go and sit down and he realised she wasn't actually going any further than ten feet away and not even leaving the house, "I must admit, when Benjamin and Cadence went out hunting I was almost hopeful."

There was a knowing smile on her face, "Yeah, it occurred to me too. It's times like this when I hate not being able to see."

"Edward's says he doesn't think it's likely. They don't view each other that way."

"Well, when I look for Benjamin's future it's a collection of blurry images and dark spots. I'm guessing he's going to be with us for a while longer. Feelings can change. Maybe when he's not so..."

Her voiced trailed off and I wondered what she had been about to say. The word 'broken' would have come to my mind, "Feelings aren't as changeable for us and you know it."

Alice looked momentarily dispirited and then she grinned, "Hey, if these girls can exist at all then anything's possible."

The was enough truth to that to cheer me up a lot.

CadencePOV

When Benjamin offered to accompany me hunting I felt so proud. I knew I hadn't felt so honoured since my adoptive family offered me a place with them and I realised that they meant it, that they were serious and they weren't just asking me out of pity. I said yes without thinking then I realised that maybe I should have subtly asked the others first.

The only way I could see around the problem was the simplest one, to just find out. Once it was clear that there weren't going to be any complications, I set off into the night with Benjamin keeping pace easily by my side. I quickly realised that I was in fact slowing him down. Renesmee and I were fast, but unlike vampires we did get tired and therefore we had learnt to pace ourselves, "Sorry, I know I'm...but if you want a real run I could keep up for a while?"

He smiled at me, but it didn't reach his eyes, "No need."

We ran together for maybe half an hour before a scent caught my attention, I pointed out the direction to Benjamin and he nodded. He hadn't noticed it before as I had assumed he wouldn't, after all if you were used to locating human blood, the scent's of animals must be a lot weaker. I had passed over a herd of deer in the hope that we could find something a little more appetizing and apparently we were in luck; wildcats.

Benjamin did very well, he was neat and efficient and even snapped the animal's neck so that it wouldn't suffer unnecessarily. However, he didn't seem to particularly enjoy the flavour although he said nothing. Once we were done I expected him to be eager to return to the house and I turned to leave when I heard his voice, "Tia would have loved this."

It was barely above a whisper, but I heard it and froze. I span round to face him and watched as he sank to his knees and I suddenly felt horribly inadequate. I had no idea what to say. My mind just kept taking me back to the black time in my life before I met my family. The darkness in my heart had been consuming. The image of my mother's face wouldn't go away. The taste of her blood; the feel of it on my skin alternately making me ravenous and physically nauseous.

I couldn't make myself forget it and it tormented me. I was aware that there were other people around me eventually but I couldn't see their faces. Their reality couldn't change the one my mind had constructed and I was convinced that there would never be anything but the darkness. I had stayed inside my black cell forever it seemed and there was nothing.

Then suddenly there was more. There was someone in the black with me. I saw new things. I saw Renesmee. I felt as though she was holding me in the dark, trying to show me how to walk through it; out of it, how to leave it behind me forever. I was afraid and unsure but she was patient and she showed me things, I saw her being born, I saw her first moments through her eyes, I saw her family. And then I felt something I didn't know, couldn't comprehend and was almost afraid of. This girl wanted to love me.

She was telling me about how wonderful it was to have people who loved you. That she and her whole family wanted to love me. I didn't need to hear anymore, whatever it meant to be loved it was better than anything I had ever felt. It took time for me to learn how to be with people, I was basically starting from scratch and there was an occasional bout of fear. Fear of it all going away somehow and leaving me back in the dark alone.

But Renesmee didn't leave me, none of them did and then I was loved. I had a family and I was loved.

My eyes went back to Benjamin pulling me out of my recollections, I tried to imagine my life without them. Not just that I had never met them, but that they had been taken from me and none of them were coming back and my breath hitched in my throat. Silent tears snaked down my face and I sat on the ground next to Benjamin. There was nothing I could say and I knew it.

He looked up at me slowly until his eyes met mine and there was so much sadness that it broke my heart. Then he frowned in confusion for a moment and reached out to touch my face,"I didn't know your kind could cry."

I laughed nervously, embarassed and wiped my face, "Yeah, I suppose it must seem strange to you."

He shook his head, slowly with each gesture as though he was moving through wet sand, "No, it is...nice. It is nice that someone can cry for her."

I bit my lip, I didn't want to take credit for something I didn't really deserve, "I was really crying for you; for the pain you're in."

He shrugged, "I am in pain because of her absence, it amounts to the same thing."

I smiled gently, I wasn't sure how much we were supposed to know about the circumstances surrounding Tia's death, but we had all been given a basic overview. Edward preferred not to share the things he gleaned from other people's minds, but in this situation we all needed to be aware, "I'm sorry you had to suffer through something like that."

He shook his head but he still whispered, "It was my fault."

My eyes snapped up from the soil I had been examining intently, "No it wasn't!"

He looked at me with a wry smile, "Ah, I see you have heard some of the story at least."

I blushed furiously trying to think of something I could say to reverse my slip up but nothing even remotely plausible came to mind, and anyway, I didn't really want to lie to him. He'd been lied to by enough people he trusted; by his own coven for example, "I...I'm sorry...we just...well I guess we're not big on secrets."

He lifted his hand as though to wave it off, "That is as it should be."

He looked as though he was going to continue but he stopped himself, "I don't know if I'm allowed to ask this, but did you want to talk? To me? I'll listen if you think there's any chance it might help, or even if it wont."

"I do want to talk about it; about her. Maybe I do want to talk to you, but I'm..."

His voice trailed off so I decided to rescue him, "You're not ready."

He nodded with that blank smile on his face again, "Yes. But thank you Cadence for the offer."

He got to his feet and I followed, "May I ask just one question? You don't have to answer it if you don't want to."

"Of course."

"What did you mean when you said that she would have loved this?"

Benjamin sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "It was one of the things we were going to do. We were going to wait until we thought Amun's temper had cooled and then come out of hiding and try everything. She was so curious as to the Cullen's lifestyle, a curiousity I shared myself...I think that is why I ended up here."

We began walking home slowly, "And you didn't like it up in Denali?"

Benjamin smiled again and for the first time I thought there might be just a fraction of genuine amusement on his face, "They were all very pleasant, but I couldn't even consider...well, I just needed a different environment."

My mind skipped over the stories I had heard of Tanya, Kate and prior to her demise Irina. Bella had hinted that there might be something to the rumours of the succubus after all. Poor Benjamin, that was probably the last thing he needed, "Well, we'll try an provide it, if you want us to."

That sentence sounded dumb in my head but I couldn't think of anything more articulate to say, "Thank you, Cadence."

"You're welcome."

We had talked more on our return journey, but not about anything important. He asked me questions that required long explanations, nothing personal but I got the feeling he was just enjoying the conversation.

When we got back to the house it was so late it was getting early and I was on the receiving end of some dissapproving stares, after all I needed sleep. Benjamin took in the atmosphere in the room with obvious confusion. I hissed under my breath, fully aware that everyone else could hear me, "I have school tomorrow and I have to sleep."

Benjamin's face grew more confused before realisation dawned and he turned to the others, "I apologise, I noticed they slept but I didn't..."

Edward was waving away his concerns, "It's not a problem Benjamin, please don't concern yourself. It takes some getting used to."

I could see that Edward meant it. Phew, I'd been given a pass on this one. I uttered a hasty good night and retreated to my room. Renesmee was already in bed asleep as I crept towards our bathroom. I was momentarily dissappointed, it had been an interesting evening and I wanted to tell her about it. I would have to wait until the morning.

A/N

Well, this week has been cursed for writing. First I ended up losing access to my word processor, then I lost the whole chapter using my boyfriend's stupid laptop (and it is stupid, STUPID!) and then I was told it was gonna cost me 300 to get my laptop going again (I say again STUPID!). This chapter kinda ended up longer than I thought but I think there's some interesting things going on. Do you agree? Do you disagree? Let me know.

traceybuie-Love you way way more. And get ready to feel a whole lot sorrier. I looooove to watch them squirm.

jolynnco-That it is, and it's my word of the week, but with a cockney accent...lav-er-ly lol.

DearPuppetCutTheStrings-You're welcome, you're welcome, you're welcome. And thank you.

LunaBella11-Thank you, the distinctions between them are hard to write but I'm trying to get better, so thank you lots and lots and lots.


	25. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: They all belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**I have beta. I have a beta. (This makes no sense if you can't see that I'm dancing round my house so I'll stop now). But I have a beta, so hopefully there will be fewer mistakes now. So all thanks to the lovely traceybuie. What a woman!**

XXX

Late March

RenesmeePOV

Jake had been weird all night. He was quiet and his eyes kept darting around the restaurant. He smiled at me genuinely enough but when he was eating his eyes would glaze over as though he was looking at something far away. I guessed it was to be expected with everything he'd gone through in the last week. It must have been difficult to go back to Forks under such a black cloud; especially as he'd been away for so long. I tried to draw him into a conversation about something; anything. I tried asking him about work, I tried telling him about Benjamin, I even tried telling him about the boring things happening at school.

He wasn't deliberately avoiding the conversation, he was just distracted. Jake wasn't inattentive, he never was when he was with me; he always took pains to make sure I was happy. It made me a little uncomfortable sometimes, but I appreciated the thought behind it. Right now, he was trying to focus but I could tell that part of his mind was somewhere else. When the waiter brought over dessert, Jake took a deep breath, "Nessie, I'm sorry if I've been distracted tonight. I've just had a lot on my mind. Forks was rough."

I nodded, "I can imagine. The circumstances could have been a lot better for a return visit." That was an understatement, most people visited home to see family or old friends. It was sad that Jake had had to go back for a funeral.

Jake frowned as though he was thinking very hard and the expression was almost pained. He was nervous about whatever was coming next, "It's not just that. I've been thinking about things for a while now. I kinda feel guilty."

I reached across the table and took one of his hands, "Jake, you have nothing to feel guilty for. This was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to stop it."

"Yeah, I know that. Even if I'd still been in Forks I wouldn't have been with them. I couldn't have stopped it. I do know that. But it was just seeing...everyone. My pack, my family. When this happened, I wasn't there. They were all grieving and I..." his voice caught in his throat and he swallowed, "I guess I just felt like I was letting them down when I arrived. Like I was intruding on their grief, like I had no place there..." his voice trailed off again.

I felt as though I should know what was coming. Jake was trying to tell me something subtly and I wasn't being helpful. The only thing that occured to me was the possibility of him leaving and that didn't really make sense. I couldn't imagine Jake leaving me voluntarily for any length of time, "Jake, I know there's something you want to say, but I don't know what it is. Please just tell me."

Jake looked concerned as his eyes bored into mine and his grip on my hand tightened slightly, "I guess I just wanted to talk to you, seriously. About some things we haven't really talked about before."

My stomach dropped to my feet as his words registered in my head. Jake wanted to talk. He wanted to have a conversation and I knew suddenly what it would be about. It would be about 'us'. We had been dating for two months now and still we had never discussed 'us' in any detail. We had been taking things slow, very slow. And although I got the feeling from Jake quite often that he wouldn't mind moving faster, he didn't push anything. It just seemed easier to pretend that he didn't feel as intensely as I knew he did; to try and let things progress on a more natural timetable. Whatever a natural timetable was, I didn't really have much experience to guage by.

Now I was getting the feeling that my time might be up, it was time for me to declare myself. Jake's gaze was intense and I found it hard to look away, although I couldn't deny that part of me wanted to. I didn't want to have this conversation yet, I didn't feel ready. "Nessie, I want to be honest with you. I want us to be able to talk about how we feel."

I was nodding, though I couldn't remember deciding to do so. But that was fair enough right? He had the right to be honest with me and expect it in return, "Okay. Honesty is important." Could I have said anything more stupid? And was my voice shaking? I wasn't sure.

Jake didn't seem to care, he was smiling at me gently and he was rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb, "Nessie, I want you to know..." Jake paused and took a breath, my stomach clenched but I made sure my nerves didn't show on my face, "I want you to know how much you mean to me. You make me so happy."

Okay, I could cope with that, that wasn't too scary, "You make me happy too, Jake."

His smile widened a little, "Good, I'm glad. I didn't want to spring anything on you but I really want us to talk; about everything. I wanted to tell you how I feel because...well because I want us to have a future together. And I want to tell you that I want us to have a future. Did that make sense?"

It did. He wanted to lay his cards on the table. He wanted his life to be with me. Well, part of me wanted that too, I had always wanted him in my life. How could I not love being with him? He was kind and generous and loving and sweet and how could I not love that? But I knew that wasn't what he was talking about, "Jake, I understand what you're saying. You...well you..."

My eyes were tracing the patterns on the table cloth when I felt him squeeze my hand again and I looked up to meet his eyes, "Yes I do, you're right. Renesmee Cullen, I love you."

Oh god, there went my stomach again, I felt as though the air in the restaurant had gotten thinner. Jake was looking at me so intently, I knew what he was waiting for, he was waiting to see if I was going to say it back to him. There it was. The question. Was I in love with Jacob Black? I stopped breathing entirely for a second; I didn't know. I loved him. I loved him so much, but I didn't think I could return his words based on the kind of love I felt, "Jake...I..."

"Nessie, it's okay. I understand that I'm surprising you with all this. I don't want to put pressure on you and I'm not expecting you to say anything right now. I just...well, I know how this is going to sound but I just want you to listen."

I could do that, I nodded, "Okay."

"Spending this time in Forks, well it reminded me that we have forever. It's not like we're going to get old and die, we have eternity to figure everthing out. But there are people in my life who don't. My father is getting older and his health hasn't been excellent. I don't think that Leah wants to shift forever, and well, I have a sister and friends. I know that they're not all going to live forever."

I could understand his concerns, I often thought of Grandpa Charlie and how he wouldn't be around forever. It made my heart hurt to think that there might be a time when he wasn't here. At least I knew that the rest of my family weren't going anywhere. It must be terrible to think of losing so many people, "Jake, I'm sorry you feel like that. Is there anything I can do?"

He smiled wryly, "Well, it's funny you should ask. I realised something else, I can't just expect a place there with them. If I want to be a part of their lives I have to earn it by actually being there for them. It was naive of me to think that they would all be the same, just waiting for me to decide to go back."

That was true, humans changed, they got older and made decisions and things became different. But I was getting the feeling that Jake was stalling and I was starting to get anxious waiting for him to get to his point, though I had a feeling I knew where he was heading. When I didn't speak he continued, "I was thinking of maybe moving back there for a while. I think it's important to spend time there while I can. Eventually I'll look too young and it'll be hard for me to visit. But I don't want to go without you."

Jake let out a breath that I hadn't noticed he was holding. This was what he'd been building up to, he wanted me to move to Forks with him. I couldn't do that. I knew it, suddenly but completely. I wasn't ready. I knew I looked like an adult and most of the time I thought like one, but I didn't really feel like one. In years I wasn't seven yet and I didn't feel ready to make such a huge commitment. The idea of leaving my family and almost everything I knew was terrifying. I simply wasn't ready. I looked at Jake whose anxiety was palpable. I realised I hadn't said anything. My mind was racing but it couldn't seem to make sound come out of my mouth. Jake took pity on me, "I'm sorry Nessie. I said all that stuff about not wanting to pressure you and then I came out with this. I want to be clear, you are more important to me. If you don't want to come with me to Forks then I wont go. I just want you to think about it. I don't want an answer now. You're in the middle of school and this isn't a decision you should make quickly. Can you just tell me that you'll think about it?"

I nodded my head until I could get the words out, "Yes, I'll think about it. I will."

The smile that lit up Jake's face almost broke my heart. Maybe I should just come clean now; tell him the truth and face the consequences, but I just couldn't. He looked so happy and I couldn't bring myself to be the one to change it. I let out a nervous laugh, "I'll think about it Jake, but let's talk about something less intense now huh?"

Jake laughed with me and squeezed my hand, I felt an urge to pull my hand from his and run, this was so much.

XXX

Jake pulled up at the end of the drive and got out to open my door for me. The rest of the evening had been more relaxed on the surface but my nerves were still stretched tight. I stepped out of the car and Jake took my hand holding it up to kiss it, "I have to work tomorrow, but I have Saturday off."

There was no question in his voice; we always saw each other over the weekend so I just nodded and smiled, he smiled back at me and pulled me gently towards him. I didn't resist as he slipped his arms around my waist and kissed me gently. His lips were soft against mine and he sighed into the contact. I lifted my arms and put them around his neck. Jake's hands stroked my back and I found myself relaxing just a little; allowing myself to be soothed by this man who loved me.

Maybe this could work out, I still didn't think that I could move to Forks right now, but Jake would understand if I explained. As I returned the kiss, Jake's hands kept moving, and one of them slowly slid down the curve of my hip to rest on my ass.

Every muscle in my body tensed and Jake noticed of course. He immediately moved his hands back up, but it was too late and the relaxed state had passed. I pulled back but hitched a smile onto my face, "I'll see you soon Jake."

He looked like he wanted to say something, but I turned and headed up the drive by myself.

xxx

I pushed open the front door and breathed a sigh of relief. Whatever else had been going on tonight, I could still come home. I could take whatever time I needed here and if I wanted help, my family was here. That was the problem, other than Grandpa Charlie my family was here. How could I leave them?

It took me a few seconds to realise that not everyone was in the house. Mom was sitting on the couch with Alice and Rosalie. I could hear Emmet and Esme in the kitchen and I knew that Carlisle was working tonight. Which meant that Dad, Jasper and Cadence were out, Benjamin too.

I felt an irrational upsurge of irritation. Normally when I got home from a date with Jake, Cadie and I would disect the evening. If I ever needed her to talk to it was right now. My mind was everywhere and I was finding it hard to concentrate. Mom looked up as I came in and smiled, it froze on her a face after a second and I made an effort to seem more relaxed, "Hello all, everyone having a good night?"

Rose and Alice were looking at me too and I could tell they knew that something was up. As I prayed, they let it go, "We're trying to decide where we should move to next time," said Rosalie.

I looked at them in surprise, this was getting to be a disturbing pattern, "Are we moving?"

Alice shook her head, making her hair dance around her face, "Not yet, we can stay for a few more years I think, but it never hurts to be prepared."

Wow, everyone was talking about moving today, "Oh, okay. Where's everyone else?" I had to admit that as much as I loved them I was not sorry my father was out, nor Jasper. I would not have been able to hide my thoughts and feelings from them, even though I was normally well practiced at doing so. I was not sure that I wanted to share it with everyone yet.

Mom was still watching me, she was trying to be subtle but I knew she was wondering what had happened to upset me, Alice got off the sofa and came over to me to sling an arm around my shoulder, "Well, actually we had a bit of excitement tonight," she was leading me towards the sofa. I sank into the cushions between mom and Rosalie, "Benjamin decided to go hunting. Like, by himself. Well not by himself obviously, but he volunteered."

That was enough news to distract me momentarily. As far as I knew Benjamin hadn't done anything of his own volition since he had arrived, "Well what brought that on?"

Mom put an arm around my shoulder but she still didn't speak. I wondered what was going through her head; what possibilities she was considering. Alice seemed to be genuinely excited though, she was still bouncing even though she was sat down again, "No idea. Cadence announced she was going out for a while, for a run and maybe to hunt and he asked if he could join her."

Suddenly I felt a bit odd. I wasn't sure why, but I knew I didn't like it, "Oh, so dad and Jasper went with them?" I asked.

Rosalie shook her head, "No, they decided to follow at a safe distance. They don't want Benjamin to know they're following him, but still better safe than sorry." Well yes, after all we only had Benjamin's word that he wasn't going to feed on humans, but then if he was lying dad would have known of course.

"And Cadie didn't mind going with him by herself?" That wasn't really a sensible question, if anyone was too trusting it was Cadie. She probably never considered that possibility that there might be danger in being around a vampire who fed on humans. I doubted there was any danger to her personally, but how would she handle it if Benjamin suddenly changed his mind and attacked one of the locals?

None of them looked concerned, "I helped her look into the future and there was no sign of trouble. Edward agreed with her," Alice shrugged, "They only went after them as an extra precaution."

Okay, it was dumb. It was dumb and it was selfish, but Cadie was my friend and I was counting on her being here tonight. It had not been my best date ever with Jake and I had gotten used to her being here waiting for me. A rational part of my mind knew that I was being unfair and that was the part I needed to listen to. She would be back soon and then we could talk.

I nodded in agreement with Alice, "Well, I guess it's good that he's making progress. So where are we thinking about going next?"

XXX

Just before midnight I climbed under the duvet. Cadie hadn't come home yet and I was finding it harder to listen to the rational part of my mind, I really needed to talk to her and she wasn't here. I didn't know if I would have felt better if I had talked to mom and my aunts. Part of me had wanted to, badly. But this was the one area of my life where I felt awkward talking to my mom. I knew that she would listen and that whatever advice she gave me would probably help, but I found it hard to talk to her about Jake. On the rare occasions we did discuss him I could tell that it made her worry. She didn't want me to feel pressured, but she didn't want to hide the intensity of Jake's feelings from me. It was a fine line for her to walk and I hated seeing her worry.

I couldn't imagine better parents than Edward and Isabella Cullen for one simple reason, they loved me more than life and I had a necklace to prove it. If I was happy, they were happy. If I was unhappy, then so were they and they would do anything to fix it. But I didn't want them to worry when there was nothing they could do to fix anything, and this time they couldn't. I had to try and figure out what do to based on my own feelings, but I would still have liked to talk to Cadie.

She didn't get home until after one in the morning, I had found it imposible to sleep as my mind raced in circles. Cadie crept through the door and shut it silently. I kept my breathing even and my eyes closed. The irrational irritation had grown as I had lain in the dark by myself and now I found that I didn't want to talk to her. I wanted to lie here and sulk.

XXX

BPOV

After Cadence had gone to bed and Benjamin had once more gotten comfortable in his usual chair, Edward and I left to go to our cottage. We tried to make time to visit it at least once a week, we had considered using it as a family home, but Renesmee really loved the big house, she loved sharing a room with Cadence and living with the whole family. Plus, this way we had a place just for the two of us. A place where we weren't siblings or children or parents. We were just Edward and Bella here and we were together.

I lay back against Edward's chest sinking into the hot water that filled the bath. The heat was pleasant on my skin, and Edward's hand were delightfully cool in comparison. They swept over me under the water and I relaxed into my husband's touch, the steam from the bath filling the darkened bathroom, "That feels wonderful you know."

"Good, you looked tense when I got back. I leave you alone for a few hours and you have to get all tense."

I giggled and stroked my fingers up and down the arms wrapped around me, "I don't think it's anything to worry about really. I just really wished you were here when Renesmee got home. There was something bothering her and she didn't seem to want to talk about it."

I felt Edward press his lips to the back of my neck, they were smiling, "Did you want me to help you cheat again?"

I tilted my head searching for his lips, giving him a soft kiss, "It's not my fault that everything about you is tantalizing, and I mean everything." I kissed him again, "You know how I am, when it concerns our daughter I consider any method fair."

The arms around me tightened pressing me into his body, "That's what makes you a good mother, but when she wants to talk to us you know she will."

I didn't turn to meet his eyes but I couldn't stop myself from asking, "Will you make sure she's okay tomorrow? I don't need details, I just want to know that she's okay."

"Shh my love. Of course I will. Even if you hadn't asked I wouldn't be able to help myself as you know."

Edward was trying to make me feel better, he was trying to imply that he would have checked anyway and my request wouldn't violate Renesmee's privacy anymore than it would have been. I didn't care whether or not it was true, it made me feel better anyway. "Thank you."

Edward's fingers swept over my stomach and down across my hip, "Don't mention it."

I stretched up one foot to turn on the hot water again, our cool skin reduced the temperature of the bath quickly so I liked to keep the water running. As I moved my leg, Edward slid his hand forward between my legs and stroked me gently. I instantly felt myself shiver into his touch, "I think I can help you relax even more."

My breath was hitching in my throat, his fingers weren't doing enough and he knew it, I wanted more, like he promised. "I would love it if you could."

I knew he could, Edward groaned into my neck pressing more kisses to my skin as his fingers grew more bold. He stroked up and down my slit, tickling the sensitive flesh gently. I fought the urge to press myself down, as much as I wanted to do so, Edward always made the teasing worth it and I grew wetter under his touch.

My hands gripped his thighs on either side of me and Edward's other hand crept up to caress my breast. His fingers trailed around my nipples and his fingers kept stroking and the pressure built between my legs. When his fingers finally parted my swollen lips I whimpered loudly and gripped him harder. I could feel his cock pressing into my back and I realised I wanted him inside me, but I couldn't bear to make him stop what he was doing.

As soon as his fingers slid over my clit I didn't care about how he was touching me as long as he was, but Edward knew what I wanted anyway. He was rubbing against my back, groaning each time the pressure increased on the tip of him. I writhed into his touch, not noticing the water that was splashing onto the floor as we moved together. His fingers abruptly left my breasts and moved to my hip and lifted my body up and towards him.

I didn't fight him as he pulled me close, his fingers still tracing delicious circles over my sensitive flesh. I felt him pressed against my entrance and I sank down to let him fill me. Edward grunted into the back of my neck as he slid all the way inside me but his hand still moved over my clit.

We made love slowly. Edward gasped my name over and over as I rocked back and forth on his cock. His hands wandered across my body, but always returned to stroke the trembling flesh between my legs and I whimpered every time he took them away. I lost any sense of time as we lay in the hot water together, feeling my husband moving inside of me, touching me as my legs trembled and we both grew more desperate for our release.

Finally Edward began to thrust up into me, demanding more contact, more friction, more pressure where we both needed it to be, "Edward...don't stop touching me...please...don't stop.."

He groaned into my hair again as he thrust harder, but his fingers didn't stop. I started to bounce harder onto him, forcing him deeper and deeper into me and Edward started to moan louder, mumbling nonsense each time my hips met his, "My love...so ...Bell...a...unh...yes...good..."

My legs were shaking as my orgasm ripped through me and my whole body joined in. I was babbling his name long after he had spilled his seed deep inside me holding my body close in the water.

Once I'd come back to myself a little I turned in Edward's arms and kissed him deeply, "Love you."

"I love you too."

I giggled and settled back into his arms, "Good."

"But I think we flooded the bathroom."

I looked down at the floor and saw that although the tub was still full of water that was hot, apparently a lot of it had ended up on the floor, "Small price to pay if you ask me."

"I couldn't agree more, love. I hope I did my duty."

His voice was completely serious but I knew him too well, "Yes, my tension level is a lot better now."

"Until that brain of yours starts thinking again."

I sighed, "Yes, until then. But when that happens we'll just have to repeat-as-needed. I'm sure you don't mind."

"Not at all, but I'd much prefer to fix the problem so you wouldn't get tense in the first place."

"Oh if only it was so easy," I said with a smile, "It's not just Renesmee, we have Cadence to worry about as well." And I was a little concerned, Benjamin didn't exactly come with no strings attached, but hey, bigger things had been overcome in the past by others, and by 'others' I did mean us. They could be a good match.

Edward was laughing, "You know, I think that look, the one that says 'I'm scheming' is a universal thing for women. All the women I know look exactly the same when they're plotting something or considering repercussions. So why don't you tell me what you're thinking before the curiousity kills me."

I tried to look annoyed but I couldn't keep the smile off my face, "I was just thinking about Cadence and wondering if there's any chance of her and Benjamin...working out."

Before I'd finished talking Edward was shaking his head, "I don't think that's at all likely my love."

I frowned in annoyance, I felt as though someone had told me the invention I'd come up with wasn't good enough, "Why not?"

"I'm not picking up any of those type of thoughts from either of them."

I had argued with him further of course, but Edward had been adamant. At least at the moment, there was no reason to suppose either of them had any interest in the other in that way.

I was disappointed but I wasn't really surprised, I knew it was a long shot. Benjamin didn't need to be set up right now and I needed to remember that. What he needed was a safe place to be while he figured out what he was going to do. We could give him that. I nodded and then squealed as Edward lifted me as easily in his arms as if I weighed nothing, which to him of course, I did.

He kissed me gently and headed for the bedroom, "I vote for cleaning up later, we have a few more hours before dawn."

I pretended to consider it for a moment, "Well, I suppose I could squeeze you in."

He dropped me on the bed with a growl and was on top of me in the same second, "God Bella, say that again."

XXX

**A/N- I know, I know, more sex. Well what can I say? I just can't seem to keep their clothes on can I? But there is some story in there if you look closely.**

**Lhea-Hey there, just to let you know, what Renesmee says about being Carlisle's niece, was supposed to be their excuse, you know, how Carlisle would introduce her to other humans. He can't really say she's his granddaughter as he barely looks old enough to be a father but if he was to pull some strings and get her an internship...well it was just Renesmee considering possibilites, sorry if I wasn't clear. But thank you for your reviews. Brightened my crappy day!**


	26. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: They're not mine. But I can dream.**

**Okay, we're wrapping up on this story, but never fear, I have another one ready. I just need to ask my new beta (very nicely) if she wants to stick with me for the next one. One of my reviewers asked me about the low readership on this story, truth is I don't really know. I'm doing my best I promise lol. Maybe it's because I don't list this story on any other site? Could be part of it. I know a lot of authors do, it's just that I'm kinda technologically challenged. I can't even set up my phone. Still, it makes me more grateful to the people who do read it. You guys are the best. And what taste you have!**

**Thank you to my wonderful beta traceybuie who is making me sound much smarter than I am.**

XXX

RenesmeePOV

"Ren, please, you've been like this for two days and I can't stand it anymore. Please just tell me what I did?" Cadie had finally cornered me on Sunday once we were out of reach of other ears; out in the woods looking for something for dinner.

Cadie sounded so upset, her voice was cracking and I thought she might be close to tears. The guilt surged through me. I was behaving terribly to my best friend. She had asked about my date with Jake on Friday morning, but I had brushed it off; giving no details about anything. We had spent the lunch hour together on Friday as always, but I knew I had been terse and uncommunicative. I had spent Saturday with Jake and when I returned home still unwilling to talk, the concern in Cadie's eyes had tripled.

The thing was, I couldn't tell her why I was behaving this way. I was too embarrassed by my own selfishness. So, she had been unavailable when I needed her, it wasn't her fault. Did I expect her to be at my beck and call twenty four hours a day? Well, if I was honest, yes. But only because it had never been any other way and I had never imagined it changing.

Cadie had always been with ME. She was always on my side and now, was I going to behave like a child because she had made other plans on one occasion? I made other plans sometimes with Jake after all, why should I resent her doing the same? But I did resent it. I had never thought of myself as selfish, but I couldn't shake off this strange feeling inside that was hurt and angry and...jealous?

The realization hit me hard. Was this jealousy I was feeling? Yes, yes it was. Cadie was my friend, mine and I didn't want to have to share her with an emotionally crippled and (I supposed) needy vampire. WE talked about things. WE confided in each other. I didn't want to share. So was this jealousy? Well, I definitely couldn't tell her that.

It had only taken me a second to reach this conclusion and Cadie was still staring at me waiting for an answer. An answer I knew now I couldn't give her. I couldn't possibly tell her that I had been in the midst of a two-day silent tantrum while I came to the realization that I didn't want to share her with anybody. That would sound a little strange even to her. I decided to lie.

I sighed heavily, "I've just had a lot on my mind. I didn't mean to take it out on you." That was definitely a lie.

"Okay, well if something's bothering you can't we do something about it? Let me help. Please?"

I had been punishing her with my silence and it had to stop now. I could only think of one thing to tell her which might be able to justify my behavior, "The other night when I was at dinner with Jake, he asked me to move to Forks with him... to live, for a few years."

The look on her beautiful face was horrified though she turned the expression into surprise as quickly as she could, "Oh, wow. Ren that's...wow." As I hoped, the shock of the news deflected her; she was more concerned about the news than my behavior.

I laughed at the expression on her face, she was trying to looking sympathetic and supportive and not shocked as hell, "Believe me I know. It...well it was a surprise."

Cadie was biting her lip as she watched me, "Well, do you know what you're going to do?"

I sank into a cross legged position on the ground and she joined me instantly, "I told Jake I'd think about it, but I...well I don't think I can go. I just don't feel ready to do something like that." That was nothing but the truth and I was equally glad I'd been able to distract my friend and talk about the confusion which I had been trying to hide. I didn't think dad was on to me yet and though they all knew something was up, they hadn't pushed me into sharing.

Cadie reached out and grabbed my wrist and I saw inside her head. She was glad I was talking to her and she was glad I wasn't going to leave them. She couldn't imagine our home without me in it. What would she do? She thought that she was selfish for not wanting me to go and she was sorry. She would support me if I wanted to go, but she really didn't want me to leave.

I could sympathize with her sudden feelings of selfishness and I leaned forward to hug her. She was taller than me now, but not by much. Her arms held me tightly and they were gentle and familiar. I realized how ridiculous I was being. The only way I would lose my friend to someone else was if I pushed her away first. I wasn't going to do that.

"Oh, by the way, he also came out and told me he loved me for the first time."

Cadie pulled back from the hug and the surprised expression was back, "Wow, moment to digest that please."

She was smiling, "I know, that guy really knows how to throw a girl."

Suddenly we were both giggling, and I felt better. Though I had to force the smile to reach my eyes.

XXX

JPOV

I ran through the trees shedding my clothes. I was eager to be in my wolf form to talk to my pack. MY pack. They might be that again soon in a real way, after all, my Nessie hadn't said 'no'. If she was dead set against it I was sure I would have been able to tell. I would have known.

She was surprised no doubt, I had expected that much. It was a lot of information to get very quickly, and even though I felt guilty for the way I had done it, it had to be said sooner or later. I had been desperate to vocalize my feelings since we'd started dating and I had only held off for fear of freaking her out. Maybe I should have tried to lessen the shock by telling her everything more slowly, but that just seemed like doling out the news for dramatic effect.

I took a deep breath and leapt over a fallen tree feeling the fur spring out all over my skin. It felt good. They were suddenly all in my head yelling in welcome. Seth, Quil, Embry, Leah, I had missed them all; being like this with them. They were happy I had made a commitment to shift with them, even if I was so far away. I didn't know why it hadn't occurred to me before, but I had just phased whenever and spoke to whoever was there. We should have done this from the beginning.

My recent time with Nessie was the current show in my head, and they were all reeling from it. I had made an effort not to discuss my plans with the others until I had spoken to Nessie, it seemed a better way. My pack was not holding my secretiveness against me. They were so pleased I was considering going home. Their excitement bubbled until I was feeling it myself, and I was surprisingly touched by how much they were hoping for my return.

They hadn't really felt like a complete pack since I'd been gone, which made perfect sense. They had been missing their Alpha. I was selfish. They were all listening to my thoughts, of course, and they tried to convince me it wasn't so, but I knew it was. Seth was bubbling over, "Wow man, do you think the chances are good?"

I thought over Ren's reaction to my news, "I think they're pretty good. She just needs some time." She didn't say no. That was my favorite part of our conversation. I had been so afraid that she would just freak out and run but she hadn't.

The others were excited with me and for me, and for a few moments I just reveled in it. Until I realized that Leah's thoughts were locked down, her mind was carefully blank. It was the mental equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and chanting 'la la la la la la la la la la la' when someone was trying to make you answer a question you didn't want to. "Leah? Is there a problem?"

There was no timbre of alpha in my thoughts and I know that she noticed, but she could also tell that I wanted an answer, there was a mental sigh before she haltingly thought, "Jake, don't you think this all seems a little...unlikely?"

"Unlikely? What do you mean 'unlikely'?" The rest of the pack were all thinking the same thing, in various volumes and levels of irritation. They didn't want to hear about the other alternative, about the possibility that I might not be coming home after all. I certainly didn't want to hear it. I was enjoying the excitement. I could already see how everything would be and I wanted it. I wanted to introduce my Nessie to everyone and show her the beach at La Push. I wanted to take her into the woods so we could just run. We could...

"But Jake that's just it. You're getting everyone's hopes up. And...well she didn't say yes did she? If she really wanted to move here with you she would have said yes."

"She didn't say no!" Leah just didn't get it, she never really had. She didn't know what it was like to imprint. I tried to squash that mean thought before she saw it, but I was too late. The fact that she didn't get upset just made me feel worse.

"I know that Jake I do. But...well there are other problems. Do you think Edward and Bella are just going to let their daughter run off with you to Forks?" I had thought about that of course, I knew that Renesmee leaving would break their hearts, but well, all children moved on with their lives at some point and it was a pain that all parents experienced. I had waited very patiently (ish) for a long time and had done whatever they had asked of me. I thought it was only fair that I got to ask for something now. They wanted her to be happy just like I did. That mutual desire had helped us all get over a lot of our past hurts, and I hoped it would help them see sense now.

"Things are different now Leah, things are better. We all...well we get along. I'm pretty much as close to Bella as ever and the rest...let's just say I didn't expect there to be so little friction." That was also true, so I started showing Leah the time I had played video games with Emmett and the suit Alice had chosen for me to wear to the dance with my Nessie.

She cut me off, but not meanly. "I'm sure that's true Jake and I'm happy for you, but I still don't think their gonna just let you take her."

"It's not their decision. It's Nessie's. If it's what she really wants they wont stop her." I was on the point of saying that I wouldn't let them stop her, but I knew that was just my temper talking. I didn't want to go anywhere near that route again. I was done fighting with the Cullen's, it never led anywhere good and it could only confuse Nessie.

"Jake, Edward is old-fashioned. OLD-fashioned. Like, 'the age of chivalry'. I just don't think he'll let it happen."

"I've just said, it's not their decision! And anyway, how would they stop her if she really wanted to go?" I was mentally yelling now. Leah was still annoyingly calm. They couldn't stop her, that was the simple truth.

"I'll tell you how, he'll simply ask. From everything you've told me about Renesmee Cullen, and you have told me more than a lot, there is no way she will go against her parents wishes on something that means so much to them. I mean, come on...did Edward even touch Bella inappropriately until she was his wife? And you're expecting their blessing on just running off with her?"

The simple rationality of what Leah was saying penetrated my angry haze. She was right, of course she was. I wasn't doing anything noble, I was selfishly asking Nessie to follow me across the country away from her family and offering...what? Nothing. I was telling her that I loved her and wanted her...but would she mind giving up everything for me? For nothing?

"Jake, no. That's not what I was trying to say. I just think you need to think about what you're asking." Leah's thoughts were suddenly agitated, despite how calm she had stayed. On the other hand, I had been getting steadily more furious.

"You're right, I haven't been thinking. Not about what she would need anyway." But now... If a sign of my commitment would make Nessie happy, she could have one. She could have as many as she wanted. I would have it written in skywriting and painted on the street, anything to show her how much she meant to me.

Seth's thoughts were the first to stutter into coherency and even that took a while. "Wow, again man. I think...well I think it's awesome."

He really did think it was awesome, so did everyone else. But not as much as I did. This might be the answer, a way to get everything I wanted and keep it forever. The revelry in my head was only dulled by one thing, my beta. Leah's mind had shut down again and I wondered if she was just angry. If this worked out between Nessie and I, then maybe she would feel even more alone...

"Don't you fucking dare Jacob Black. Don't you even fucking think it! In all the years we've been inside each other's head you have never thought anything so ridiculous...or condescending. I have been alone for a very long time. I was just trying to make you see reason, I was trying to help, but apparently I'm wasting my time." I thought she was done, but suddenly the anger faded and I felt how truly hurt she was. "I have been a good friend to you Jake and a good beta. I thought I'd earned the right to talk to you honestly."

She meant it, you couldn't really lie in you thoughts and I tried to reach out to her with a genuine apology but her mind vanished as she phased back. I felt horribly guilty. I was tempted to wallow in it but the others wouldn't let me. Seth was more used to Leah than the rest of us could fathom, and he rallied first. "She doesn't mean to be a downer Jake. She just worries; about you, about me, about us and about everything really. She doesn't want to hope you're going to come back. When you left to be with Nessie she hoped you'd come back for a long time. She doesn't want to hope again, and have it not come true."

And there went another bucket full of guilt. "I am sorry you guys. I'm trying to fix everything I swear I am." I really was, I wanted to try and make things work for everyone.

The others were sympathetic, especially Quil. "Jake, I think it's gonna work out just fine. Just you wait and see."

My thoughts were timid, but I had to pose the question. "Do you think Leah's right? Am I crazy to...Am I crazy to even think about...proposing?" There I said it. Or well, I thought it.

They all considered but the overall feeling seemed to be positive. Embry came through clearly for the first time. "There is always a chance that this might be too much for her. But she handled everything else okay didn't she? This might actually help. As you said, it's a show of commitment. If she feels more secure she might be happier about being with you."

"Edward and Bella and well, all of them will probably be happier." I considered this. Yeah, that was true and it wasn't unfair for them to feel that way. If I was asking for their daughter it was only fair for me to show how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. I suddenly wondered if Edward already knew about what I'd asked Nessie? I felt stupid for not thinking about that before. He probably did, and if he did then the others would all know too. Their 'share' attitude was nauseating.

If there was no chance of it being allowed by the family surely I would already know? Even if none of the others would give me a heads up, I was sure Bella would have. Something this big? She would not have been able to resist. Maybe that meant that they knew and were okay with it? But then why hadn't Bella told me that much? Maybe they were just leaving the decision to Nessie and not getting involved. That would track. If I was being fair, they did try to let Nessie make her own decisions.

I tried not to get sucked in, but I suddenly saw my wedding to Nessie. She would be beautiful, she always was. I knew that Alice would probably take the helm, and as a result it would probably be the most beautiful wedding ever. If there was someone Alice loved competing with it was herself, and she hadn't planned a wedding since Bella's to Edward. Through the filter of time I could appreciate how beautiful that wedding had actually been.

"Earth to Jake"

Seth's voice broke into my thoughts. "Sorry I was miles away."

"Yeah we know. There was laughing in my head. You were in wedding land with Nessie."

My heart swelled at the thought.

XXX

EPOV

There was something wrong with my daughter. Jasper could feel it and wasn't shy about sharing with me, but I couldn't read it in her thoughts. Over a few days I realized that she was deliberately hiding it from me...and so was Cadence.

I suddenly found myself in an entirely unfamiliar position. There had never been secrets in the family before and I wasn't sure how to handle it. Jasper had told me about the tension he had been feeling from Nessie, and how occasionally there would be a little fear. Nothing to worry about, more like she was nervous and anxious. I couldn't be sure what it was about specifically, but I knew it had begun the night Jake had come back from Forks and taken Renesmee out for dinner.

Bella had told me that Renesmee had come back...different. She hadn't wanted to talk about it and Bella had let it slide, not wanting to interfere. But now I wished she had pushed for answers. Our daughter had been more than different. She had been cold, especially to Cadence, which I had never seen before. While I couldn't divine the reason from Renesmee's thoughts, the young blond had not been so guarded.

She was confused. She didn't know what was wrong and what she had done to deserve this. Why was her best friend refusing to talk to her? It made her heart hurt, and a worse idea to consider was that maybe she really had done something and Ren wouldn't forgive her. Though she had no idea what that 'something' might be.

This went on for two days. I was almost to the point where I was going to make my daughter talk to me, because I couldn't sit back and watch her be cruel to someone who loved her so much. It was not the way we had raised her, but the two had gone out hunting and returned different. Renesmee had confided in Cadence. I was both appeased and more concerned.

Whatever the issue was, it was clearly not so bad that Cadence had run to one of us and confessed. I was sure that if the secret had been something terrible or dangerous we would have been informed. Renesmee and Cadence could be reckless. as they were young, but I knew that they would both protect each other. If Renesmee was in real trouble Cadence would have enlisted help. But it confused me further as well. The only thing that had made sense was that there was an issue with Jacob. The timing seemed perfect, but then why would Cadence have been so ostracized for days?

I honestly didn't know what to do about the whole situation and neither did the others. Bella was getting concerned, and was leaning towards us confronting our daughter. I wanted to do the same thing, but we didn't know if that was the right thing to do. Being a parent was not as easy as humans on TV made it out to be.

If Renesmee and Cadence wanted to have their secrets who were we to say that they couldn't? Plenty of teenagers had their own types of secrets. Some smoked, some drank, some stayed out all night. Maybe we shouldn't be trying to squash this out of them, it seemed harmless.

That was true until I remembered that slight feeling of fear Jasper had picked up on. If this secret was causing her anxiety how could it be good? And round and round we went. Now that Cadence was behaving the same way, we were all concerned.

XXX

It was a week before the school dance which had Alice running around the house 'like a stabbed rat' to use Emmett's delicate phrasing. We decided to use a different tactic, and one not all of the others approved of. Only a lack of options compelled everyone to go along with it. We didn't want them to feel like we were intruding, and we didn't want to back either of them into a corner. This seemed like the best alternative.

Jasper and I sat in the living room waiting for Renesmee to return home from a date with Jake. Without the others there was less background noise and Jasper wouldn't have to wade through other's emotions to get to Renesmee's. I felt like we were setting a trap for her, lying in wait to force her to share with us.

"Don't Edward. This can't go on and you know it."

That was true, Bella and Rosalie were the worst and were not getting better. To them it was very simple. There was something wrong with their children, and they wanted it put right now. No delays. There was a problem and they wanted it fixed. This was the best way to find out as much as possible. I nodded at Jasper as we heard Renesmee approaching the house.

Feeling horribly like a spy, I listened. She was thinking about the homework she had waiting, she was thinking that she might like to take a bath. She was wondering if we had ice cream in the freezer, and if so what flavor it might be.

She knew I was here, and she wasn't risking me getting into her head. I wondered if she knew I was going to be looking or if she was just making sure she didn't give anything away. I suspected the latter.

"Her nerves are stretched. She's had an...awkward night. But she's not scared...more relieved."

Okay! I wanted to scream, but why? Why, for god's sake why? I heard the click of the door as she pushed it open and came into the living room. She was momentarily surprised to see the house so empty, she could hear that there was no one else, "Hey Dad, Jazz."

I turned to face her from my perch on the bench in front of the piano, "Hello love. Did you have a nice time."

I'll start on that essay first I think, Mr Cropley is going to be pleased if I can get it in early, she thought

"It was fine thanks. Dinner was good and the movie was hilarious. Jake laughed so hard that coke came out of his nose." She was giggling but it didn't look entirely genuine.

Jazz was smiling at her from the sofa, "You sure are easily pleased on a date aren't you."

Renesmee went over and sat down next to Jasper, patting him on the shoulder, "Well, I'm sure when you take Alice out on a date there are horse drawn carriages involved. Anyone else would seem low maintenance."

Jasper put on his best 'scary face' and glared, "Not unless my wife is in the mood for horse," he said baring his fangs but unable to hide the small smile as he teased her.

Renesmee leaned forward as though she's spotted something on Jasper's face and then reached out and like lightening mussed his blonde hair up, "Sorry Uncle Jazz. You're never gonna be scary to me."

Her thoughts were suddenly on a vivid memory of London, she had only been small then and she and Jasper had played in a pool. He'd pretended he couldn't catch her, even when he had her small wriggling body in his hands. He just treated her like a bar of soap. Yeah, Jasper had lost all ability to be frightening right then.

Renesmee smiled over at me, "So, why are you guys in? Where is everyone?"

She did seem to be relaxed. Maybe it had been a problem with Jacob, and they had talked it over and fixed it. I hoped so, if that was the case, she would tell Cadence and everything would go back to normal. Maybe she had just wanted a little privacy. I could understand that, "Well, everyone's hunting sweetheart."

She wriggled more comfortably into the sofa, "And you guys weren't hungry?" Her gaze landed on Jasper and she grinned mischievously, "That's gotta be a first for you."

Jasper reached out and tugged one of her curls gently, "Well, there's a first time for everything."

"Besides, they didn't go out all together, once Benjamin and Cadence had gone out, the others just followed in pairs." It was true, though I didn't mention that Rosalie and Emmett had gone to follow Cadence from a distance, just to be sure. Carlisle and Esme had been ready to eat, but Bella and Alice had gone only to leave the house quiet.

My thoughts were interrupted by someone else's, Renesmee's. They were almost incoherent and...angry. Jasper had gasped, and was staring at her. His thoughts joined hers and they were clearer. "Edward she's...she's jealous."

Yes, I was picking up on that too. She was jealous...of Benjamin. She didn't like what I said about him having gone hunting with Cadence. It...hurt her feelings, "Renesmee, sweetheart?"

The question was asked in my softest tone. Her eyes flew to mine and they were horrified. She was embarrassed. Then her face calmed and she shut her mind closed, "I don't want to talk about it."

"But..."

"I said, I don't want to talk about it. Please dad?" She looked at me for a second and I nodded. Then she got up without another word and went to her room.

XXX

**A/N-Sorry for the cliffhanger but it's only a mini one. **

**LunaBella11-It's not that I don't like them. I've been to-ing and fro-ing on it. But thank you for the compliment. I'm trying to be fair to everyone, but right them honestly and in character is harder than I thought.**

**Spannieren-Thank you, my lovely.**

**Improvgirl01-You're so sweet, as I said at the top, it makes you beautiful readers and reviewers especially special. Maybe I just don't have many reviewers : (.**

**Traceybuie-That's because you're my ideal pervy reader.**


	27. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: I don't own them, I just use them for chores.**

**To the wonderful people who read this story, it has ben brought to my attention that we've been straying a little i.e. to much from the girls, not enough from the grown-ups (the ones more likely to be naked). Don't worry, I think I'm heading in the right direction now. Thank my lovely beta. Traceybuie you're fab ; )**

**I know the beginning is still from their perspective but stay with me.**

XXX

CadencePOV

I was sitting next to Benjamin and I was glad to be here. I loved my family, but lately I had been trying to keep Ren's secrets for her. Hiding something as big as this, when it was on my mind, from Edward and Jasper was exhausting. Trying to keep your mind busy while carrying on a sensible conversation...not fun. Benjamin and I hadn't had much time to talk, as he was reluctant to do so in front of everyone else. He needed to talk though, that much was clear. He hadn't stopped since we'd left the house, we hadn't even hunted yet.

"I could have killed her too, maybe I should have. Kebi must have known, he never went anywhere without her. And if she knew, isn't she just as guilty? I feel like..." His voice was ragged, as though every word he spoke dragged his body across hot coals.

I reached out and took Benjamin's hand, "You didn't need to, you stopped the person who killed her. If you'd killed Kebi when she wasn't even there it wouldn't have been justice."

Benjamin nodded his dark head slowly, "It would have been vengeance." I was glad he could see that. From what Benjamin had told me, Kebi was very much subjugated by Amun. Whether she had wanted to save Tia or not, she probably wouldn't have gone against him.

I squeezed his hand, "And I know it must be so, so hard, but you need to believe it. After all, Amun's gone, isn't that punishment enough?"

I wondered if that was the wrong thing to say. Maybe he felt that no punishment was enough for anyone who had a part in the death of his love, but apparently he agreed. "If she feels a tenth of my pain, then it's enough."

We just sat for a few minutes after that. There didn't seem to be anything else to say just then. Benjamin still held my hand though, as though it were a lifeline. "Cadence, I wanted to ask you something, but I'm not sure how."

"Well, if I can, I'll say yes." I meant it too, I wanted to find a way to help him if I could.

"Well, I...I understand that you have a school dance to attend. I wondered if you'd permit me to escort you?" Benjamin actually sounded hesitant, I had never heard that before. His voice normally sounded hollow, unless he was thinking about Tia.

I couldn't understand where this had come from, "Ummm...well, why would you...?"

Benjamin was smiling in understanding, "This is why I didn't know how to ask you. I understand that there are usually implications when a girl is asked to attend a dance by a man."

Well, that was true, I had just never gotten that vibe from Benjamin. We were getting closer and I thought we were becoming friends. I was happy about that, but this was different. "Yes, there are I suppose."

"Maybe I could explain. I don't know much about the real human world, but I do know that dances are important. Girls wear pretty dresses and the men who escort them treat them like queens. The girls get to dance and have fun, it's important. I...I would like to give you that."

I felt as though there was something tightening in my chest. The idea that someone in so much pain would be concerned about giving me something to make me happy, was almost too much. For an instant I hated Amun and Kebi with a passion even though I had never even met them. Someone like Benjamin deserved to be happy, not to be in pain. "Benjamin, that is possibly the sweetest thing I have ever heard, but I don't want to put you through that. You haven't been around humans since you've stopped feeding on them, so it would probably hurt you."

"Cadence, I assure you, there is almost no desire in me for anything. At all. I don't think resisting would be a problem, in fact, I'm positive it wont be. This is the only thing I have wanted to do in months, years even. You have tried to make things easier for me and you have been kind to me. Finding kindness is not easy and there is so much here. This would be a way of repaying you."

There were tears in my eyes now. "Benjamin, if you would like to escort me to the dance as my very good friend. I would be honored."

Benjamin squeezed my hand again gently, "No, dear girl, the honor is mine."

XXX

EPOV

The wave of anger and jealousy had almost knocked Jasper out, or so he said. I knew he was exaggerating slightly but I took his point. She simply hadn't been able to hide it for a second and it made me wonder how long she had been feeling this way. It also made me wonder if Cadence had any idea. My instincts said 'No', and Jasper agreed.

When the others returned Jasper caught my eye wondering how soon we should share what we had discovered? I didn't know. Our ability to talk openly was limited. Renesmee would be able to hear us and she clearly didn't want us to know. She wouldn't have gone to such lengths to hide her feeling otherwise. If she didn't want us 'knowing', I doubted she would appreciate us 'discussing'.

But I knew that Bella and Rosalie especially, would not be diverted. The purpose of this whole exercise had been to get answers. Well, we had a few. These were just not the answers we had expected. I had honestly thought that my daughter's anxiety had something to do with Jacob, so the reality threw me for a loop. If Cadence was unaware of the effect her new friendship with Benjamin was having on Renesmee, then why was she being evasive? Was there more we didn't know? The whole situation was infuriating.

When Cadence returned home with Benjamin and announced that she had a date to the dance, my unneeded breath caught in my throat. My attention automatically flicked upstairs and I knew my daughter had heard. She was not happy, but we all smiled and said the right things until Renesmee had joined us.

She put on a good show of being pleased, and I couldn't read anything in her thoughts to contradict her. She was clearly choosing to behave as though our earlier conversation had not happened. Jasper raised an eyebrow in my direction, 'We play along I take it?'

I nodded my head slightly once, and waited patiently until the girls decided it was time to retire for the evening. I was relieved to see them go for once. Thought now it became obvious that this was not a conversation we could comfortably have in front of Benjamin. He had only just begun to open up at all, and I didn't want to be the reason to stall it.

"So, music anyone?" Bella's eyes flickered in surprise. but she understood the change of subject and let it slide.

Jasper was nodding, but not too much, "Yes, something bluesy?"

I went over to sit at the piano, taking Bella's hand en route and squeezing gently. She obviously knew I didn't want to talk now, so did the others. I hoped Benjamin wasn't picking up on the tension. A lightening quick look in his direction confirmed that he was not. He had sat in his usual chair and had lapsed back into his usual silence.

It didn't mean we could discuss him without him being aware of it though. So I settled comfortably onto the bench with my wife pressed against my side and played some Robert Johnson songs.

After four, I decided I could make an exit. "You know, maybe it's the deer smell, but I'm thirsty. Anyone care for a run?"

I took a gamble. If they all leapt forward then even Benjamin would know something was wrong. I should have had more faith in my family. They were Cullen's, and we were good at our roles. Bella immediately took my hand, of course. It would have been strange if she hadn't. We rarely spent voluntary time apart. Rosalie shook out her hair, "I think I'll join you both too if you don't mind. I don't think it's the deer. It's springtime. Always makes me jittery if I sit still for too long." Her voice clearly stated she was only doing so on a whim, and I admired her acting.

Emmett made up the party. The others declined, claiming other activities awaited them. I could hear that Carlisle and Esme would wait, they didn't mind. And Alice was going to extract every detail from Jasper the second she got him alone. Everything normal then.

With Bella's hand still in mine, the four of us left through the open back door. Anyone watching the house would probably notice several strange things; one would be the open doors and windows at all hours of the day and night.

As soon as we were out of hearing distance we slowed to a stop. I suddenly wondered if I should be having this conversation with Bella in private, but it was too late now. They all wanted to know what was going on, and I couldn't see any way to sugar coat it that would make any difference. "Well, from what Jasper and I read tonight, part of the problem is simple. Renesmee is feeling jealous of Cadence's friendship with Benjamin."

To say the others looked surprised at my words would be an understatement. Simultaneously, three mouths dropped open. Emmett was the first to regain the power of speech, "Is that all? We've been so worried about that? That kind of thing's normal isn't it? In kids I mean, when they get to this age the rules change. It takes some getting used to etc."

I nodded, but it was hesitant, "What is it Edward?" Bella's voice was concerned as though she was worried I hadn't finished yet.

"It's nothing, love." Because of her stare I added, "Well, I guess the level of feeling from Renesmee surprised Jasper and I. But I don't really remember what it's like to be human. If those TV shows are right, then I don't think we need to worry. Teenagers are always feeling something extreme." I wished that I was totally convinced by my own words, but I wasn't.

Rosalie was frowning, "Is that all?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I know that this is news, but I...well it just doesn't sound right. Does Cadence know about how Renesmee feels?"

Rosalie was thinking about maybe having a word with Cadence about remembering her best friend. She didn't like to think that Renesmee was feeling left out. "I don't think she has any idea Rose."

"But then..."

I was nodding before she's even started speaking. "I know, there must be more. If Cadence doesn't know, then there must be some other reason for the secrecy. But that's all Jasper and I picked up from Renesmee tonight."

I watched Bella's face as Rose and Emmett drifted into thought. She was staring at me, but I could almost hear her mind racing. "If that's everything, and you're not really hungry I'd like to head to the cottage for the night."

Her voice was a little strained.

"Bella, are you..."

She shook herself a little, "I'm sorry, I'm fine. I was just thinking, here we are again. In a situation where we can't do anything to help." I immediately reached out for her and she settled against my chest. "I mean Emmett's right, right? It's not abnormal to feel threatened when your best friend makes another friend." She looked over at Rosalie as though looking for a back up opinion.

Rosalie was nodding slowly, "I guess so. Until we know more about whatever else it is their keeping from us I don't see what we can do."

Despite our satisfaction at having figured at least a small part of the scenario, it was frustrating. Bella was right, we couldn't do anything to help without literally wading in and interfering. And I knew that none of us wanted that. "Can you guys find a private moment to fill in Esme and Carlisle?"

Rosalie nodded, "No problem. You two go on."

We split up and headed in different directions, "Bella, are you really okay?"

"I don't know Edward, would you like to tell me the rest before I answer that."

"The rest?" I asked in genuine confusion.

She raised her eyebrows as we came to a stop, and opened the front door of the cottage nestled between the trees, "Edward Cullen, maybe nothing else happened, but I saw your face when you were trying to make me feel better. Or were you trying to make yourself feel better?"

I smiled sheepishly, "Both?"

She smiled back at me despite herself, the beautiful smile that she saved for me. I swept down to kiss her. She giggled and kissed me back. She always tasted so sweet, my lips left hers to trail down along her jaw. "Edward," her voice interrupted me as my hands slid up her neck to tangle in her hair, "You're not changing the subject on me that easily."

I bet I could. Her voice was already rough, and I knew a part of her wanted me to carry on. Being the chivalrous man I am though, I simply sighed and reluctantly met her eyes. "I'm sorry love. Nothing else happened, honestly. The simple truth is...well the strength of Renesmee's feelings and thoughts really surprised Jasper and I. They really, really surprised us, and bear in mind we've both been reading people for a long time." Bella's brow was knit again, and I reached up to gently smooth the frown away. "Part of me thinks it really is just teenage girl related, but the other half...well I guess it just reminded me of how I felt a while ago."

"What do you mean?"

I smiled at her confusion, "I felt something very similar the day Mike Newton sat on your side of the desk in Biology, the day he asked you to go to the prom."

Bella's frown was back, and a look of deep concentration was on her face. "Mike Newton? Mike Newt...oh yeah. Wow, I barely remember that."

"Really? It's a big memory for me. It was the first time I realized how strongly I felt about you. If I couldn't bear to have him even escort you to a high school dance..."

"But, Edward wait. Are you saying that Renesmee was feeling...possessive of Cadence in the same way you felt about me?"

I shrugged. I didn't want to answer that question, because I wasn't entirely sure of the answer. When Renesmee's thoughts had broken through they had been fragmented and brief, but I couldn't deny that something was off. "I can't say Bella, not with anything approaching certainty. I'm just telling you what it brought to mind for me."

She nodded, "Well, this just keeps getting more complicated doesn't it?"

I pulled her back towards me for another kiss. "So what else is new?"

XXX

My daughter was bringing new experiences to my life every day, for instance, this one. I was standing in a dress store next to Jasper holding bags of shopping. Alice had Bella in her clutches in the dressing rooms contentedly using my wife as a Barbie doll. I had always managed to avoid this. Did I feel guilty for leaving Bella alone on these shopping trips? I did a little though, not enough to change it. Bella thought I was a coward, but Alice could be terrifying when she was trying to coordinate shoes.

"I am not wearing that. It's a school dance!" We had agreed to chaperone the dance at the last minute, and my little sister was in sartorial heaven. Jasper and I had been dealt with first but with Bella, Alice was getting into her stride.

"Bella, you have to learn to flaunt what you've got. It's like going to prom again! Without the cast on your leg."

"I hated that the first time round." I chuckled under my breath and looked at Jasper who was also fighting laughter. It didn't matter if they wanted to argue a little. It was late at night, and the store was empty except for us and an exhausted looking woman. She was nodding over a magazine at the counter, from her thoughts I divined she had been here since seven am. I hoped she worked on commission. Alice was about to make her night.

"Well, let's go and ask Jasper and Edward what they think." Yeah right, neither of us would be stupid enough to take sides on this one. Plus my liking for the dress might start to show if I actually saw it on Bella. That might be embarrassing in a pair of tight jeans

"Not a chance. I'm not setting foot out of this cubicle."

"Not a problem."

I was suddenly faced with an image of Bella. Alice was sending her thoughts to me with determination. "Wow!" I let out an involuntary moan, you could see everything. Everything. Jasper laughed out loud.

"Alice? I'm getting the...feeling that Edward really likes the dress." He was still laughing as I glared at him. This wasn't a feeling I wanted to share.

"Yes, I do like it," I said under my breath. "But she's never leaving the house in it."

"That bad huh?"

"It's made from cobwebs I think."

Jasper nodded looking thoughtful, "Alice? Do they have it in your size?"

Bella sounded amused, but she wasn't giving in. "If he likes it so much, he can wear it to the dance."

Alice was laughing as she forced the next dress over Bella's head as I saw myself in the cobweb dress. It wasn't good, funny though.

Alice danced out and looked at me meaningfully, "I want to go next door and see if they have a red bag. If she wont wear the black, maybe I can find something to go with the red."

"I'm not wearing this one either Alice! There's bits of it missing!"

My wife sounded truly indignant and Alice grinned. "We shall see Bella, we shall see!" I tried to scan Alice's thoughts to see what 'the red one' was like, but she was singing _Ave Marie_ in her head. Infuriating little pixie. She took Jasper's hand and dragged him from the store

"Bella? It can't be that bad right?" Despite Alice's unsquashable enthusiasm, she normally had excellent taste.

"Edward, you can see everything, it doesn't have enough...well anything."

She sounded exasperated, but I was still picturing the dress on my beautiful wife. It had bits missing did it? What bits? Where? I glanced over at the counter and saw the woman was resting her head on her hands, and her eyes had drifted closed.

She might wake up, or someone else might come in, but I had to see the dress. With the shopping bags in one hand, I crept towards the drawn curtain. Bella wasn't moving around much, and I wondered if she could hear me. I reached out a hand and pulled the curtain an inch to the side.

The gasp that escaped me made Bella turned around with a surprised, "Edward!"

She had been trying to adjust it to cover more of her legs, but it was useless. Her ass was perfectly round and just barely covered by the fabric. The cut up the side was almost to her hip, and I could see that she had no panties on.

Part of my mind registered that they would leave lines on the dress. The other part was fascinated by the way it shifted over her skin. My jeans were suddenly very uncomfortable as my erection pressed against the zipper.

"Edward?" she said again with a smile, "You're not supposed to be in here."

The smile was somewhere between shy and flirty, and I was undone. I dropped the bags and stepped quickly into the cubicle pushing Bella against the wall. "I know, but I had to see. I'm so glad I did."

Bella looked like she might be about to argue, so I covered her mouth with mine, kissing her hard. I stroked my tongue against her bottom lip, and she moaned. Her hands flew to my shoulders, pulling me tighter against her body, "Edward," she gasped against my lips, "Someone might come in here."

I growled deep in my chest and pushed my hips against hers, kissing her again grinding my hard length into her, making her gasp. "No, they wont." I would hear anyone approaching, and she knew it. She didn't protest as my fingers moved to stroke her breasts through the fabric. I pinched her nipples gently and her body shuddered.

I felt her give in and she melted against me. Her hips started to move urgently against mine, and I had to still them. She opened her eyes and looked at me in confusion as I smiled. Then I dropped to my knees. Bella gasped as I lifted up the edge of the dress and found the naked flesh I wanted.

She was so wet already, just from our grinding and I couldn't resist the urge to taste her. I knew we wouldn't have much time, but I had to have her now. There was no question of waiting, not when she was so clearly ready, wanting me to touch her.

I spread her pussy with my fingers and latched onto her clit sucking rhythmically. Bella cried out softly and wound her fingers into my hair, holding me against her. "Unh...Edward...this is a really...really bad idea..." Her body didn't seem to agree though, and she trembled gently with every stroke of my tongue against her.

Her voice was shaking. She didn't want me to stop. I pulled one of her legs over my shoulder. Suddenly I could taste more of her, grinding against my mouth, her delicious wetness on my chin. I knew her body well as I had mapped it more than a thousand times. I knew just how to kiss her and how to touch her to have her gasping and crying my name.

She was so wet already that I knew a few more touches with my tongue would send her over the edge, so I stopped, ignoring her whimpered protest. I was on my feet in an instant, pulling open my jeans and finally freeing my aching cock.

Bella's hands were instantly on me, stroking and teasing. Her fingers danced over the head finding the wetness on the tip. She brought her finger up to her mouth and tasted me. My cock gave an angry throb in her hands, and I gripped her hips and lifted her.

She wrapped her legs around me while pressing her lips against my neck, and I felt her warm, wet pussy hovering over me. I braced her against the wall and pushed the ends of the dress away. "I need to be inside you Bella, now."

Her voice was muffled against my skin, but I heard her perfectly. "I need you to be inside me."

She shifted in my arms and sank down onto me. I grunted into her hair as she squeezed me. "I...unh...I still believe it...you know..."

She was gasping and grinding herself against the base of my cock on every thrust. "Oh my...Edward...what do you believe?"

I throbbed inside of her and pushed her hard against the wall, pinning her arms above her head as she started to pant. "You'll...oh god...you'll be the death of me."

XXX

Alice's smile was just a little bit too knowing when she came back with Jasper. He picked up on the relaxed mood as well, but they both managed to restrain themselves as we walked back to the car.

Alice had finally found something Bella liked in blue, which made me smile. She always looked beautiful, but it was still my favorite color on her. It didn't stop me from buying the red one too though.

**A/N See Edward and Bella can keep their clothes on when they try : ). Anyone who reviews had book time in the changing room with Edward. Thanks all.**

**Link to the red dress. Just in case anyone wants to see.**

.com/f/8262329/0111_02z+jamie_medeiros+side_view_red_


	28. Chapter 24

**A/N: Sorry for the delay people. I had to go and attend a wedding, and it was loooong. Way too much alcohol and not enough sleep. Still, good time had by all.**

**Thank you to my wonderful reviewers. You make my day you really do. **

**I've been writing another story that I will post soon. Very different but I think it's gonna be fun. **

**Thanks go out to my wonderful beta Traceybuie who translates my crayon scribblings into coherent chapters. You go girl.**

April

JasperPOV

It had been a while since I had attended one of these things. I had almost managed to forget the hormones that raged uncontrolled throughout the entire building. And they did.

I could tell that half the boys/men at this event were hoping to have sex tonight. Well, they had splashed out on tickets and flowers etc. It was all a little bit silly. I thought that most of the girls should hold out for partners with a little more kindness running through them. Maybe a few less hormones would be good. Though I knew that was more of an age issue.

I could see Alice and Bella helping the girls get ready to pose for their prom pictures. Alice was in her element; she was stunning. I smiled at my wife, admiring the dress she had chosen for the evening. Maybe I would suprise her by booking us into a hotel for the night. We sometimes did that when we were attending our own proms. She liked the role-playing, my love could be a little kinky at times. Not that I ever complained.

Alice suddenly froze and I was about to go over to her when she turned slowly on the spot and smiled at me. Ah, I guessed I was going to book it then. Alice whispered something to Bella, who smiled at her indulgently and then turned and grinned at me. Alice danced over with a seductive look on her face and she slipped her hand into mine, "I really like that idea."

"Just the hotel or am I surprising you with something else?" I wandered if she'd seen something else. Was I getting creative? Maybe we were hunting first, or maybe I gave her one of the presents I had stashed. By storing several things I knew she wanted at once, I could make snap decisions and occasionally surprise her with my choice of gift. Maybe the only good thing I had learned from our experience with Victoria.

Maybe we were playing games. That would be fun."

"Oh I like all of those ideas," Alice's other hand slipped around the back of my neck and she pulled me in for a kiss. It was only for a second; there were minors present after all. But I could feel what she wanted me to. She was eager for us to have some alone time tonight. I was suddenly very eager too, "Love you the most Jazz."

"Love you too."

"Gotta get back. I'm making perfect high school memories over there." Her expression was deathly serious but I could feel her frivolity. She was having fun.

"Enjoy," I pressed my lips to hers again for a second, I couldn't help myself. Then she danced back over to the queue of waiting teens. I stood with a grin on my face completely oblivious to the room around me. Edward approached me trying not to smile, "You listening in on my thoughts?"

"Sorry, you were just in the background I promise," he was smiling apologetically but I wasn't angry. No one could keep that kind of guard up all the time. I couldn't block out the lust that was rolling off Edward now after all. Bella did look good in blue even I had to admit. "Touche," he said with a wider grin.

His eyes drifted over the dancefloor; over the students we were supposed to be supervising. I didn't know how much good chaperones did. Even we couldn't compete with this kind of single-mindedness. It came close to the bloodlust we had all felt at some point.

I spotted Cadence dancing with Benjamin. He was elegantly leading her around and she was happy. She felt...lucky. I knew that she had expected to attend this event alone. She felt awkward and self-conscious around human men. The way their eyes moved over her made her very uncomfortable. She didn't want to be an object of lust. She felt safe with Benjamin. I smiled unconsciously; glad that she was happy.

Benjamin had a small smile on his face. His thirst was almost non-existent. He was...well not in pain at least. I wouldn't go as far as content, but he was glad for Cadence. He felt affection for her. It piqued my interest and against all common manners I paid closer attention. After all, if someone was interested in one of the girls I considered my nieces I had a certain responsibility. No, she was safe. He was grateful to her, he thought she was good. He took a certain relief from her. This only increased my good mood; our Cadence might be the one to help him.

I looked over at Edward, wondering if he had noticed the progress Benjamin was making. He was looking at his daughter. She looked happy too, though it was still hard to read her. Since we had made our foray into her head...and heart she had reverted to her previous silence.

I was worried for her. Edward and I had discussed the situation with the others of course. We couldn't keep what we knew to ourselves. It hadn't really helped anything though. What were we supposed to do? Our only option would have been to look into the future. To do that Cadence would have to be involved and maybe Renesmee too. That wasn't an option. Alice had eventually suggested we just keep our eyes open and 'in the mean time we should fret like a normal family.'

Done. We could do that. I just wished I could get a clear reading from her now. She looked happy though. Jake was, nervous. He was thrilled and happy to be here with Renesmee but he was still nervous. Did he think that maybe he was going to have sex tonight? I didn't think so. There was some lust coming from him, there normally was when he was around Renesmee but nothing too excessive. He was mainly nervous and excited. Maybe he had a surprise planned. It would fit.

I turned to look at Edward again and saw the shock on his face, "Is there something wrong?" I asked quietly.

Edward didn't seem to hear me for a second but then he dragged his eyes to me, "I-I don't know. I-I think Jacob Black is planning to propose to Renesmee."

I didn't know what I had been expecting Edward to say, but that wasn't it. It was one hell of a surprise Jacob had planned. "Oh...wow. Well..." I thought for a moment, trying to think of what I should say in this very complicated situation, "No, I'm drawing a blank." From the looks of things Edward was too. He looked literally too shocked to speak. "Edward, are you alright?"

He nodded but still seemed to struggle to find his voice, "Maybe...maybe this is for the best."

Huh? How was that? "For the best? Given what we know..."

Edward shook his head, "We haven't gotten involved yet. Now is not the time. We shouldn't interfere." His voice was getting stronger, he meant what he was saying.

"Edward, are you sure..." he sounded sure, but this seemed like the worst possible time for anyone to be putting pressure on Renesmee.

"Jasper, I am. We've all had to go through things to get to where we are now. Look at your history. Look at mine. Look at the damage that I did to Bella and all she forgave me for. Look at everything we've been through. We did it ourselves. Renesmee is for all intents and purposes an adult. It's...It's not our business. It's her choice."

"You think this is going to force some kind of confrontation?" I wasn't sure that was a good idea. The levels of emotion flying around were enough to concern me. If everything came to the surface the fall-out could be substantial.

Edward shrugged, "Whatever happens, Jacob will not hurt Renesmee. That is the only thing that would justify us interfering as far as I'm concerned."

"Edward this could really hurt..."

"Hurt my daughter? I know. But I don't see anyway to avoid it. She can't decide what she wants and until she does nothing will change. She's certainly not happy now." Edward sounded worried, but resigned.

He was partially right. I had felt how 'not happy' Renesmee was. I still wasn't sure this was the best way but what I thought didn't matter. Edward knew everything I knew and he was her father. I only asked one more internal, but deliberate question. I wondered if he was going to tell Bella. Before it was too late to do anything to stop it.

Edward met my eyes for a second, but his expression didn't change. He just took a deep breath and stared. He wasn't going to tell her. Oh yeah, this was going to go great.

XXX

The rest of the evening was following a predictable pattern. I noticed Bella subtlely removing a bowl of punch after one of the boys added a large quantity of vodka to it. They were lucky to have vampire supervision. Humans wouldn't have smelled it. She had nodded towards me and I had removed the boy in question from the party.

Alice had noticed that there was something on my mind. She could tell just from looking at me. We hadn't had time to speak yet and I was glad. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep what I knew from her. I would have to tell her and then she would be in the same quandry as I was. Except for Alice it would be even worse. She and Bella were so close; they were closer than any biological sisters I had ever known. Alice would want to tell her.

I was torn, I wished she could just look into the future and see it. Then I wouldn't have to tell her and she would still know. I was still considering just coming clean when I was distracted. The feelings were from a familiar source. Renesmee.

She was panicked. I focused on her scent, I needed to find her. Where was she? What had happened? If someone had hurt her I would kill them. Witnesses or no. I needed to find Edward. Had he heard her too? Did he know what had happened?

No, he wasn't in the room. He was probably getting more punch or food from the school kitchens. The caterers were set up in there. No time, the panic was strong. She might need help.

My eyes found her. She was...dancing. She was dancing with Jake in the middle of the room. That made no sense what so ever. She had felt a lot of things in Jake's presence. Love, sympathy, affection, aggravation...but this level of panic could only mean one thing. Jacob Black had proposed to Renesmee. Oh crap. I really wished Alice was with me.

I deliberately didn't listen to what they were saying. I knew it wasn't fair to do so, plus I didn't want more secrets to keep. I just kept my eyes on my niece. If her emotions changed I wanted to know.

_EDWARD. COME MEET ME._

Renesmee was still panicking and it was playing hell with my nerves. I wanted to go over there and drag her out by the wrist just to calm her down. I heard Edward approaching, I knew he would be reading my thoughts as he came.

_Sorry, you don't have to panic. Everything's fine-ish. Jacob's asked Renesmee. Her reaction took me off guard. She was shocked as all hell. _

Edward was by my side before I had finished but he wasn't looking at me. He was staring at Renesmee. I wondered if he was doubting his decision. Maybe he was wishing he had told Bella.

Edward shook his head, "I'm not. She's okay. She was just taken off guard. Jacob's reassuring her now. Telling her he just wants her to know how serious he is. She's okay." I could tell by the slight tremor in his voice that he doubted his decision just a little. "Maybe a very little," with a small wry smile, "I don't like keeping secrets from Bella. it feels wrong."

"I get that." There was no better word to describe the feeling than 'wrong'.

"Of course you do. I'm sorry Jasper. I didn't even think about what I was asking. I was just thinking about Renesmee. That was really selfish." He looked genuinely sorry but I didn't need to hear it.

"With our gifts it's inevitable Edward. Not your fault." It was true.

We both looked at Renesmee again. She had calmed a little but she was still stressed and I didn't like it, "I don't like it either. Then again, we've both been through worse."

That was also true, maybe Edward was right after all. By interfering we might be denying her normal experiences, or as normal as we could get. It didn't make it easier.

Edward indicated the door and I realised we were being watched by our respective wives. I wondered if they had been listening, but they were on the other side of the room. I doubted they could have heard over the music. I hoped not.

"They didn't hear," said Edward, "They've been in the bathrooms. A girl who'd been drinking earlier got sick."

I wasn't sure it mattered. They knew we had been talking about something. Heatedly. They were going to ask us; they were coming over to join us. I could feel their emotions; identical ones. Suspicion and curiousity.

_Edward, if she asks me straight out I wont be able to lie to her._

"Don't worry about it. I can't either," he smirked at me, "Keeping your mouth shut is one thing, lying is another."

Well, Edward was just full of pearls of wisdom today. Alice came to my side and took my hand as she had earlier. She tugged lightly and I followed leaving Edward with Bella. We each had our own bosses to deal with.

Alice led me back over to the food table and she started clearing some of the now empty plates. "Spill it Jazz. I know something's up. It's really not fair of you to take advantage of my vision holes."

She looked up at me with her big black eyes and I felt the inevitable guilt, "Don't Alice, I've been wanting to tell you all night. I was just waiting for you to ask." I looked at her with sincerity.

She dropped the pout a little and nodded, "Then I'm asking."

"I'm going to have to just drop this on you," I warned her. It was hard to put news like this gently.

"Okay," she said, nodding her head so her hair bobbed, "Consider me braced."

"Jacob just proposed to Renesmee."

For a second she froze and I could feel her shock, "What the hell is it about proms and dramatic gestures?"

I was so surprised at her reaction I laughed out loud. It was the first time I had laughed since she had last left my side. I dropped the plates I was holding back onto the table and wrapped my arms around Alice's waist. I needed this woman like humans needed air. "I don't know. Would you like me to make one?"

She smiled despite the shock and now concern I could feel from her, "I always like your gestures Jazz."

My mind went back to where we were, "Edward decided not to interfere. I thought I should support it...until you asked me of course."

"Hmmm, sneaky," she said with a smile, "Well, I can understand it. Still, Bella is going to be pissed. I can understand that too."

"Yeah, Edward was just saying what a pain our gifts can be sometimes. It can really be better not to know."

Alice put on her mock annoyed face, "Oh yes, just fabulous."

"Sorry, sweetheart," I kissed her gently on the nose, "Shall we get out of here? Things are winding down anyway." There were only about sixty kids left. Edward and Bella could easily wrangle them. There were other adults here too.

Alice thought for a moment, "Oh yay, I'm thirsty and we're going to find big cats on the way."

I smiled at her excitement, "Let's go then."

_Edward, we're going to leave if that's okay?_

I looked over at him, he was stood talking to Bella. Their expressions were blank and their lips moved just a little too quickly. Oh dear. At my thought he glanced over at us and nodded with a tight smile. I mentally wished him luck and took my wife's hand. We were taking a night off.

I heard Alice sigh next to me, she had a beautific smile on her face, "Everything okay?"

"Yes, after we hunt we're going to make love in the woods. It's going to be really, really...really good."

Life was good. Apparently really, really...really good.

BPOV

I strode away from Edward ignoring his quiet utterance of my name. He didn't want me to go. I almost never walked away in the middle of an argument. It was a childish and selfish thing to do; leaving someone to stew in their own juices. When you loved someone you stayed and fought until you made up. That was how you got through tough times.

There was just one problem this time. I wasn't actually sure why I was mad. But I was definitely mad. The anger was clear and hot in my veins. I knew I wasn't being fair. I usually didn't want to know about the things Edward heard from people. I knew he felt bad about repeating thoughts, so I didn't ask. I just assumed that he would know to tell me something like this. This was about someone wanting to marry our daughter! Wow, I finally understood how Charlie had felt when Edward has asked for my hand. As a parent it was the milestone it was impossible to ignore. Of course I would want to know.

On the other hand, Edward had made some good points. What could I have done? Maybe it was right to not do anything. Normal parents didn't have these advantages. Maybe it really wasn't right to use them, especially for something like this. I sighed and looked across the dancefloor. My husband was watching me. His eyes asked me to come back; he wanted us to talk it out. I wasn't ready yet. I just needed a second to think. My anger towards my husband was fading quickly, but I still felt as though my head was spinning.

I knew why Edward hadn't told me, to keep me from obsessing when I had no power to change anything. God, what a mess. It rivaled anything I had experienced as a human or a vampire. My daughter was all grown up. She was having feelings for her best friend which she was trying to deny, while dating a man who adored her. She was afraid to change and afraid not to change. I wondered if she knew what she wanted and was fighting it, or if she really didn't know. Then I wondered which was better. The apple really didn't fall far from the metaphorical tree. Or maybe it would? Maybe it would fall far far away.

What if she really was meant to be with Cadence? That was maybe a possibility. A strange one to wrap my head around though. Edward had asked me how I felt about it. The truth was I didn't know that, anymore than I knew why I was so mad. I wished Alice could see their future, though that made me feel like a real snoop.

Ugh, there was no way to win as a mother.

I watched as Renesmee danced, she was swaying gently in Jake's arms. Her head was resting gently on his shoulder. Her posture was relaxed but her eyes were open; she stared straight ahead at nothing. I wished that I knew what she was thinking. I wished I could help her. I couldn't though. This had to be her decision.

Edward had known that. I wasn't really mad at him. I was angry that I couldn't do anything. I looked back at him; he was still staring at me. I smiled and his face relaxed into the crooked grin I knew better than my own face in the mirror. I really should learn to listen to my husband more.

He came and stood by my side. "I'll tell you everything if you want. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise Edward. I'm the one who's sorry," I took his hand, "Please can we just forget it?"

"Of course. We have other things to discuss anyway." That was nothing but the truth. Yet again I felt that twinge, would we never be free to just be happy? There was always something to worry about even if it was only in the background. There had never been one day where everything and everyone was okay. If I was still capable of feeling tired I would be.

Edward squeezed my hand and I realised I had lifted my shield from my mind. It was so easy to do now I sometimes did it automatically, "That's the price we pay for being parents I guess. But we had eternity to have that perfect day you know."

"I know. I know we'll have it, "I sighed but managed a small smile, "But that day is not today."

"I guess not, but..." Edward's voice stopped abruptly, "Oh...Bella, where's Cadence?"

I scanned the room, "I don't know. She was here a mintue ago. She and Benjamin were dancing." I had seen her laughing.

"Renesmee is looking...oh, she's..." Edward was watching as Renesmee pulled herself free from Jake's arms and although I knew I shoudln't I concentrated.

I could pick her voice out, "Jake, please. Just let me go. I just need to get out of here. I will call you tomorrow I swear."

She turned on her heel and started for the doors. Her eyes searched until she found us and looked hard at Edward for a second. Then she continued out of the room. Like mother like daughter I guessed. I was going to follow her but Edward's hand held me still. "No, let her go."

He sighed heavily, "Edward please, before I go crazy, tell me what's going on now."

XXX


End file.
